


Seldom All They Seem

by ambiguously



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Adventure, Amnesia, Angst, F/M, Handcuffed Together, Huddling For Warmth, M/M, MacGuffins, Mildly Dubious Consent, Slow Build, The Force Made Them Do It, Tropey as hell, Woke Up Married, dream - Freeform, us against the world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-06-10 13:55:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 99,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6959539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambiguously/pseuds/ambiguously
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a terrible accident, Rey wakes up to discover she doesn't remember the last five years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A shout out of thanks to the best beta reader, MaryPseud!
> 
> Additional note: I have changed the warning from "No Warnings Apply" to "Choose Not to Warn." I will add specific content notes to individual chapters as the story is posted.

Rey's consciousness floated in a warm syrup, distantly aware of pain but not directly experiencing more than a vague discomfort, the same as she felt when she slept in the wrong position. She heard a voice from far away. The words made no sense. She knew the speaker, although she couldn't find the name or the face that went together with the sounds.

Clutched in a fluffy darkness, Rey climbed out of her stupor, clinging to the familiar voice. As she emerged, the words became more clear. She could make out a dry throat and mumbled words, recognizing someone who had been talking for a long time and cared little for the material. A speech? A lecture? School. Rey attended the outpost school when she had time to spare. Had she fallen asleep during the teaching droid's dull class on galactic history, tired out from too long in the belly of another wreck?

An apology formed on her lips, and dashed itself quiet as she understood the words she heard. "...while the compressor is still. Take the flange in one hand, and rotate to the right one quarter turn."

An equipment manual. Someone was reading aloud. Her eyes finally came under her control. She focused on the soothing, cool lights above her. She lay on a bed, medical smells in her nose and an intravenous line running into her arm. Someone sat beside her, face bent over a flimsy book, one finger following the words, clearly bored, and intent on continuing regardless.

"Pull the flange towards you, parallel to the line of the floor."

The face and the voice matched. Rey knew that man.

Her own mouth was too dry to shout. Rey closed her eyes again, hoping Ren hadn't seen her. Panic forced a gasp from her, and her heartbeat soared. She heard the clear flutter on the scanner, which she'd been aware of as a background beep. The book fell to the floor with a soft thump.

"Rey?" He sounded concerned, even hopeful.

She held herself utterly still and considered her options. Kylo Ren had obviously taken her prisoner. She didn't remember fighting him but that meant nothing. She may have been ambushed. She may be suffering from the after-effects of another forced mind probe. How she found herself in his grasp meant nothing. Her concern must be escape.

The light through her eyelids dimmed as he reached across her. She heard a soft click as he pressed a button. "She's waking up. Room three. Hurry!" There was the impatient thread that always lurked under his taunts and threats, the petulant child given too much power too quickly.

He gripped her hand. She'd been learning control over her body as her training progressed, but she couldn't prevent herself from tensing up, anticipating the strike either mental or physical. He let out a breath that was almost a laugh.

Then he kissed her forehead.

Rey's eyes shot open and she yanked her hand away in terror and confusion, all pretense at remaining asleep lost in her need to shrink away from this menacing creature. "Get away from me," she growled, or tried to growl. Her throat was raw and dry.

Rather than back away, he smiled, and that was even more terrifying. Rey tested her muscles, ready to spring. She was still bound to the intravenous line. Much worse, now that she was fully awake, she felt the discomfort of the catheter under the blanket. Once, back on Jakku, she'd suffered a serious fall and had wound up like this for days, racking up debts with the medical center as her body fought to recover. The smell was the same. The blank face of the medical droid rolling into the room now was the same. But this wasn't Jakku, and she would injure herself yanking out the lines.

Rey tensed herself for the pain, then rolled hard from the bed, away from Ren and the droid, hand quickly yanking out the line in her arm as the catheter tugged free. Monitors tore stickily from her skin. She didn't rest, using her feet to propel herself towards the door.

He called her name, and the droid zipped behind her. Another droid and a Twi'lek orderly appeared before her. Even as she went to push past, she felt strong arms on her shoulders.

Ren said, "You need to calm down. It's the anesthesia. You have to calm down." She felt his mind pushing the command into hers.

Rey shoved her elbow back into his stomach. Ren wasn't wearing his armor, was instead clad in a simple black tunic and trousers. Her elbow smashed him hard, and she heard a satisfying grunt. She made it past the second droid. The orderly was faster, and clearly used to prisoners trying to escape. Rey felt weaker than she thought she should as the woman's strong arms grabbed her.

"Back to bed, miss," said the orderly, carrying Rey as she struggled.

"Help me!" Rey shouted down the corridor, vainly hoping someone knew she was here, someone was coming for her. Finn had, once. He could be here, restrained in another cell. She fought her captors as she was dragged back into the bed. A sharp prick from the first medical droid pierced her arm.

"What's that?" Ren demanded. Rey's vision went frighteningly blurry.

"A sedative. The patient may require restraint."

"You're not restraining her," he said, which was odd. She had trouble making out his words again. "Rey? Can you hear me?" She felt a hand against her face. Her muscles didn't want to react.

 _"Luke?"_ She didn't know where she was being held, nor if her mental call could be heard, but she could do nothing else with the lax stupor setting in. She felt the droids reattaching her intravenous line, although not the other, and carefully replacing the monitors to watch her heart and other organ functions.

Her eyes filled with the vision of her worst enemy, who appeared not to have slept in days. "Hey. Don't go back to sleep. You just woke up." 

"Get away," she croaked.

"I'm not going anywhere." He took her hand again. She was too dizzy to pull free. "They said to keep talking to you, that maybe if I just kept talking, you'd hear me. I should have known it would be one of the repair manuals that worked." He smiled again, crooked and sad. "One of the orderlies suggested poetry, but you hate poetry."

Another detail he must have stolen from her mind. Why keep her awake at all? Couldn't he take everything he wanted while she lay unconscious? Not that Rey had much intel for him. She knew the current location of the Resistance base. She knew the approximate strength of their fleet. She wasn't privy to their plans, and this was on purpose. General Organa and her brother had discussed the vulnerability in Rey's mind to psychic probes. The General wouldn't risk telling her anything she couldn't afford for this madman to discover.

"We must speak," said the droid in its flat voice. "The patient requires rest."

"She's been resting. She's finally back." That awkward smile again. Rey's skin crawled.

The orderly gave Ren a tight smile of her own before turning to Rey. "Can you please state your name?"

She almost didn't. But he'd called her by name enough that there was no point. "Rey."

"What is your date of birth?"

That had always been unclear. She remembered birthdays, or the memory of what should have been birthdays, but those memories hazed in the past with the faces of her family. She'd given herself a birthday in order to pass the years in a solid line. Rey told the woman her made-up day.

"That's wrong," said Ren with a frown. He said another day later in the same galactic year. "She used to give the other one before we found her parents."

"Before you what?" she tried to say, her mouth not operating under her control. If the First Order had found her parents, her real parents, they were in deadly danger.

Seeing her distress, he said, "They've asked about you every day. They're trying to break away from the expedition, but their transport ship can't reach them until the day after tomorrow at the earliest, and even at top speed, they wouldn't be here for another week."

The words were back to meaningless. The sedative was hitting her hard. "What?"

The orderly asked her, "What is today's date?"

Rey shook her head. She enunciated her words with care. "You leave my parents out of this. They've done nothing to you."

"The date, miss."

Rey rattled off the last date she remembered, which seemed like it might be a few days ago. She had no way to find out how long she'd been imprisoned. The look on Ren's face changed to fear. Good. She didn't intend to be the only one scared out of her mind.

"We should speak," the droid repeated to him.

"I'll be right back." He let go of her hand.

"Don't let him back in," she pleaded dully to the Twi'lek, her head heavy against the pillow. "Don't let him near me. I can't fight like this."

The orderly gave her a compassionate expression. "If you feel unsafe, we can help you. I can call for an advocate."

Rey dropped to a whisper. "Are you with the Resistance?"

From outside, she could make out the low tones of the droid, and Ren's deep voice. She heard the words "cerebral damage" and the follow-up "memory loss." Ren's voice raised, and Rey knew the angry tone from more than one battle over crossed lightsabers.

"The Resistance is over, miss. The war ended three years ago." Before Rey could even think of replying to that mad untruth, the orderly leaned over her and helped tuck her head more comfortably on the pillow. "If you need me to, I can ask for the order to forbid your husband from being in the room with you unsupervised."

"Who?" A horrible feeling grew in her stomach as Ren returned. The orderly stared at him, then turned to Rey.

"Let me know," she said gently, and stayed by the door.

Ren tried another weird smile, a false attempt at joviality that chilled her. "They're very pleased that you're conscious. That's a good first step. The crash was bad. You suffered internal damage, which they've repaired. You're healing up, but you should be all right in a week or so." He approached her again, resting his hand on her arm. "The medical droid would like to scan your brain again to look for anything they missed. I'm sure you're fine," he said, seeing her flinch.

"Stay out of my brain!" The adrenaline rush pushed back the fog of the sedative, making her giddy.

"I won't say I didn't try to reach you. I know we agreed not to do that, but I was worried. The droid thinks you might have a deeper injury than they saw at first. They just need to check why you're having trouble now."

"I'm not having trouble. Set me free, and you'll see how much trouble I am." Not that she could be much bother now. She felt as weak as a mite.

His hand touched her wrist. "I'm not going to let them restrain you. I'd prefer they not have to sedate you before the examination."

"I won't tell you anything. You know I can resist you."

"Sir," said the orderly. "Do I have to ask you to leave?"

He turned on her. "I am not leaving her until she's ready to walk out of the medical center on her own."

"She's frightened of you." The woman hesitated. "She asked me if I was with the Resistance. And you heard what she said about the date."

"She's just confused."

"I am not confused. Let me go." She gave a futile push with the Force, and felt the strong pillar of his mind.

He frowned. "You know you can't use that trick on me. Rey," his face changed, "do you know who I am?" The question spiraled up at the end, almost a plea.

"I know who you are. I know what you've done. With or without that mask."

He turned away and closed his eyes. "Five years. You think... Rey, try to remember. Think about the house. You love the house. It's right by the lakeside. You insisted. You wanted to go swimming every day after you learned how." The words painted an empty picture, blank like an unused canvas. "You've been working on your studies again with Luke. You fell off for a while. He blamed me, of course, but you wanted to fly. You've been making great progress. You're almost on the twelfth level." His words fell out in a tumble. Twelfth level? Luke said she was nearly ready for the second.

"This is a trick. You want me to give up the Resistance's secrets."

"There is no Resistance. The war is over. We won."

She closed her eyes, sorrow swelling within her. He couldn't be telling the truth. These were lies. "No." The First Order couldn't win.

"You don't remember now. You will. They'll scan you and see where the swelling is." Hope filled his voice again. "It'll take time. We've got time."

Her thoughts jumbled. She focused on not letting him inside her mind, although she felt the careful prod. _"Rey?"_

"Sir, I'm going to ask you to wait outside while we bring the scanner in. You can rejoin your wife as soon as we're finished."

"I am not his wife," she said, dull horror eating at her. "He's a monster."

"I was," Ren said quietly. "We've been married for two years. I'll be right outside."

Rey blinked, refusing to believe his words. The gentle hands of the orderly settled her into place. The med droid rolled into the room and pricked her with another needle. She closed her eyes, and the sedative claimed her.

* * *

The slant of light had changed. There was a high window in her prison cell, out of her line of sight. She recalled catching a flash of light as she'd made her break for the door. Rey sat up slowly, searching for the distant gleam. Kylo Ren sat slumped in the chair beside her bed, half-asleep. While his guard was down, she could strike. There were enough objects within her reach that she could use as weapons. Blunt trauma, strangling, even the needle in her arm could slash. Then the window, and freedom.

Her arms felt heavy.

"Good morning," Ren said, blinking himself fully awake. "How are you feeling?"

"Where am I? This isn't a ship. There's a star."

"This planet is known as Galen's World. It was the closest medical facility to where you crashed. I'd like to have you moved back to Altara." She'd never heard of either place, and suspected these were more lies. She would be held on a First Order base, and she wasn't to be told where. Escape would be more difficult, and she would not be able to send an effective distress call.

"Tell me about the crash." This would be part of his deception, but as he was distracted, she could plan.

"I don't want to talk about the crash. You're safe now."

"I want to know what happened."

"Do you remember the _Trilla_?"

Nothing came to mind. "No."

"She is, or was, an experimental new ship. You helped with the design and construction. When it came time to choose the test pilot for her first flight, you and Dameron fought it out. You won."

Finn's friend. Rey had met him briefly before her journey to Ahch-To. She was just starting to get to know him now that she and Luke had rejoined the Resistance fleet. He'd also been Ren's prisoner. 

"We fought?"

"Apparently you challenged him to a drinking contest, which he refused on the grounds that hangovers are bad for flying. I wasn't there, but Finn said you ended up drawing straws. Officially, I believe your story that you threw him two times out of three in a wrestling match."

Interesting fabrication. Rey kept up her surveillance of the room. She noticed a communications panel embedded in the bedside table. She wouldn't have outside communication, naturally, but with enough time, she might rewire it. "I crashed the _Trilla_?"

"You managed to land it nearly intact, which is more than most pilots could have done with one wing ripped off and both engines dead. It's a miracle you weren't killed."

"I'm just that good. Tell me why I'm here. I'm not falling for this ruse. You must know that."

He let out a frustrated growl. "This isn't a ruse. When you recover your memory, we're both going to look back on this and laugh."

"We won't." She couldn't surprise him. She might, possibly, be able to trick him. "Show me the ship. You say I crashed it. Show me the technical schematics. Let Dameron come tell me about it." She said Poe's name in a mockery of Ren's voice.

"You're not cleared to have visitors yet. Believe me, as soon as you are, there won't be room to stand in this room."

"You're here." This wasn't fun, but Rey admitted to a certain level of enjoyment as she poked holes in his lies. She had neither staff nor lightsaber and still she could spar with him.

"I'm the only one permitted back here with you for now."

"Because we're married?" she asked with incredulous disbelief. "Let me guess. We have two mop-headed children waiting for us at home, twins for preference. This story does go on."

His eyes softened. "No. We don't have children. We decided against it." Convenient, although she had assumed he'd be laying the lies on thicker than this. "Do you remember that conversation? Any of it?" Seeing her face, he went on, "You wanted to focus on your career for now. Aside from that, my family carries a number of genetic anomalies due to my grandfather's unusual birth. I'd prefer not to pass them along to another generation. We agreed we'd think about adopting if we want to start a family down the line. My mother sends me information every other day about New Republic orphanages."

"Send her in here. I've love to talk with her about it."

"No visitors yet."

"So I've heard." She lay back. "You could have spent more time thinking this through. If I was holding you prisoner and trying to convince you it was real, I'd tell you everyone was dead. I wouldn't bother with the marriage lie."

The prick stung. "I can show you the holos from the wedding."

"I'd rather see the schematics of this ship I helped design."

"Fine." He shoved his chair away. "I'll bring the holos, too. Maybe they'll jar your memory." He stormed out of the room. Rey listened to his thick tread retreat down the corridor, and grow muffled with the outer sounds of the medical center.

Alone at last, she crept out of the bed. There was only the line in her arm to detach. She silenced the alarms on her monitors before removing the pads sticking them to her flesh. She wore a thin gown, and her clothes were nowhere to be seen. She'd made do with worse. A quick pat-down of herself to check for external trackers told her she wore nothing else under the gown. Curiously, her body felt different under her hand. She'd never had spare food nor water back on Jakku, but she felt more curves than she recognized, water-fat and well-fed, muscles sleek with hard practice, and even a small swell to her breasts.

The changes in her body startled her more than any of the constructed lies around her. The First Order must have been keeping her for some time, even resorting to mild surgery. Her gorge rose with the violation.

She had to flee before he returned. She had no pockets in which to carry weapons.

Outside the room, there were no guards posted, continuing the illusion. Lucky for her, but also a reason for caution: there would be cameras. Sure enough, as she found her way to a corner unobserved, a domed lens waited for her on the other side. A cart with medical supplies she didn't recognize sat within reach. Rey wrapped her hand around one that fit in her hand like a stone. With careful judgment of the distance, she flung the small projectile at the dome, smashing it. The sound didn't carry far. She dodged the mess beneath and ran.

The corridors yawned crazily. She'd had nightmares about being trapped in endless hallways with closed rooms, especially after her escape at Starkiller Base. Had those dreams been premonitions?

She had no sense of direction now. Outside was her only hope. She swung her course towards what she thought she remembered of the high window in the cell disguised as her hospital room. Nurses and medical droids walked past her in the hallway. Rey calmed her steps, attempting to look as though she knew her intended direction, as though she belonged there in her thin gown and bare feet.

She emerged through a door into another hallway, and crashed right into Finn.

Startled and frightened, she raised her fists, then dropped them to pull him into a relieved embrace. "You came," she said, squeezing him gratefully. Behind him, his friend Poe stood, keeping an eye on the exit behind them.

"Of course we did." Finn hugged her back.

Poe said, "Do you have any idea how hard it is to sneak into this place?" His smile was wide, and to her surprise, he took her into a quick hug as soon as Finn let go. "I'm glad you're all right."

"We have to hurry," Rey said, taking Finn's hand and starting to pull him towards the way he'd come.

He let go. "Hurry where?"

"Out of here. Unless there's another prisoner?" She'd worried about him, but with her shaky memory of her capture, she might not be the only one here. Luke might be, or another Resistance pilot.

"There are prisoners?" Poe asked, voice serious. "Have you seen them?"

She shook her head. "Just me. Kylo Ren is here. We have to go before he finds out I escaped."

Finn mouthed, "Escaped?" as Poe asked, "What did you say?"

The door behind her opened. Rey instantly spun to the defensive as Ren found them. The others would have brought weapons, but she had none. She didn't like the idea of facing him in hand to hand combat.

"There you are. When you weren't in your room, I was terrified."

"He's trying a mind trick," Rey warned them. "It doesn't work on me, but you can't listen to what he says. Shoot him."

"Oh, so tempting," Poe said.

Finn touched her arm. She felt the reassurance flow through her. He'd have a blaster. It might not be much defense, but better than nothing. "Rey, what's going on?" She kept backing away from the door.

"You two aren't supposed to be here," said Ren. "I told you, she's not allowed visitors yet."

Poe said, "You said she was having memory problems."

"I am not having memory problems." She turned to Finn. "He's trying to trick you."

Finn said, "It wouldn't be the first time. Let's sit down. You're trembling. I don't think you're supposed to be on your feet yet."

"We have to run!"

"She thinks she's being held hostage," Ren said. "She thinks it's five years ago."

Rey curled her hand into a fist. She might not be able to stop him from trying to pressure their minds, but she could definitely take his attention away from her friends. "You can't let him confuse you. You broke in here to rescue me."

"No," Finn said. "We broke in here because we got tired of Ben not telling us anything about your condition. We've come to the medical center to visit you."

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Finn pressed a hand against Rey's head. "You really don't remember?"

She stared, hoping against hope that he'd snap out of this. Finn's gaze stayed on her, sad and growing in alarm. Poe snorted a laugh, and covered his mouth.

"Sorry. Sorry. This isn't funny. I know she's not okay. But she doesn't remember anything?"

"I told you." Ren folded his arms.

"You didn't. You said Rey got banged up in the crash, and she had a few lingering memory issues. You said she'd stay in the medical center until she'd recovered enough to rest at home. You said we could come visit in a few days. You didn't say she has no idea who you are."

"I know who he is. He's a monster and a murderer." She'd never forgive him for Han's death.

Finn patted her shoulder. "You knew that when you married him."

"We are not married!" The shout took the last of her energy. She couldn't believe Finn or his friend would be in on the ruse, which meant they were imposters, they had already been brainwashed, or this was some kind of simulation.

Rey would not let herself consider for a moment that any of this was real.

She turned to Ren. "What have you done to them?"

The curdling anger he always wore just under the surface of his skin rose before her now. "Why do you think I've done something?"

"Because to her, you're the repulsive idiot she met five years ago," said Poe. "You definitely would have tried something like this. I wouldn't believe you if it was me."

"If it was you, I'd have taken the opportunity to find myself conveniently divorced." He glanced at Finn. "I don't recommend letting him crash his ship as a means to that end, for what it's worth."

Finn smiled tightly. "Yeah, one long straw and it would have been him here, and you two would have been breaking in to visit." He tilted his head to Poe. "Be nicer."

"They would have Jedi whammied the guards," Poe said. " _We_ had to be sneaky. But fine. Sorry for making light of it, Rey. Ben, what can we do to help?"

Rey watched them talk, watched the ease of the conversation her two friends had with their sworn enemy. If they were a simulation or a trick, the resemblance was uncanny. She reached out to Finn's mind and found only a warm confidence, absent and distant.

"This isn't real," she insisted, reminding herself. She watched the pity cross Poe's face, worry cover Finn's, and an expression she suspected was despair deepen the lines on Kylo Ren's.

"We should get her back to her room. She needs rest. Maybe you two can shake her memory loose. I thought I had some holos in my bag, but I couldn't find the ones I wanted."

Finn pulled her back through the door. Rey tried to struggle, and knew she couldn't. She blinked, and she was back in her bed, settling in, as if no time had passed. Visitor ban or not, all three had joined her in the small hospital room. Poe had pulled up some holos on his datapad. She watched as he flickered through a set of images: Rey wearing a flowing dress she'd never seen in her life and white blossoms braided through her hair; her leaning on Ren and both smiling; a few of Finn and Poe.

"Whoops." He quickly flickered past one.

"I didn't want to see that," said Ren.

Finn glared at Poe. "You said you were going to delete those."

"And I'm going to." Finn kept glaring until Poe pressed the erase function on the file name.

They chatted as Rey listened. The words were disjointed. She wasn't certain if she'd been given another medication while she wasn't paying attention. "Finn? I want to talk to you. Alone." She didn't miss Ren's suspicious glare.

"We'll wait outside," Poe said, grabbing Ren by the shoulder.

For a split second, Rey expected a red lightsaber to flash, but the two walked out of the hospital room with Ren's not at all casual, "We'll be right here."

"That guy does not get less weird," said Finn.

"What's going on?" she asked him in a hiss. "Tell me you don't believe any of this?"

"Any of what?"

"Listen to me. We've been captured by the First Order. I still remember, which is why I'm trapped here. Kylo Ren has brainwashed you and Poe to think...." Then she was caught. Think what? That this was the future, and they were free? She didn't want to know how he'd obtained the holos on Poe's datapad, especially the one where Finn hadn't been wearing any clothes. "This is all wrong. We have to get out of here."

He sighed, taking her hand. "Rey, nothing's wrong except your head. Nothing new there, then." He smiled, then stopped when she didn't return it. "You'll get your memory back. It's going to take time. Do you remember the day we met?"

She nodded. "You defected. We met at Niima Outpost. BB-8 told me you stole Poe's jacket." The day had been mad, and brilliant, and devastating all in turns.

"Good. Hey, do you remember the day you built your own lightsaber? You were so proud of yourself."

She shook her head. "I haven't done that yet."

"You did. It's back at your house. I could sneak it in and show you."

He was offering to bring her a weapon. "Please do. Maybe it will help."

Her voice was too eager, and she saw the worry bloom. "You don't need to escape, Rey. You're not a prisoner. As soon as you're better, you can go home."

"To the Resistance?"

"The Resistance is over. We won."

She lay back on the hospital bed. Ren had used the same wording. "'We' who?"

He tilted his head, and another wave of sorrow passed over his face. "You don't know. You really don't remember any of this."

"No."

"'We,' us. Rey, we fought the First Order and we defeated them together three years ago."

"Then what's _he_ doing here?" She nodded towards the door. "Why isn't he in prison? Why does he keep insisting we're married? I hate him. He's tried to kill both of us." He had succeeded in killing too many others.

"That was a long time ago. Ben defected a year after I did. He helped us win."

She shook her head. "He'd never have."

"General Organa thought the same thing. You two argued for hours before she believed you."

Finn stood there beside her bed telling her things that couldn't possibly be true, his genuine, open face hurt that she didn't remember the good days they'd all shared.

She didn't want to trust in any of this. She couldn't risk it. "Finn? Tell me something only you and I would know."

He shrugged. "There are a lot of things. Do you remember the day you showed me how to fly the _Millennium Falcon_?"

"No."

His smile teased her. "Maybe that one's for the best. We never told Chewbacca how it got those score marks along the starboard side. Okay. What about the day I showed you how to disassemble and reassemble a Mark Two blaster in less than a minute?"

"I don't remember that, either."

"What's the last thing you do remember?"

She thought back. "Luke and I had returned from Ahch-To. We'd been back with everyone for about a month."

"Do you remember where the base was?"

She narrowed her eyes. "I do."

"We had left the D'Qar base behind and moved temporarily to Basteel. We only stayed there a short while before we packed up everything and moved again. I remember that's when you joined us, because it was so cold there."

"I didn't have warm clothes. I had to start wearing a uniform because it was insulated." She remembered the jokes among the other pilots, whom she was allowed to join between her lessons. Double up with a buddy and stay warm, they all said, teasing her about finding a bunk with Finn, but they hadn't had sex, not yet. They'd just been piling in with other friendly bodies to share the heat.

"Something only I would know?" he said. "I liked watching you sleep. Not in a creepy way. You were always on the go, always training, always pushing yourself. Sleep was the only time you let yourself relax. I liked seeing that."

The factoid he'd given her shouldn't count. She didn't know if his vigils had happened, although she suspected he'd done just that, keeping watch over her nightly until Finn, too, had let himself relax. His earnest tone rang true, speaking of something long past, and roads not taken.

Finn believed what he said. Finn believed this was the future, an unlikely future. Finn wasn't the one who'd sat by her hospital bed for days.

"I'm not saying that I believe you," she said, thinking out her words. "Tell me what happened. What changed. The last I remember, I thought you and I had an understanding. We were friends." She'd thought they were on their way to becoming more.

"We were friends. Still are. We went out a few times. I wish you could remember. We figured out we were better off as good friends. I started seeing Poe. You started seeing Ben. We got married about six months after you did." He let out a breath in a gust. "And for the record, neither of us likes him much, but we like you and we'll put up with him as long as you do. He's not as big of a jerk these days."

"Hasn't murdered anyone lately?"

"Nobody can change the past. They can only decide to do better in the future."

"That's a stupid way of looking at it." She watched his mouth quirk into a smile. "I said it, didn't I?"

"This is going to be a rough time. If you don't want to go home, you can stay with us. We've got the spare room." He squeezed her hand again.

"No visitors." said the med droid, wheeling into the room. "Sir, I must ask you to leave."

"Sorry," Poe said from the doorway, looking in. She saw Ren next to him. "They saw us. We'll be back tomorrow."

"When can I have visitors?" Rey asked quickly. "I'm feeling much better." As confusing as this whole situation was, she knew she was safer with her friends here.

"You attempted to leave the facility an hour ago."

"I'm here now," she countered. "I'm remembering more." She could reiterate the details she'd been fed and play along. "I've been married for two years. These are my friends. They got married six months after we did. We won the war."

Finn gave her a look, seeing through her easily. Ren pushed his way into the room and grabbed her other hand. "Thank the Maker." He smiled his weird smile. She wouldn't let herself shudder and pull away.

"They're helping," Rey told the droid. "Can they please come back tomorrow?"

The droid stared between them. "The visitors are assisting your recovery. They may return."

After quick hugs and promises to see her in the morning, Finn and Poe left. Ren took his chair beside her bed. "What else do you remember? Is it coming back in pieces?"

"Pieces," she lied. She felt his mind brush eagerly up against her shields. "Don't do that." The brush retreated.

"All right." He smiled again. "I got word from your parents. They'll land in two days. They can't wait to see you."

"How did we find them?"

"After the war ended, you combed through the birth records of hundreds of planets, not just for yourself. The Stormtroopers were looking for their families, too. You cross-referenced every little girl who was about your age with a name that could be shortened to yours until you tracked down the missing. You found a lot of Stormtroopers, and eventually, you found your parents."

It was the same story she'd told herself every night, that they were out there, alive, loving her and missing her. The First Order would have access to many of those records. For the sakes of the people she didn't remember and still loved, she hoped they never were found.

* * *

Rey opened her eyes to a chilly half-darkness. She felt the weird movement of the uncomfortable bed as someone rolled over. Her eyes focused. Finn lay beside her, bundled up against the cold. In his sleep, he'd reached out and taken her hand.

Without disturbing him, she let go and sat up. She took quick glances around herself, looking for the hospital equipment, the bright lights. She heard only the sounds of breathing; they'd piled in here, six or so to a bed, and thirty beds to a room, and still cold. In the distance, she could hear the regular routine of the night shift at their work.

Basteel.

Rey shook her head to clear out the dream. The details bounced back at her: the polished chrome of the med droid, the feel of the stick in her arm. She felt as though she'd spent days trapped in the hospital room with an eerie, off-kilter dream-version of Kylo Ren. The shudder passed all the way through her body. Exhaustion still deadened her limbs. Yesterday, she'd trained hard with Luke. She needed rest but she didn't dare risk falling into that awful dream again.

Reassuring herself, she placed a quick kiss on Finn's head as she climbed out of the pile of sleeping bodies.

The mess was always open with hot caf and small portions between meal times. She filled a large mug with the strongest blend, no matter how bitter she found the taste, and grabbed a protein stick. Most of the first shift would wake in another hour or so. She could spend this time in private meditation on her lessons.

She wasn't surprised when Luke joined her at the table not long after. "Early morning?" he asked over his own mug.

"Couldn't sleep."

"Me, either. The older I get, the fewer hours a night I need. In another decade, I should sleep about ten minutes a night." His beard moved as he smiled, and he always smiled at his own jokes. Rey understood this joke had a sting inside the middle. Luke didn't expect to live another ten years.

The mess opened properly a half hour later, and Rey went back for food that was a little more substantial. The amazing variety of rations astonished her, and so did the lack of any limits to how much she was allowed to eat. She'd been asked, with a great dollop of gentle understanding, not to take extra and store it, because that risked attracting insects and animal scavengers. Otherwise if she wanted five helpings, she was free to do so. She'd gained three kilos since their return, and hadn't gone to bed hungry once.

The dream from last night nudged at her again. She remembered the feel of her own body, nourished and muscular and curved. If she ate her fill each day and worked herself hard with her training, she'd acquire that healthy form. Contemplating this, she put two portions from her tray back onto the shelf for the next hungry person, and returned to her table. Finn, finally awake, joined her as Luke reminded her to meet him by the ice cave in an hour then left to go perform his own meditations in peace.

"You're up early," said Finn, digging into his scrambled Qat eggs, the gooey orange yolks not quite set. Chewbacca loved those, but he'd taken the _Falcon_ and gone on a personal mission. He wouldn't be back for weeks.

"I had a nightmare and didn't want to go back to bed." She took a long drink of her second mug of caf.

Finn saw her emptier than usual tray. "What kind of nightmare?"

"One I don't want to try to remember."

Poe found their table and set his tray down beside Finn's. "Morning, all." He looked as though he hadn't slept a wink, slurping down his own caf like a lifeline.

"Where've you been?"

"We're going over locations for the next base. We can't stay here long."

Finn's words from her dream tugged at her memory. They'd only been on Basteel a short time. She shook her head to clear it again. "Did you tell us that yesterday?"

"No, and I haven't told you now. As far as you two know, we're here for a while." He immediately changed the subject.

He must have said something, Rey thought, as Poe launched into a funny story about Lodal slipping on the ice and plowing into Arn, whom they all thought Lodal ought to ask out. Poe had said they were looking for a new base, and her subconscious had added it to last night's dream. That was all. Her odd detail about the two men opposite her getting married to each other was part and parcel of the environment here, where everyone coupled or tripled up with casual ease.

Poe was always friendly, not just with them but with everyone. Teasing bumps and touches, nothing untoward, peppered his interactions with anyone who wasn't his superior. He could manage formal with them, barely. His elbow nudged Finn as he got to another funny moment, pulling a smile from Finn.

"I've got training," she said. "I'll see you both later."

"See you," said Poe.

Finn took his tray and carried it with hers. "Are you sure you're okay? You're kind of jumpy."

"I'm fine. When are you off duty?"

"1300."

"I'll meet you for lunch then." She left him at the tray return, carefully scraping down her own before setting it in place. They all had to take a rotation in dish-cleaning once a month, and the kindness you showed the cleaner today made for an easier time on your own shift.

Luke sat cross-legged at the entrance to the ice cave, deep in meditation. He floated a disconcertingly low height over the floor, enough to tell her, "Look at me, I'm floating" without doing so at a level that would accomplish anything. Rey wanted to learn that trick, and use it to fix issues on the roof of their base, or get in close to the undercarriage of her ship. Something useful.

"Sometimes, it's good to practice uselessness," he said, drifting to the ground and opening his eyes. "We've talked about shielding your thoughts."

"Apparently we haven't talked enough about not reading them," she replied, refusing to take in the rebuke. She let herself move through the mental exercise he'd shown her to keep her mind private. "Better?"

"Yes. What's bothering you?"

Had her worries been in the forefront of her mind? The question was genuine and not as intrusive as she thought he might be. "I didn't sleep well. Let's spar and I'll wake up."

"Go for a run. Circling the base twice should be enough."

There would be no arguing with him. She took a moment to stretch. Exerting herself without stretching had led to vicious, cramping pain in her first few days on this path. "Your body is your greatest weapon," he'd told her. "Treat it well."

Rey let the rhythm of her boots hitting the rough floor settle her into a peaceful calm and warm her bones. She passed other members of the Resistance as she ran, feeling them watch her go. They knew who she was, this nameless orphan no one wanted from Jakku. She was Rey. She was training with the last Jedi in the galaxy. She would be a Jedi someday.

By the time she returned to where Luke waited, the discomfort from last night had melted away.

Jedi training got her through most of her day. Her free time was spent in learning the ins and outs of the X-Wings, the standard ships flown by Resistance pilots. She might be learning the mystical path of a lost religion, but she didn't want to lose sight of flying everything and anything she could get her hands on.

Evening fell into night in the sudden swoop of this planet's spin, and night meant temperatures dropped dangerously low. "Hoth was worse," said the General over dinner, stabbing the greyish meat on her plate.

Luke said, "Hoth was worse than anything. It's not a fair comparison. Remember the base on Kerensik?"

"Kerensik wasn't as cold as this. Your memory must be going."

Rey enjoyed listening to their mild bickering, as the pair compared wind chills and average daylight temperatures on planets she'd never heard of, and referenced people who'd died long ago. They never talked about Han, at least not in front of others. They held that grief privately between them, perhaps only speaking of it when they, too, were bundled up together for warmth. Meals could be shared, inviting anyone who cared to listen into the loose, family-like setting.

Rey's only regret about waking up from last night's dream was that she hadn't lingered long enough to meet her parents. Even imaginary parents held a nameless appeal. She'd pictured them to herself enough, imagined meals not dissimilar to this spent chatting over the day's events, and arguing about petty details from old memories.

She smiled, picturing the two people she'd cast in her mind, with her same brown hair and firm chin and dedication to their goals.

"You're feeling better," said Finn.

"I am. How did your day go?"

He told her, filling in the gaps since they saw each other over a quick lunch. Finn told the best stories, adding his funniest amateur sound effects as he talked about practice time on the firing range. They went to the small recreation room together, watching some of the pilots play cards before someone else put on a holo she'd never seen. About an hour in, Poe joined them on the sofa they'd claimed, squishing in between two more people to sit beside Finn, his arm stuck out behind and resting on Rey's head. This was nothing like the desert, and she liked it very much, crawling into bed after with most of the same people, all shivering together and waiting for dawn to light up the landscape outside. Nothing could hurt her here.

* * *

Rey opened her eyes, pleasantly warm.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," said Kylo Ren, watching her from his chair beside the hospital bed.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

"This isn't real." Rey clutched that knowledge to herself. She remembered waking up back on the base. She remembered telling others about her dream. This was not the truth. She didn't know why she'd come back to this same place, but that was a problem to mull over when she was awake.

Ren watched her, disappointed. "I thought you were feeling better. You said your memory was returning."

"I don't have a memory problem. This is a dream."

"If you say so." She felt him press against her mind again. Even here, she had no intention of letting him in to hear her thoughts. "Let me in. I can show you."

"No. Stay out of my head, and don't touch me."

He frowned, then extended his index finger and deliberately pushed against her shoulder in a childish display. Rey chose not to rise to his challenge.

"Your parents will be here in an hour," he said, when he realized she wasn't in the mood to fight. "Please avoid telling them you don't think they're real. I'm sure they'll blame me."

Several hot rejoinders came to her, most revolving around the many ills she blamed him for herself. He wasn't worth the time. This Kylo Ren wasn't real. Perhaps she'd entertain herself by beheading him several times.

"When can I leave?"

"The hospital? The doctor plans to discharge you next week, or it did. If you've forgotten everything again, they'll keep you here longer."

"Is that a threat?"

He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging. Ren looked as though he hadn't slept in days himself. "You have no idea how crazy this is. Of course it's not a threat. The doctor wants you to recover. I want you to recover. I...." He didn't finish the sentence, glancing away from her.

"What day is it?"

"It's Tuesday."

"What's a 'Tuesday'?" she asked, confused.

He wet his lips. "Days have names on different planets. Do you remember the days of the week on Jakku?"

She shrugged. "Days don't need names."

The fight dropped out of his shoulders. Against what she'd said earlier, Ren placed his hand on her arm. "You really don't remember. I thought maybe you were joking, or maybe you were using this as an excuse to leave me."

"I don't need an excuse. We're not together. This is just some nightmare." She lay back on the pillow.

"You've said that before." He sat down heavily. "Not often. Once when you thought you were pregnant. You weren't, fortunately."

His voice caught on the last word. He'd told her they'd chosen not to have children, and now she saw he wasn't happy with that choice. Rey was, no matter if she woke or slept. "I know this is a dream. I would never marry you. I would definitely never worry about being impregnated by you."

"Getting married was your idea, not mine. I was fine with what we had. You were the one who said you wanted proof I was here permanently and not going to wander off when things got hard." He sighed. "You meant now. Maybe you had a prophetic vision this would happen. You never said."

"I wouldn't have done that."

"You did," he shot back, more than a touch accusatory. "We had finished most of a bottle of brandy that night, and you stood up, swaying a bit, and said if we were going to stay together, we had to make a real commitment to one another. You said I was a beautiful disaster, and it was time for me to grow up."

Before she could process the image of her referring to Kylo Ren as a 'beautiful' anything, she heard a noise outside the room. Two people came in, strangers who wore the imagined faces from her other, better dreams.

"Rey," said the woman warmly, coming to Rey's bedside and touching her hair.

The man paused to shake hands with Ren. "Ben."

"Glad you could come. I'll give you three some time. You got my messages?"

"Our girl has lost a few of her memories," said the woman. Rey stared up at her face. There was the warm, brown hair she knew, well-managed and soft as Rey reached up a curious hand. The eyes were the same she remembered from the few mirrors Rey had looked into.

Ren left, and the man came to the other side of her. "Rey, we came as soon as we could. The expedition is on the other side of the galaxy. You'd love it. The civilization we've discovered lived twenty thousand years ago, but we're finding new pieces every day that feel like they were lost just yesterday."

"Jan, hush," said the woman. "Rey doesn't want to hear about the dig right now. How are you feeling, dear? Ben said you had a bad concussion. You were in a coma for days." The concern on her face grew as she tickled her fingers down Rey's face and shoulders as if looking for further injuries the doctor hadn't yet treated.

"I'm feeling much better," she said, finding her voice at last. "Mother?"

"Yes?"

This vision had much to answer for, not least for the lump rising in her throat as she looked between her parents. Her father wore an eager expression, clearly wanting to tell her more about their work, excited at discovery. She knew that giddy joy, had felt it every time she'd sat behind the controls of a new ship. Her mother's mood was more muted, obviously thinking through the ramifications of Rey's injuries on her future. She knew this as well, knew the need for careful consideration before her quick instincts led her into danger.

"I don't remember," said Rey. "I don't know your names. I don't know my name." She wanted one good piece to hold onto back in her waking life. "I don't know why you left me behind."

"Oh, sweetheart," her mother said, pressing a kiss into her temple. "The planet we were going to was very dangerous. We intended to come back for you as soon as we could."

"Your name is Rey," her father said. "Rey Lightstar. You kept your name when you and Ben married. Your mother's name is Rella. I'm Jan."

"We named you after my mother," said her mother. "She died right before you were born."

"Tell me about her," Rey said. "Do I have any brothers or sisters?"

"You really don't remember?" asked her father.

"I'd like to. Tell me everything." Rey lay there, listening to the stories in her dreams.

* * *

She woke up chilled, and knew she was really awake. This time Finn had woken up before her. She found him in the mess, reading. He loved picking up datapads with technical specifications, or cheap holonovels, anything he could get his hands on.

"Hi," he said, gesturing with his mug. "Did you sleep better? You moved a lot in your sleep."

"Sorry. I had a dream about my parents."

"A good dream?"

"Good enough." If she focused, she could recall the scent of her mother's hair.

"You know," he said, flicking a finger across his screen to turn the page. "Jedi can prophecize things. Maybe you'll meet them in the future."

"No. It's definitely not the future." She wanted her parents back, but the other half of the dream made last night's vision impossible.

"Whatever you say."

His words bothered her enough to bring it up to Luke during her training. "Finn said something strange. He said Jedi can see into the future. Is that true?"

"Yes. In time, you'll develop your foresight, although I should warn you not to rely on it. Insight into the future is through a narrow gap. It's like peering through a keyhole. You only see part of the picture, and that picture could be skewed, even deliberately by someone else." He seemed as though he wanted to say more.

"That's happened to you. You had a vision that didn't come true the way you thought."

"Yes, more than once. The first time, it nearly cost the lives of my best friends." He clenched and unclenched his artificial hand. "The second, it cost the lives of my apprentices."

The thought sobered her. She knew the architect of that destruction.

"I had a dream about my parents. It isn't the future."

"The past, then? Force trances can lead you to any time." They'd talked about this as well. Luke had spoken with a number of Jedi out of time, once even his own father, who'd been about Rey's age in Luke's vision.

"It was just a dream."

"All right." He moved her through several more training exercises, encouraging her to reach out with her powers. The joy she felt each time she remembered her parents flowed through her, easily unlocking the puzzle box he gave her as a challenge.

After Rey relocked the box with her powers, they sat together sharing a bottle of nutrient water. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know that there's anything to talk about." She wasn't being honest with him. Her parents were gone. She didn't know where they'd gone or why they'd left her, no matter what fantasies her brain concocted at night.

"Something is clearly bothering you. Your reflexes are slower than they were yesterday. Are you still concerned about what you saw?"

"It's not my future," she said, slashing across the air with her hand.

"Maybe. Most dreams aren't there to tell fortunes, they're only guides to let us know what we're thinking about." He watched her face as he went on. "Dreams of pain and death don't have to mean destruction. They might mean you're aware of changes in your life, which you've certainly seen enough of in the last few months. Your mind might be thinking over things you're frightened of, or even things you want deep down."

"I don't want that."

Luke seemed not to believe her, but then, she'd only told him about the dream involving her parents, not the rest. This was the kind of advice she'd often wished for from the real parents who never came back.

"Thanks," she said. "You're right. It's nothing."

"I never said it was nothing."

She changed the subject. "You never had children." Instantly, she wished she hadn't said the words. Luke himself took another sip of water and didn't reply at first.

"Is that a question, an observation, or an accusation? Think before you answer." His tone held the same placid humor she was accustomed to, but she sensed the undercurrent in his words. She'd crossed a line. He would allow her to cross the line, but she had to own the consequence. Was she asking him about his life? Was she passing judgment? Or was this a deeper cut, invoking the name they didn't speak?

"It's a question."

"No. I never had the opportunity."

And there was her answer wrapped inside his answer. She'd never asked him directly. She couldn't. Now she knew for certain.

He continued, "You know who my father was. What you wouldn't know is that his birth was very...unusual. After Ben was born, Leia went in for genetic testing and found out the three of us carry a number of genetic anomalies which aren't shared by my mother's family." He shrugged as he saw the look on Rey's face, mistaking it for confusion. "That's why he was her only child, and why I never had any. We couldn't risk it."

Her sense of unease grew with every word he spoke. "Have we had this conversation before?"

"No. I'd prefer it not to leave this training room. Leia has enough rumors floating around about her. She doesn't need this one following her, too."

"I won't say anything."

But she knew this wasn't the first time she'd heard it.

* * *

"We've been following clues about this civilization for years. I first heard about the Ladon'kres when I was back in school, more as a nursery story than a real history. It only goes to show, there's often a bit of truth even in the wildest tales."

Rey's mother gave him a look. "Jan, Rey doesn't want to hear about our research." Every time he found a chance to talk up their work, her father slid another reference into the conversation. This was the fourth time since they'd gone for their walk. Rey was permitted to explore the hospital garden with an escort in case she became dizzy. The going was slower than she wanted. Her limbs had trouble obeying her, something she'd never experienced before.

"You're still recovering," Ren had told her when she'd come back after a very short walk with one of the orderlies. She'd refused to go outside with him.

Her parents took her on a different route, filled with meters-high fronds to either side, like a tan, leafy maze, before they came out of the narrow path into a shockingly wide meadow, neatly-trimmed and decked with flowers in more colors than she had words for. When she'd gotten over her shock at the sudden change, she took her father's hand.

"It's all right. I don't mind. What was the story you heard about the Ladon'kres?"

Her father's face grew animated in his telling, as her mother sighed. She clearly loved their vocation, but she chose a more serious attitude towards the work. Her world was numbers, she'd said, and the detailed exploration of the mysteries held within a single shard of clay.

At the far end of the meadow, other patients walked or were pushed in their carts, too distant to make out. Rey extended her powers, blocking out her father's story and aiming to listen in on the other conversations. Nothing. That made sense. Her brain was constructing a nursery story for her, literally so, and wouldn't dwell on the stories of others. Rey herself understood that his words were nonsense for her benefit, and instead she let herself enjoy the rhythm of his voice, and the warm, loving corrections her mother added when he missed a detail.

They returned to her room, passing other patients as they did. Curiously, she noticed Ren stepping into a different room and closing the door. Good. Perhaps that meant she was gaining more control over the direction of the dream. She couldn't rid herself of him, but she could lock him away in another part of her mind.

She convinced them to stay through dinner, barely tasting the bland fantasy of food.

"Do you remember the house on Karlune?" her mother asked. "We had a lamma tree outside. You loved to climb it, even the high branches, to pick the lammas right when they were ripe. I always worried you'd fall and break your neck."

"I don't remember." It was becoming her least favorite phrase. "Can we go back to visit?"

"The house is gone," her father said, and he said something else, but Rey's hearing garbled or else she fell asleep, because she blinked and she remembered that her parents had left.

Ren sat in his usual seat, reading something off a datapad.

"I don't need a nanny," Rey said. "You can leave."

He looked up from his reading, registering that she was awake. "Do you know what day it is?"

She guessed. "Tuesday?"

"Try again."

"It's a day. They don't need to be counted."

"Do you know who I am?"

"I know what you've convinced other people to call you, and I know who you really are."

He folded his arms. "What's my name?"

"If I guess right, will you leave?"

He bit his lip. "Fine. What's my name?"

"You're going by Ben again."

"I am. What's my last name?"

Rey opened her mouth, about to say "Solo" when she remembered his mother's adopted family was much, much higher in rank. As royalty who kept her own last name upon her marriage, Leia could have insisted on the same for her child. Some families blended their names. Han and Leia may even have made his legal name Skywalker for their own reasons.

"How many guesses do I get?"

"I'm staying." He picked up the datapad again.

"I saw you in another room. What were you doing?"

His eyes flickered to her, then back to his reading. "When?"

"I was out with my parents. You went into another patient's room and closed the door."

"I was helping the doctors with something."

"You're not a medic."

Realizing he wasn't going back to his book, Ren set it aside. "I won't ask if you remember, but Luke taught us both several Jedi healing spells. I'm pretty good at the one for healing burns. There's a little girl who has a bad scald. She's floating in bacta now, but the medical droid asked if I would help her heal faster."

"You can do that? I can do that?"

"You're not good at burns. You're better with knitting bones. I could show you." He reached out to touch her arm. Again, his mind sought entrance to hers, requesting rather than demanding.

Rey shrank away. "Tell me in words."

"I can't. I have to show you directly."

Reminding herself he couldn't hurt her, that this was all in her head to begin with, Rey let down her shields, bracing for the painful onrush she'd felt the first time Kylo Ren had stormed into her mind. Even now, she could feel how eager he was. She also felt the restraint. He fed her the image of the trick, and the part of her own power she needed to access.

He shared a memory: Rey cradling a man's arm in her hands, using the Force to mend his fractured bone. _"You're quite good at fixing broken things."_

 _"You think I fixed you."_ She plucked the rest of his name from his mind. One of her guesses would have been right.

_"I wish you'd remember."_

He withdrew from her mind and went back to his reading.

* * *

Rey ate her breakfast while thinking about the nursery story Jan told her. Long ago, in a far part of the galaxy, there had lived a magical people, wise and gifted. They built breathtaking skyworks, their towers scraping the clouds, and invented hyperspace propulsion thousands of years before the technology was rediscovered. Infinitely patient and infinitely kind, they took to the skies in their ships, cascading their wisdom through every planet they touched, lifting primitive people into the same bright day of discovery. They did not come as conquerors but as teachers.

As great peoples often did, they grew proud and arrogant with each new achievement. They stopped distributing knowledge and began invoking their own laws and demands on the peoples they met. None could rise against them, for who could fight against those who were practically gods?

"Someone did," Rey had said, and her father had nodded.

"According to the story, there was an uprising," her mother had said. "The subjugated people banded together, and they used the knowledge they'd been given at such a high price to build a weapon in secret." A terrible weapon. The rebels had sent their bravest and best pilot into the sun that the Ladon'kres homeworld orbited, obliterating the entire system. The survivors were hunted to extinction. There should be no trace of them left in the galaxy, but Rey's parents had found one thread and tugged it, and found more leading to the last Ladon'kres colony world, which had hidden away until some yet to be determined cataclysm eradicated them as well.

"The galaxy is full of cycles," her father had said.

"People continue to make the same mistakes others did before them," her mother had explained.

Rey didn't know what her subconscious was trying to tell her. She recognized pieces of the story as part of what she'd learned of the death throes of the Empire, and the loss of the Jedi Order. Was she warning herself not to fall into the same traps as those who preceded her? Was she simply lonely for bedtime stories from parents she didn't remember?

Finn had been talking the entire time, and she hadn't heard a word he'd said. "Sorry, say that part again?"

"Which part?"

She skimmed back and picked out what she'd automatically picked up. "About the landing gear?"

"Yeah, it's sticking. I've asked BB-8 to take a look, but no luck so far."

"You can't train without that."

"Exactly what I just said." He waved his hand at her. "Are you still asleep?"

"A little. Sorry."

"It's fine," he said, with a quick smile. "Do you think you'll have time to lend me a hand later with it?"

"I'll try."

She did try, but training took extra hours. Rey had to do her usual run, this time with her eyes shut. "Use your other senses," Luke told her. "Just like when we practice with the droid."

"The droid stings. I'm going to fall and break my leg if I slip on the ice."

"Then I'll show you how to fix a break." Rey expected to see a knowing look in his eyes, but there was only his usual open humor. She kept her mind shielded as she ran, just in case, reaching out with her ears and her sense of the Force.

She ran into walls a lot.

Back at the cave where they trained, much bruised, Rey had to work through more of her exercises, almost until dusk.

"Enough," she said, noticing the late hour. "I told Finn I'd help him with his ship."

"Go on, then." He didn't seem happy. Luke would prefer to train her every waking minute of her day, rushing to beat a deadline only he saw.

Rey jogged to the landing bay, feeling the late afternoon cold dropping the temperature even here. "Sorry," she said, coming up behind Finn. "Training."

"I know." He kept working, twisting a spanner that didn't fit against the bolt. Rey dug through the tools to find him the correct size. "Thanks."

"Let me take a look."

"I've almost got it." He twisted, and the tool came loose in his hand, spinning around in a vicious arc and slamming hard into his other arm. He yelped in pain, dropping it.

Rey was ready to tease him, then saw the strained look in his eyes. "Finn? You all right?"

"Yeah," he said, clearly lying as he held the arm. To her horror, she watched his hand sag unnaturally.

"Get your jacket off."

"It's freezing."

"You're hurt. Let me see." He grudgingly let her tug off his favorite jacket. The break looked worse now that she could see his skin, and the bulge of the bone, not breaking through but not in the right place.

"I'll go to medical," he said, voice pinched.

"Can I look?"

Finn let her take hold, trying not to squirm as she touched the painful flesh. The spell had been easy to learn, back in her dream. Trying now hurt nothing. She could still take him to medical in a moment.

Rey closed her eyes, sending out the Force in delicate lines, wrapping around the broken ends of Finn's poor bone and coaxing them back together. The cells were easy enough to convince to return to where they'd been all this time. Rey pushed them until the bone was straight and uncracked.

He stared at her. "That felt really weird." He shook his hand in the air. "Wow. Has Luke been teaching you that?"

Caught, Rey said, "It's a new thing I'm learning. Can you not tell anyone? I don't want everyone running to me whenever they get a splinter."

"Sure," he said, and kissed her cheek. "Thanks a million."

"Don't mention it. You know me. I'm always fixing broken things." She picked up the spanner from the ground. "Let's look at this landing strut."

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

Rey woke in the hospital room to several changes. She rested in the chair, eyes blinking open. She felt no monitors attached to her, beeping their quiet refrain. She wasn't wearing her hospital gown, but instead a tunic, dull brown and well-fitted to her, and more importantly, boots. A small rucksack was packed and on the bed.

She dug through the bag quickly. She found clothes, some identification that bore her face and the name Rey Lightstar, and some personal items that could have belonged to anyone. A quick check didn't turn up any tracking devices on the identification. She shoved it into her pocket and left the rest.

This was her dream, and she was getting out.

As she reached the door, Ren opened it from the other side. "Ready?"

"For what?"

"You're going home today. I just signed the last of the release forms."

"Shouldn't I sign them?"

"Did you want to? They're dull, and say we agree that if you're showing symptoms, we'll go to the nearest clinic for treatment, and it's not the hospital's fault if we don't. Tie that up in legal terms, repeat fourteen times, and I signed them all." He wore half a smile, expecting her to join in on the joke.

She clawed back to a previous dream. "Finn said I could stay with him when I was discharged." Not that the Finn in her dream was any more real than this, but Rey would trust any Finn in any world more than she would Kylo Ren.

As he saw that on her face, his own darkened. "If that's what you want. When they get back from their trip, you can contact them."

"What trip?"

"They've gone on a holiday for a week. Dameron told you the last time they visited."

The memory popped into her mind like a thick, murky bubble. They'd come, shown her the preview on the HoloNet, and promised to bring back souvenirs. This wasn't a real memory. This was a dream of a memory. "I remember now."

She walked with him out of the hospital into an overcast day. A small shuttle brought them to the dock where their own ship waited. She didn't recognize the model, but it wasn't dissimilar to many she'd flown before. Before she boarded, she examined the outside of the ship, taking note of the design. "What is this?"

"Another prototype. You helped build it."

"I'm not an engineer."

"That much is obvious," he said, taking their things on board. Annoyed, she followed him. "The engineers used the design features you suggested. You're a good mechanic, and a better pilot."

"Is this the one I crashed?"

"Does it look like you crashed it?"

He was being obnoxious again. She preferred this to the times he tried to be nice. "Fine. Where am I taking us?"

"You're not flying."

They stared at each other for half a second before racing to the cockpit. She was faster, plunking herself into the pilot's chair first.

"You shouldn't fly. You're not ready."

"I designed this, right? Then I'm going to fly her." She examined the controls, picking out what she needed to know. Everything was where she wanted. Rey smiled tightly. "Are you going to strap yourself in, or do I get to splatter you against the rear bulkhead?"

Ren threw himself into the copilot's chair. "Do you even know where we live?"

She hesitated.

"No."

He smirked.

Rey said, "Fortunately, I have a navigator. Find it." She tilted the nav comm towards him, and began the departure sequence.

Ren glared at her, then took a deep breath. She swore she heard him mutter very quietly, "I will not kill my wife. I will not kill my wife. I will not kill my wife."

Rey got a go ahead from the dock master and took them out into space. The ship handled smoothly, almost anticipating her need as she tested out its maneuverability, swooping and twirling. "I like it."

"You should."

A few minutes later, he plugged in the coordinates. Rey double-checked, committing them to memory, before checking her path one more time. She engaged the hyperdrive. "Only two hours away?"

"I told you this was the closest facility."

"To the crash." He nodded. "Are we close to the shipyard?"

For the first time, he looked confused. "Yes, I suppose so." The rest of the dreams had enough internal consistency that she'd assumed he would know.

She stood, going into the back to poke around her little ship. Just as in the cockpit, everything was where she'd want it at hand. Her tools were right where she'd want them stowed. The one small cabin was set up simply but comfortably in exactly the way Rey would want. Even the provisions she found were the same rations packs she liked in the Resistance mess.

Her dream, her ship, her rules.

She heard Ren's step behind her. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

"I was examining the ship."

"I'd suggest we pass the time the way we normally do on these trips, but since you won't even let me kiss you," he said, catching her face twisting into revulsion, "I'm having lunch instead." He reached past her, rummaging through the provisions until he found what he wanted.

Rey made to ignore him, then was distracted by the pack in his hands. "What's that?"

He removed the wrapper. The bar appeared to be made of fruits and grains pressed together. "It's a cereal bar," he said slowly, then said, "Hey!" as Rey pulled it out of his grasp to get a closer look.

"I don't know what this is," she said, bringing the bar to her eyes. "I've never seen it before."

He plucked it back and took a bite. Through his chewing, he said, "There are more in there. Get your own. You like the berry ones."

Rey went back to the provisions and saw several boxes of the bars. Dream logic, she thought. And dream food. "I'm not hungry."

She had to take better control of what was happening. If she was cursed to continue returning to this dream state, she would have to do so on her own terms. She tried to summon up images of her friends, but they didn't appear on the ship. She concentrated on her lightsaber, hoping to bring its twin here. Nothing.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to rewrite the dream."

He let out a disgusted sigh and disappeared into the cockpit.

She couldn't alter the world around her. He still didn't believe this was all made up. She caught her skewed reflection in a chrome panel, saw the shape of her own face and her own form. She hadn't changed much, but she had changed, and she looked as she had in the hospital.

A consistent dream, which she couldn't alter.

Rey looked towards the cockpit. She couldn't see him from this angle. Ren was the rusted screw lurking inside the pillow. She could accept the visions she'd seen as possible shards of the path ahead. Reunited with her parents? Friends around her? A balance between flying and her Jedi training? She would take these, and she would be glad for the visions.

If they were her future, so was Kylo Ren, no matter what name he wore now. Rey refused to accept that as a possibility. She hated him. He'd tried to kill her and her friends, and he'd murdered another friend as she'd watched, helpless. Rey would never marry him.

A small voice within her, worrisome, suggested an even worse possibility: he was right, and this was the true reality. The deep cold of Basteel could be the dream, memories from an earlier time brought back by her trauma. Ren insisted this was the case. Finn and Poe and her parents thought so as well. Rey knew she wasn't wrong. This couldn't be real.

She sat down, closing her eyes. When she opened them, the ship had dropped out of hyperspace. Rey joined Ren in the cockpit, as he took them in for a landing. Outside, she saw green meadows cut across with sharp, black roads, and in the near distance, the cluster of spires signifying a small city. Ren flew them through the atmosphere, checking in with the flight coordinator at the city to avoid local traffic. Rey sat and watched as he passed over homes and tended fields, headed towards a green-blue lake, silvery in the sunlight.

The landing pad could hold two or three small shuttles of this size. He placed them down neatly at one end, and said, "Welcome home."

She opened the hatch, stepping down onto a world out of a book. Rey had seen lush, green grass before, had seen clear, fresh water before, and she still took all this in as a brand new experience. The smells of the world, merging with the fading exhaust of their shuttle, enticed her with leaf and stem, and the promise of mud. She spent a long moment just breathing.

"How long have we lived here?"

"We moved in right before the wedding. You wanted to take your vows beside the lake." He carried both bags slung over his shoulder, looking away at the glinting water. "It doesn't matter now." He went into the house, calling out, "We're back," as he stepped inside.

Rey lingered at the door.

The stone house lay all on one level, sprawling out in two wings from this central entrance. All the rooms along the back overlooked the water. A pebbled beach came halfway up to the house, which stood on a gentle slope. Great, green trees framed the far edge of the property, hiding them from the neighbors.

She'd never dreamed of a home like this. Her usual images of home circled around a small, domed house, full of lost smells and enfolding hugs. All these windows, easily letting in the natural light, were as foreign to her as the grasses in the garden.

"Don't worry," said a different voice. "We didn't redecorate while you were away." Rey's face automatically pulled into a smile as she saw General Organa waiting for her inside. "I did repaint."

"You did what?"

The teasing smile told her the General was kidding. She was in a lighter mood than Rey had ever seen her, looking ten years younger in her civilian clothes. "Come on. Ben let us know you were on the way, and Luke insisted on cooking. Dinner's nearly ready."

Rey let herself step inside, where she was taken into a hug.

"I'm so relieved," said the General. "We'd have visited every day, but Ben had to convince them to let even him stay with you. Don't tell me if he used the mind trick because I don't want to know."

"That doesn't work on droids."

"That never stopped him from trying to use it on Threepio when he was little." She took Rey's hand and led her into the house. Rey gazed around the unfamiliar surroundings. "Does this jar any memories?"

"No." Something smelled wonderful, and Rey followed her nose towards the kitchen. Several pots steamed. Luke stirred something in a pan, his face lighting up as he saw her.

"There you are." He set the pan aside, and came over to take her hand. "How are you feeling?"

She tried to touch his mind, found only mist. "Better. Do you live here?"

The General laughed. "Sorry," she said, catching Luke's sharp look. "No, we don't live here. Ben asked us to keep an eye on the house while you were in the hospital." There was a flash in her eyes, and Rey read a wish she'd never speak: that Rey had come home from the hospital with Leia's grandchild in her arms instead.

From another room, Rey heard part of a conversation. She caught the words, "So proud of you right now," and her heart jumped into her mouth.

She pulled away from the shadows of her friends, dashing through the kitchen to the room on the other side. Ren stood there, mixed expressions on his face. Han had a hand on his shoulder.

He turned to Rey. "Hey, kid. You're looking a lot better than you did the last time I saw you."

Not the future, then. Relief and regret fought inside her, and she ignored both as she flew into his arms. A moment later, Han returned the hug, a little awkwardly. His arms were strong, and she smelled the rich, spicy blend of the bathing solutions from the _Falcon_ 's stores. "It's good to see you, too."

"Father reached the crash site first," said Ren. "Not that you'd remember."

"Drop it. She's home now." Han let her go and took her shoulders. His smile stayed kind, and Rey basked in the glow. She'd barely known him, and she'd missed him so much.

"You're here."

"I always said, any time you need us, we'd come. I hate the reason, though. You scared the hell out of us, Rey." For a second, she saw the fears crawling over Han's face. He'd found her crashed ship, and he'd pulled her from the wreck. She could picture him frantic after they lost contact, desperate to find her safe and alive, horrified as he located the twisted bulk of her ruined ship. He would have been terrified as he'd felt for a pulse, for any sign of life from the motionless, bleeding body of his lately-acquired daughter.

She wondered if he'd felt the same despair Rey did when she'd watched him die.

Han shouted, "Luke, is that ready yet?"

A buzzer went off. "Five more minutes."

* * *

"Five more minutes," said someone beside her. Not Finn. Rey opened her eyes, listening to the morning alarm blaring.

Finn yawned. "Hey," he said, seeing her there. "Did you sleep okay? Any bad dreams?"

Dinner had smelled wonderful. "No bad dreams. Let's get breakfast."

* * *

"You're calmer," Luke said, as Rey balanced on the end of one toe and kept a small stone levitated at the height of her head.

"I'm finding my center."

"No more visions?"

"They weren't visions. It wasn't the future." She didn't want to tell the rest of her dream because she didn't want to watch his grief, nor his ineffective means of hiding it away. Every little reminder was already painful. "Is there a way to change what you're dreaming?"

"Lucid dreaming? It's possible. Most people have the ability to teach themselves. First, you have to train yourself into an activity that will let you know you're dreaming, like checking your chronometer over and over. When you do it in your dream, and the time is wrong, you can make yourself aware that you're asleep, and alter the dream."

"I already know when I'm dreaming." Her leg was getting tired.

"When you're further along in your training, I can show you more advanced techniques. There's a supplement you can use to help focus your meditation into a guided dream. Cayad root." He noticed her interest. "And you shouldn't go near that or anything like it until you're far more capable of controlling your own powers. Put your foot down. Keep the stone floating."

She stood, letting the blood flow return to her body properly. The stone floated beside her.

"Now stand on the other one."

"What would happen if I did try?"

"If you used a supplement that allowed you to use your powers while you're unconscious? Picture floating the stone in your sleep. Now picture floating an X-Wing. Or a person. Imagine what happens when you wake up suddenly. Telekinesis isn't your only gift, either. Until you've perfected control of all your powers, you could hurt yourself or someone else badly, and never know until it was too late."

"Who did you hurt?" She remembered the last conversation. "It's a question."

"No one else, fortunately. One of my apprentices did lift me several meters in the air, but I managed to catch myself when she woke up." His face took on that same, sad expression he thought he was good at hiding when he thought about people he'd failed.

Lightsaber training went well into the evening, stealing away the time she'd normally have spent working on her ship. Rey took the irritation at the schedule change, and her annoyance with being denied her favorite pastime, and she channeled these into energy until Luke chided her. "You don't want to rely on dark feelings to find your strength. It's easy to start, and very hard to stop. The path to the Dark Side is created in hundreds of small steps."

"And one big step?"

"Typically. But it's better not to get yourself to the brink in the first place. You're going to kill people. You're with the Resistance, and you're training to fight with me. It's going to happen. If you kill someone in battle, you're more likely to come back to yourself if you don't already have one foot in the Dark."

The emphasis in his words landed on odd places, and she listened to them again in her memory. He was training her to fight, yes. He expected her to kill.

"You've killed people." She added, "Observation."

"It's an accurate one. I blew up a space station when I was your age."

"And in single combat?" He nodded. But that wasn't what he was talking about, what he was having difficulty finding words about. She considered that subtle conversational gambits would get her nowhere because she didn't do subtle. "Tell me what you're thinking about. It's clearly something that bothers you."

He raised his eyebrows in surprise, then smiled. Luke liked when she was direct. "I was thinking that I've been training you to do something I can't." The smile melted. "You're growing in ability and skill. When you're ready, I hope when you're ready and not before, you're going to have to face him again." There was no question of whom he spoke. "If you've started down the path to the Dark Side by taking shortcuts, even small ones, there's a good chance that killing him will take you the rest of the way. I'd rather not lose you both."

A thousand regrets colored his words. Rey placed her hand over his. "You won't."

She returned to sparring, taking note of the smooth flow of his motions. Even at his age, Luke could dodge and parry with lightning-quick reflexes, and it was as much as she could do to keep up with him. They fought until past the time they'd have broken for dinner, finally dragging themselves in just before the regular meal time ended.

"You should have skipped," Finn said as Rey sat next to him. He poked at his rations. "This is as bad as we had back home." At the last word, she stared at him until he dropped his spoon. "Sorry. Bad habit. Anyway, it's not good."

Rey took a bite and instantly realized what he meant. Usually the rations weren't bad here, certainly better than she'd had in the past, but tonight's fare was burnt and barely edible.

"You got here late. They already ran out of bars," he said when her eyes strayed to the snack supplies. Then he passed her half of one he had hidden under his plate. "You're welcome."

Rey placed her hand over it, then said, "You eat it. This isn't so bad." She took another forkful, choking down the taste. She'd gone to bed hungry too many times to throw her food in the garbage.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. Thank you, though." She squeezed his hand. She didn't have to tell him twice, and Finn gulped it down in two bites, clearly famished. She ate enough of her own meal to get past the hunger pangs. She drank as much water as she felt she could, remembering the trick from when the rare times she'd had enough water. They chatted about his training and the little she could explain about her own.

When they crawled into the bunk later with their friends, she pecked a kiss on his cheek, and was poked in the arm by someone else. "None of that. We all want sleep."

Rey snort-giggled in an undignified fashion, but she caught Finn's pleased face before she lay down and closed her eyes. Her stomach let her know it was emptier than usual, and she thought about how lucky she was not to have to feel this every night. Her mind drifted.

* * *

She sat in a comfortable chair upholstered in half a kilometer of cushion. The General touched her arm. "Hey. You nodded off for a moment there. Are you feeling all right?"

"I'm fine."

"Good. It's time to eat."

Rey sniffed, and the whole house smelled just as good as she remembered. She let Leia lead her to a nice, wooden table with several dishes piled high, and more bread than Rey had seen in one place in her whole life.

She'd been gone all day, and she'd come back here just as she'd hoped. She lifted the first lid, and let the warm, fragrant steam blanket her senses. Dinner was still piping hot.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

"You made all this?" Rey asked Luke.

"We brought most of it." He passed her a dish full of stewed slices of something mouthwatering. Rey served herself one, and began spooning helpings of everything onto her plate.

"Don't forget these," Ren said. "You love this." He gave her a serving of something green and orange. Rey took a careful taste. Sweet, springy vegetables filled her mouth with a crunch. She ate the rest in three big bites.

"At least your appetite's back." Han gestured with his fork. "A few days around here, and you'll be fine."

Rey took a drink of the sparkling juice beside her plate. This wasn't a vision of the future, nor was it any past she'd ever known. That she returned here night after night meant something. She needed to explore what her mind was trying to tell her. That she wanted a family? She knew that. Around her, she saw holocubes with the faces of the people she cared about, including the imaginary parents. That she'd felt especially welcomed by this family, and she missed Han desperately for all that she'd only known him for a single day? Again, not surprising. She didn't understand Kylo Ren's role here. Luke had said he expected Rey to kill Ren someday, and hoped she'd be strong enough to do so. But two chairs away, Luke passed his nephew more bread and talked about his research on Jedi history. Did the recurrent dream mean she wanted a different destiny than what lay before her?

Maybe she should watch what she ate before bed.

Leia peppered her with questions, never rudely. "What about when we had the base on Breccia?"

"No. I remember D'Qar and Basteel."

Han shivered. "I hated Basteel. Too damn cold."

Rey knew he'd never made it to Basteel. Her eyes threatened to mist on her, and she looked away. Crying was for children, a waste of water. "Where's Chewbacca?" she asked, clearing her throat.

"Back on the _Falcon_." He offered a glare to his son. "You two need to stop fighting. He ought to be here right now, and you know it."

"I am not apologizing first. He started it." There was the petulant tone she expected. Her brain might have cast him as an unusual choice for her spouse, but even her subconscious knew he was an unstable mess.

"You both started it, and I am not going to be in the middle. One of you has apologize first, and if it's you, you get the high ground."

Ren rolled his eyes. "I'll think about it."

After dinner, Rey wandered through the house, and soon found her study. "What is this?" She stared around herself at the blueprints for dozens of ships hanging on the walls.

"You work here," Ren said. "Those are your designs."

Rey approached one. She'd never seen this ship before. She paid attention to the structural components, taking note of the dorsal engine and the lifted wings. The propulsion for this is interesting."

"I thought so," Han said, coming into stand next to her. "I wondered why you put the fuel lines here." He pointed to a line that traced the exterior of the wing. "Seemed weird."

She saw his point. "That would leave it vulnerable. The first shot fired would take it out."

"Good thing we're not at war any more," said Leia from the door. She looked around. "Any of these helping?"

"I wish," Rey said, turning to the next drawing. "I did all of this?"

"You had help," said Ren. She didn't know if he meant himself or someone else. "I always liked this one." He pointed to a variation on the old Lambda-class shuttles.

"You would," said Han.

They owned two droids, she discovered. One was a little BB unit, and one was a tall 3PO unit. The BB assisted her with her work, and would go with her to the shipyards. The 3PO unit helped around the house, serving meals and cleaning. She didn't recognize either one, although both seemed very pleased to see her again.

"We're only here for a few days," Leia said, helping Rey into the comfortable chair. "Since we weren't allowed to visit, Ben asked us to come and keep an eye on things. We can stay longer if you want the help."

"Thank you."

They turned in not long after. Rey found her own bedroom with the BB unit's help.

"You could have asked," said Ren, shutting the door with the two of them inside. Rey's pulse jumped. Her room, but they were married here. It was also his room. Ren began disrobing, throwing his clothes carelessly into a basket by the door.

"What are you doing?" she asked, scooting away from him. She didn't want to know what part of her brain thought he should look like that with his shirt off, and she had no interest in finding out what else her brain had been pondering without her input. She averted her eyes as his pants came off.

"Getting ready for bed. Aren't you?"

"I'm not changing in front of you."

The hurt and anger on his face weren't enough to scare her. He pointed to another door. "The refresher's through there. You have never been shy in your entire life."

Rey looked through drawers, finding his before her own. Ren took her hands. She'd avoided looking at him, and she jumped as he touched her now. "Over here," he said, leading her to a wardrobe. His hands were hot, and she was not going to look. She dug through and found one thin sleeping gown. She'd never owned one, but she was familiar with the concept.

Before she escaped into the 'fresher, she did peek, just once.

"You never wear that, you know," he said when she came out. He lay in the big bed, covered by a sheet. Rey sat on the edge of the bed facing away from him. She should have kept her clothes on. She should go sleep somewhere else. This was a dream. She didn't need rest.

"I'll go sleep in the guest room," she said, standing up.

"My parents are in there."

"Then in my study."

"Rey, I don't bite. I won't try anything." In this awful, cracked mirror world, his tone was wounded, aching that Rey would think so terribly of him. Which was mad. He'd gladly invaded her mind when they'd first met. He was capable of anything.

"I can't trust you. No one here remembers what you did, but I do. I know you murdered Han. In the real world, that's what happened."

He flinched. "It never happened," Ren said, voice shaking. "That was a bad dream. Everything is better now. He's fine. You're fine. Everyone is happy."

She felt his belief in his own words, felt his mind reaching out to hers. She shut herself away from him. "Don't."

"You're safe here," he said. He reached behind himself and pulled out a long pillow. He placed it in the center of the bed. "Better?"

"No," she said, but this was her dream, and she intended to control it. She climbed into her side of the bed. "Come near me, and I'll kill you."

"Most people just say good night, Rey."

"Die in your sleep, Kylo."

He rolled over, facing her, the pillow squarely between them. "Ben. My name is Ben. I don't go by that name any longer."

"It's who you are. Whatever they think you are, whatever you've fooled yourself into believing, you're always going to be Kylo Ren."

He stared at her. He sat up, grabbed a pair of trousers from a drawer, and slipped them on before opening the door. "I'm sleeping on the sofa." He slammed the door hard.

Outside, she heard another door creak open, and a low conversation, then silence.

When she opened her eyes, sunlight came in through the gauzy curtains covering the windows in her bedroom. The lake reflected light back at her. Experimentally, she tested the window and discovered it opened easily. She dug through her drawers until she found what a swimming garment. She'd seen them in holos, and this one looked the same as the one in the last holo she had watched, down to the pink stripes along the side.

It fit perfectly, of course.

Her feet minced over the pebbles of the beach until she reached the edge of the water. Rey had never learned to swim. She wondered if she'd know in her dream. She waded in up to her knees, appreciating the cold touch of water and the slick stones under her toes. Small fish darted unafraid around her ankles, not like the hungry monsters that filled the ocean on Ahch-To and banished her to dry land.

The opposite shore of the lake was shrouded in morning mist.

Rey went in deeper, finding a comfortable depth at her waist. The water tugged her down here, and the lake bed had turned to silt, squishing under her feet. She made waving motions with her arms, splashing. Then she crouched, letting the water come up to her neck and closing her eyes.

The fresh-smelling water surrounded her coolly. She shoved off with her feet, pushing herself along with her legs and pulling herself with her arms. Swimming. She was swimming, almost. She'd always wondered what it was like. Her legs found a rhythm, nothing like walking, easy to maintain. In her dreams, she would be an excellent swimmer, she decided.

When she looked back towards the house, she noticed she was further out than she'd thought. Rey went to touch her feet down and didn't find the lake bed. For a moment, she went under, face filling with water. She bobbed back up, forcing herself up with arm motions that didn't help much.

No. This was her dream, and she could do this. She kicked out with her legs again, pushing herself towards the shore.

A sharp cramp ran up her right side, the same as she got when she ran without stretching. She gasped and clutched at her leg, sinking under the water and getting a mouthful. Coughing, pushing herself up again, Rey tried to kick, unable to make both legs work in unison. Her arms were almost enough to keep her face above the water, bobbing her under again as terror crept into her.

If she died in her dream, she would simply wake up, chilly and disoriented in her shared, cold bed on Basteel. She knew that. But the fear felt real, and the lake sucking her down heavily. Water burned her throat. Tears from choking clouded her direction. She couldn't shout for help, and she lashed out, calling with her mind instead as she went under the surface again.

One last kick pushed her face up, and she clawed in a breath before sinking. She had water in her nose and her mouth and she would cough it out and breathe in the lake. She was going to die.

Hands grabbed her arms, tugging her up. Her face broke the surface. Rey sobbed in a breath, hacking out water. She dragged in several lungfuls of air, moving up and down as someone else's legs did the work, holding her up.

"Rey?" His hand brushed her hair from her eyes. "Open your eyes." He sounded terrified. "Come on." She blinked through sudden lashes, everything blurry and skewed.

He helped her, pulling her through the water as Rey held on. Her lungs ached. She couldn't speak, only cough. The shore seemed parsecs away, and she almost passed out before they reached the shallow end where she could set her feet. He held onto her, walking with her as the water fell away from their legs. He was still wearing the trousers he'd pulled on last night, and they clung to him now, as sopping wet as his hair.

The others waited on the beach. Rey felt rather than saw as she was pulled onto the dry land. Someone wrapped a warm, dry towel around her. Leia.

"What the hell?" asked Han.

"I heard her call."

Leia held her arms. "You don't remember how to swim, do you?" Rey shook her head. "Maybe don't go out again until you do."

"Yeah." The word burned her throat. She was shuffled inside and set at the table. Luke got the tea started.

Her rescuer sat next to her. She watched him as he went to touch her, then dropped his hands. "Are you all right? We should take you to the med center. You might have water in your lungs."

"I'm okay." She felt safe here, even if she didn't remember this house or this table, even if these weren't really the people she knew. She was dreaming of home, a different home than before, but one where she was cared for. In her dream, everything would be all right.

"Ben? Thanks." Rey placed her hand over his. He startled, and then he turned his hand to hold hers.

"Any time."

* * *

"How'd you sleep?" Finn asked her in the morning, almost as much of a ritual as his blissful expression sipping his first caf of the day.

"Fine."

"Are you sure? You were tossing around for a while."

"Did I wake you?"

"Only for a minute. I don't think anyone else noticed. Something scary?"

"I was drowning. Sorry to disturb you."

"It's all right." He seemed more concerned for her than irritated. "Does that mean the bad dreams are back?"

How to answer that honestly? "I was rescued. Even dream me doesn't know what to do in water. I should go back to dreaming about sand."

"What about your parents?"

She shook her head. "I've had dreams about them since I was little. I'm sure they'll make another appearance soon."

He smiled, a bit wistfully. "You know, I've never once dreamed about my parents. Some of the others said they could remember, but I was too young."

She wanted to say she didn't remember hers, either, but she could read the thread of his thoughts written out on his face. "The First Order might have kept records. Maybe you can find your family some day."

He shrugged. "I know they have records. I'm not sure I want to read them. When the First Order takes prisoners, they don't leave survivors behind as witnesses." Finn's eyes darkened and turned from her. He'd been part of a clean-up detail on Jakku. He didn't think he'd killed anyone, but he'd stood by as they all died. It didn't matter to him that Ren had given the order. Finn hadn't stepped in, not then, and he would carry that guilt with him his whole life.

* * *

Ben's family extended their stay for another week. "We can be gone in an hour if we start driving you up the wall," Leia promised.

"No, it's wonderful that you can stay," Rey assured her. She'd regained the rest of her strength, going on long walks around the property, even as far as the near spaceport. Leia came with her for these, moving much more easily than she did in Rey's waking world, where the cold stiffened the General's joints and made her talk longingly of lush tropical planets. They spoke little on their walks. Rey knew this wasn't real, and yet she still found herself a bit intimidated by this strong, amazing woman.

Han talked flying with her whenever she wanted. Any ship she could name, he knew just as well as she did, and quite a few much better. They argued about specifications, and they looked over her blueprints together. Rey delighted in every extra moment she spent with him. She'd lost his friendship too soon after meeting him. This was a gift, from the sound of his chuckle to the amused rise of his eyebrows when she described a modification she wanted to make to an engine.

Dream Luke wasn't much different from real Luke, although the Jedi master she knew didn't stop practice to make dinner. He took the opportunity to work with her for a few hours each day, which was no doubt her brain reminding her not to get behind on her real studies. She got used to Ben joining them, his own days of training long past but his time of relearning how to use his powers for good still on the ascent. Her memories were broken in this place, but she surged ahead whenever possible, copying what she saw, pushing her mental abilities to follow along with them.

"You are not to put her back in the hospital," Leia said, watching the three of them attempt a balancing posture. Rey's wobbly stance threatened to topple, and she kept herself in place by sheer force of will.

"She's doing fine," Luke said. "You could join us, you know."

"Maybe next time."

* * *

She stopped talking about her dreams during her waking hours. When asked, Rey said she slept well. Finn believed her. Luke didn't, she could tell. He wouldn't pry, though, offering her privacy as she sorted through the second life she was living. She focused on her studies here, and paid attention to what he told her during her sleep-training.

This caused some issues.

"What are you doing?"

"Third stance?"

"No." Luke walked around her. "That's a perfect copy of the twentieth stance. Where did you learn it?"

"I don't know." She made an effort not to use things she'd learned outside of her real training, but kept moving herself into more fluid positions as he watched her carefully.

* * *

Her study was filled with books on engineering and dynamics. Rey pulled out her drawing implements, taking the first print down from the wall. If she moved the fuel line here, and added another intake valve here, the ship would be much safer and should have increased thrust.

"Not bad," Han said, leaning over her desk. "Better than your first idea."

"Yes."

"Hey, we just told Ben. We're headed out tomorrow. You're on the mend, and you don't need your in-laws rattling around and getting in the way."

"Are you sure?" Rey was enjoying the extra time with him. They could talk ships all day. The house might be a little small for all of them, but it hadn't felt crowded.

"Yeah. Besides, if your folks come to visit, there's no space. We'll be back, or you can come visit us at our place. Chewie'd love to see you. He and Ben need to get over it."

"What happened?"

Han smiled a little awkwardly. "You remember."

She wanted to argue, given her alleged memory issues, but she did know what went wrong. She remembered the glare of the red lightsaber, and the shot Chewbacca had fired in his grief and rage. But Han shouldn't, not here.

"I'll miss you," she said, giving him a hug.

"We're just a call away any time, kid. Shout, and we'll be right there."

* * *

"You know," Finn said over breakfast, "you wake up smiling every morning."

"I didn't know." She drank her caf.

* * *

Ben surprised her with a trip to a concert. The city had a large arts district, and was famous for its plays, musicals, and musicians. Rey didn't recognize the name of the group, reading and rereading the flier.

"What do they play?"

"It's a fusion of genres. You're going to like it. You always do." They found seats on the grass, sitting on a blanket they'd brought from home.

The lead musician played a horn, but the instrument was unlike anything Rey had ever experienced. He pulled out soulful notes that spoke directly to her, shining images of home, and loss, and broken hearts. Behind him, holograms displayed random patterns in time with the music. The backup musicians played a series of stringed instruments, and one stepped forward in a solo, practically dancing with her bow.

They switched to another song, and Rey knew this one. She'd heard it once, long ago. This song had been one of several on a recording she'd found inside her first scavenging job, and she'd listened until the power ran down. Nothing she'd ever done had woken the player up again, nor had she learned the name of the piece.

The horn player took the melody line and drew the sound into a ululating trill that spoke of wistful memory and sad desire. Rey couldn't breathe. Ben took her hand.

When they walked home after, she tried to describe how it had made her feel, and failed. "I was eight years old again, and everything was possible."

They reached the house, which was lit up by the droids as they approached. Rey thanked them and wished them good night. Ben hung up his jacket and went to their room to change. He'd been sleeping in the guest room since his family had left. Rey walked into the bedroom as he was on his way out for the night.

She touched his shoulder, then before she allowed herself to think, she pulled him down and she kissed him. His hands found her face, holding her as his mouth parted against hers. She didn't need the music to sense his longing. She tasted week after week of lonely vigils, his fear she would never recover fully, and the mild griefs he banked as each day went by and buried one hope after the other. He missed her.

Rey let go. "Good night," she said, and went into the room alone.

* * *

Reports came in: the First Order was attacking Ventooine, an inhabited world in a nearby star system. The General gave the order for their pilots to intercept. Rey donned her uniform and showed up to the briefing. "You shouldn't be here," said the squadron leader.

"I've got my flight hours in," Rey said. "I'm ready." She turned to Poe, who was gathering her own squadron. "Tell her I'm ready."

"She's ready," he said. "She should stay here."

"What?"

"We don't have time for this," Poe said. "Go to the command room or help out with the supplies."

"I can fly."

"I know. But if I get one of our two Jedi killed, there'll be hell to pay. Go." And he pointed before turning back to his own briefing.

Rey hadn't grown up following orders, but she knew fighting them now wasn't going to get her anywhere. Face burning, she dropped her helmet back on the rack and joined Finn as he readied supplies for the team. He wasn't rated to fly yet.

"I thought you'd be out there."

"They won't let me." She grumbled as she helped him stack, listening with some jealousy as she heard the ships take off. "I'm not a Jedi. I'm a pilot."

"You're a lot of things. Why don't you go to the command center?"

"I'll be in the way."

"You're kind of in the way here." He took the last crate she'd loaded and moved it to the proper spot. He hated working supply, she knew. He'd rather learn how to fly out there with the scrappy pilots, but he wasn't complaining now, and she could use that same lesson.

"All right. I'll let you know if I find anything out."

She slipped into the command center. Visuals covered each of the panels, and she stood by one in an attempt to stay out of the way. She watched the General at work, collecting surveillance from the site, listening to her pilots in the air.

"They're focusing their attack on the main city. Black Squadron, I want that Star Destroyer out of our hair. The rest of you, engage those ships. We'll move in with rescue teams as soon as the planet is clear."

Other commanders coordinated the efforts here, readying the remaining forces to move in with the medical supplies Finn was helping to load. The Resistance couldn't provide much support for the survivors of First Order attacks, but they'd do their best. Rey thought that was the real reason they would win. The First Order was nothing but destruction.

Something caught her eye on the nearest screen. She edged closer.

There was a visual feed from one of the Resistance ships. Landscape zoomed by, but Rey had seen something. She wanted a better look, but she couldn't ask the pilot to turn.

Another ship flew across the screen in front of the camera.

Rey knew that ship. She'd spent last night studying the blueprints, from the dorsal engine to the graceful wings. "What's that?"

One of the command personnel gave her a look that said she was supposed to stay quiet. "It's a new design. The First Order have been building new ships, apparently."

"They're fast," said the General. "All right, get as much information as you can on these. Try to take out that top engine."

"Their fuel lines are along the wings," Rey said. "It's a design flaw. The dorsal is double-shielded."

The General fixed her with a hard stare. "You want to explain how you know that?"

Rey shook her head. "I know. Tell them to target the wings."

General Organa spoke into her mic. "Try targeting the wing section. We've got a theory the fuel lines are along the edge." Rey watched as the camera ship blasted the wing of the new ship. The fireball took over the screen in a bright flash. Organa gave the order for the other Resistance ships to engage the same way, and within ten minutes, they'd routed them.

The rest of the command personnel broke out in cheers as she said, "Commence the rescue operation. Support ships are on their way. Rey, with me." She tapped her mic and changed the channel. "Luke, meet me in the conference room. We have an issue."

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilery note at the end regarding this chapter.

Rey sat in the conference room in the hard metal chair by the table. She didn't miss that both Luke and his sister intentionally took the chairs opposite her. Every so often, she was struck by their resemblance, not in their features, but in the set of eyes and mouths, even the way they folded their hands. They'd come to the knowledge of their family relationship well after they'd become friends. Rey ignored the lurid rumors about them that floated through the base like oily bubbles on stagnant water. She cared more that both fixed her with the same cool, penetrating stare now as she fought not to shrink into the cold back of her chair.

"Had you seen those ships before?" the General asked, briskly getting to the point.

"No."

"But you knew their weaknesses."

"I could see it, yes."

Leia turned to her brother. "You said you've been concerned about her. Care to share?"

Rey asked, a little miffed, "You talk about me?"

This earned her a head tilt. The General said, "We talk about all of you. Luke?"

"You've been using techniques I never taught you. I've noticed you're trying to hold yourself back, which only makes the absence more obvious. It's happened before. Old families have a line of practical memory from their forbears they can access. I have some, which helped me along my path." He was thinking aloud as he spoke. They weren't threatening her. They were worried.

"I saw the ship design in a dream. I was the one who designed them, but there were too many flaws. I never would have put the fuel lines there."

"Prophetic visions?" Leia asked, but not to Rey. Luke shrugged.

"Maybe. Rey, you said you were sure you weren't seeing the future. You were adamant."

"I'm sure." A dull pain throbbed whenever she thought about Han Solo, and she knew it was nothing compared to what the pair across from her were still going through. She'd thought to spare them, but that was no longer an option. She placed her hands on the table, felt the chill of the metal soaking through her. "In my dream, Han's still alive. That's how I know it's not the future."

She held her flinch as she read the matching hurt flash across both faces.

"Ghost?" Leia asked, a shard of hope in the question. 

Luke shook his head. "I haven't been able to locate him. I've sent out as far as I dared." Some who passed into the Force could maintain themselves, could return and advise those still living. Luke had told her about the many conversations he'd had with the spirits of his own Jedi masters. Han wasn't out there, wouldn't appear in a sparkle of Force energy to offer sage wisdom or a tender joke.

"It's just a dream," Rey said. "I dreamed of my parents, and the ships. I nearly drowned once. They don't mean anything."

"That's not true." Luke watched her. "You're also discovering things you can't possibly know. There's an element of prophecy involved. I don't know how to guide you. But I would like to know what you're avoiding telling us. You said you were having nightmares, bad enough to ask me how to control your own dreams. I know you haven't obtained any Cayad root, because there isn't any on this planet. Rey? What was your nightmare? Who died?"

She squirmed without moving, feeling the hot guilt eating at her belly. "No one died." The words pulled out of her slowly. "It's the same dream every night. But it goes on. I was in the hospital, then I came home. I've recovered. I'm learning how to swim, and yes, I'm practicing my training. In my dream, I'm about to make level twelve."

"That's the same level you've been showing me," Luke said. "But I never told you what those levels were."

"Maybe it's a Force memory," the General suggested. "Like you said. Rey doesn't know anything about her family. They may have been Jedi for generations."

"Could be," said Luke. "That doesn't sound like a nightmare." He remained gentle. He could see how uncomfortable she was.

"I was scared the first few nights. Now I'm used to it."

"Every night?" Leia asked. Rey nodded. "And you're seeing blueprints of First Order ships?"

"And learning to swim," said Rey. Ben wasn't a great teacher. He grew impatient too quickly, pushing her hard to improve, be it in her breaststroke or in her posture for the sixteenth stance.

"We'll focus on your mental exercises," Luke said. "If you do have a talent for precognition, that's a useful skill to develop." He looked at the door, where someone knocked a moment later.

"Right," said the General, standing. "Time to join the rescue ships. Come on, you two. You can bandage people as well as I can. Luke, have you taught Rey that healing trick yet?"

"I'll show her along the way."

She wouldn't tell him she already knew.

* * *

They worked long into the planet's night, and almost to the dawn of the next day. The First Order had been kicked out of the Ventooine System, but several buildings in the main city had been demolished. Resistance forces helped locate people, pulling the survivors free. Rey reached out with her senses, using a mental trick she'd learned a few nights ago, and found a small space with five people still alive under half a ton of rubble. The power that had fixed Finn's arm reset a dozen bones.

They pitched tents wherever they could find space, Rey grabbing one with Finn and Poe and two other pilots she didn't know. This planet was warmer than Basteel, allowing them to spread out a little instead of pile on for shared warmth. She found she was used to huddling, and pressed comfortably against her friends despite the lack of need. Finn's arms around her were the best part.

Rey considered him. Finn was her closest friend, the first real best friend she'd ever had. Everyone she'd known growing up on Jakku had their own needs and agendas, and the few she'd grown closer to had vanished or been killed. Finn had shown up, and tried to impress her from the start. He'd been devoted to her since, had even come back for her, the first person ever to do so. If nothing else, she'd love him forever for that.

They found time for each other at meals, and here at night where the goal was heat rather than fire. If she suggested they go somewhere private the same way she saw other pilots do, she was sure he'd agree. They could move into a more complex relationship than this. She felt they certainly would. Someday.

In her dreams, he and Poe had promised to come visit. Her dream Finn said her time with him had passed them by. She wondered if that was her own fear they were moving too slowly.

She turned in his arms. They couldn't be together here, not with three other people in the tent. Outside, the night was pleasant, brisk but not cold. She could take his hand and go somewhere with him, and they could figure out what this was. Other couples and moresomes had had the same thought.

"Finn?" she whispered.

He greeted her with a soft snore, face gone peaceful in his own dreams.

Rey kissed his nose, and lay her head down. Not tonight.

* * *

"You're looking better," Poe said, dropping his bag and picking Rey up in a hug. Finn followed him into the house.

"I'll drop these in the guest room," he said. "Then hugs." He made a direct line for the second bedroom. Clearly they'd been here before.

Poe asked, "How are you feeling?" BB-8 bumped at Rey's legs until she reached out a hand for a friendly pat.

"Much better. You know where the charging station is?" The droid twittered in the affirmative and rolled away, making a delighted welcome noise when the other BB unit rolled out to say hello.

"Still don't remember anything?" Finn came back from the hallway and enveloped her in a huge hug.

"No. I'm relearning. It's fine. How have you been?"

Finn told her about the program he'd started, apparently some time ago, to help rehabilitate other former Stormtroopers. "We grew up hearing orders in our helmets every day. It's hard to get used to civilian life."

"When are you coming back to work?" Poe asked. "Everyone's asking about you."

"I've wanted to visit the shipyard. Can we go while you're here?"

"Sure."

Finn asked, "When's you-know-who getting home?"

"Tomorrow. He's helping Han with a supply run." Which worked out, because she didn't have to explain today why Ben had been sleeping in the guest room, or why he'd be on the sofa when he got back. "When you've unpacked, do you want to go for a swim?"

* * *

They'd returned to the base on Basteel, Rey shivering into her coat unhappily. The base here was more secure, everyone said. The First Order wouldn't dream of looking for them in such an inhospitable place. She agreed. No one should be here.

As she trained with Luke, she found it harder to keep to her original training cycle. "You have to focus on the present," Luke told her, as once again she moved into an advanced lesson. "You won't be able to build on skills you don't have if you continue to jump ahead."

"I'm sorry. It's hard to keep them straight."

"Have you seen anything else you'd like to share?"

"I'm getting very good at swimming."

At dinner that night, Rey sat beside Luke as Finn and Poe talked about their day. Finn was nearly qualified on the X-Wings. "Another week should do it," Poe said proudly. "We'll have you out there with us."

Rey smiled to see them, thinking about her dream last night. They hadn't been much different from how they were now: gentle teasing and easy camaraderie. Poe liked to place a friendly hand on shoulders and elbows and backs. No wonder her brain had paired them.

"What's that smile?" Poe asked.

"Nothing."

"Dream?" Luke asked.

"You're still having those nightmares?" Finn looked worried.

"It's fine," she reassured him. "They're not scary any more."

"What was the scary part?"

Rey played with her rations. "Nothing important."

"She was dreaming about Han," Luke said. "Drop it."

Finn reached out his hand and patted her. "Sorry. Forget I asked."

"No, it's fine." She closed her eyes a moment. This was come to come out eventually. She may as well tell her friends. "That wasn't the nightmare. I was married."

Finn's hand snaked away. "That was a nightmare?"

Poe fixed her with a stare, his mouth trying not to smirk. "To who?" She wouldn't answer, the hot flush moving over her face as good as a reply. Poe said, "Oh my stars."

"I don't get it," Finn said, as Luke stared at her.

He said, "You didn't mention."

"I wasn't going to mention."

Luke took a drink of his water. "Thank you for keeping that from Leia. She wouldn't have reacted well."

Finn asked, "Why wouldn't...." His eyes grew big. "Really?"

"I told you it was a nightmare." Rey finished her food without meeting anyone's eyes. She shouldn't have said anything.

"I know," Finn said, taking his tray to put away with hers so they could be alone for a moment. "But I told _you_ that you always wake up with a smile."

* * *

They sat in the great room overlooking the lake and watched swoop racing on the HoloNet together. Rey loved the slick ships zipping past each other with quick grace. Poe wouldn't say he'd placed a bet on one of the racers, but she saw his eyes gleam as number five crossed the finish line intact and first.

"I'm getting dinner tonight," he announced a few seconds later, checking his private datapad.

"You're not thinking about racing again, right?" Finn asked, fitting him with a hard stare.

"Of course not. You said no." He tapped his pad. "Just supporting those who do."

They took a shuttle into the city and found a table at a restaurant Rey had visited twice with Ben. She was learning the menu, sampling new tastes each time.

"I thought I'd find you here," Ben said just as their drinks were served. He sat next to Rey, placing his hand on the small of her back. He didn't kiss her, and hadn't since the night of the concert. She allowed the touches, no different from when he was guiding her into a new position for meditation.

"You're back early."

"Father always loves his shortcuts. Good to see you," he said, nodding to Rey's friends.

"Ben," Finn said amiably. "How was the trip?"

"Fast. We cut a good deal with the Guavians."

Rey said, "I thought they were criminals." Ben shrugged and didn't comment. He took her menu and scanned it as the waiter droid brought another place setting.

"Your mother has told him he can't continue dealing with the underworld, right?" Poe held Ben in a confrontational stare.

"I don't interfere in their relationship, and they don't interfere in mine."

* * *

C-3PO was hovering around her today. Rey suspected he was acting under orders from General Organa.

"We really don't need any help, Threepio," Luke said. "Thanks, though." He was always kind to the droids, more so than other people around here tended to be. Droids were there to work and to serve. Luke had made friends, and often spent hours in the evening talking with R2-D2. "Why don't you go see if Leia needs help?"

"That was mean," Rey said after Threepio wandered back to his mistress.

"Leia's good at finding him busy work. She loves him to pieces. I'm glad he's been here for her."

"They're friends, too?"

"Yes. When the rest of us left, he stayed with her. I'll always appreciate that."

"Is he her droid? He calls you Master."

"He's his own droid. He's been with our family since he was constructed. He served her father for years, and before that, he belonged to our birth family. It's been decades since any of us really owned him or Artoo. They stay with us because they want to. If either chose to leave, they could go."

"Other people give him orders."

"He's used to following them. I prefer to make suggestions and requests."

Threepio joined her again after her Jedi lessons were finished. He happened to be around the ship she preferred. "Ah, Miss Rey! How may I be of assistance?"

"Did General Organa ask you to keep an eye on me?"

"I am not capable of answering that question." Which meant yes, and Leia had instructed him not to say so.

"You should go help her," Rey said, pitching her voice into the command tone she'd been practicing.

"She said I should help you." He tilted his body. "Miss Rey, Jedi mind tricks don't work on droids. Master Ben tried many times." Threepio's face kept its permanent golden impassive expression, but she sensed a sudden emotional response. Droids could feel, despite what some other species held. He'd missed Artoo when his companion had gone into low power mode. He was pleased when he encountered old friends. And now she heard a quiet sorrow in his words.

"Were you close to him?"

Threepio said nothing, and that was strange.

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine."

"I have been ordered not to mention Master Ben. I forgot."

Rey considered this. There was only one person who would have given that order. "Threepio, if I asked you to talk about him just with me, would that be all right?"

"I believe so."

"But you mustn't mention him to the General."

"I won't. To answer your question, yes. We were close. I was often given the role of caretaker. When Mistress Leia's job moved, the household followed from world to world. I provided instruction for Master Ben when he was between tutors, and I minded him when he was between nannies. I believed that when he reached adulthood, I would follow him, much as Artoo often followed Master Luke on his adventures."

Rey tried to imagine a different man from the murderer she'd met or the reformed turncoat in her dream world, a Jedi who'd stayed on the path of the Light, his golden-hued nurse droid following behind with mild complaint.

"How many places did you go with him?"

"We lived on six different worlds when Master Ben was small, before he left with Master Luke for his Jedi training. The longest time we spent anywhere was three and a half years before the capital of the Republic moved again."

"That must have been hard."

"It's a droid's life, Miss Rey. To be plucked from one home and sent to another across the galaxy, never to see the same star again!"

"It couldn't be easy on a child, either."

"I suppose not. Master Ben was always upset when it was time to move. When we left Altara, he ran away from home. Chewbacca found him and brought him back." That made sense. Chewbacca could track a stink beetle through a dung factory, even if he'd whine about it the entire time. He would have no problem finding a lost little boy.

As the day lengthened into night, Rey found herself reluctant to crawl into bed. Sometimes she skipped ahead in her dream, bypassing days. Other times, she fell right back into the same moment she'd left. She wanted to skip past the night, wake up when her friends were departing. She would see them in the real world plenty. They'd both climbed into the cold bunk already, and held a warm place just for her between the other bodies, but Rey waved them good-night and didn't stay.

Other late nighters had set up a sabacc game, which Rey invited herself to watch. The heaters were turned down low, leaving the players to huff clouds over their cards, rubbing their freezing fingers. Rey snuggled deeper into her jacket.

"You want in?" asked Snap, ready to deal the next hand.

"I'm just watching. I've never played, and I don't relish losing my shirt tonight. Too cold." That got her a laugh as she settled more comfortably into the chair. The hours stretched by. She didn't even notice when her eyes closed.

* * *

She sat in the shuttle on the way home, blinking herself awake. Finn poked her shoulder. "I thought you said you could hold your alcohol."

"It was only one glass of wine," said Ben. "And it wasn't good wine." This was said to Poe, who'd ordered.

"You weren't invited to dinner. You don't get to complain about what we had."

They continued to pick at each other the rest of the ride home. Finn and Rey exchanged frustrated glances, finally getting out of their seats and finding a new one to share. "You said he wasn't coming back tonight."

"I was sure he wasn't."

"You're looking better." He rested against her, and Rey returned the half-hug. Physical affection hadn't been a large part of her life before she'd met him. Finn had taught her not to be afraid of other people, taught her to accept help without feeling weak. In a different dream, they'd be going back to their house with their friends bickering, although she couldn't imagine Poe Dameron anywhere near any version of Ben long enough even to elope.

"Did you come to my wedding?"

"Yeah. I was one of several people who doubted your mental state and told you that you could do better than him. General Organa's speech on the same topic had footnotes. Ben was furious with her." He chuckled and Rey laughed. "But you insisted on going through with it, and I figured if you were loony enough to marry your idiot, I could be loony enough to marry mine."

The idiots had reconciled, or at least had ceased fire, by the time the shuttle dropped them at the end of the road from the house. They walked together in the darkness, watching for the lights. Inside, Ben made drinks, and they sat and talked, Rey happy to be piled in with her friends just like at home.

"I'm turning in," Poe said with a giant yawn. "Feel free to stay up and talk about me."

"Nah, you're dull," Finn said, kissing Rey's cheek before he too stood. "See you in the morning." They walked off together towards the guest room. Rey set down her glass. She didn't know what it was, and she didn't feel intoxicated, only warm.

"I'll go change," said Ben, as the droids grabbed the abandoned glasses.

"Thank you," Rey said to them, and followed him into their room. She closed the door behind her.

He already had his shirt off, and was working on his trousers. He shot her a look. "I need a moment." Rey sat on the bed. Lucid dreams didn't mean she could fly, only that she was aware of herself. This dream had lasted for weeks. If she was trying to tell herself something, she had missed the lesson some time ago. 

Maybe she didn't have to learn. Maybe the lesson was to allow herself to experience.

"You can stay."

"It won't take that long."

"No," she said, standing and walking over to him. "Stay here. Stay tonight."

"Don't want to have to explain? Fine. I can sleep on the floor but I want the pillows."

Rey pressed her hands against his chest. She kissed his collarbone. "Stay with me." He froze, his only motion the sudden jump of his heart under her palms and a hot shudder running through him as she pressed her lips against the pulse point on his throat.

"Are you sure?" he asked, burying his face in her hair, hands reaching down to hold her elbows. _"Please be sure,"_ she heard him think, sensing as his mind opened wide to her. She resisted one last moment, then dropped the mental shields she'd been holding. Instantly their thoughts merged. She felt the months of ache and abandonment echoing inside him, his fear he'd lost her, and his growing understanding that he would never get back the Rey he'd known. She gave him her confusion and her fear, the terror that this was some trap, finally melting into acceptance of this strange second life.

"You still think this isn't real?"

"I don't care that it's not," she said, and now his mouth was close to hers. Rey crushed her lips against his. _"Stay."_

She felt her legs hit the bed and she fell back as he pushed her. They resumed kissing, Rey relishing the sweet fire she read in his mind, giddy and relieved. He couldn't hide away from her now, could only lay bare his worries, and his love for her, and his desire. She was overwhelmed, and sad that she didn't share his memories of their time together. She wanted him. She could admit that here, in the safety of sleep, as his hands lifted her shirt over her head. She'd been terrified of him the moment they'd met, and of the threats real and veiled he'd made to her. But just as she'd been repulsed by his darkness, she'd been drawn to him, disgusted with herself with her own interest until she buried it under the loathing she bore him. He'd been trapped the same way, thinking about Rey too long and too deeply, until his obsession had driven him away from his found home and back to his first, and to her. He was a beautiful disaster, and so was she.

She gasped when his hands reached for her belt. He paused.

"We don't have to go any further," said Ben, breath coming hard. "If you're not ready, we can wait." In his head, she saw him in the next room over, night after night, pulling up holos of rather tame porn. He'd dealt with his own needs, wishing she would wake up from one of her trances and be the woman he knew, the one who looked at him with the same emotion he felt every time he saw her.

Rey kissed him again, lingering against his mouth, letting him feel her want. He moaned into the kiss, his hands leaving her trousers for the moment to cradle her breasts instead. The touch sent a hot pull of want through her groin.

She wondered what part of herself wished for him to desire her. How long had her subconscious tumbled over his hated face until she could not look away? The real Kylo Ren was a vicious creature, snarling and mad, but she'd created this dream lover from that base starting material. Her mind had blanketed his sins with manufactured penitence and undid the worst of his crimes.

He read this all in her thoughts, pulling away to stare in her eyes. "You think I'm your fantasy?"

 _"I like this fantasy,"_ she thought at him, and suckled at his throat. She felt his gulp. Her hands traveled down his torso, brushing fingers over each rise and dip of muscle she found. Definitely a fantasy. The man she'd met would be a thin reed under his robes, pale and awful, not this sculpted flesh, pink and warm under her fingertips.

 _"Maybe this is my fantasy,"_ he thought back at her. _"Maybe I dreamed about you, too."_ Her hand went lower, unfastening his belt. Arousal dampened their argument, sparkling through his mind with a wave of lust. She snaked his trousers down his hips, resting her palms on his firm hipbones.

He kissed her ear, gnawing and nibbling down her neck. His mouth latched at one breast, the other he massaged with his hand. Rey arched as he sucked and licked, blowing cool air at last over the wet peak. He kissed the second nipple wetly, his hands returning to their work on her pants. She moved her legs, helping him to slip the fabric down her thighs and off.

When he kissed her belly, licking a stripe down to her navel, Rey tensed. He stopped again until she rested her hand on his head. She pushed him lower, and she felt his smile against her.

_"Greedy."_

_"Get to work, fantasy boy."_

He laughed inside his thoughts, and then there was no room for any thought as he licked his way into her, holding her hips still with his strong left arm while his right hand spread her wide. Rey threw her arm over her mouth to muffle her own sudden cries. He attacked her with his tongue, flicking at her exactly how she wanted him to. Their minds joined, sending the tremors she felt back into him. This Ben had been her lover for years, knowing her needs and her cues, spending night after night merged with her mentally and physically, learning her. Of course he would tease her just as she liked, drawing back then rubbing right up against her pleasure points. His fingers stroked her to either side, shivering through her as his tongue dove inside her, tasting her wet desire. She felt his smallest finger dip down to play with her sensitive entrance, and only his arm pressing her into the bed kept her from rising.

 _"You like that, too."_ He sent Rey a memory of herself, spread out before him and groaning as he drove himself slowly into her tightest hole, urging him on. The memory of her own desire startled her as much as the touch, and she came hurriedly, almost unexpectedly, the crashing wave of her climax hitting her hard. He rode the tide with her, writhing against the bed as he kept stroking her with fingers and lips, tugging out a second sweet peak.

 _"Please,"_ he thought, and he wasn't capable of more thought as he crawled up her body, kissing her with the taste of herself. He bent awkwardly to keep his mouth against hers. She felt him trying to thrust into her, fumbling and desperate in his lust.

Rey shoved him hard, rolling him over. Sitting up, keeping her eyes on his, she took him into her hand and guided him into herself. Ben threw his head back, dark hair splaying around the pillow except what stuck to his sweaty face. He looked silly, and happy, and Rey leaned down to kiss him. Ben clutched at her, holding her as he thrust into her from underneath, rising to meet her. His pleasure moved through her, letting her feel what he felt.

She didn't see his plan in time. Ben pushed her over again, rolling Rey onto her back and shoving himself in even deeper, nerves sparking and body aching to join with her as much as he could. His thoughts rushed by in a jumble of _please_ and _more_ and _love you so much_. She couldn't capture the stream of his mind, and settled for allowing her body to take point. Her hand slithered between them, touching herself where she was spread open, rubbing at her own clit as he drove into her. He was going to come, she could feel the orgasm building with each motion.

Rey planted her feet, and she met him at every stroke, impaling herself deep as the taut thread in him snapped. His peak slammed into her mind, carrying her over with him. They held to each other, both too intent to speak or even to think.

He collapsed on her, kissing her hair weakly, thinking of nothing but the feel of her body against his. She lay beneath him, trapped and complete, her mind rolled tightly inside his, comforted by their close embrace.

* * *

Rey woke in the chair in the recreation room, body stiff and freezing cold. Some kind soul had thrown a blanket over her shoulders, which hadn't helped much. Shivers passed through her having nothing to do with the temperature. There'd been many nights, back before all this, when she'd gone to her lonely bedroll on Jakku. She would send herself to sleep with a practiced hand, or with that clockwork device she'd found, nestled and humming between her thighs. She knew well this out of breath rapid pulse, and the full body glow that lingered. She'd dreamed intensely, and her body had responded in her sleep just like any other pilot who'd woken with a mess in his pants or sweat covering her face.

The dream faded but she felt Ben's hands on her for hours after, and she couldn't stop thinking about the joy in his eyes as she'd kissed him.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW. This is where the fic starts earning its rating.


	7. Chapter 7

Back on Jakku, Rey hadn't told lies. Some of the other edge-dwellers who clung to life around Niima Outpost had a habit of spinning wild tales, or falsely claimed the origins of their own scraps for sale. Rey had known her own work was only as good as her word. She'd forgiven Finn for lying about his ties to the Resistance, because the fib hadn't harmed her or anyone else, and because he'd clearly done so to impress her. She might have been a First Order informant for all he'd known about her then; he'd judged she wasn't. That alone was worth forgiveness.

She told herself now that no forgiveness would be necessary. She wasn't harming anyone. She was in fact taking active steps to avoid hurting people. She had considered a short list of potential topics she might have dreamed about instead, and worked her way through them one by one when asked.

"What was your dream last night?" Finn asked.

"I was back on Jakku. There was a sandstorm and I couldn't get out of my home."

"So not that weird nightmare any more?"

"No. Thank goodness."

He launched into a description of his own dreams, murky and complex. He'd been back in the Stormtrooper crèche with the caretaker droids chasing him, except he was tall. "I knew if they caught me, I'd be turned into a little boy again."

The next day, Poe asked while she was in the docking bay. Rey smiled. "I don't even remember. I think I was being chased by one of those huge fish on Ahch-To, but it also had legs."

"Sounds creepy."

"You're telling me."

The questions stopped after a few days, when she'd assured her friends there wasn't anything left to tease her about, or question further. Luke offered her privacy, never asking, only making it clear that he would be available if she wanted to talk.

"Thanks," she said. "I dreamed about my parents again. It was nice. This time they were pilots."

That was less of a lie. She'd contacted them via subspace, enjoying an hour chatting with them over a holographic interface. Her father had gone on an excited tangent about their latest find.

"We've uncovered the ruin of the main temple," he'd said. "Rey, it has the Doomsday story carvings intact!" At her complete lack of response, he'd told her how the Ladon'kres had developed a fearsome weapon that they'd used to keep their servants in check, destroying planets at whim. "It's why the uprising occurred. The conquered worlds fought back."

Her mother had said, "We'll tell you all about what we discover when we come to visit next month." Rey had smiled, and said she was excited, and had told them she missed them, which was very nearly true.

Luke took her through their basic sparring routine, then began attacking her with an entirely new pattern. Rey gave ground before him, careful with her lightsaber as she defended herself. Luke was deceptively fast, spinning quicker than the eye could follow. She too often fell into the trap of believing him a strange little old man, and now she paid for her complacency.

She dug into her skills. Analyze the patterns, he always said. She'd gotten used to his pattern, and so he'd changed. What was the new weakness, the new opening? Rey paid attention to his arms and legs, and noted where the movements repeated each other.

She anticipated his next move, and parried him, driving him back. He spun again, throwing out one foot, and tossing her, with some care, across the room. Her lightsaber fell and extinguished itself.

"Hold," she said, palms against the icy ground. "What was that?"

"New lesson." He shut off his own lightsaber. "You're too used to my attacks. I had to relearn different methods." He held out a hand and helped her up. "You won't be practiced against a real enemy. The pattern will be new, and you'll have to adjust quickly."

That's what all this was about. That's all it was ever about. There was only one other person in the galaxy who would come at her with a lightsaber.

After the call with her parents had ended, the four of them had stayed up talking half the night, Rey pressed as warmly between Finn and Poe the same as she slept in the cold bunk here on Basteel. When the last yawns drove them to their beds, she'd taken Ben's hand and led him to their room.

Ben was only a vision, something her sleeping mind constructed for her. Kylo Ren was the reality, and neither she nor Luke doubted it was her destiny to fight him to the death. When that day came, she wouldn't have the luxury of conflating them in her mind. She would fight, and she must kill him, or Ren would certainly cut her down, no matter how much he resembled her imaginary lover.

Luke was training her because he couldn't do this himself, couldn't face the monster without seeing the boy he loved.

As Rey took her beginning stance, preparing for Luke's next attack, she began to worry she would fail for the same reason.

* * *

Her friends held no more affection for Ben here than in the real world. She let them talk her into a picnic without him, wandering for hours until they found what Poe declared the perfect spot, and Rey agreed was yes, a spot, that looked like the same spots they'd been passing all along.

"No," he said, yanking the blanket out from the hamper. "This one is better." He spread the cloth and the food. Finn shared an eye roll with Rey before bending in to help. BB-8 beeped unhappily, agreeing they didn't have to come out all this way. "Not you, too," Poe said.

Rey noticed their meal was nearly identical to yesterday's lunch in the Resistance mess. Generally the dream food had been of a higher quality than what she ate by day. A few times, she'd skipped meals altogether, knowing she'd be dining later. She couldn't do so often, or she'd end up gorging on unreal dishes while her body starved. Perhaps the thin but nutritious protein strips on her plate now were a tender reminder from her own stomach.

"Thank you," she said, enjoying the company more than the food. A valuable lesson. Upon awakening, she ought to share this one.

"Would you be up for visiting the shipyard?" Poe's voice was casual, but his gaze held her. He'd dragged them out this far away for a reason. Rey could walk, which meant she was physically healed. Away from Ben, her friends could be sure she wasn't being mentally pushed into an unnecessary convalescence.

"I'd love to. I've wanted to ease back into things."

"You don't have to," said Finn. "If you'd rather wait, see if you get more of your memory back."

"No, it might knock something loose. Is the wreck of the _Trilla_ there?"

Poe said, "Yeah, but are you sure you want to see her again? You almost died."

"But I didn't." She took a sharp bite of her protein slice. She wanted to see that ship, and make mental notes on as many ships as she could. This alternate future held glimpses of her own time. Anything she learned might be useful.

They went the next day while Ben stayed home, sulking and pretending not to sulk that his request to come along had been rebuffed. He sat on the sofa, arm back over the rest, trying to appear casual rather than annoyed, and failing.

"I'll bring you back a souvenir," Rey promised, leaning over to kiss him. He pulled her chin closer, deepening the kiss.

"Enough of that," Poe said.

"I had to see naked pictures of Finn," Ben said. "Still recovering."

"Never gonna let that go," muttered Finn, shooing Rey out the door.

As soon as she arrived at the shipyard, she was accosted by dozens of friends, people she'd never met but who were pleased to see her up and around, expressing wishes Rey would come back to work when she could. She didn't need her subconscious to tell her she'd spent too long alone and unappreciated.

"Let's see her," she said to Poe, who led her to a repair bay. Even this long into the repair, Rey could see the damage to the body of the ship.

"We're never flying her again, but we want to work from the base model when we design more," he explained as she touched the bent structure. The _Trilla_ was a clever re-imagining of the older TIE design. She recognized several features from a crashed ship she'd scavenged three years ago, but she couldn't fathom where she'd come up with the rewired ion engine.

The last ship she'd seen in this detail had attacked a planet not far from where she lived now, back in the real world.

"I thought one of the wings was gone."

"It was."

"And both engines were dead."

"They were."

Rey stared at the ship. She remembered what she'd been told, but clearly, this was a different vessel. Her dream wasn't staying consistent.

"I'm lucky to have walked away from that," she said.

"You didn't walk. But we're all glad you're okay."

Rey deftly picked up a work smock on her way out, pretending to examine it and not letting go as she exited the room.

"Anything?" Finn asked, hope in his voice.

"No. Same as ever." She held his elbow in her arms. "I'll come back again soon. Maybe next time I'll remember more."

"Yours or ours?" he asked as they reached their own ship. "We're not far from here. You could stay the night."

"Not tonight. Soon," she promised with a squeeze. "We'll make a plan. I'll come spend a few days. I won't even bring Ben along."

"He can come," Poe said, readying the ship for take-off. "He'll have to sleep out in the yard, obviously."

"Obviously," Rey agreed.

Ben was less obnoxious when they arrived back on Altara that night, even trying his hand at having dinner ready for the three of them. He was a better cook than their droid, but only just.

The people, not the food, she reminded herself, and kissed him in greeting. "This smells delicious."

"Did the visit help?"

"I saw the _Trilla_. They've put it back together."

"It's just a model," Poe said, helping himself to a dish overflowing with fluffy mashed vegetables. "We'll build another one once we're sure about the proof of concept."

Finn said, "The concept is fine. She hit an asteroid."

"I did?"

"It hit you," said Ben.

After the other two had retired, Rey said, "I brought back that souvenir."

"I'm not into ship design like you are. I prefer to fly them, not tinker with them."

"I guessed. Can you put the rest of this away?"

"Fine." Ben went back to the kitchen, while Rey hurried into their room. He came in a few minutes later, and found her waiting for him wearing just the work smock. She watched him take in her appearance, and the high hem of the shirt that just reached to the top of her thighs. "Souvenir?"

"Like it?"

"Definitely."

She expected him to remove the smock as soon as he crossed the few steps to where she stood by the bed. Ben's hands slid up inside the loose fabric. He let out a breath the moment his touch confirmed her bare skin underneath. He pressed his body close against hers, letting her feel his growing arousal hard inside his own clothing.

"This could be fun," he whispered into her ear. "My ship broke down, and I don't have any credits on me to pay the gorgeous mechanic who stopped by to fix it. How ever shall I reimburse her?" His fingers stroked down her side. He cupped one breast with a warm hand while the other ground his palm with delicious pressure where she wanted him most.

"I'm sure we can come to some arrangement," Rey said, slipping into the role as she draped her arms around his neck. She rocked her hips, enjoying the feel of his thumb sliding between her folds. She let her mental guard down, touching his thoughts as he stroked her. "Those parts I brought for you don't come cheaply."

The thumb pressed inside her. "Do you?"

"No."

He was enjoying the wet warmth of her around his thumb, and thinking of another game they'd played: Ben had pretended to be a spoiled prince of Naboo, and Rey played the taciturn Jedi sent to function as his fierce bodyguard. He hadn't meant to act spoiled, she saw in his thoughts. He'd thought himself dignified and peremptory. They'd played out a quickly-dismissed attempt on his life before spending hours in bed as he demonstrated his gratitude.

_"You're into playing roles?"_

_"I'm into you."_ Two fingers joined his thumb, proving his thesis admirably. Rey moaned. _"We could be competing smugglers on the run from the authorities together tomorrow night."_ In his mind, that included tying their wrists together as they "escaped" from their captors.

Noticing her interest, he withdrew his hand from her breast and grabbed for her arm, tugging it high above her head. "That is, unless you'd like to turn things around now. Perhaps I'm not as grateful as you believe. I could tether you to the bedpost and ravish you until you scream."

Her breath caught, as much from the enticing image as from the tender crook of his fingers inside her. "We'll wake up the others."

"They're awake. What do you think they're doing in their room right now?"

She hadn't considered it. Rey had been too tightly wound up in her own swirling feelings even to wonder what her friends were up to. "You think so?"

He breathed into her ear, "I'll be very disappointed if they're not." Ben's mouth found her neck, tugging her arm higher. "Let's not discuss your friends. I believe we were deciding if I'm repaying you for your help with my damaged ship," he twitched his fingers inside her again, withdrawing his thumb to draw circles around her clit from an awkward angle, "or if I'm going to tie you down and have my way with you." He wrenched back on her arm, not enough to cause pain but enough for the discomfort to drive an unfamiliar desire within her. His fingers grew wetter with her need.

_"We should try both, just to be sure,"_ she thought at him, and then she stopped thinking in words altogether.

His teeth worried at her throat, nipping and soothing with his lips after each bite. Her free hand found the fastenings to his shirt, working the fabric open. She rested her palm against his stomach, feeling his jump and twitch as she stroked the skin she found. His own hand continued its work, focusing on the crook of his fingers inside her, seeking the pressure point she loved as his thumb made wet motions across her needy flesh.

_"Come for me,"_ he pressed into her mind, and Rey felt herself snap, staggering against him as her body fluxed and pulsed. She felt his satisfaction as he pushed against her harder, wanting her to go again, until she batted away his hand.

"Too much."

"No such thing," he said, but withdrew his touch and let go. His eyes went to the post of their bed. "Now, where did I put that cord the last time we used it?" 

Rey sat down hard on the bed, still trembling. Ben took her face in his hands and kissed her before crouching down beside his night table. Bent over, he was a nice sight, one that would only be nicer once she got his trousers off him.

"You should strip."

"I will." He pulled a slim, white cord from the drawer and examined it carefully. "But first, I believe we talked about tying you down."

"I believe we talked about you having your way with me once you did." She lay back, and extended her arm above her head, feeling the cool wood against the heat of her own bare skin. Ben met her eyes, and didn't look away as he looped the cord around the post and tied it to her wrist.

"We did."

Rey tugged, and felt the secure tug. She could escape if she tried. She was sure. Almost sure. "And what do you want from me?"

"Everything."

Her free hand finished the work of removing his shirt. He found her mouth again, and kissed her until she was dizzy from lack of air, from excitement, and from him.

* * *

Rey spent the early hours of the morning drawing the ruined TIE, and making notes on other ships she remembered from the shipyard. She hid the sketches before the others came to breakfast, tucking them carefully away.

The other her would wake with red bite marks down her throat, and one tender bruise around her wrist. Her body here was unmarked, and didn't draw questioning stares from her friends. Her relief drew a smile on her face as she ate, and her regret smoothed it away again. Rey wanted to talk with someone, anyone, about how her life had changed. She wanted a kind shoulder to lean against and a friend to ask if it was possible to fall in love in a dream. What difference was there between a real romance, and the warmth that bloomed inside her when she thought about Ben?

She couldn't ask the people around her now, not with the delicate shell of lies she'd built. The advice from her friends in her dreams would only be her own brain talking to her. Even if she did ask, they would only say what she didn't want to hear: the difference was that Ben wasn't real, the house wasn't real, that life wasn't real, and thus nothing she felt was real.

Rey knew all that already. What she desperately wanted was for someone to hold her, and to tell her it didn't matter if none of what she'd experienced was real, as long as she was happy.

* * *

Luke contacted her via subspace hologram every other day, helping her through the next stages of her training. When she was ready for practice, Ben would join her, usually beside the lake, as they moved through their stances together. In the shed out by the landing pad, they kept the more intense practice equipment locked up safely. Only their lightsabers stayed in the house. The first time Rey's hand had grasped her own lightsaber, lighting the cobalt-blue blade, a thrill had passed down her spine.

"I made this one?"

"You based it somewhat heavily on the one you practiced with, but yes." His own new lightsaber was a deep lavender, which she guessed came from her memories: when they'd fought, her blue against his red, this was the color she'd seen. Balance.

She loved sparring with him, watching the patterns he made and learning to anticipate. She let herself enjoy the doubled practice of night and day. By now, she knew all his movements, and he'd learned hers, so much so that their mock battles had become a daily dance with light and the eerie hum and crackle of their blades.

* * *

"Your technique is improving," Luke told her as they took a break in the ice cave. "I've been changing up the routine again, and you're anticipating much better than you used to." He left the sentence hanging, offering her room to fill in more.

She ought to tell him. She ought to mention her nightly tutoring sessions. This had long moved past mere coincidence, and bringing her proper teacher into her confidence was by far the wisest course.

"Thanks."

* * *

Days went by as days in dreams often did: languorous and swift. Finn and Poe stayed two weeks, and hugged their good-byes on a rainy weekend. "You're coming to work next week," Poe told her. "I've told everyone. Don't make me a liar."

Finn kissed her cheek and said into her ear, "You look happier than I've ever seen you. Maybe take another few days off."

"I'll be in," she promised. "Not until mid-week." She waved as they boarded their own ship, and watched until the clouds covered them over. Ben walked up behind her and rested his arms around her.

"They hate me, you know."

"I know." She turned and reached up to meet his mouth with hers. No more visitors, and the droids didn't care what they got up to with each other.

"Do you hate me?"

"Not you," she said, and she opened her mind to him, let him wrap himself inside the emotion she'd built around him, let herself burrow into the warm love she felt in his thoughts as she wrestled him to the floor.

An hour later, they lay on the sofa together, nothing but a throw blanket covering them while she lay back against his chest, tingly and content as she looked out the great windows. They watched the storms roll in over the lake. Rey counted, tapping out the seconds on his palm between the flashes of lightning and the thunderous crashes that followed. Every so often, he would lean over and kiss her with a lazy sigh.

_"I never want to wake up from this,"_ came his distant, quiet thought.

* * *

She was shocked awake as the knowledge struck her, and in the cold, brittle light of morning, the revelation lay stark and open before her. Why the thread of her days continued one by one. Why she knew what she couldn't. Why alone of all the people she'd encountered in the dream, she could read only his thoughts. She knew now.

It wasn't her dream.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you guessed what was going on ahead of time! Good job!
> 
> Now for a question. The next chapter is the final part of this story. I've already written 30,000 words of what happens next because my beta reader told me to, and there's more to tell. Do you have a preference for ending this story after Chapter Eight and linking the next as a sequel or would you rather I continue to add to this one?


	8. Chapter 8

Rey found a place to sit in the corridor outside General Organa's quarters. The cold seeped through her trousers and against her back. She welcomed the chill even as she shivered. It kept her alert although the hour was far too early for her to be awake. When Chewbacca returned, she would try to convince him to pile in with her and her friends, but she knew she'd wind up finding him behind this same door.

Well before dawn, Luke opened the door, and stopped in surprise at finding her there. "Good morning."

"Tell me about Altara."

He watched her face, then held out a hand to help her up. Prickles ran down her legs and throbbed in her feet. "Let's get some caf."

Hands around his warm mug, Luke said, "Twenty years ago, Altara was the capital of the Republic. It held the title longer than any other planet until the government moved to the Hosnian System."

"The General lived there? Working for the Republic?"

He nodded and took a long drink. "Leia traveled with the Capital, and the rest of us traveled with her. When the government moved from Altara to Gensi, I went elsewhere. I had work to do."

"You lived there."

"Yes. We had a nice, big house together. Chewie had his own place in the city, though he was over all the time when he and Han weren't out on a run. The house sat by a lake. It was very beautiful, but Leia was worried Ben would fall in and drown. He and I went out almost every day and learned to swim together. I never got very good, too much desert in my past, but he could swim like a fish by the end of that first summer." His eyes were far away, looking on a better time.

Rey said, "There was a beach, made of pebbles instead of sand. The huge windows along the back were perfect for watching storms roll in across the water." She watched as his face sharpened, snapping back from the old memory. "Two bedrooms, both oversized and with their own refresher, another perfect for a study or a third bedroom, and a small chamber in the back for the droids to recharge every night." She sipped her own caf, scalding her tongue. "I've spent every night for the past month there."

He rubbed his face with his hand, making his beard stand up in odd places. "Lie to me. Tell me you just read all that in my head."

"Lie to me. Tell me you and the General have been talking about the old days, and both of you have been thinking about it too much."

They stared at each other for a long moment. Luke broke first. "How bad are the nightmares?"

"They're not. I was frightened at first, but the dreams been very restful. I see why someone would want to spend time there." Her mouth hurt from the hot caf. She drank more anyway. "Tell me more about the Cayad root."

Luke shook his head. "Bad idea."

"You've used it before, haven't you?"

"A few times. I was trying to hone my visions. It takes a lot of training to use properly. I don't know that I ever succeeded."

"Did he know about it?" There was only one 'he.' Rey wasn't ready to examine the differences between the Ben she loved and the Kylo Ren she knew. "Is there Cayad root available on planets controlled by the First Order?"

"He knew. And yes, it's possible, more than possible, that he's trying to use something similar now to collect intelligence on us. But he's not as well trained as he'd like to be. He's not having visions to help him win the war. He's dreaming about home."

"And he pulled me in with him."

"He did, which is interesting. I would have thought he'd try to attack me, or his mother." Luke poked at this from several angles. There were questions he was refraining from asking her. 

"I think it was an accident. He's different in the dream. He's not horrible. He hasn't hurt me, or anyone else. I think...." Luke was the only person she could talk with about this, the only one who would understand, even if it pained him. "Have you ever regretted things you've done?"

Luke sat back. "Someday, I hope to meet a person who never did, just for the novelty."

"This is his wish. In the dream, he defected from the First Order and helped us win. Han's alive and proud of him. Everything is better."

"That makes you part of the 'better.'"

"I know." She breathed in, thinking about the weeks they'd spent together, and wondered how long he'd been alone trapped inside his own mind before she fell in with him. He'd dreamed through their life together, only to be thwarted when she appeared for real. How much of 'Ben' was a construction, both of Kylo's wishes and Rey's own desires? She'd accepted he was just another facet of her dream, but if she was right, part of him was as real as she was. Ben loved her.

She pushed away the mug. "I have to stop the dreams. If I'm reading his mind, he's reading mine. That makes me a security risk."

"Normally, I'd tell you to raise your mental shields, but they've been up. I'll make a call. I can't risk you trying the Cayad, but there are other items that might help. I can tell Chewie where he can find a few." He stood. She'd asked if he ever regretted anything, but Luke's face held a hundred now. "Rey, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. I'm not." She wouldn't think about the warm quiet of laying in Ben's arms, listening to rolling thunder and the echo of his heartbeat under her ear as they watched the rain splash into the lake. She wouldn't hear the concert replaying in her ears, or remember the joy of the musician dancing across the stage, or feel Ben's hand take hers as he bent to kiss her. She'd get breakfast, and she'd get back to her real life.

* * *

"This is not advised," said the medical droid. Finn went with her, and looked as though he'd argue.

"It's important," Rey said. "I have special permission from General Organa." She handed over the datapad. Luke had asked his sister to sign the order, and Rey wondered how much of her trust in him he burned up keeping the true reason from her.

"This is not advised," the droid repeated.

"I can tell you what else is not advised," Finn said. Rey touched his shoulder. She could feel how terrified he was for her, now that he'd found out what had happened.

"It's important. I have my orders."

The droid turned its impassive face to her. Then it rolled over to the cabinet holding the restricted medications.

Rey flinched at the injection.

"Your species cannot go for more than three days without sleep before experiencing severe damage. I cannot distribute more than two additional doses."

"Thank you," she said. "I understand." Three days. She was safe for three days. She smiled at Finn. "Want to play cards?"

He lasted until the wee hours, finally stumbling off to bed, the last of the card players to go. Rey tried to spend her extra time working on her ship, but the bay was closed to conserve heat. Instead she worked on drawings, copying from memory the various ship designs she'd seen. She didn't know how accurate the details would be. Ren wasn't in the military chain, and wouldn't have cared much when he was shown new attack craft, would he? He was a pilot, though. She traced the images from her thoughts carefully.

Morning found her in the mess, bright over her first caf and eager to get to her day.

"You are far too cheery," Finn said, grumbling over his own hot drink.

"This is fantastic. I have energy. I'm ready to run around the base twice."

Luke sat down with his tray. "I'll remember that."

She felt alight inside. "Why don't more people do this?"

"Because it leads to psychosis. When you're finished, go for a run. Four laps should do."

He'd been right in that, at least. By the time Rey finished her third lap of the base and had begun her fourth, she felt less like she would fly out of her own skin. A Jedi must be aware of her body as it connected to the Force. She felt the slap of her boots on the floor, grounding herself through each step.

"Tired?" Luke asked her as she stopped at the ice cave, panting and sweat-soaked.

"Centered."

"Good. Let's work. Chewbacca will be back in two days with what I asked him to bring." He sent her through more exercises, focusing her mind.

* * *

The second jab of the medic's needle hurt more than the first. The injection site of the first had yet to heal, and this time she knew what was coming. Within moments, Rey felt wide awake. "Thank you."

"I can't stay up that late tonight," Finn said as he met her. "I'm beat today, and my test flight is tomorrow."

"You're going to do fine," she reassured him. Instead of playing a game, she quizzed him on what to do in particular emergencies, how to bank, where his controls were, and how to read the screen.

After Finn went off to bed, Rey wandered the frigid corridors, restless and twitchy. She couldn't focus on drawing tonight, nor reading, nor anything. Her brain was scattered. Several times, she saw lights flashing in the corners of her eyes, and heard whispering voices. The medical droid had warned her about the potential for hallucinations.

In the middle of the night, she found herself wondering what Ben was doing.

* * *

Rey dragged herself through breakfast, picking at her food. "I need more caf," she said after her second cup.

"Stimulants won't help," Luke said. "You need sleep."

"Any word from Chewbacca?"

"Tomorrow."

He was kinder than he needed to be during her training. She only had to jog around the base once, and they focused on mental exercises. "I want you to find a calm place inside yourself. When you're doubting, when you're hurt, you can retreat there and regroup."

Rey thought about all the places she'd been. She felt safe here, huddled asleep in a pile with friends. This base overflowed with people who liked her. Even Starkiller, lost now and filled with pain, held the one good memory of her friends coming back to rescue her after a lifetime of waiting for parents who never returned.

But she knew where she'd been calm, and safe, and loved, although it hadn't been real.

* * *

The attack came mid-day. If they'd been caught asleep, Rey knew they would never have made it to the X-Wings before the First Order ships covered them with blaster fire. The base shook from the explosions, sending razor sharp ice crystals on their heads. The evacuation alarm resonated through the corridors.

"They followed us back from Ventooine," someone said, running past. "A trap," said someone else.

Rey made it to her ship. Finn was there first. "You're not qualified," she said.

"And you haven't slept in two days. How many hands am I holding up?" He waved at her until she batted his arm down irritably. "I can do this, Rey. Stay with the command crew. Leave in one of their ships. We'll lay down cover." Nerves shook him. Finn had been practicing since he'd been discharged from medical. She had every faith in him that he'd be able to fly, and none at all that he'd survive against a volley from more experienced TIE pilots.

The droid was already loading itself into the rear compartment.

"Let me fly. You come with the crew."

He took her hands. "I'll meet you on the next world. We'll get a drink and laugh about how close we came today." He kissed her cheek. "I'm in the most-loved ship in the fleet. I'll be fine."

Rey wouldn't watch him take off in her ship. She ran for the command center.

"Good," said the General, seeing her rush in. "Someone was bright enough to ground you. Grab whatever you can carry. We're leaving in the third convoy." Her voice raised. "Hurry up, people. I know some of you remember the last time we did this."

Rey took a crate, then paused by the screen, staring. If there was anything else lurking in her mind that could help, this was the time. She couldn't get past the fear that she'd given up the base's location herself, no matter what the rumors were. Had Ren heard her say Basteel by name?

The first convoy died in a gout of flame, bursting into brilliant death by the Star Destroyer's guns. The overhead speakers didn't carry the screams, only the deadly hiss of comms gone silent. Someone in the command center let out a soft cry in the sudden silence.

"All right," said the General, jaw tight. "We'll mourn at the next base, or we'll join them in a few minutes."

"How can we get past the Star Destroyer?" asked one of her lieutenants. Ash. "They're sending more ships than we have X-Wings to distract them."

"We'll punch through," said the Admiral. "It's the only way."

"You see something?" the General asked, coming up beside Rey. She was clearly impatient and just as clearly ready to take any help Rey had on offer.

"No. These are normal TIEs, and the Star Destroyer is the same model I used to scavenge from back home. That crash was decades ago."

"I remember," Leia said. "All right, let's go."

Rey knew about Star Destroyers. She'd spent many of her days excavating the corpse of one. "Can't we try a command override?" She hefted the crate, following the line of busy workers.

Luke appeared from another part of the room, carrying more equipment. She'd half expected to find he'd taken a ship himself. His piloting skills were as famous as the rest of his talents. "You all right?"

"Do you have slicers here?"

"The best," said the General. "We've never been able to slice into their codes. I know what you're thinking, though." All of the Empire's old ships, and most of the First Order's new ones, had a ghost switch inside their computers to prevent rogue captains from stealing their own ships. Rey had found that part of the computer inside her old workplace, and brought it home, and played with it, pretending to send the Kill code and stop the Star Destroyer.

A terrible thought came to her as they reached the landing bay. "Who would have the codes?"

Luke got these first. "Their top level command."

She set down her load. "You have to put me under."

"We need you here."

"I can get the codes and stop the ship dead in the sky. He'll tell me. But I have to be asleep."

The General looked between them. "Now is not a good time for cryptic Jedi stuff. Spill."

Rey turned to her. "I can access the memories of one of the First Order commanders. The strange dreams I was having, they weren't mine. They were his." She didn't say which commander. She didn't need to. The General was many things, none of them stupid. Her face pulled into an expression she no doubt thought was flat instead of pained.

"Luke, if we get out of this one alive, you and I are going to have that talk again where I explain that when you think you're protecting me by not telling me things, it works out terribly for everyone." She didn't even look at him. "Get Rey to the medical center as fast as you can."

The speed Rey had built over her many runs around the base served her well now, and her only surprise was that Luke kept pace with her the entire way as the walls shook around them. The medical personnel were packing frantically, gathering what they didn't dare leave. Rey accosted the first droid she saw.

"I need to get to sleep, right now."

"This is not the time."

Luke said, "This is the only time. Please."

The droid looked between them, then gestured abruptly at a med bed. Rey said, "If I don't wake up, leave me here."

"As if you think that'd even be a possibility." Luke took her hand. Rey flinched as the droid poked her arm with a sedative. Before she could make a plan with them for how to wake her once she had the information, Rey fell asleep.

* * *

The house was dark. Rey woke on the sofa. Ben was nowhere to be seen. She stood and called out to him, aware of time in the real world passing too swiftly. She found the droids. "Where has Ben gone? It's important. Please."

"I'm sure he's only gone outside," said the 3PO unit. Its voice was close to Threepio's, with the same fussy inflections. The golden droid had believed he'd follow his young master through his life, and in some ways, Rey supposed he had.

"Thank you," she said, and dashed out the back. She found him sitting on the beach, staring out over the lake. "Ben?"

He turned, his expression changing as he got to his feet. "Where have you been?" He threw his arms around her, fear and relief radiating through him. "I woke up and you were gone. You didn't tell the droids. You didn't tell me. I thought maybe you'd gone swimming." His breath caught. "I went diving, afraid I'd find you down there."

"I just woke up," she said.

"It's been days. Where were you?" He pushed her back, holding her shoulders.

"I need something from you. It's very important."

"You left."

"I came back." She took his hands. "I need you to focus. I need information from the man you were five years ago."

He yanked away from her. "I'm not him any more. He's gone." In the real world, he'd said the same about the boy he'd once been.

"He's part of you, and he's the part I need to talk to." She'd thought about this during the long hours of the night when she'd denied herself sleep. Some poor souls seemed to have two or more identities living inside the same confused head. That wasn't him. Ben wasn't a different person than Kylo Ren. He was the person that, somewhere deep inside himself, Ren wished he could have been, someone whose mistakes had been undone and forgiven.

Ben shook his head, pulling back. "I can't. I won't go back."

"How long have you been here?" He wasn't fully trained. He'd left Luke before he'd become a full Jedi. If he'd used the Cayad root, or another means of forcing a vision, he'd have trapped himself in this happy dream, unaware of time passing in the real world. "Have you lived here all this time? Ben, this isn't real."

"Stop saying that!" He shoved her away, showing her for a moment the man she'd come here to see. "You had an accident."

"No, you pulled me in here with you. You called to me, and I came. But I can't stay, because First Order ships are destroying my home. You are killing my friends, killing me. I need the command codes to the Star Destroyer _Maximus_ or I'm going to die for real." 

"This is real, Rey. You have to let go of your delusions."

She squeezed her eyes shut. He'd wrapped himself in this world, safe in his childhood home, surrounded by people who cared about him. "What do you do with your life?"

"What?"

"I work on ship designs and help build and test new spacecraft. I study my Jedi practices. What do you do?"

"Whatever I want. I help Father when he does supply runs. I work with Luke on Jedi lore. I've helped Mother with her endless treaties. I help people when they're injured."

She tilted her head. "Do you hear yourself? You're playing. This is a child's dream world, in a child's home. You're using your childhood name. This is your dream, and it's become my dream, too, but the only way I will ever wake up again is if you remember who you are as an adult."

"This is who I am, Rey. Kylo Ren was a teenager's whim. He's better off gone." The bitterness rolled off him as he watched her, wary and distraught.

She hated Kylo Ren. It turned out, so did he. "If he's gone, I will die. Remember the codes, and I'll be safe."

Something in him changed. His eyes grew sharper, and his voice sounded older. Part of him knew he was asleep. "You'll leave again." He touched her arms. "If I call him back, I'll wake up, won't I? That's what you're suggesting. I'll be him again." He shook his head. "I won't do it."

"Yes, you will," she said, and she leaned up to kiss him, pressing against him, breathing with him. "Because you're better than he is, and you know it's the right thing to do. You can't not tell me, and stay who you are. If you let my friends die, let me die, you'll be no better than the man you're trying to escape."

"You hate him."

"Yes, and I hate him even more now because he'll kill you again." She rested her face against his chest. "Ben. Please."

* * *

She woke with a gasp, the alertness injection pricking her arm. Luke still held her hand. The droid withdrew, rolling off towards its own escape ship. Around them, the base shook. Rey looked at him, sad and hurting, and she ran, ran as fast as the cold winds of this world, back to the command center.

The codes were a ten step sequence. She didn't miss one. Luke came up behind her, a touch out of breath.

Over the speakers, the other pilots began reporting a sudden change. The TIEs couldn't connect with their home destroyer. The massive ship itself floated dead in space, all the lights out, all the cannons still.

"It worked," she said, proud and angry and grieving.

"We should get to the ships," he said. "They'll send more. You've bought us time." They hurried to the landing bay, where the last ship waited, the hatch about to close.

"What about the medical droids?" Rey asked, as they lifted off, flying safely past the broken Star Destroyer and zooming into hyperspace.

"They're boarding the ships in the far bay." She couldn't see Basteel now, far behind them in the interdimensional void. "Rey?"

She didn't answer, staring instead into the darkness. She would have to request ship to ship contact to see if the rest of her friends survived the attack. She hadn't sensed their deaths, though. She'd only sensed one.

* * *

She spent the first night in hyperspace. She dreamed of nothing she could remember when she woke.

* * *

Building the new base was hard. The Resistance had found a forest world camouflaged with giant trees. Luke and his sister made jokes only they understood. Finn complained about a constant itch in his nose from the unusual flowers. They did have that drink together, sitting in the makeshift mess and watching bioluminescent insects flicker around the deep shadows of the forest. Without Basteel's oppressive cold, there was no good reason for everyone to share sleeping spaces. Grateful to be spared the snores of their fellows, the pilots and the rest spread out, sleeping under the canopy of the trees themselves in the warm night air.

It wasn't the only things the pilots got up to in the warm night air, and not everyone had taken the opportunity to sleep alone.

She would need to talk with Finn soon. They had to decide where this was going, if it was going anywhere more than friendship and comfort on cold nights. Their futures were unlimited paths winding out in all directions before them. She rather hoped they would intersect.

But not tonight.

Tonight Rey spread her own blanket out beneath one of the gigantic trees, far enough from the rest of her usual sleeping companions that for once, instead of heavy breathing from a dozen strange nostrils, all she heard was the clamor of the tree leaves in a high wind far above her. She sat for a while, listening, extending her senses to the fluttering heartbeats of the tiny birds who made their nests in the far canopy, and the thick thrum of the sap in the mighty trunks. So much life around her, different from where she'd ever lived, and no others surrounding her, different from how she'd gotten used to sleeping. Rey thought she might not get any rest at all tonight.

She was asleep as soon as her head hit the thin pillow.

* * *

The house lay in ruins, the roof fallen in and open to the elements. Mold and worse grew on the floors she'd once dashed across barefoot. Sticky things clung to the walls. The wreck of her office included only a fine mulch remaining of all her intricate schematics.

Ben stood in the living room, staring at the broken windows. If it was Ben.

"Tell me," she said.

"We sold the house," he said, not turning to her. "I was eleven, and it was time to move again. The new owners lived here seven years before a bad storm hit. It wasn't worth salvaging, not to them. I went back a few years ago and found it like this." He kicked out at a rotten wall. "Nothing good ever lasts."

The tone was angry and petulant. Not Ben. He'd been a dream, concocted between them: the man Kylo could never be, and the lover Rey would never have. She must be on her guard.

"How long were you asleep?"

He faced her. "Four days. I remember it all, five long years of nonsense. I can't imagine why I didn't catch on sooner."

"You didn't want to. You wanted the life where everything worked out."

"That was foolish and weak."

"Why are we here? Surely you haven't taken another dose."

He folded his arms. "I imagine the narcotic is still in my bloodstream. By tomorrow, it should be gone. I can only hope."

"You called me here." She let her eyes catch on the destruction surrounding her. He always brought pain.

"I didn't."

"You said you remember." A flare of hope burned inside her, and she tried to extinguish it. The General had held out a similar hope, and had lost her husband bargaining on that hope. Rey could not allow herself to believe her own husband still lived. "You came back here."

"I was happy here," he said, voice tight.

She wouldn't let herself show the ache. "So was I." She let herself walk closer to him, standing so near she could feel his fever-hot body. She'd pressed her lips against every inch of his skin. He'd traced the shapes of ancient runes into the smooth flesh of her back with his mouth and fingers. They'd crashed into one another, drifting each inside the other's mind, drinking deep of the other's joy as they touched.

The man beside her remembered everything.

He was also very good at reading her mind. "I can't be him. He wasn't real." She sensed his disdain for the person he'd become while trapped inside his own dream. Deeper under his thought, much deeper, she sensed the disgust was only another mask, turned back on himself. Kylo Ren had kicked and punched and shoved the part of him that had been the man Rey loved down into the darkest part of his mind, but even shackled, Ben stared back, judging him.

"You can leave the First Order. Finn defected. That was Ben's first step."

"No. His first step was not killing his father. I can't come back from that." There were hundreds of others before that death. Rey felt them stretched out behind him in a grave shadow, and knew he felt them, too.

"Then move forward. If you can't be forgiven, become someone worthy of forgiveness." She closed her eyes and said her wish aloud. "Ben started out as you. You can become him."

Rey felt warm lips press against her hair. She paused, wanting to relax against him, wanting to feel his arms around her. She held as still as a tree.

"I can't," he said. For all his pretence, he couldn't hide his regret. For all his protests, he couldn't prevent the whisper of thought that followed, wondering if she was right.

When Rey opened her eyes, she stood in the ruined house alone.

* * *

end part one

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who chimed in on my question! I will be continuing the story here rather than starting a new one. The next part is with my beta and will be available soon. Stay tuned!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to part two. I have updated the warnings and the tags. Individual chapters will have content notes as they are posted. Thank you once more to MaryPseud, who turned around the beta of this in record time.

Rey drank her caf cold this morning, choosing to ignore the bitter taste. She gulped one small vitamin tablet, washing it down with a long drink. She refilled her mug and stumbled from the galley to the cockpit, where Chewbacca was already confirming their position. The _Millennium Falcon_ was set to rendezvous with a supply convoy here in a few hours. The Resistance had the credits to pay, and banked on the goodwill of their suppliers to get a decent price. Rey and Chewie didn't need to negotiate. They only needed to trade the credits for the food.

"Any word?" she asked.

He shrugged and said the convoy would contact them as soon as they left hyperspace and not before. He asked if Rey was that eager to get back to the base.

"I've got training to do." Luke could have come with them, but Chewbacca had also brought Luke back several texts when he'd rejoined the Resistance a few days ago. Luke wanted the chance to devour them in peace. Chewie knew that, and he'd been brought up to speed on the rest of what had happened during his absence. He fixed her with a stare until she said, "I have to go back, even if I don't want to."

Rey had spent the last several weeks dreaming about another life, and she'd spent the last month lying to her friends to avoid questions. Her deception had come out when she'd been forced to dive back inside the dream to save them all from a First Order attack. Everyone had been very kind, which turned out to be so much worse than facing their anger. Rey had betrayed her friends' trust, had endangered their security, yet instead of facing a dressing down from everyone she knew, she'd been patted on the head and told it wasn't her fault.

Hot words, even disciplinary action, these she could have accepted as outer consequences for her internal treason. Instead, she had to face her guilt alone and without the assuaging knowledge that she'd been punished. She'd volunteered for this mission with Chewbacca to escape her own self-recrimination.

Also, he was the only one she hadn't lied to.

Chewbacca offered to yell at her if it would make her feel better.

"Thanks." She checked the coordinates again, and saw his knowing look at the useless, distracting act. "What did you bring Luke? I didn't get a good look."

He shrugged. Luke had found a source for some Jedi stuff. He'd always been researching that sort of thing, traveling from world to world as he followed rumors and stories. Chewie had joined him on many a mission, he and Han providing the transportation to and occasional escape from Luke's latest find. Rey listened, imagination soaring, as Chewie mentioned a particularly nasty trip into the heart of an ancient Jedi temple on Hanoon which had turned out to be an ancient Sith temple instead. The Sith held strong views about intrepid explorers coming late to steal their loot, and had provided plenty of traps which had almost ended Luke's Jedi career less than a year after it began.

"Is that where you found the artifacts you brought him?"

Chewbacca shook his head. You couldn't pay him to go back there. The things he'd found for Luke had come from Maz, he said, who had suppliers Chewie was happy not to get the names of. If they wanted to risk their necks or neck-equivalents in poking through old Sith temples and Jedi outposts for books and holocrons and machines, more power to them.

Back at the base, Chewbacca had unloaded a fairly large crate. Rey had only seen a few books and the palm-sized computer which she had to operate each night before she went to sleep which acted as an artificial mental shield, preventing her dreams from being invaded again.

She was glad her mind was safe. She hated the man who'd yanked her into his own ongoing vision of a life not as terrible as the one he'd made for himself. She would never risk allowing him close to her again, no matter how much she missed the person he'd been inside the dream. The brighter, kinder twin he could have been had sacrificed himself to save her life. If she still dreamed about Ben from time to time, a real dream from her own mind which faded in the morning, meaningless and sad, then that was her business.

* * *

Their rendezvous with the supply ships was behind schedule and less easy than she'd been led to believe. Chewbacca understood a dozen languages but only spoke two, and neither was Basic. Rey understood him well enough but she hadn't processed that she would be the main contact for the trade.

Her contact was not the sleaziest human she'd ever met, not even in the top twelve. Nevertheless, her frown deepened each time Mard Pelonian spoke, and each time his eyes drifted over her simple work clothes, as though enough staring would pierce a hole through. "I'm sure we settled on six hundred credits," he said.

The General had been very clear. "Five." She didn't like haggling. She'd never once won an argument about price back on Jakku.

Pelonian leaned forward. "Give us a kiss and I'll make it five and a half, just for you."

Rey turned her head. "Chewbacca, you heard the man. Give him a kiss." The trader pulled away sharply as Chewie leaned down, a grin on his furry face. Rey said, "How about we say five hundred and my copilot doesn't kiss you?"

Ten minutes later, with her cargo and a disappointed Wookiee, Rey sent them back into hyperspace.

* * *

She knew something was wrong as soon as they entered the system. Their new base was well-hidden, requiring a specific knowledge of the location even to approach the planet correctly. Nothing appeared awry from orbit. Nevertheless, Rey felt an unease as soon as they dropped out of hyperspace, and her worry only grew as she brought in the _Falcon_ for a landing.

_"Luke, what's wrong?"_

She hadn't really expected an answer. Her mental communication abilities were sporadic, only working when she was near him. She'd stopped listening when she heard his mind say, _"It's not urgent, but you should join us in the Command Center when you can."_

Chewie nudged her. Rey said, "Something's wrong. I don't think anyone's dead. Come on."

They left the supply unloading to the techs, who were already approaching the ship. "Here's the manifest," Rey said to the first person she saw, practically shoving it into the woman's surprised hands.

"We need to inventory," the woman said, but Rey was already hurrying towards the Command Center. Chewbacca tapped the woman on the shoulder and said he could help with the inventory, to which she said, "Huh?"

"You need to come, too," Rey told him as she ran. She had a feeling she wasn't the one who'd been summoned.

Rey's heels skidded as she reached her destination, Chewbacca close behind. She calmed her breathing as she walked the last few meters. "I was asked to come here," she said before anyone could shoo her out, although one look at her companion appeared to stop that impulse just as quickly.

"In there," said Lt. Daylon, gesturing.

Rey opened the door, worry growing stronger with every breath. Something was definitely wrong. She saw Luke first, and saw his eyes flick up to Chewbacca, bringing on a warm smile. "Come in, and close the door. Rey, you should probably stay, too."

The General sat at a table beside Rey's friend Poe, both scrutinizing a datapad. Only the three of them were in the room, and when Rey and Chewbacca joined them, it made five as the door shut.

She reached out, looking for Finn's mind. She sensed him in the landing bay, safe. Ever since he'd qualified to fly, he'd spent every spare minute learning more about all the ships he could get his hands on. He wasn't injured or missing. Her worry faded a little as she took the chair beside Luke's.

Chewie asked what had happened.

The General said, "We received a distress call about an hour ago. Disabled ship in the Corva Sector."

"That's not close," Rey said. Their last base had been on the edge of the Corva Sector, before their enemies had found them. Most of the other Resistance members thought they'd been found out by a false flag attack on a nearby system but Rey knew in her bones she must have been the one to give up their location.

"No, there are plenty of systems between them and us," said the General "But this one specifically is calling for the Resistance. They were attacked by the First Order."

Poe said, "They claim to have been attacked." He pushed the datapad over for Rey and Chewie to take a look. The ship's coordinates were there. So was the information on the attackers. The survivors claimed to have been fired on by Kylo Ren's personal ship.

The First Order wouldn't have let them get away. There was no way they could have known whose ship it was. They were requesting help directly from the Resistance from a position recently vacated by them. Rey pushed the datapad back. "It's a trap."

"Give the girl a prize," said the General. "It took you at least three more minutes to figure that out."

"I wanted to be sure," Poe said, although with a mixture of kind humor and deference.

Luke said, "We're sure. It's far too neat. What we don't know is why."

"He's trying to draw you out," the General said to her brother. "He's assuming we'll jump on anything connected to him. He thinks I'll send you to investigate."

Poe said, "At which point, you'll be ambushed, captured, or killed."

Chewie volunteered instantly to go instead. Luke patted his arm. "I don't think you'd be a good choice, either. He'd straight out try to kill you." Chewie shrugged and folded his arms, and said the cub was welcome to try.

Rey sat back, watching them. She and Chewbacca had come in late. They'd clearly been discussing this for a while. An obvious trap could be ignored. They could have ended the conversation even before the _Falcon_ touched down, before Rey had asked and Luke had called. Which meant there was more.

"You're considering setting your own trap."

"Two prizes," said the General. "If Ben wants a fight, we'll do it on our terms." Rey controlled her face. She wasn't the only one who had trouble distinguishing the monster from his lost better side. "Now that you're back, we have two things we know he wants desperately. He wants that ship, and he wants your lightsaber. If we make him think he can get them, he'll try, and that's when we catch him."

This wasn't a full committee meeting. More voices would have pointed out that capture was unlikely and in fact dangerous, and the best course of action would be to put Kylo Ren down like a sick animal. She could tell Poe itched to say so, but even without Jedi powers, he could read the others' faces as well as Rey did. They intended to take Ren alive.

"I'll go," she said. "He knows I've got the lightsaber."

She wouldn't think about the last time they spoke, meeting in the last shards of a dying vision. She wouldn't think about her plea to Kylo Ren to return Ben to her, or the feel of his lips against her hair before he vanished. She wouldn't wonder. She would help her friends capture their enemy.

"I'm not sure that's our best plan," said Luke. Rey wondered if he heard the thoughts she tried to bury.

"Don't trust me?"

"Don't trust him. If this goes sour, he's got a grudge against you, too."

"Name someone he doesn't have a grudge against that we can send in."

Poe said, "I was going to fly the mission."

"He hates you, too," said the General, not even looking up from her datapad.

Chewbacca said it was settled. He and Rey would go. That would be more than enough bait to draw Ren out, and he expected plenty of backup as soon as they did.

"I'm going, too," Luke said to Rey. "Don't argue. If it doesn't work, the two of us have a better chance of stopping him than either alone."

The General said, "Or he'll blow all three of you out of the sky."

"Or he will," Luke agreed. "At which point, Commander Dameron may feel free to do as he's thinking anyway."

"It's just a backup plan," Poe said as his boss turned to him.

"He can't come back to this system," she said. "If this works, we have to contain him away from here. Best case scenario, as soon as he's free from the First Order's influence, Ben immediately rejoins the Light, and an hour later, someone with a good memory shoots him in the head. Worst case, we've got an undetonated bomb with superpowers who just found out the location of our base."

"We'll get Ben," Luke said, standing. "You find a place for us to bring him."

* * *

At best speed, they wouldn't arrive for almost a full day, even with the little tricks Chewbacca had been teaching her for edging out faster routes with the freighter's souped-up engines. Rey checked the course again, then went into the passenger area. Luke sat there, waiting patiently, eyes closed. He'd spent most of their journey back from Ahch-To in this same position, listening to conversations he'd shared with his friends ten years before Rey was born.

"You could fly her for a while. If you want to."

"I never had the knack. I've flown her before, and I'm pretty good with most ships I've tried, but this one is special. She'll let me handle the controls, but she prefers her other pilots more." Luke's thoughts, open to her here, pictured the spirit of the _Millennium Falcon_ as a graceful queen. She'd had plenty of suitors, but she chose her lovers with care. "She likes you, you know."

"Does she have an AI like the droids?"

"Not that I know of. But you can sense it, can't you?"

Rey could. When everything was aligned, the ship was her own person, part of Luke's odd and broken family. Rey wondered if she knew she was being used to lure out another family member.

Luke picked up her thought. "Are you going to be all right? You can stay back in the cockpit. He just has to hear you answer the distress beacon. He never needs to see you."

"I'll be fine," Rey said, hoping she wasn't lying, and carefully raising her mental shields in case she was lying to herself. "I've fought him before."

"He spent weeks inside your head. You don't know what he left there." Luke's eyes were kind. His voice was kind. He was always kind. It made her want to scream at times.

"No, I spent weeks inside his. I can handle this. I'm not afraid." His eyebrows went up, and she could see there was something on the tip of his tongue he wouldn't say.

"All right," he said instead.

"Tell me something I can use to fight him."

He studied her. "You just said you spent those weeks inside his head. Surely you've come up with a few ideas on your own."

She had, but she wasn't sure her weapons carried weight in the real world. She'd grown used to someone named Ben, someone quick to irritation but not to anger, someone who'd put her needs ahead of his own even when it hurt him to do so. She knew the foods he liked to eat, and the music he liked to listen to, and the way his face lit up when he saw Rey step into the room. She knew the taste of his mouth, and the way he liked to drag the back of his fingers up the skin of her thighs. But none of it had been real. None of it had been Kylo Ren.

"The part of him I met hated the person he is now. I'm not sure there's enough of that man left to help us."

"That's a shame."

After they had fled Basteel, Luke had listened patiently as Rey finally told him nearly everything. He'd let her gloss over the more embarrassing details although she suspected he'd guessed correctly what she was leaving out. When she'd finished her story, he told her that he and his sister had the same issue. They knew who and what Kylo Ren was, but neither of them could stop seeing the better person he could have been.

Now Luke said, "He's spoiled, though I think you know that. Once he's decided he wants something, he won't stop until he's found a way to get it. You've got two heirlooms he thinks should be his."

"I don't understand. You've been nothing but kind to me. The General ought to be hard as plastisteel, but I've seen her act just as gently. I barely knew Han, but he wasn't a bad person. What happened?"

"You can be a good person and still make bad decisions." Luke was back in another time, his eyes focused on sights Rey would never know. "The three of us grew up very differently. Han was an orphan. He had no family and nothing to his name except what he begged or stole. I was raised by people who loved me. We never starved but we never had much to spare. Leia grew up with everything she could have wanted, a beautiful home, a family, and more wealth than either of us ever dreamed of. Luckiest of all, she was raised by parents who loved her enough to understand when to say no. It's amazing we all got along." The half-sad smile he wore more often than he knew came back. "After Ben was born, they had two very different ideas of how to raise a child, and I had my own. Leia tended to step in when it was time to say no to Ben. Han and I never mastered that trick. Both of us remembered what it was like to go without, and we wanted him to have everything we never did."

"That's not a bad thing," Rey said. She'd grown up with nothing. She would have welcomed the life Luke described.

"You'd think. Did you ever have any sweets when you were small?"

She nodded. "Once. There was a trader whose ship was damaged. He gave out sticky treats to everyone to keep them from gumming up his cargo bay as they melted." She could still remember the taste of sugary sweetness cascading over her tongue.

"Now imagine eating sweets all day, every day. You'd get ill. But unless someone told you first, and tried to stop you, you'd do it anyway because you wouldn't know better. Ben didn't grow up with a lot of rules except what Leia insisted on, and Leia had to work. So did Han, and so did I, which meant we weren't good at enforcing things like bedtimes when we were all home. Chewie's kids were already grown, and the times he lived with us, he wasn't going to be the one who told Ben no. The only person who was always with him was Threepio."

"Droids are good for keeping order."

"Normally, yes. But my father built Threepio when he was nine years old, and Ben could run rings around him by the time he was five."

Rey thought. She'd known much of this already, and the rest made sense in context. Luke obviously felt guilty for his own part in spoiling his nephew.

"In a normal home, this would have meant trouble," he said. "He'd have had run-ins with the law, probably stolen a ship or two. He might have eventually grown out of it. But Ben was born special. He's had amazing gifts his whole life. After I left to set up the school, Leia and Han asked me to train him. They were worried, and so was I. As you've noticed, Jedi training isn't easy. There's a lot of frustration, and a lot of discipline. I had to learn to tell him no fast. We all hoped it would help him find his way. We didn't know he'd already made a new friend who told him he could have all the sweets he wanted just by using his powers. We didn't give him the tools he needed to choose the right path."

Kylo Ren was enraged whenever he was denied something. Rey hoped she could use that anger against him the next time they faced each other.

* * *

They dropped out of hyperspace one system over from the disabled ship. On a locked channel, they discussed the plan one more time, then Rey took the ship on a quick hop to the next system. She flipped over to the public band. "Freighter _Korlon_ , this is the _Millennium Falcon_. We have received your distress call and are here to help. What is your status?"

" _Millennium Falcon_ , this is _Korlon_. Thank you. Our main engine has been damaged, and our life support is running out. Request passage for the crew to the nearest world to obtain equipment for repairs. If you've got a tractor beam, that would be helpful, too." The voice was unfamiliar, but that meant nothing.

"No tractor beam. As soon as we confirm your damage, we'll send an umbilical connection. You crew may come aboard. How many can we expect?" Chewbacca scanned the other ship. Engine damage, check. Life support readings flickering, check.

"Five."

"You said you ran into the First Order?"

"We did, and I'll be happy to tell you the full story as soon as we're clear."

I'm sure, she thought. "My copilot will meet you at the airlock. He's eight feet tall and furry. Don't shoot."

"Affirmative."

She let Chewie lead the way to the airlock, where Luke waited quietly, just out of sight. Nerves jittered through her. This sounded genuine, but it was probably a trap. She would open the hatch, and instead of relieved spacers, she'd reveal a cold, black mask, and all her nightmares would come back.

Chewie opened the airlock and told the crew of the other ship to come aboard. No one waited there.

From down the other ship's corridor, someone said, "Can you come help us? We've got a man down."

Definitely a trap.

Chewie muttered that this was foolish, and he wasn't going to waste his life waiting for someone to attack him. Rey said, "Then stay with the ship. You know the plan." Luke brushed his arm, nodding at him, before going through the hatch. He lit his lightsaber to shine the way through the dark ship. Rey followed him, keeping hers at her side.

They were halfway down the corridor when she sensed more than heard the breathless slide of a third form out of the airlock. Luke shouted, "We're here. Where are you?"

"This way," said the voice.

Rey couldn't see anything in the gloom except what was illuminated by the green glow. Shadows loomed from yawning compartments, occasionally lit by a spark of exposed wiring. This ship wasn't dying, it was dead and bleeding out, no more salvageable than the wrecks Rey grew up scavenging.

She heard the click an instant before the red lightsaber swung for Luke's head. Luke was faster, much faster than she'd expected. Rey jumped back to avoid being slaughtered.

"I was hoping you'd come," said Kylo Ren. He wasn't wearing his mask, face gone eerie in the glow of his own blade. "I felt you approaching."

"I never could resist an open invitation," Luke said, continuing to parry him. "Where are the crew?"

"Long gone." Whether that meant dead or shipped off to a First Order work prison, Rey didn't know. She stepped back further, stretching her senses, listening.

"You could have sent a note." Luke didn't sound fazed, not out of breath, not disturbed by the quick flash of the blade coming at him. "Your mother would appreciate a letter from time to time."

"I'll be sure to include one when I send your body back."

The taunt didn't seem to bother Luke, but Rey felt it itch in the angry place behind her own shoulders, the sorrow she'd carried since her own unwilling part in Han's death. No matter who this creature looked like, he was the same killer who'd murdered her friend and wanted to do the same to Luke.

Rey lit her own lightsaber. "You won't have that chance."

Ren's body jerked mid-swing, pausing his attack to stare at her. "Rey?"

"Looking for this?"

His eyes went to her hands, and the hilt of her blade, then back to her face. He didn't have to reply. She couldn't sense his thoughts and she didn't need to.

He opened his mouth to say something, no doubt what he thought was clever or cutting. She never knew what. Kylo Ren convulsed and collapsed, his blade extinguishing as it hit the floor.

Behind him, Poe gestured with his stunner again, but the crumpled form at his feet showed no sign of stirring. "I used the highest setting. I wanted to be sure."

Luke bent down, checking for a pulse. His thoughts were shielded from her, but she knew when he was trying not to look sad. "He's out cold."

Poe pulled Rey's personal shield from his pocket, and switched it off. Instantly, she felt his mental presence. "This is amazing."

"It's useful," Luke said, lifting Ren over his shoulder far more easily than Rey had imagined. "We need to get him back to the _Falcon_ before he wakes up. Commander, Chewie, please sweep the ship to check for any real survivors. I don't think we'll find any but we should be sure. Rey, with me." She grabbed the fallen lightsaber and clipped it to her belt.

As she followed Luke, she saw Ren's slackened face in the uneven light of her blue blade and for one moment, she let herself believe it was Ben.


	10. Chapter 10

The docking bay reluctantly opened and allowed Rey to guide the _Falcon_ in. Darkness surrounded her, pierced with small, yellow lights that suggested more than they revealed. This out of the way space station was old and ill-kept, an orbital platform to serve the now-abandoned gas mines far below them.

"Leia called in a favor," Luke had explained, more to Chewbacca than to Rey.

Leia wasn't the one waiting for them as they landed. A human, a man about Luke's age or a little older, waited for them while the ramp lowered. Chewie growled a greeting.

"It's good to see you, too." He nodded at Luke as he descended. "How long has it been?"

"Too long," Luke agreed, and they embraced. The mild, ever-present grief Rey tried not to notice in Luke came surging back, and his friend echoed that same pain. "Thank you."

"You only ever had to ask." They separated. The man gave Rey a wink. "You must be Rey. I've heard a lot about you, but not that you were gorgeous."

A blush started on her neck and covered her face as the man took her hand for a quick hello. "Uh, hi."

"Quit it," Luke said, elbowing his friend gently. "Rey, this is Lando. He's an old friend who won't admit he'd old enough to be your grandfather. That ship you're flying used to be his."

Lando turned to him. "She's flying my ship?"

Chewie explained, with some emphasis, that he and Leia had agreed it was his ship now and he could let anyone fly it he so pleased. Then he patted Lando's head fondly.

"Fine. Your ship, your rules. But this is my space station. I bought it four years ago."

Rey gazed around herself in disbelief. "On purpose?" Chewbacca expressed a similar skepticism regarding the word 'bought.'

"I had my reasons," Lando said, and never once did he ever share with her what those reasons were.

"Where's Leia?" Luke asked.

"Getting the cell ready. She's gone back and forth between putting in pillows and adding spikes to the floor." He sighed. "Where's the little bastard?"

"Under guard." Back aboard the ship, Poe sat with a blaster pointed at Ren's head. Rey wasn't sure Luke knew the weapon was set on Disintegrate. Ren had been out cold for most of the trip, only waking a few minutes ago to discover his predicament. Rey had deliberately avoided looking at him where he lay bound, and she hadn't waited around to hear his complaints. "Is the cell ready for him?"

"Other than the pillows? I think so. But Luke," Lando said, face drawn into worry, "the last I heard, we didn't have a good way of holding him anywhere he didn't want to be."

Chewie said they had a way now.

"Rey," Luke said, "will you please ask Commander Dameron to bring Ben out here?"

She nodded, partially to hide her twitch. She went back aboard. "It's time."

Poe tugged Ren up by the cuffed hands behind his back. "On your feet."

"Why?"

"Because I don't feel like carrying you."

Ren stood. His hair was mussed from where he'd slept in a graceless heap on the floor. The collar around his throat looked like a stiff necklace, an inelegant piece of dull metal jewelry offset by his dark hair and dark clothing. He twisted his head from side to side as if to dislodge it, but Rey had seen the fastening. The lock was unbreakable and Luke held the only key. 

Rey led the way, and Poe followed behind. She felt Ren's eyes watching her. She couldn't feel his presence, not at all, even when she reached out to touch his mind. Her external shield merely covered the owner. This collar deadened the Force inside it, cutting off the wearer from the ebb and flow of the Force. Ren was an empty hole in the universe, unable to touch the source of his powers. He'd been trapped inside his own mind for five years with only himself for company until he'd pulled her in with him. She wondered if this felt similar.

He hesitated as they reached the bottom of the gangplank. "Oh good. The circus grows. Should I expect C-3PO to walk in juggling balls?"

"Ben," said Lando with a curt nod. Rey sensed his anger, bottled now, and a strange gathering of regrets. "You should know, your mom thinks you're not completely lost. Luke, too. Now me, I'm more than happy to decompress whatever section of this station you're in at the time. You're in my house. Try to behave."

Ren rolled his eyes, either disbelieving the threat or not caring. Poe jostled him. "Move."

They walked together through the dim corridors, Rey rapidly losing her sense of direction. This station hadn't been built by or for humans, and the species who'd lived here favored ovals and oblongs. Darkened hallways jutted off at disconcerting angles from each other, rising and falling and switching back.

"Through here," said Lando, leading them into the old security area. "Half the station lacks power, but this place never went down, even a decade after it was abandoned."

The reason for this became apparent. There were multiple cells. One of them was already occupied. Rey could see in through the small window, but there was little to see.

"He's been in there since before the Mining Guild abandoned this place," Lando explained later, over their slim dinner and stale caf. "He's been sleeping the whole time." The enormous alien, who took up half the cell with his girth alone, breathed slowly, perhaps once an hour. "I don't even know what will happen when he finally wakes up. Some of the miners thought it would be the end of everything if he ever did."

"Alvo is the last of his kind," the General would tell her, holding her own caf. "His people sailed the galaxy a long, long, long time ago. He's not dangerous. He's just sleeping."

For now, all Rey saw was his bulk, a shadow outlined in more shadows, two cells away from where the General waited.

"I decided on one pillow," she said, staring at Ren. "The floor is hard but you've slept on worse."

The horrible moment stretched out. Rey remembered the other world, the other life, where Leia had come to their home and embraced her son. She'd given him hints about grandchildren, and pamphlets from New Republic orphanages, and she'd told him how proud she was of him. There was nothing of that easy affection here, not now. In that dream world, Han had lived. In this reality, he hadn't, and the Ben she remembered had never existed.

"How long do you intend to keep me here?"

"Until you're sane, or until you die of old age. This station has automated systems that will keep you locked away for the next seventy years."

"No due process? No appeal?" His tone mocked rather than pleaded.

"Oh, you'll have the chance to appeal. I've set aside plenty of time for us to talk." She gestured towards the cell. Poe nudged Ren. Rey didn't let herself breathe until he was in the cell with the door locked. Even so, she expected a trick or a trap, but Ren only looked around himself in the nearly-empty room, frowned, and sat in one corner. His hands had been freed but no amount of tugging would loosen the collar from his throat, and he didn't bother trying while they watched.

For just a moment, he met Rey's eyes. She couldn't read his mind, could only guess at his expression, but as she moved away from the window, she felt uneasy at the calculating amusement she saw.

* * *

Their base was only two hours away by hyperdrive. Rey spent her time trying to pry out a better answer from Poe and Chewbacca. "But why aren't we staying?"

"This will allay suspicion better," Poe said with a sigh, having explained this before. "The Resistance will see us around, will see the General around, will see Luke around. We have other missions. No one will wonder why we're gone for months, because we won't be."

She didn't like this answer any better than the last two times he'd given it to her, and she doubted he was interested in repeating himself a fourth.

"Just stick to the plan. We'll be signalled in a few days. Two of us will go and one will bring the General back, probably me. It makes more sense for you to be away with Luke for a while. And don't tell a soul, not even the droids."

That was important. Luke had worked carefully with Threepio, who had his own network of droids he used as contacts and gossip. Threepio had been told via subspace his former young master had been killed in a reckless skirmish, and that Luke and Leia would be away for a some time to attend to their own mourning period for him and his late father. Luke believed this would spread through the droid network and reach the First Order. Without any ability to hear Ren's thoughts, even their Force sensitives would believe he'd died.

A perfect trap, a perfect prison, and a sentence that would last the rest of his natural life.

Rey daren't raise an objection. This was the most merciful resolution Luke or his sister could give her lost child. Rey told herself she would have killed him cleanly, but part of her doubted the resolve.

Finn greeted them in the landing bay, taking Rey into a quick hug. "I haven't seen you in a week. Where've you been?"

"Secret mission," Poe said, clasping hands with him as he disembarked. Chewbacca followed him and received what Finn probably thought was a respectful nod rather than a frightened head bob.

"What kind of secret mission?"

"A secret one," Poe said, louder. "We'll all have those now and then. Rey, can you help me with this?" He didn't really need help off-loading their bags from the _Falcon_ , only needed to get her alone. "As your commanding officer, not that you ever listen to me, let me remind you again that 'secret' does not mean 'except for my best friend.' It means secret."

She nodded. "Understood."

"Good. Without Luke here for the next several days, I'll expect to see you with the rest of the pilots."

"Yes, sir." She followed him back down the ramp. "Did we miss anything good?"

"You missed steak night in the mess yesterday. Lodal finally asked Arn out. We've had sixteen new pilots join up. Nothing else much." Finn had accepted the 'secret' order without further question, but he would. He'd been raised to this. Rey would be going mad with curiosity.

"Steak night?" she asked wistfully. "It's been nothing but rations bars for the last week."

"They might have leftovers," he offered. "Once you're unloaded, we can go see."

* * *

Finn didn't ask, even when they were alone. He'd been the one she would have thought the most angry with her after her deception, and keeping things from him now couldn't help. Rey herself was the first to break down. "I want to tell you. I really do."

"It's fine. Military secrets. If you tell me, I'll tell Testor, and the next thing you know, everyone will know we're secretly building our own Starkiller." He hesitated. "We're not, right?"

She almost told him no, of course not, and instead smiled slightly. "Secret."

"Right." And like that, he let it go.

This base wasn't the chilly prison Basteel had been. Warm breezes circulated under the tall trees, promising the end of spring and a hot, humid summer awaiting them. Most pilots slept right outside, not even bothering with the makeshift barracks. She kept her own bedroll close to his, enjoying his presence and letting him share in the cloaking effect of her private shield. Sometimes Poe threw down his roll next to theirs. Sometimes he didn't, leaving her to wonder if he was sharing with someone else they hadn't met, or if he was just busy with more work too secret to tell the two youngsters he'd grown so fond of.

Rey liked the nights it was just her and Finn. They could chat while the brightly-flashing insects drifted by, shining their abdominal lamps in a quest for a mate, and they'd each fall asleep listening to the other's voice. She'd grown used to sleeping in a pile of huddled bodies these last few months after a long life of being alone. Even one friend nearby was a comfort.

"Why aren't you mad at me?" she asked, as they counted the flickering lights.

"Because it's a secret?"

"Not that. For what happened back on Basteel." Embarrassment flushed her. "I didn't tell you the truth about what was going on. Why aren't you angry?"

"I am," he said, not looking at her. "I'm furious at him for dragging you into his creepy little head and messing with you. I don't know how you dealt with it. I would have thought I was cracking up." Finn turned to her. "I'm not going to be mad at you for something that happened to you."

"I handled it badly."

"Yeah, you did. So don't do that again, okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

Rey filled her days training with the rest of the pilots. She'd never been part of a team before, except on the rare occasions Unkar Plutt had put together a group to scout a new site. Back then, she'd been in competition with the other scavengers as they fought to pluck the best finds from the wreck. Everything was different here. They worked together as a unit, learning group tactics and rehearsing maneuvers in squads. She'd never had to rely on someone else, and had trouble staying in her formation, a trick which Finn excelled at in his own ship. She was even shown up by some of the new recruits, and that hurt. Rey had been with the Resistance for months.

"You just have to practice," Finn told her when they were back on the ground. "Don't stray from your partners. They're watching out for you, and you're watching out for them."

"I keep expecting them to shoot me."

"They won't. You need to learn to trust the people around you." Rey watched him warily until he sighed and took her hand. She was getting used to this, though she wasn't ready to tell him she enjoyed it.

They went to one of the tall trees near a place both liked to lay their bedrolls, and Finn persuaded her to climb up with him. They reached one of the lower branches, about five meters up. She'd climbed more dizzying heights inside her wrecked Destroyer, and was a little amused by the vertigo on his face.

Finn gingerly stood on the narrow branch. "Stand up." Rey climbed to her feet, feeling the precarious balance under her. "Now close your eyes."

"Are you bonkers?"

"No. I want you to trust me."

She gulped in air, then shut her eyes tightly. "All right." Holding her hand, Finn began to walk with her along the branch. "Finn!"

"You're fine."

"We're going to fall." She could feel the weird swaying of her stomach as they stepped out further. She was afraid the branch wouldn't hold them. She was afraid of slipping. Finn kept her hand.

"We're not. I've got you. You're safe."

She took another careful step. "I can't." She opened her eyes. Up here, she was surrounded by the graceful swaying of the green branches around them, and a hot breeze warmed her face.

"You can," he said. "Maybe not today, but you can. You're a good pilot. Everyone knows that."

Rey knew it, too. That knowledge didn't stop her quick jealousy when their flight instructor praised Finn and some new recruit, and only gave Rey notes for next time. Never mind that she knew Finn had been practicing every moment he could while she'd been busy with Jedi training. Never mind that the Twi'lek who'd earned the highest marks was fifteen years older than Rey and had been flying since she'd been a child. Rey recognized her own limitations. She didn't have to like those failings in herself.

"I'll try," she said, because she knew it would pull out a smile, and she loved seeing Finn smile.

* * *

The call came four days later. Poe found her in the mess and tapped her shoulder. "Time to go."

She glanced over. Finn was still getting his food. "Can I tell him we're going?"

"Best not to. Come on."

She didn't stop to wave, but did stop to gather as much of her dinner in her hands as she could carry and bolt down along the way. She hoped she wouldn't be gone long. Perhaps Poe would stay on the abandoned station, and she could ferry someone back.

* * *

"Good to see you," said the General, voice clipped as they came down the ramp together. "Where's Chewbacca?"

"You didn't ask for him, ma'am," said Poe. "I can ask him to come."

"Don't. I'll be home before he could get here. I thought I'd requested he come with you."

"You may have. My mistake, General."

She shook her head. "Don't do that, Commander. I forgot. I'm allowed to forget." She nodded to Rey. "Expect to stay for about a week. There's running water, and don't let Lando tell you there isn't. He just hates having to climb down to switch on the valve."

Poe glanced around himself. "He really bought this place on purpose? He didn't win it in a game?"

"He'd have bragged if he'd won it." Leia followed his gaze around the cold, unpleasant architecture of the decayed station. "Probably. Rey, make sure Luke remembers to eat. He's doing that thing again."

"Yes, ma'am." Leia boarded the ship before Rey could ask what thing.

No one else had come to meet her. Rey shouldered her bag and went back through the serpentine corridors, trying to retrace the same path she'd made days ago. In the dark.

This was a test.

She closed her eyes and opened her mind. There. Luke's easygoing presence wasn't far off. She followed the path towards him, getting turned around only once. The corridors lit up as she approached the prison area. Lando sat at a table, deep in a datapad, working on something. He gave her a quick wave. "He said you'd find your way back. He's in there."

"The General said he's doing a thing."

"Yeah. He does that." He waved her on, returning to his datapad and frowning. "Taxes," he would explain later. "You own things, you pay a little. You buy things, you pay a little. The Republic gets their share and civilization goes on as we know it. I own a lot of things. It gets complicated fast." Rey had never really owned anything in her life. She didn't own the uniform she wore, or the ship she flew. She could only nod along.

Now she made her way into the next room, where Luke sat, eyes closed.

"Any trouble finding your way?"

"A little. Were you guiding me?"

"No, just letting you know where I was. You're getting better."

"Thanks." She set her knapsack down. "Are we training?"

"We will be. I'm resting now. You can take a run around the dark station if you want, but I wouldn't advise it."

The prison cells were through another door. "Any luck?"

"No." Luke rubbed his face. "The only intel I have is what I already knew. Ben is very good at hurting people. He doesn't need weapons or his powers." His exhaustion lay as thick as syrup. Rey understood why she and Poe had been sent away. Clearly their prisoner had brought up as much painful family drama as he could, slicing and stabbing with his words. Lando had been friends with all of them for decades, and thus wouldn't be shocked by anything he heard. Chewie, too, but Rey guessed they wanted to give him more time before he and Ren were in a room together again.

"I can guard him for a while if you want to get some sleep. Or some food," she added, remembering the General's words.

"He doesn't need a guard. The cells will hold him forever. He needs someone to get through to him."

"Is that why I'm here?"

"No. I don't want you in there with him at all. He's a manipulator, Rey, and you've already given him too much ammunition against you. I don't want him to have any opportunity to use it. I need you here to help remind me why I shouldn't unlock that collar and dive into his brain myself."

"You can do that?"

"Maybe." He spread his hands. "Yes. I know the technique. I've never tried it. It's Dark Side magic, rewriting someone else from the inside out. I'm tempted. I could fix him." His eyes met hers. "It's a terrible idea, and also as soon as I popped off his collar, he'd murder me and the rest of you. Kindly remind me of that when I forget."

"Right. No messing with people's brains." She shook her finger at him, and he smiled.

"Thank you."

* * *

Luke spent much of the evening in Ren's cell. They had a camera feed, recording everything in the hope that Ren gave something away without realizing. Naturally, he knew this and looked at the camera directly whenever he could. "I'm not answering that," he said. "You can tell Mother I'm not answering it."

Lando pointed at the screen. "He's been talking at you and Chewie, too. I think with the collar on, he can't use his powers to tell who's here. Leia and Luke have told him no one else is allowed to visit him."

Rey watched the feed. "You haven't gone in?"

"I'm just here for the moral support, and to blow us all up if we need to."

She turned to him. "Seriously?"

"If I have to. I'd rather not." The way he said it made Rey certain he had an escape plan in mind, and after a while, she was sure he had at least two. "But we're not letting that kid loose on the galaxy again. He was powerful when he was a toddler. I've seen the damage he's done since. I met his grandfather, unfortunately. I know what we're up against."

She watched the screen again. Ren had turned away to look at Luke. He was putting on an arrogant face for his interrogation. Sometimes he dropped it, like another mask, and for those moments, she didn't see Kylo Ren.

"Do you think Luke can turn him back to the Light?"

Lando looked at her for a long moment. Rey wondered how much he'd been told about her, and about what had happened. "Do you?"

"No." Luke had guided him already, and his nephew had repaid that teaching with blood. Luke couldn't bring him back. His father had died trying. His mother might have a chance, although she'd seemed just as weary as Luke when she'd left. Chewie wanted him dead, and Lando was ready to blow the whole station just to keep him from getting free.

That didn't leave many options.

"It's not my job," she said aloud.

Lando's face pulled up in a little surprise. "I don't think anyone said it was."

She recalled her dream too clearly. Someone had.

* * *

The old crew quarters weren't comfortable. The bunks were hard and the lighting was strange. Nevertheless, Rey spread out her bedroll in one of the spare rooms and tried to get some sleep. She'd slept alone most of the nights in her life. The utter silence of the base bothered her, broken only by the occasional weird creak of metal and not by the comforting snores and mutters of other people.

She thought about Ren in his cell. Was he destroying his cell in a fit of rage? Was he reviewing his many sins and debating atonement? Was he sleeping, making those soft, breathy noises she'd grown used to as he turned, looking for a comfortable position? He fallen asleep first those nights they'd spent in the same bed, in the world that never was, reaching out to touch her even in his unconscious state. She wondered if he'd dreamed inside the dream. She never had. She wondered if he dreamed about her now, free of the mental trap he'd built for himself.

He didn't know if she was here or lightyears away. He couldn't sense her. She could tiptoe all the way up to the window in his cell and watch him, and he'd never know unless he happened to see her eyes.

* * *

In the morning, Luke appeared even more fatigued as Rey greeted him.

"Did you get any sleep?"

"Busy," he said with a weak smile. He chewed his rations bar with a thoughtful, distant expression.

Rey watched him while she nibbled at her own food to make it last. Luke had been a boy with boundless potential, full of dreams and fire, and eager to follow in the footsteps of his fallen father the Jedi Knight. He'd run headfirst into a quest to rescue a girl he'd never met, and he'd saved the whole Rebellion, all in the course of a few very crowded days. As he'd grown up, he'd unwrapped his own fractured history like peeling an egg, reaching to fix the mistakes of the past only to construct new ones. Now his own self-doubt always reserved the largest portions of blame for himself. He'd told Rey his part in Ren's downfall, but she had to wonder what he'd left out while he was occupied by his own guilt. Just like her own, his personal regrets had gnawed him like a slow, vicious worm.

"Friendly warning," said Lando. "Leia gave me orders to sedate you if you didn't rest." His eyes twinkled. Rey couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

"I'll rest later. I think Ben's close to cracking."

"He's not." Lando rubbed the few crumbs from his own hands, eyes briefly checking to see if there was some previously-undiscovered food left. He gave the impression of someone who preferred to dine on elegant, savory dishes and fine wines. Her second sight, which she was still developing and needed spectacles according to Finn, suggested that was precisely the impression Lando intended to give. "We've been keeping an eye on the monitor. That kid is just as stubborn as he's ever been. Take a break."

"There isn't time." Luke's voice was strained. He always kept up his mental shields, partly as training for Rey and partly as defense against her unwitting intrusions or Ren's intentional attacks. Now he let her see inside, just enough to show the intense worry.

"What's going on?" Lando asked.

Luke glanced at Rey. She said, "I can step outside."

He sighed. "Don't. You'll find out soon enough. Everyone will. Leia's received word that the First Order is planning something massive. Her spies say they're hunting for a weapon from one of the early civilizations, something out of legend."

Lando said, "They're wasting their time chasing shadows. Let them."

Rey thought quickly. "The Ladon'kres."

"We think so," said Luke. "They've already located one of their lost worlds."

"The Ladon'kres?" Lando asked. "That's just a nursery story."

"It's real," said Rey. "He knows about it. My parents talked about visiting there in my dream." They'd been off on an archaeological dig, searching for clues to the mysterious loss of the ancient culture. Ren must have seen reports.

Luke said, "I thought as much. That's why we need to find out what he knows. We need him on our side."

Lando said, "Luke, I know how much you care about Ben. You and Leia would retilt the galaxy for him, even after everything. I get it. But he's not coming home. At best, you're going to have to keep him locked up the rest of his life, either here or in a real prison. It's heartbreaking," he said, placing a hand on Luke's arm, seeing the pain on his friend's face. "Tell me you understand."

"I do. If he were anyone else, I would agree with you."

Rey said, "A Jedi isn't supposed to let personal attachment come ahead of the mission. You've told me that over and over."

"This isn't attachment," he told her, even as his eyes asked if she too was arguing with him about this. "I love Ben. I always will. I was there the day he was born, and I spent most of his life with him until he ran away. He is the closest thing I will ever have to a child of my own. But this isn't about feelings. Lando, what's the most powerful weapon you've gone up against?"

He sat back, thinking. "The second Death Star. I've heard the First Order had something that could outstrip it, but I never had to go toe to toe against it."

Luke nodded. "The most powerful weapon I ever faced was Palpatine. At this moment in time, the galaxy is balanced precariously between the forces of the Light, and the forces of the Dark Side, and three of the most powerful tools in the fight are on this space station right now. One's in a cell. If I can get through to him, if I can bring him back to us, we can win."

"He doesn't want to talk to you," Lando said.

And Rey knew. "He'll talk to me." She turned to Luke. "You saw him on the decoy ship. He hesitated when he saw me. I might be able to get him to open up. He's been fixated on me ever since we met."

"No."

"This will work."

"I don't want you going near him. You know things about him, but that means he knows things about you. He will cut you to the bone for fun." The weariness in his voice spoke volumes. Luke had been gutted like a fish over and over these past several days, yet he insisted on standing between Rey and the knife to spare her the same.

She wasn't sure what she'd done to deserve his bottomless kindness. She would do anything to repay it.

"He helped us before when I asked," she said. He'd been another person then, still impatient and irritated with everything, but kinder. "He'll listen to me."

Lando looked between them. "Why?"

"We were married for two years."

Disbelief rolled onto and smoothed off his face like a passing cloud. "Luke?"

"Long story," he said. "I still don't like it." That wasn't a no.

She pressed on. "You can watch me on the monitor the entire time. I won't be in any danger. I don't care if he says things to hurt me. They're just words." She placed her hands on the table. "Let me try." She made a fist with one, the flat surface cool under the side of her hand. "Besides, I kicked him to the ground the last time we fought. I'm not afraid."

"You're not, are you?" He closed his eyes. "Fine. I'll be afraid for you, then. We'll keep you in sight at all times. If at any moment, you feel threatened, or I think you're being threatened, I'm pulling you out. No arguments."

"Agreed."

"Second rule: give him no information. The less he knows about where he is and what's going on, the better for us. Don't even tell him who's on the station with him."

"I understand."

Rey steadied her own nerves as well as she could. The truth was that nervousness gnawed at her guts. She'd seen Ren briefly, both during his capture and when he'd been brought here, but they hadn't spoken since she'd woken from the final dream. She hadn't yet faced him, not with her lightsaber, not even face to face, not truly.

She approached the cell with Luke beside her. He asked her one more time, "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

He unlocked the door with a complex code he wouldn't allow her to see, and let her step inside. Ren's cell had been given two small chairs and an equally small table, all bolted firmly to the floor. He had a thin bedroll, a pillow, and the remains of the rations bar Luke had brought him for breakfast earlier. Other than the narrow stool in the corner, and the water pump above it, the only sops to hygiene that could be found in such a place, his cell was bare.

She heard the door close and lock. Ren looked up at her as she took a seat on one side of the table. He stretched slowly, working out the stiffness in his muscles, then sat in the chair opposite, fixing her with a stare.

"It's about time you came in here, Rey. I've been waiting."

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

Rey had trouble looking at Kylo Ren's face. This was the same man who'd murdered someone in front of her, whose visage had twisted and snarled in rage as he'd nearly killed Finn then attacked her viciously. This was the face she'd dreamed about every night for two months, a brighter twin to Ren's darkness, a man who'd cared for her and waited for her and who'd loved her. She couldn't allow herself to dwell on the fantasy. The reality sat across from her, hands resting on the table in his cell, waiting for her to speak.

"How did you sleep?"

He gave her an annoyed glare. "As well as could be expected when I'm wearing a collar in a prison cell."

She leapt at the opening. "We can discuss removing the collar and letting you out of the cell."

Ren smiled, but it was cold. "I doubt that. I'm safer locked away. You can make all the promises you like and feel bad when you break them later."

She shrugged. "If you don't want the collar off, just say so."

"You're the one who liked being tied down."

She wouldn't let herself flinch. Their conversation was being monitored. She hadn't told Luke everything, although he'd probably guessed what she had held back. Willing herself into a serenity she didn't feel, Rey said, "You liked it more."

"Maybe I did." His gaze remained disconcertingly direct. "Are you here to reminisce about old times? Because I have plenty of stories I'm sure our audience doesn't want to hear."

"I don't care if you write a tell-all in your memoirs after you're set free. I'll even show up for the book signing." The words were braver than she felt. Without his powers, he wouldn't know, not for certain. "We need information."

He sat back. "Your little Resistance needs many things. Information is the least of your worries."

"It's your biggest worry, because that's going to make the difference between your walking out of here, and staying in this cell until you rot. My vote is for the rot, but that's only because I'm not allowed to airlock you."

The smile returned, and was joined by a laugh of disbelief. "Are you actually trying to play Bad Inquisitor with _me_? Perhaps you didn't notice, but the first time we met, that was my job."

"I remember." Rey would never forget the icy, painful prick of his mind invading hers as she'd struggled to keep him out. "I also remember that you hate yourself for it."

"Oh, did I manage to convince you? I'm better than I thought." His tone aimed for cruel, and he very nearly hid his twitch. "I assure you, my only regret is that I can't do it all again, only harder and worse."

She blinked at him. "Do you think this posturing intimidates anyone? I've been in your head. You can't fool me, and you're certainly not fooling them," she said, waving her hand at the camera. "I can only assume this is for your own benefit, and that's just sad." She leaned forward. "No one cares if you run around in your pathetic Darth Vader costume."

The twitch was harder to hide this time. One hand pulled into a fist, although she wasn't sure he'd even noticed. He took a long breath. "You're looking well. No more freezing nights on Basteel?"

"Thanks to you. Does the First Order know you gave us the command codes to the Star Destroyer?"

"I informed the Supreme Leader of what happened." His eyes were steady, but Rey wondered how Snoke had taken the information from him, if he had reached into Ren's brain and forced the truth from him, or if he'd gone willingly, sniveling to his master.

"And you're not dead? I'm impressed. I gathered you'd have been executed for incompetence. You didn't get the intel you wanted, and you gave more away."

"I took what I needed. I always do."

"You played with a drug that enhanced your powers and you were asleep for four days, at the end of which you helped disable one of your own ships." She let herself take in his appearance. He was thinner than she remembered, sharper. "How long ago was it for you? Time doesn't work the same in visions as it does in the real world."

"Not long."

That was useful. If he only woke up a few days ago, he still would remember his time in the dream world with the clarity of a new memory. "They didn't wake you?"

"I was discovered in my quarters three days into my vision. I was taken to the medical station for observation."

She wondered if that was when he'd called to her from across the stars, unwittingly reaching out from what his mind believed was a long isolation. Her dream self first woke in a hospital.

It had taken three days for anyone to notice he'd been missing.

"If they hadn't found you, you'd have died."

"The med droids didn't know what to make of my condition. Apparently one of my colleagues urged them to remove the feeding lines and allow me to die there." He scowled at the memory. "Fortunately I revived without their help." His eyes focused and flicked to her face. "You woke me. How does it feel to know you saved my life?"

"I liked you better when you were asleep."

"He's gone, you know." His voice went cold. "That person was a dream. Don't delude yourself into thinking he's ever coming back."

"No. You killed him." She'd carried her grief silently, knowing she had no right. Ben had only ever been a fantasy, built of Ren's wishes and her own. There was no one to mourn. If he'd seemed real, if Rey had allowed herself to believe she'd fallen in love with him, that was merely part of a very vivid dream.

"You gave the order."

"What?"

"You forced him to destroy himself for your sake. You begged. You knew what would happen. You called me back." She read it then, without hearing his thoughts, only seeing the face she'd spent so much time learning. Ren could snarl and he could fight, but he grieved for the man he never was, too.

Rey stood, the air in the room too thick for her to breathe. "Then I suppose we're both heartless killers. The difference is, I'm offering you a chance to atone for some of your crimes. Ben would take the offer."

"Are you sure?" he asked, as she knocked twice on the cell door.

"Yes."

The door opened. Rey stepped out and waited for Luke to relock the cell.

* * *

She spent more time than she needed washing her face and letting the shakes go away. She'd faced him, and they hadn't tried killing each other, or doing anything else to each other. Still, her body soaked in adrenaline and fear, and far more heartache than she'd dare express. It took her a while to regain the composure she'd only pretended at during their interview.

At last, Rey rejoined Luke and Lando in the small room they were using as a monitoring station and general living quarters. "Sorry."

"Don't be," Luke said. "You should have seen me after the first time I talked with him."

"He was a mess," Lando said. "You're doing fine. Ben hasn't been this chatty since we locked him up."

"You mean it?"

Luke nodded. "He's been shut up tight except when he comes out with something awful. I hate to say this, but I think he likes you." Rey glowered, but Luke only gave her half a shrug. "In his case, that means he's identified you as an enemy he doesn't plan to kill soon."

That sounded more reasonable. "Should I go back in?"

"That's your decision. If you think it will be bad for you, don't."

Lando said, "Even if you do, let him stew for a while." He pointed to the screen, where Ren paced his cell with far more agitation than she would have expected. She'd upset him. That only seemed fair.

"I'll wait. Thirty minutes."

"That should be enough time," Luke said.

* * *

After thirty-two minutes, she walked back into the cell, returning to her chair at the table. Ren had composed himself and sat on his bedroll, not looking at her.

"Will you be joining me?" she asked, after a long pause.

"I'm comfortable here."

"Then I'll leave you to your comforts," she said, standing up and walking towards the door.

"You can stay." The words came out too fast, with a hint of desperation hiding like a thorn inside the bouquet of condescension.

"I'm here to talk. If you don't want to talk, I'll go."

He stood and took his place in the other chair, waiting for Rey to sit down again. She considered walking out and letting him worry further. Then she sat in her chair.

"I'd like to talk about your freedom. You know Luke has the only key to your pretty necklace."

"I've wondered about that. I've had time to think. You won't have been planning this long. My jewelry," he said, tugging absently on the collar, "is a very rare artifact. We've been searching for years to locate even one, but my dear uncle has a functioning model on hand at just the right time? Interesting coincidence, don't you think?"

She smiled tightly. "You've never been far from his thoughts."

He returned the false smile. "I'm not the Force adept he's been working with. He didn't tell you he had this, did he? Didn't you ever stop to consider this was meant to contain you should you ever step out of line?"

"No. Because that's stupid." She hated the reply, wishing she could think of a more cutting answer. She didn't believe for a moment Luke had obtained the collar to freeze her powers. Except she'd seen everything he'd brought with him from Ahch-To, and the collar hadn't been among his few possessions. Chewbacca must have brought it, along with her shield, after she'd started having visions.

"If you say so," Ren said, watching her eyes carefully. "I will say, when we got married, I gave you a much nicer necklace than this one. Do you remember?"

"No, because we're not married. That was fake."

He put on a blatantly false expression of horror. "Don't say that. What will the children think?"

"We didn't have children. You're defective."

There was the flash of anger she'd been expecting. As prisoner interrogations went, this was not going to be remembered for gathering intel, but Rey was feeling much better now. He recovered. "I prefer to think of myself as unique."

"That tracks. You think you're special. You're not. That's why you're afraid of me."

"I wouldn't call it fear. I'm stronger than you. I'm better trained than you. I'm better armed than you."

"Maybe, but you're the one in captivity."

"You've said that's temporary. Should I believe you? Because we both know if you ever set me free, I can kill you easily."

"You failed before. You'll fail again. It must be hard to realize you're such a disappointment to everyone."

"Everyone?" His mouth had gone back to its amused half-smile, taunting her. "That's a rather large claim. Be more specific."

He was playing a game but she didn't know the rules of this one. She ought to walk out again. Instead, she played along. "Your attempt at a Force vision nearly killed you, and resulted in another Resistance victory. Snoke can't be very happy with that, or with your getting captured. That's assuming he doesn't think you died while failing your mission. You know how big a disappointment you are to your family. If I'd had your family, I'd have done anything to keep them happy."

His eyes brightened. She'd played what he wanted. "Which one are we talking about? The criminal or the terrorist?" He leaned forward. "Or are you referring to the religious fanatic raising the child army? Really, there's a selection of terrible people to choose from even before we stretch back to the famous tyrant."

None of the barbs had been meant for her ears. Ren knew he was being watched, and he knew the charges would strike home. Yes, in the strictest sense of things, Han Solo had spent most of his life operating on the wrong side of the law. General Organa had been involved in violent counter-Imperial activities throughout her youth and had been running a very similar organization for the last several years. The Jedi, as far as Rey had learned, were a quasi-religious order who trained their number from a very young age to use their powers. None of that made his words true.

He read her face. "There's a phrase you will come to dread. 'From a certain point of view.' It means the people around you have been lying to you, and will continue to lie to you, because they would like to pretend it's for your own good. From a certain point of view, my grandfather was a Jedi Knight who perished in the great purge. It's the story my mother has told herself so many times she very nearly believes it's true." He tilted his head towards Rey. "Just think of the fun you're going to have discovering all the things they're lying to you about." He stroked his neck absently.

"As fascinating as it isn't to listen to your tirades about how hard your childhood was growing up in comfort and care, I'm here to talk about other things."

He dismissed her with a sigh. "This again?"

"This is the only thing there is. We want to know what you know about the Ladon'kres. If you're good, you might be allowed out for a walk."

He blinked at her. Then, in a singsong voice, he began to recite something in a language she couldn't quite follow. Gold and brass, fire and flood, something with angels and dancing stars.

"And that is?" she asked when he stopped.

"You don't know? That's the nursery rhyme. I prefer it in Rodese. The cadences are soothing." His eyes flickered away for a moment before returning to her. She wondered who'd sung it to him. One of his caretakers loved telling stories, and spoke over six million languages. She pictured the golden droid, never bored, repeating the same song over and over to a demanding four year old.

"I know the basics of the story," she said. Her dream-father had told her, but Ren knew the tale. It would have been from his head. "The First Order is looking for them."

"Are they?"

"So I've heard. What have you found out?"

"I'm not involved with that. I couldn't say."

"You've seen reports from the dig. That's why my parents were archaeologists. You remembered."

"It was dull," he said, folding his arms and turning away from her.

"You remembered despite it being dull. What else do you know?"

"Nothing. I wasn't tasked with finding that weapon."

She could force the thought out of his head, the same as he'd done to her. That would necessitate removing his binding, which was too dangerous. Also, she reminded herself belatedly, delving into his mind without permission would be wrong although it could save countless lives. She made an effort not to squirm in her chair as he watched her consider her options. They didn't need telepathy to follow the drift of the other's thoughts.

"There's some sort of weapon," she said. "If the First Order finds it first, they'll annihilate everyone in their path. That's the future you're committing to. Billions died with the Starkiller blast. How many billions more will it take for you to care?"

"I couldn't have stopped the Starkiller," he said, voice gone quiet. "It was a military base, a military strike, and a military decision. I'm not in the military chain of command, and I wasn't present when the order was given. I was busy hunting you."

"You could have tried. You could have stood against it. We did."

"You got lucky. It won't happen twice." He lowered his chin, eyes still on hers. "Let us say the First Order is attempting to acquire something, for the sake of argument. What do you possibly think you could do to stop them?"

"I could get there first."

"Would you use the weapon yourself?"

She stopped herself from answering quickly, instead forcing a moment's thought. "I'd hide it away. Or destroy it forever."

"Hiding doesn't work. It's been hidden for two hundred thousand years. Destroying it will merely delay. Once something like that exists, someone clever and amoral enough will build another."

"Only if they know what it is for certain, and have an idea how it works. We get there first, we make sure they never have that chance."

"A fascinating idea, except you've already admitted you don't know what it is, either. You're chasing the First Order. They will get to their goal first, and they will use the weapon against you. So why bother chasing them?"

"Because they'll murder more people. Are you willing to stand aside and let that happen?"

"Much better than standing in front of them and getting killed, too."

"You're a coward."

"A pragmatist."

"A fool. Complain about your current condition all you want. Snoke has you on a tighter chain. You're afraid of what they'll do to you if you step out of line. Not only was Ben smarter than you, he was braver as well."

His jaw tightened. "Are you still comparing me to someone who doesn't exist? I admit your little crush was flattering at first, but this has become tedious." He stood and went back to his bedroll, resting his head on his hands. "Come back when you're interested in talking with me. Don't send in anyone who's under a similar delusion that I'm someone I'm not."

She held her anger. He was goading her because he could. If Rey stormed out, he'd win. "I'll stay."

He closed his eyes and ignored her.

"I do know who you are," she said after a long time. "I knew who you were inside the dream. I told you from the beginning. You were the one who wanted me to believe you were more than this. You fought me every day, until I let myself believe you weren't just the vicious, heartless killer from my nightmares. You can argue now but remember I went into the dream long after you did. You were the one who wanted me to think you were a better man than you are."

"It doesn't matter," he said.

"It does."

He sighed loudly. "What do you want, Rey?"

"Information."

"No." His eyes opened again. "They want information. You don't care any more than I do."

"I care. Billions of lives hang in the balance."

"People you've never met? Threatened by a weapon I'm willing to believe you never heard of until a day or two ago? Good is an abstract. Motivation is flesh and bone. You know mine. I don't want to die. The First Order is the strongest power in the galaxy, and they will win. They've offered me power and a place in exchange for petty adherence to loyalty."

"You had a place. You had a home. You had safety and people who loved you."

"Then I woke up."

"You got scared. You've said so."

"You still haven't said what you want out of this. I have no reason to help you, and you have no reason to keep trying. Why are you here?"

Because she knew he would listen to her and respond to her. Because she owed the galaxy every chance at peace. Because she couldn't bear disappointing Luke or his sister again.

Because she wondered, deep in the most hidden part of her heart, if she could dig past the vile layers of Kylo Ren and excavate the soul of the man she'd loved.

"I'm just following orders."

"She can't give you orders unless you agree to follow them. The Resistance is an all volunteer affair, I've been told."

"You've been told correctly. We're here because we want to be."

"Which leads me back to my questions. What do you want? Why are you here? Don't say orders." He glanced up at the camera. "You shouldn't give her orders, Mother," he said in a loud voice. "She'll only start resenting you."

Rey stifled her eye roll. "Don't bother. She's not watching."

"Bored by me so soon? Not much of a change there."

"She had work to do. She went back without you."

A half smile crossed his face. He looked up at the camera again. "I see. How well did they bolt that chair to the floor?"

Before she could ask why, he touched his neck. The collar fell off. She felt his presence suddenly, enormous and intense. Rey stumbled to her feet, but with an idle hand he pushed her back into the chair from across the room. He closed his eyes, and the station rumbled. The pressure against her stole her breath from her body. She couldn't speak.

_"What have you done?"_

_"I just decompressed the rest of the station. The cell block is on its own grid."_

She didn't have the air to scream, instead reached out with her mind to Luke, frantic.

"Don't bother," Ren said, rising to his feet. "Sadly, he and Calrissian are very resourceful, and worse, very lucky. I'm estimating only a five percent chance that they won't survive." He stared at her, and she felt his awful touch riffling through her thoughts. "And they're the only ones here. I was hoping to have jettisoned Dameron or Chewbacca, but you can't have everything."

She waited, letting her muscles ready themselves. The second his hold wavered, Rey was on her feet, fists out. She had no weapons with her, but she'd survived many fights unarmed, and she'd been training. She landed the first punch before his foot took her in the knee.

"Stay down," he said, and pushed her back with the Force. A moment later, she felt a horrible, icy darkness surround her throat. The gossamer connection she'd always felt with the world around her, a sense so normal that she'd never noticed before, cut off abruptly as the collar locked into place.

"You honestly believed it had only one key?" He said, mockingly, holding out a tiny chip, almost too small to see, very easy to have hidden on himself. "We searched for this artifact for months. It took longer to find a way for our agent to sell it to the Wookiee."

Rey wanted to claw at her neck. She couldn't feel his thoughts now. She couldn't sense anything. She couldn't move.

Ren smiled as he watched her try to move. "I told you, I wasn't ordered to bring back the Ladon'kres weapon. I was ordered to bring back a different one."

With a flick of his hand, he sent her into unconsciousness.

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter-specific content notes in the end notes. This chapter is the reason the warnings changed.

Rey woke with her face against cold metal, and her shoulders in numb pain. She gasped in fear, feeling her wrists bound behind her, and the choking presence of the collar still cutting her off from the Force. Her head ached. She could see nothing from where she lay. Awkwardly, she rolled to her side and moved herself to a sitting position.

This was a ship, one of several small shuttles abandoned on the station. Her worry grew. None of them had seemed spaceworthy, and by the noises around her, she was certain the shuttle was already in hyperspace. Ren piloted the ship, his chair less than a meter away from her. Before she could even consider bracing herself for a surprise attack, he turned and nodded at her amiably.

"I wondered when you'd wake up. You've been out for hours."

Her eyes dropped to her own body, skin crawling at the thought of having been his captive for hours, unaware of what he might be doing. Her clothes hadn't been disturbed, no more than they would have been from being dragged here, and her mouth tasted of stale sleep, not forced kisses.

How long had he been planning this? The Force-deadening collar had taken them months to find and place in Luke's path, Kylo had said. He'd taken the drug which enhanced his visions on purpose. Had he been planning her abduction since before the dream? Had their every moment together been a well-crafted snare?

Rey felt the beginnings of a sob under her chest, and fought back. She'd been through much worse than this. Kylo Ren wasn't worth tears. He was a monster.

He was also an impulsive child, unsubtle with his designs. He couldn't have planned this for long, not and maintain any equilibrium. Her mind had mingled deeply with Ben's, and they'd hidden no secrets from one another. Kylo Ren might be taking advantage of what had happened, but he couldn't have arranged so complex a plan.

"Why am I here?"

"You know why. You're one of the most powerful humans in the galaxy. My Master prefers you not be working with our mortal enemies."

She watched him incredulously. "You think I'm going to switch sides?"

"Personally? No. I think you'll be a prisoner until the Supreme Leader tires of failing to turn you, and then you'll be executed. It's a waste of time on everyone's behalf."

"If I'm only wasting your time, you may as well free me."

"If you insist. The airlock is that way." He gestured and turned back to the controls. "We'll be rendezvousing with my ship in less than an hour. You can't overpower me, and I took your lightsaber when I retrieved my own. Luke had it locked up, but he only ever uses three codes. I guessed on my second try."

"Is he dead?"

Ren didn't speak for a moment, focusing on his flight plan. "No. I'm sure Calrissian isn't, either. My uncle is desperately scanning the galaxy, trying to find you. With that choker in place, he won't be able to hear your thoughts." That meant Ren couldn't hear her thoughts, either. This was an advantage, if not much of one.

He might be underestimating her chances of beating him in close combat. She had been in enough bad situations that even without her powers, she could fight well, and he would be too used to using his for the edge in a battle. He was in possession of his gifts, and she was groggy and bound. She had some assurance he wouldn't be fighting to kill her this time, while she would happily strike him down given the chance.

Her staff had been left back on the station, and she had no blaster. She wasn't adept enough to call her lightsaber to her hand when she couldn't see it. She could wait for a better chance. She hoped one presented itself before the shuttle was too near their pick-up. For the moment, she could play for time. 

"Why are you doing this?"

"I just told you."

"You said you had orders. What's your real reason?"

He stared at her. "Orders. The Resistance may be run on hugs and self-empowerment, but the First Order is not. We obtained that collar you're wearing to acquire my uncle. After Lord Snoke discovered what happened and that I had compromised the _Maximus_ due to your influence, he rightly deduced you would be a better target. I was ordered to prove my loyalty by acquiring you instead."

"Not much of a sales pitch. I thought you were supposed to be recruiting me."

"I'm just delivering you. As I said, I think recruiting you is futile."

"So you're going to let me be killed for no reason."

He shrugged. "That's up to you. If you resist, and I am assuming you will, yes. You'll be killed. If you see sense, you won't."

It wasn't sense. She wouldn't join. He knew her too well. Rey didn't think he wanted her dead. As much as they'd fought, as much as they despised each other, he could have killed her or left her to die back on the station, mission be damned. Kylo Ren was unstable, easily provoked, and long to carry his grudges. He resented her for reasons real and imagined. But he hadn't killed her. He'd waited to capture Rey until he was certain his vicious words had chased his mother safely off the station. He'd decompressed the station knowing the two humans there with them were capable of surviving.

Part of him was sabotaging his own best plans.

"Give me the real recruitment speech."

"What?"

"I'm supposed to hear your side out. Your boss would like me to sign up for my own black cape and matching trousers. Give me reasons. I have nowhere else to be right now." She put on her most attentive expression in an effort to mask her hopes.

He frowned at her, unable to read her mind and suss out her motivation. "We're going to win the war. That should be reason enough."

"I don't see that as a forgone conclusion. More of the galaxy supports us."

"The weaker systems."

"Numbers are strength. Why should I want you to win?"

"We will bring order and structure to the galaxy, rather than the chaos we're in now." He clenched and unclenched his hands without seeming to be aware of the gesture; the worst chaos had always been inside his own head. She wondered if Snoke had promised him freedom from his own disjointed thoughts.

"The current chaos is a result of the First Order's actions. The Republic had a multitude of voices because everyone deserved a say in how they were governed."

"How did that work out for Jakku? Or Torall? Or any other small system where the voices were shouted down for the greater good? Democracy is only a benefit for the majority."

"Tyranny is equally bad for all. Is that your idea of order?"

"If that's what it takes."

"Your recruitment speech is terrible. Do you have any good reasons for me to join your side?"

"You'll live in ease instead of dying in vain. What more do you need?" Ease, but he'd been left half-dead in his own quarters for days and one of his colleagues had asked the medical droids to kill him as he'd slept.

"I need purpose. Convince me your side will help the helpless. Tell me you'll feed the hungry and give poor planets a voice."

"The Resistance can't promise that. The Republic failed."

"No. They just hadn't succeeded yet. I would rather side with the people who would try and fail to help everyone than to live with those who'd be happy to see the rest of us starve to death in our sleep."

His gaze flickered away then steadied on her again. "You were already starving. What's the difference?"

There was a difference. Making the effort mattered. She believed it to the bottom of her soul. "Everything."

He shot her a disappointed look. "Trying to convince you is pointless."

"Because I would rather die trying to win than roll over in fear like you've done?"

"Because you have spent your life ignorant of the realities of the galactic civilization and you think a few revolutionary platitudes are enough to overcome a superior military power. Things are more complicated than that, Rey. If you survive long enough, you'll discover how complicated, but you won't because you've come under the same influences I walked away from. My mother would be happy to make martyrs of her followers for the sake of her ideals. You don't have to be among them." His voice dropped at the end into what was nearly a plea.

"Is that why you ran away? Did you think you were going to be sacrificed to the greater good?" Luke had taught her sacrifice was part of the Jedi ideal: to sublimate the self for the sake of others. That couldn't have been an easy lesson for someone as self-absorbed as her captor, not when Snoke whispered in his ear that he could become much stronger by embracing his more selfish impulses.

"Does it matter?"

"It does. What did they tell you? What made you join the First Order?"

"I saw the truth. My Master showed me the future unfurling, where he would become great and the rest of the galaxy would fall at his feet. I could stand at his side or be crushed under his heel. I made the logical choice. I wish you would do the same."

"You're still under his heel. You're as scared now as you were then, only now you know better. You've spent the last five years inside your own mind talking yourself into leaving. I wish you'd grow a backbone."

"Calling me afraid won't provoke me, if that's what you're attempting. I don't care what you think."

"You do care," Rey insisted. "More than you want to. It isn't too late for you, Ben."

"Yes, it is," he said, more to himself than to her. The ship came out of hyperspace, and the proximity alarm beeped. "We're here. And my name is Kylo now."

* * *

Masked Stormtroopers escorted them off the shuttle. Kylo walked bare-headed beside her, strange in the sea of faceless soldiers. Rey wondered what their guards looked like, what they thought, if any were as tempted to leave as Finn had been. He remembered nothing about his life before the First Order, and had known nothing except what they taught him, yet he'd still had the courage to walk away. She wanted to believe she was surrounded by potential allies, not anonymous machines.

The sterile architecture imposed itself on her, the same as it had on the base. Everything about the First Order hearkened back to the Empire, and Rey knew how well the Empire's very walls were designed to crush the spirit from within.

_We are in charge,_ said the severe lines. _You are nothing._ Rey had seen these same lines crumpled in fallen monuments, half-buried in unforgiving sand. No boot could stand on the neck of the galaxy forever.

She paid attention to their route as locked doors requiring passcodes shut behind them. Escape was even less likely now, in the company of armed soldiers and being walked to her doom by the one person who could fight her even if she did somehow regain access to her powers. Nevertheless, her hopes refused to be dashed. That way was the path to despair, and futility, and donning a black mask of her own.

At last they reached an area with other humans--everyone here was human, she realized--who had no helmets. Kylo strode up to one. "The prisoner," he said. "Delivered as I said I would."

The man glanced at Rey, then dismissed her. "You didn't capture any of the rest?"

"That wasn't my mission. I did jettison them but unfortunately, they survived."

"I'm sure the Supreme Leader will believe that was entirely a coincidence."

"He can feel free to read my mind and assure himself it was." The air crackled between them. Rey hadn't thought she would meet someone on the other side who loathed Kylo Ren as much as she did.

"I imagine you'll grovel for his forgiveness just like the last time." The man looked at Rey again. "You were sent to atone for your failure but this scavenger doesn't appear worthy of our efforts."

"Which only shows your lack of vision. She's an incredibly powerful Force wielder and Skywalker has been instructing her to use those gifts. She will be a great asset to the Order once she sees reason."

"'Reason?'" He looked at Ren scornfully. "We're not in the business of wooing allies, despite your sad attempts. Next time, order a Stormtrooper to be sent to your quarters like the rest of us do." His words sunk in, and Rey swore to herself the next time she saw Finn, she would hug him until his ribs creaked. "No, the Supreme Leader won't be wasting his time on converting her. He's been looking into the old cloning technology you like so much, although if that fails, I'm sure a more mundane breeding program will do. We've prepared a cell. You know the way." He turned back to his view of the starscape.

Ren drew his gloved hands into fists at the dismissal, then nodded to the Stormtroopers guarding Rey. "Take her." Hands grabbed her arms. He wouldn't look at her as she was marched away.

More corridors, more turns. Rey was hopelessly lost. She'd escaped from a prison like this once before. She could do it again, powers or no powers. "You don't have to do this, you know," she said conversationally to the Stormtroopers pushing her towards her cell. "My friend Finn used to be a Stormtrooper. He defected. You can join the Resistance, too. We'd love to have you."

The 'troopers ignored her, and dragged her inside. Rey wriggled her arms. "I'm in a cell now. Can I have my hands back?" Her shoulders ached from the prolonged position.

"No."

The cell door shut, leaving her alone. There was a camera in the cell with her. She looked up at it. "I hope you're happy."

She sat on the floor, uncomfortable and worried. She couldn't let fear guide her now, or she would wind up in an even worse position. She'd been the target from the start. They were on their way back to the First Order's base, wherever it was. Snoke might try to seduce her to the Dark Side, would certainly have her interrogated, then order her execution when she didn't comply with either. Her friends didn't know if she lived, nor where she'd been taken. Rescue was unlikely.

If she got the collar off, she had a chance. If she got her hands free, she had a chance.

She was going to die.

* * *

The cell door opened some time later. Kylo strode in. He'd recovered his mask, or another just the same. She watched his head turn to stare up at the camera for a moment before facing her again. They would be observed.

"You'll need to eat," he told her, walking over to where she sat. Rey pressed back away from him, angry. "Hold still." She refused, struggling, until she felt his gloves touch the bonds behind her. Her hands fell free, sending new pain shooting up her arms.

"I should throttle you," she said, rubbing life back into her prickling skin.

"You won't have that opportunity."

"No, I'm just being kept for my DNA. Are you here to start the breeding program?" She let her anger cover her fear. She had spent far too much time considering those words since she'd been locked up.

"I was thinking lunch, but if you insist...."

She grumbled at him, upset that he would joke when she was terrified. Hardly his worst crime, she knew, but at this moment, the one closest to her concerns.

"I'm not hungry."

"No one asked." He nodded at the camera. The door opened again, and a Stormtrooper entered with a tray. Rey saw two rations bars and no utensils. The bars were placed in front of her and the tray removed as the Stormtrooper left. No potential weapons.

"I said, I'm not hungry."

"You are. Besides, those are the berry ones. They're your favorites. Eat." He stood, watching her until she picked one up and pulled off the flimsy wrapper. The smell made her stomach rumble. Without looking at him, she ate the bar quickly, then devoured its mate. She'd gone without too many times to pass up untainted food, and they both knew it.

"Your friend has no interest in bringing me onto your side."

"He isn't my friend. He is an imbecile. I can speak to Lord Snoke of your worth."

"Don't do me any favors, unless it's setting me free. You could do that."

"I don't think I can." He came close again, grabbing her arms easily and relocking her binding. "Lunch is over."

For one long moment, she stared at him, unable to see his face or read his mind. Kylo let go and snatched up the abandoned wrappers from the floor.

"You can't, can you?" she asked as he reached the cell door. "You're scared of what will happen if you ever dare say no. You said your side found this collar first. Did you ask them why?"

"I told you. To acquire my uncle by any means." Although she couldn't read his mind, she could hear how he fought to maintain a calm voice.

"Once I'm dead, who will they use it on next?" She stared at his mask, wishing she could see his face. She could read his moods even without her powers. In a voice too quiet to be picked up by the camera, Rey said, "There are people who love you, who would welcome you home even after this, even after everything. No one has ever loved me that way." Her mouth twitched. "At least, not while I've been awake. You don't have to stay here. You don't have to be frightened all the time. Just be brave once."

He said nothing, only watched her for a long moment before turning away and leaving her there. He locked the door behind himself.

Rey grumbled, emotions churning inside her stomach with the poor food. Her arms hurt more now that they'd been freed. Perhaps she'd be given the chance to join the First Order, and perhaps she'd only be allowed to live long enough for the medical droids to sample her blood for creating more compliant copies.

The next time someone came into her cell, she would have to attempt to overpower them. She'd almost certainly be killed for her efforts. That sounded like a much better fate than what otherwise lay in store for her.

She spent her time while she waited counting her regrets. She would never finish her training. She would never see her friends again. She hadn't flown nearly all the ships she wanted to pilot. She counted the stars she would never circle, and the battles she would never win. She'd never gone out to dinner, never gone dancing, never kissed a lover full of passion. She was full to the brim with so many things she'd never done, not in the waking world.

Rey totaled up the absences of her life, and rolled them into a tight, bitter ball inside her mind. She freely chose to lose all this, and she swore to herself she would fight like a demon in the name of all that never could be.

The cell door opened.

She didn't look right away. She wanted to give her jailers the impression she was sinking into despair, and in a way this was: despair turned to power.

"Look at me," said a voice. Rey choked as she was dragged upwards by the hellish collar, forced to stare into the face of the man from the ship's bridge. The Captain, she guessed, but she didn't know First Order ranks. He tilted his head as he stared at her. Rey tensed herself, waiting for her chance to strike, teetering on the very tips of her toes to keep enough slack in the collar to breathe.

The man glanced at the camera. "You should know I've set it to Record."

"I won't tell you anything." The words came hard, pushing through the restriction on her throat.

"I don't expect you to. Your Resistance is good at brainwashing its members. Fortunately, we have other Inquisitors available on the base who will convince you otherwise." He stared at her intently, this time letting his eyes drop to her toes and drift back up to her face. He sighed, as if disappointed in what he found.

He shoved her by the collar, backwards and down. Rey tripped, hitting the floor hard, shaking as she drew in her breath again. The man went to his knees beside her. "This isn't about you," he said casually, shrugging off his uniform jacket and placing it to one side. "I merely need to teach a certain brat a lesson. It isn't personal." He sounded bored.

Rey's stomach turned to a pit of ice as she read his intent on his face. His hand touched his own belt.

"You're very, very wrong," she said, scooting backwards only to find a solid wall at her back. "This is extremely personal." He loomed over her, and the wall was precisely the leverage she'd wanted. Rey kicked out with both feet, driving all her body's power through her legs, striking him hard in the stomach. He stumbled back, his absent boredom darkening into rage.

"You...." his words were cut off as Rey barreled into him head-first, slamming him into the opposite wall. Her breath came in gasps, her eyes were streaming. She didn't have another attack in her.

She tensed for his next blow, the one that would kill her.

Instead, he fell to the floor. He must have struck his head, she realized, looking at how he'd landed. If this was a feint, she was a dead woman. Nevertheless she crawled closer, desperate for any weapon he had on him. She saw a blaster in its holster. If she could angle just right, she could grasp it behind herself.

The cell door opened again. Rey scrambled faster for the weapon, for anything. She'd attacked the ship's captain. They would kill her now.

She felt strong hands on her shoulders, shoving her away. Rey rolled, and saw black.

"Idiot," said Kylo, looking at the stricken, unconscious man. He turned to Rey. "Are you injured?"

"No." Her throat ached, her arms were on fire, and neither was the focus of his question. "Is he dead?"

He placed his gloved hand against the man's neck, checking for a pulse. Rey saw her attacker take in a breath. Before she could react, Kylo lit Rey's lightsaber with a blue hum and beheaded him. Her scream died inside her mouth. 

"Yes. He's dead." He doused the blade. He turned to her, and there was no room for escape as he reached for her.

Rey heard a soft click. The collar fell open. Her senses blossomed open. She felt at once the flow of minds littering this ship, the electric emotions of the droids, the currents that bound them all to one another, and before her this dark shadow of a man full of fears and regrets and confusion. She was overwhelmed, almost not realizing he'd also unlocked her wrists.

"Why did you kill him?"

"If he'd recovered consciousness, he would have had you executed very messily. I would have been invited to watch." He tilted his head. "I still think you're wrong. I believe it is too late for me. But I'm willing to be proven wrong."

Kylo stood and walked swiftly towards the door. Rey stared.

He turned back. "Are you coming or not?"

"Coming where?"

"I've just killed someone rather important. We have approximately five minutes before the body is discovered. I need to be off the ship by then. You can come with me, or you can stay and be executed. Decide now because I'm leaving."

He went out the cell door, leaving it open behind him.

Rey spent only a fraction of a second staring at the headless corpse before she followed.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter includes character death, implied past assault, and foiled attempted sexual assault.
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> SPOILERS
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> Everyone is okay, except that one guy. He's dead now.


	13. Chapter 13

Having exhausted her regrets, Rey focused on counting her blessings. First, she was alive. Second, she was free of her cell and her bonds, which meant third, she was in possession of her powers. Finally, she was in the company of someone who intended to get off this ship alive and who appeared happy to take her with him.

Taken from that perspective, the day was looking up from where she'd stood a few minutes ago.

The other perspectives concerned her. Kylo Ren had saved her from what he assured her would have been a messy, painful death. He had her lightsaber, as well as his own. Neither of these facts made him her ally. She would be safer on her own.

"Wait here," he said, as they reached a cross corridor. From down the hallway, she heard boots marching in swift order. He stepped out. "Where are you going?"

"Level Four," she heard someone say. Stormtroopers.

"You," he said, "with me. The rest of you, continue."

Kylo waited until the rest had marched off, then turned back to where Rey waited. The moment the Stormtrooper saw her, his blaster raised. A second later, he was shoved high against the wall, clutching his throat. Kylo stood, hand raised, watching.

"What are you doing?" Rey asked, staring at the writhing figure.

"You need a disguise. This one is about your size."

"Don't kill him!" Her whisper was as loud as she dared.

"Why not?"

It could have been Finn in there. Late at night as they'd chatted themselves to sleep, he'd told her about being raised from childhood to follow orders, to live and die for the Order. Kylo wouldn't understand that. "Because I asked you."

He growled. The Stormtrooper fell to the floor, gasping. Kylo twitched his hand, and his captive fell unconscious. "Hurry up."

Rey took off the helmet. The Stormtrooper was younger than Finn, maybe younger than her. A stranger. He didn't deserve to die. Quickly, Rey donned his white armor, placing the helmet on her head last. Instantly, the screen lit up around her, displaying orders, collecting information.

She tried to imagine a life where this was the whole world.

"Can we access personnel records from here?"

"What?"

"I want to see Finn's record." She had a rare opportunity. She wouldn't waste it.

"We don't have time for this."

"Give me ten seconds." Rey went to an interface. She couldn't activate it. "How do I get in?"

"You don't. We can look him up later. Come on," Kylo said impatiently.

"I want the information."

He muttered curses in a language she didn't know. She wondered if she'd pushed her luck too far. Kylo went to the panel, typed in his passcode with a stabbing finger, and ejected a data cube. "Here. If you stop for anything else, I am leaving you here."

"Thank you," she said, taking the cube.

Rey followed him, making herself march as the 'troopers did. "Don't speak. You don't know how they talk." She did know, though. Not the military lingo, obviously, but she knew the cadences of her best friend's voice.

They proceeded through twisting corridors, Rey just as lost as she'd been on her way in. She touched his mind. _"Where are we going?"_

He turned to her, then away, continuing his path. _"The hangar. We'll take a ship."_

_"How? We're in hyperspace. We'll be obliterated as soon as we exit the doors."_

_"Leave that to me."_ He attempted to exude confidence. This was undercut by the way he tripped over his own cape as he walked.

They paused outside the massive doors leading into the docking bay. Rey's helmet interfaced with the console closest to her, but she didn't understand the things it fed into her personal viewscreen. She let Kylo see what she saw.

_"Ignore it."_

_"There's been an alarm. The guards have found my cell."_

Nothing blared over the speakers, and her helmet said nothing about the identity of the dead man they'd left behind. It was only a matter of time before someone replayed the recording.

Kylo strode into the hangar as if he owned the place, and perhaps he did. "Ready my shuttle," he commanded. He touched his helmet. "Bridge, this is Kylo Ren. Drop out of hyperspace immediately. In three minutes, re-engage and resume course." He tilted his head. "Countermanded," he said. "Follow my orders or you will feel my wrath."

The Stormtroopers in the hangar hurried towards a black shuttle Rey knew too well. Cables were disconnected and moved away. She stepped towards another console. Her helmet informed her that someone had been discovered unconscious in a corridor. Personnel files were being searched even now to discover which Stormtrooper this was. The 'troopers around them began to disperse, staring at one another critically.

"You," said the one closest to her. "What's your designation?"

Rey froze. The only number she knew was Finn's, and giving that was a fast road back to her cell. She tapped on her helmet. _"Give me a number."_

"DR-1911 has a faulty communicator in his helmet," Ren said. "He'll get it fixed when we return."

"Are you sure, sir?"

"Is that shuttle prepared?" Kylo snapped.

Her helmet glowed red inside. _"They know."_

A second later, the Stormtrooper raised her blaster. "I've been ordered to detain you, sir."

"For what possible reason?"

"Sir," her voice shook, "there are urgent questions about a murder in the cell block. The General, sir."

 _"Get ready to run."_ He nodded once. "I see. There's something you should know." He lit his lightsaber, the red one this time, and slashed at the Stormtrooper.

Rey stumbled back, darting to grab her own from his belt, and kept stumbling. "He's gone mad!" she said to the 'troopers running towards them. They ignored her for a few crucial moments, focusing on Kylo's wide swings. He'd cut down the luckless Stormtrooper who'd asked Rey's name, and blocked the blasts from the others now firing on him.

A few more carefully faltering steps brought her to his readied shuttle. She could take off without him, leave him behind to face the consequences of what he'd done. The Star Destroyer would only be out of hyperspace another minute, if that.

Rey hurried to the cockpit, yanking off her helmet. The hangar was in chaos.

Without letting herself think, she slammed on the forward cannon. The blast hit a nearby shuttle, sending flames shooting through the docking bay. It was enough of a distraction for Kylo to cut his way through the mess and board his shuttle. Rey already had the takeoff program started. The second his boots were inside, she took off, almost knocking him out through the open ramp.

"Sorry," she muttered, and shot them through the magnetic field of the hangar.

"They'll follow us. Let me fly."

"Sit down and figure out our heading. 'Away' would be a good start." TIE Fighters were already spitting forth from the other hangars. Rey banked hard, choosing a course close to the body of the Star Destroyer. They might not risk firing on her if she was too near their own berth.

Cannonfire burst to either side of her.

"We'll have to outrun them," he said, fingers punching in the new course. The nav computer churned, digesting the route.

Rey flew straight out from the ship, then swooped in a tight turn, shooting between two of her pursuers. They turned to follow, slow and unsure, as she dropped away from another ship and fired the reverse lasers as she fled.

The nav computer chuckled its completion. "Get us clear!" he shouted, and Rey burst towards open space, another blast rocking them hard. Kylo hit the hyperspace button. The shuttle gave the familiar shiver of the pre-jump. Rey didn't dare blink in case they were shot at in this one vulnerable moment. Then they coughed out and away, streaking off into the bright streams of extra-dimensional space.

She sat back, a pleased smile stretching the corners of her mouth.

"We're not safe yet," Kylo said. He opened the control panel in front of her. "There will be a tracking device, and there might be one in the Stormtrooper armor. You'll have to discard it."

"What about yours?"

"They wouldn't dare," he said, but she felt his uncertainty. With great reluctance, he removed his mask while she took off the armor they'd stolen. "We'll cache it when we drop out of hyperspace." He returned to his work under the panel, removing a small device no bigger than her fingernail. "Got it. Here. Give me your armor."

His mental shields had gone back up. Rey paused in gathering the white plates. Yes, she'd escaped from the First Order, but she wasn't any safer than she had been. With his mask off, he looked normal. Human. Like Ben. She'd almost forgotten for a moment.

"Here." She set it down on the chair, not approaching him. She made sure to grab the data cube, holding it safely in her hand.

He watched her. "You're afraid. Why? I just rescued you. You should be grateful."

"You captured me, and I've saved your life since. We've even."

"You did capture me in the first place. I was a prisoner for a week."

"You weren't a prisoner. You were playing a game, waiting for me to come back. You could have walked out whenever you wanted. You set a trap, knowing we'd come."

"True." He shrugged. "Neither of us is dead. Let's call it a draw." He picked up the armor and stowed it in the back.

Rey still had no reason to trust him. She checked his coordinates. "What's our heading?"

"An out-of-the-way asteroid. Not much atmosphere. We can leave the trackers there and come back later."

"Fine. I don't want anything leading back to the Resistance."

"No," he said. The ship dropped out of hyperspace. The asteroid field wasn't far. He'd brought them in at the perfect distance to prevent them from accidentally obliterating themselves, and now he carefully flew to a large asteroid that looked little different from the others. "I can't guarantee that data cube won't be tracked. We should leave it here."

Rey closed her fist. "I'll risk it. Your asteroid, your mess to hide. I'll wait here."

"And take the ship while I'm outside?"

"You want me to trust you? Start with trusting me. Besides, I'm the nice one." She smiled sharply.

"You aren't any nicer than I am," he said. "You've simply made different choices." He went into the back and grabbed his suit for the low-pressure excursion outside.

The choices were what mattered, she thought to herself in a private mental place. She'd been no different from the other scavengers clinging to life beside their bitter oasis, save in the choices she'd made. Rey held up the cube in her hand. Then she plugged it into the ship's console, quickly accessing the data. Kylo hadn't lied. This was Finn's record. She scanned it, memorizing what she could.

She had expected a home planet. She hadn't expected a name.

When Rey had the information locked in her mind, she ejected the cube and stowed it in a pocket, just as Kylo reboarded.

"Finished?"

"Let's go."

Rey lifted them off the asteroid's surface, easily guiding them back out of the field. She went to open the nav computer, then hesitated.

He smirked at her. "Is this the part where you give me the coordinates to your secret Resistance base?"

She couldn't. The General had been quite clear for all the reasons why he hadn't been able to go with them as a prisoner. Rey didn't dare bring him back home as anything else. Thus far, he'd been playing a complex game of traps within traps, and she reached out now, looking for the snare. "I can take us within ten systems," she said, plugging in a route. "Chewbacca can meet us there. We'll decide what to do with you then."

"Or we don't." Unexpectedly, he took her hand. Rey startled, pulling away. "I don't intend to join the Resistance."

"You just quit the First Order."

"That doesn't mean I'm signing up with our enemies."

"Then what are you doing? I don't understand you. You let yourself be captured. You took me hostage. Now we're away from the First Order and we need to regroup with the only ones who can stop them."

He reached for her hand again. Rey let him take it this time. If she had to touch his mind to convince him, she would. He met her eyes.

She felt the cold metal snap shut on her wrist.

Her mouth fell open, anger and shock competing. "Are you serious?"

"You have your powers," he said, pulling back. "You have your freedom of movement. More or less."

Rey immediately went to tug off the cuff, knowing it was pointless. "Why did you bother helping me escape if you just wanted to make me your prisoner again?"

"You're not my prisoner. Not exactly." He turned to the nav computer and typed in a course. "Call it, you're my less than trustworthy partner."

" _I'm_ not trustworthy?!" she shouted. "You've kidnapped me twice!"

"Your problem is that you are too melodramatic."

Rey looked at him, unable to speak, as he sat there in his stupid black robes longing for the stupid black helmet that he wore as a tribute to his stupid evil grandfather. "I hate you so much."

"That's why you've got the cuff. You may do as you please, but if you move more than ten meters away from me, you'll be hit with a disabling jolt. It's most unpleasant. These are for prisoner transport." He removed his glove, and she saw a similar cuff around his wrist. She wondered what would happen if she removed his arm.

"I heard that," he said. "If my controller loses contact with living flesh in any way, the kill switch in yours is automatically triggered. You can try removing your own arm if you like."

"I really, really hate you." She'd known he'd been planning something. Finding out what it was came almost as a relief. Almost. "You said 'partner.'" A ball of worry grew inside her.

"Business partner. I need your help."

"Most people ask first."

"You would have said no."

"I might not have. You could have tried being nice, or failing that, not being yourself." She crossed her arms in front of her chest. There would be some means of freeing herself, no matter what he said. She'd been in traps more than once. The trick was not to pull away. "Where are we going, if not to the Resistance?"

"A Sith temple."

"Have you entirely lost your mind?"

"That depends on if I'm right." He hit the switch for the hyperdrive. "Talking is inefficient. Let me show you." He grabbed for her arm, but she was ready this time, jumping back. The lightsabers were nowhere nearby. She'd have to fight him with her hands.

"Stay back."

He stood, walking closer, hands open and out. "Let me into your thoughts."

"You've spent too much time in my head already. You're not putting anything else in there."

He sighed in exasperation, pausing a few feet away from her. "This is why I didn't ask you. You are overreacting to a ridiculous degree. You never would have agreed to come along."

"I'm still not agreeing. I'm not going anywhere with you, especially not somewhere associated with the Sith." She ignored the accusation of overreacting. Anything short of slicing Ren's torso in two with his own lightsaber did not count as overreacting in this situation.

"Really? What do you know about them?"

Rey thought fast, and only came up with the most important detail Luke had taught her. "They're evil."

"Anything else?"

"Nothing else matters."

"Spoken like a true convert. I wasn't joking about the religious fanaticism. The Jedi worshiped at the feet of the Force and never dared question why. That's why they died."

She remembered her jumbled vision from when she'd first touched her lightsaber. The weapon had spoken to her without words, offering up its sad history. Dozens, perhaps hundreds of Jedi had died beneath its blue glow. The Sith had orchestrated the massacre, and the Dark Lord that the man before her venerated had been one of the most vicious killers. She'd felt the horrible resistance of flesh as the blade had cut them down.

"They died because they were betrayed by one they trusted. Don't ever expect me to trust you."

"Then don't expect to be updated on what we're doing." He turned away and flung himself into the pilot's seat in a sulk. Rey took the chance to move into the rear of the shuttle, fuming to herself.

She wasn't thinking clearly. She needed a better plan than to waste her time fighting with Kylo Ren. With an effort, she took several calming breaths. Deep breaths made her hyperventilate. Rey focused instead on simple, natural breathing, allowing the movement of her own diaphragm to soothe her otherwise troubled mind.

 _"Luke?"_ Calm achieved, she reached out with the Force. She needed to find her teacher, let him know she was alive, and seek his guidance. He was reluctant to confront his nephew, but he might aid her in escaping and finding her way back home. _"Can you hear me?"_

 _"He can't,"_ came the unwelcome interloper in her mind. _"As soon as he realized what happened, he locked himself up tight inside his mental shields. He won't hear you, and you won't be able to find him."_ She suspected she wasn't supposed to hear his bitter, _"Just like before."_ Of course. Kylo had been hunting his uncle as fervently as the rest of the galaxy. Luke had learned to hide his own thoughts as efficiently as Rey's lost shield did.

Rey walked back into the cockpit. "Then let me send a real message."

"We'll be discovered as soon as you do. The First Order will be searching everywhere for us. It can wait."

"My friends think I'm dead." She could only imagine how Finn was reacting now. He hadn't even known she'd been on this mission, and what could Poe tell him? What could any of them say?

"Possibly." 

"Let me go home. If you want to go on some ludicrous quest to get in touch with your inner Dark Lord, I won't stop you. I should, but I don't care. I just want to go home." She wondered if she sounded like she was whining. She felt like she was whining. The crowded events of the last several hours caught up with her. She sat in the copilot's chair, drawing herself into a small ball, pushing back against the fear.

"There are always two."

"Two what?"

"The Sith had a fixation on the notion that there were only ever two, the Master and the Apprentice. Their temples and fortresses operated on the principle that the two would come to them together. I can't get inside alone."

"Then don't go."

He sighed again, rubbing his eyes. "What happened to the Ladon'kres?"

She knew this answer. "They died."

"How?"

Her dream father had told her. "The people they subjugated built a weapon and fired it into the sun their homeworld orbited."

"You know that because I know that. It's part of the fable."

"So? You said you weren't involved with that search."

Kylo made a face. "I'm not. I wasn't. But I was curious, because you were curious." He gave her an accusing look. "After we returned to my ship, I called up the latest report. The First Order has found the archaeological site they were seeking. It's only a matter of time until they discover what the Ladon'kres were using as their Doomsday weapon."

Rey closed her eyes. One more Doomsday weapon in the hands of people only too glad to rain destruction down and terrorize other worlds. "You should be happy."

"Should I? I've spent my life believing the Force is the most powerful weapon in the galaxy. Any fool can fire a gun."

"You're jealous?"

His mouth pulled into a line. There was more, and she couldn't pick out the emotion behind the shields he'd placed between them. "While I was waiting for you to come interrogate me, I had time to think. Someone stood against the Ladon'kres in the distant past. Someone powerless but determined. Someone willing to destroy an entire star system in order to vanquish their enemy for good. It's possible the rebels who stood against them were Jedi, but crafting a weapon on that order doesn't sound like Jedi work."

Finally, she saw where his thoughts had taken him. "You think the Sith were the ones who stood against them."

"Who else could have?" He touched the nav computer. "There's an old Sith temple on Hanoon. I found it in your mind. If I'm right, there will be some record of their accomplishment inside the temple. They'll have boasted. I would." He looked at Rey. "We can't stop the First Order from rediscovering what the Ladon'kres used to keep planets in their thrall. I might be able to find out what stopped them before."

His mind opened to hers again. Rey recoiled. Then, hating herself for it, she reached out, reading these same thoughts. No plots. No ulterior designs. No plan, either, not past freeing the one person he thought could aid him.

He'd returned to her cell in a worried confusion, his own inner voice nagging at him that this was not the way, that the First Order could not be allowed to have such a powerful tool unopposed. He would have yelled at Rey, argued with her, let her fervent belief that they must be stopped sway him into surety that his Supreme Leader was correct. So he'd told himself, and he'd not let himself consider why he'd brought her the keys.

"What can we possibly do if we find it?"

"We find it first. Then we decide. Are you in?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No."

She sat back, playing with the binder. In a world that had never been, he'd bound her by this same wrist, and he'd ravished her as she'd urged him on. A single thread of fear had dialed up the thrill as he'd consumed her, body and soul. That life was gone. That night, and those like it, had never happened. But she remembered, and so did he. He would use that time, that knowledge, to control and manipulate her, just as Luke had warned her. Had that only been yesterday?

Even if she didn't read deceit in his mind, she didn't dare allow herself to believe he wouldn't betray her at the first opportunity. Her only chance at surviving this situation was to keep him in front of her.

"Why did you free me?"

"We went over that. I need your help."

"You killed that man."

"I've been wanting to kill him for some time. This seemed like the best opportunity."

The certainty in his voice was undercut by the deception she felt in his mind, and she wasn't the person he was deceiving.

"Tell me why you saved me, and I'll agree to go with you."

He glared at her. In the odd, blinking lights of the shuttle's cockpit, shadows grew and faded over his face, and Rey couldn't see which man sat there.

"I would prefer you not to die," he said. "Not like that. You and I have paths yet to travel together. One of us is destined to end the other. I know it. You know it. I won't see that destiny set aside by a worthless worm."

"You helped me escape because you intend to kill me yourself."

"Yes." She didn't know if he was aware of the quiet whispering behind his own words. Part of him expected Rey to win their final fight. Part of him welcomed that future.

She knew who that was.

"Fine," she said aloud. "I'm in."

"Good."

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

They traveled via a circuitous route rather than the most direct path, spending five days on the journey but avoiding pursuit. At their third pause in flight, Kylo brought them into orbit around Torolis. Rey, who'd spent much of the last several hours trying to stay awake, jolted in her seat. "What's going on? This isn't Hanoon already."

"No. We're close. I want to trade in this ship for another, and we'll need supplies. We have no food left, and we need more appropriate clothes. I'd rather purchase them here than wait until we're on world." He brought the ship in for a landing at a dock in the largest settlement, then removed the largest pieces of his distinctive armor, stowing them in a bag. "Come on."

Rey followed him out of the shuttle and into the brisk, bright day. The smells of a spaceport, all old fumes and unwashed travelers, woke her up as much as the change of scenery. She wasn't afraid of Kylo Ren, not now. He'd had plenty of chances to kill her, and hadn't taken them. She didn't trust him while she'd slept, locking herself in the one small sleeping compartment during the few rest periods she'd taken.

"Sell," Kylo said brightly when the dock master asked their business. "We're looking for something smaller. What's on offer?"

The pair haggled over an exciting-looking little speedster, which Rey took a look at for herself. "Are you joking? The fuel system for this was built a century ago." Ren turned back to the dock master, who only shrugged.

"Perhaps this one," it said, launching into a euphoric description of the next shuttle, which had clear signs of Mynock damage even Kylo could see.

"This is pointless," he said, and he waved his hand. "We are leaving our ship. You are giving us the best one you have in trade, and the difference in whatever money you use in this colony."

The dock master nodded amiably and handed over the command codes to a third ship. Rey checked it out, finding no major problems. Ren joined her, examining the exterior. "It will do." He held a small stack of Republic credits. "We should purchase our supplies before he notices his ship is gone."

They left the ship and hurried out into the colony proper. The majority of the residents were Bothan, with enough humans and other species that the two of them didn't stand out overmuch. The nice weather had brought out everyone to the shops and stalls that lined the busy roads, offering fruits and meats and things Rey couldn't name at all.

Kylo stopped at a tent that looked much like the rest, and began piling up an assortment of hand-sized fruits. Rey stayed back, watching the crowd. She wondered how far she could go from him, and if she could use her training to get past the warning shock. She'd be stranded on an unknown world with no ship and no means of contacting the Resistance, but she had spent most of her life living on her wits.

She took another step back, then another. As Kylo caught the attention of the shopkeeper, she bolted. Her mental shields slammed down, preventing him from following her with his mind. The streets wound with an odd spiralling pattern to and fro. The important part was not to worry about where she ran, only that she did. If she gave him too much trouble to recover, he would leave without her.

Her boots were muffled in the sounds of the crowd.

She was ready for the electric jolt that struck her as she passed the boundary from the controller cuff. Sharp, prickling knives stabbed her all over, setting her nervous system afire. A painful cry tore from her throat, and she stumbled. Reaching inside of her for the calm place Luke had taught her to access, Rey pictured the pain moving outside of herself, willed it away as she took another step forward, and another.

The electricity buzzed through her harder. Her teeth rattled. She was going to die, her heart shot through with bolts of deadly energy. She couldn't breathe. She would soil herself and expire as curious Bothans watched her fall, crawling to a freedom she could almost reach.

If she moved past it. If she pushed herself through.

Agony shot down her spine. She closed her eyes, and at last felt the pain ease.

She heard Kylo say, "Twelve point five meters. These things never did have much in the way of quality control."

* * *

She was conscious for their return to the ship, enough to hear Kylo tell the few interested onlookers she was his sister, passing out from too much drink. "She's young," he said. "I forget how young at times." Rey lacked the energy to kick him.

She fell into the bunk on their new ship, closed her eyes, and didn't open them again until she felt the ship enter hyperspace. By that time, the pain was gone, leaving her with the stiff ache of having lain still for too long. She found a new set of clothes, better suited to exploring a lost temple than what she wore now. The sizing was nearly perfect, but then, they had lived together for years in another reality. Reluctantly, she changed, then joined him in the cockpit.

"Good morning," he said, and that was a different pain, one Rey wasn't used to yet. Dressed in his simpler clothes, and not wearing his usual scowl, he looked and sounded just like Ben.

Ben never would have tethered her to an electrified prison. Not unless she'd asked him nicely.

"You could have killed me."

"I told you what would happen. You have no one to blame but yourself."

"You did this to me." She wouldn't forget it, either.

He didn't argue the point. "There's food in the back. You should eat before we land. Don't play the game where you pretend you're not hungry and won't eat again. We're busy."

Rey stalked into the back, rummaging through the supplies with bad grace. Did he know how rare a treat it was for her to eat fresh fruit, or had he simply chosen what he'd wanted and assumed she'd go along? Annoyance kept her from savoring her food, even as she tried to commit the first bite of each piece to her memory.

"We're only an hour away now," he said as she rejoined him. "I want to land as close to the temple as we can. That should attract the fewest questioning eyes from New Geddes."

"Won't they be watching the temple?"

"Maybe. I would."

"Let me bring us in for the landing. I can slide in under their surveillance."

"How?"

"I'll show you." She stood beside the pilot's seat waiting for him to move aside. Her eyes looked over the controls of this new ship, sorting out where everything was. She'd never seen the model before.

"Perhaps when we're closer."

Her chance to take the controls did not materialize. As soon as they dropped out of hyperspace, Kylo brought them in by himself. "If we're discovered by the local authorities, I'm blaming you," Rey said, gathering her pack.

"You blame me for everything else. What's new?" He handed over a lightsaber, his own red one.

"This isn't mine."

"Neither is this one." He clipped the one Rey had been using to his own belt. She hefted the other in her hand. She hadn't trained on the red one, and she felt the eerie malevolence she'd always associated with it radiating towards her, even unlit.

Their ship overlooked an imposing edifice carved right out of the side of the mountain. Sharp spires pierced the sky, and an enormous door loomed in front, dark and forbidding entrance. It was everything Rey had expected from a base held by dark wielders of the Force. They wouldn't find answers in here, only old grudges and the stink of death.

Her bad feeling increased as they approached the gate. She couldn't run away from him. She wasn't yet ready to consider removing her own hand to get free. She would leave that as her last resort, better than dying but to be avoided until she ran out of other options.

"Do we knock?" she whispered, staring up. Faces leered back, carved by hand or by wind into the tortured rock.

"Did Chewbacca tell you how they got inside before?"

She stared at him. He'd said he'd pulled the memory from her. "They never told you this story when you were growing up?"

"My uncle told me they'd found a temple, and it was dangerous. Nothing else." His eyes shaded over. She picked up his thought that another hazardous mission was all in a day's work for Han and Chewie, and Kylo was surprised Chewie even remembered.

Luke hadn't told her a thing.

"There might be a passcode," she suggested.

He waved his hand, closing his eyes and using the Force. The gate slid up, groaning stone against stone. "After you."

Darkness loomed inside. Rey lit her borrowed lightsaber as soon as she entered, using the crimson glow for light. She didn't wonder why he'd sent her ahead of him. There would be traps. He would happily risk her neck ahead of his own.

She heard the hum of the other blade activating as he followed her inside. The gate lowered behind them, sealing the dark in with them.

The cavernous space around them sucked away the pitiful light they'd brought, even when they pulled out the lanterns he'd purchased. Sound, too, died in the vast open space, rendering even Kylo's usual peremptory bluster into a weak whisper. The temple appeared empty, stretching for leagues into the distance.

"There's nothing here," she said, voice tiny in the gloom.

"You think? Close your eyes."

Rey didn't see the point in closing her eyes. They were surrounded by darkness. Kylo stared at her until she sighed and shut her eyelids. "More darkness."

"Do you actually have any Force powers or have you spent the last several months annoying me by accident?"

All she had to do was reach out with her lightsaber and lop off his head. Enjoying that image, Rey stretched out with the Force. Columns rose around them, holding up the tall ceiling. Ahead of them, past the grand entrance, lay two paths, divided by narrow beams. She could have walked in the darkness and never realized she'd taken one. She pushed ahead with her powers, seeking out the routes. "It's a maze."

"Not just a maze. There are pressure traps in the floor. Can you sense them?"

She hadn't, but when she examined the stone passageways with her mind, she prodded at well-oiled platforms. More, there were switches along the walls, and she felt along the still-live electrical current flowing between them. "The traps are deactivated by panels in the opposite maze."

"Two," he said. "The Master must take one path, and the Apprentice must take the other. Otherwise, both fail."

"I can't be far from you unless you deactivate my wrist binder." She held up her arm.

"Then we should be careful not to get ahead of one another. If I deactivate your cuff, you'll only run back to the ship and leave me here. Don't argue. I can see the plan in the back of your mind."

"You are very intrusive."

"You take the left path, and I'll take the right." His own thought was equally easy to read: there were set paths for Master and Apprentice, and he had chosen the former.

Rey bit down on her own anger. He goaded her at every opportunity, and here in the heart of Sith lore and territory, she couldn't let him get to her. If he pushed Rey to touch her own worst impulses, the Dark Side would get its claws into her and not let go. She didn't doubt this had always been his goal. Why kill her when he could pervert her power for his own ends?

She ought to let him fall into the first trap he encountered.

_"I'm at the first platform. Have you reached the deactivation switch?"_

Rey touched the wall. There. Her hand found a simple switch, and she felt the power behind it. This circuit was live. She could let him step, let him feel the metal teeth of this horrible cage he'd brought them into. No one would judge her badly for it, not even his family.

Which meant the only person she'd have to answer to was herself, just as they'd allowed her to judge herself after her lies about the dreams. The harshest critic lived inside her own mind, and didn't speak with Kylo's obnoxious voice.

Rey pulled the switch. _"You're clear."_

He didn't thank her. Rey moved forward along her own path, seeking out the next trap. Her powers found a trip wire, waist height, and a second pressure pad right after. _"Found mine. Can you deactivate it?"_

He didn't reply. Rey stood there in the dark, her lantern giving her no help as the minutes trickled by. He hadn't abandoned her here, else her wrist binder would have attacked her, and he wasn't dead, because he'd said that would kill her, the failsafe to her own captivity.

_"Kylo?"_

_"I'm thinking. This is a puzzle switch."_ He showed her the image he saw: a set of five levers, themselves holding up five differently-weighted blocks of stone. _"They have to be balanced, but if I choose wrong, there's a strong possibility it will kill us both."_

Rey examined the puzzle through his eyes. She reached out, testing the masses of the stones. _"The second weight isn't what it appears to be. It's the largest, but the lightest."_

Together, they manipulated the stones into a single, balanced line. He operated the switches to hold them in place. Rey felt the circuit to her own trap break. Gingerly, she stepped through. A moment later, a sudden premonition dropped her to the floor just as a sharp blade swung at her chest.

_"Apparently, the fifth one was also weighted deceptively. Are you injured?"_

_"I'm fine,"_ she thought at him, heart racing. She stretched out with her powers. No more traps awaited along her path, and only one switch. _"Do you see the next trap?"_

_"No. My way is clear."_

Rey approached the switch. _"What's this for?"_ The others had obvious uses. The power to this one didn't flow and wouldn't let her test where it went.

_"It's inactive. It doesn't matter."_

That made no sense. _"The others were active. This is another test. Watch yourself."_

He went silent, and Rey went into his mind. He agreed it was another trap but couldn't decide what. His powers flexed again. _"I have a switch on my side."_ She followed his next thought.

_"A paranoia trap?"_

_"That would fit with Sith ideal. Ultimately, how much do you trust each other? Enough to pull your switch or let it stay?"_

That worried her. _"I don't trust you at all."_

_"Likewise. Agree to leave them alone?"_

_"Agreed."_ Rey stepped away from the switch, feeling out with her powers in the dark. She felt the great weight of a block over her head, held by a single strand of cable. The switches must control them, she realized. But up or down? On or off?

The block shifted and Rey dove, pushing herself with the Force to fling at an open doorway. She barrelled into him coming from an entrance beside hers, and they fell to the floor.

Rey spun, thinking to hear the block rumbling down and barring their escape, just as his head spun to where he'd come from, but there was no noise. When she recognized she wasn't dead, relief flushed her limbs. On instinct, she hugged him in celebration.

A second later, she remembered, and she pulled back fast, resisting the temptation to punch the smirk off his face.

As they sat for another breath, lights along the walls snapped into life, humming alive one by one with the crackle of unused wires. The empty cavern outside had been an illusion to hide the maze in. Now they'd come to a central room. A single ornate doorway stood in the center of the far wall, and smaller corridors branched off.

"Where to?" she asked, standing without his help.

"That door will lead to the heart of the temple. We're interested in the library. One of these, but there's no way to know which one." Lights glowed along the walls all the way down each corridor. "Pick a direction."

"This is your expedition."

"This one," he said, choosing the doorway farthest to the left. "We can search one by one if need be. Don't touch anything."

The dry, still air felt like a tomb. "Did they bury their dead in here?"

"They rarely left behind enough of a corpse to bury." He thought more. "Probably." Sure enough, the end of the corridor led down a slope and under the rest of the building. Catacombs loomed out behind a stiff-doored entrance. Rey didn't have to shine her lantern to see the malevolent piles of bone and mummified flesh. The bodies weren't interred in their own niches, but organized by size and type of remains.

"Why don't they have their own places?"

He shone his lamp over to a worktable near the entrance. "These weren't the beloved remains of past brothers and sisters. These were tools."

Rey shuddered. She knew enough about necromancy to want not to know more. "The library isn't here."

They returned to the main chamber, choosing another route. This led to a great storeroom full of glimmering treasure. It was more wealth than Rey had ever dreamed of, and she stood holding her lantern high, watching the gleam of light play across the gems and precious metals. "Can we...."

"Look." He glanced at their feet. The crumbling remains of bones could just be seen in the dust that lined the floor. "What kind of trap do you think they'll have set, with this just out for anyone to see?"

"I don't know."

"Neither do I. I'm surprised, though. This much treasure in one place? I wonder how Skywalker managed to talk the Dim Duo from trying to take it." Rey pictured a much younger Luke desperately coaxing Han and Chewie away from this treasure room.

She glanced up into the doorway and saw a very heavy door on an oiled slider, and noticed it had risen only recently. If she touched a piece, would it collapse in, trapping them until the next explorers came through the maze?

"When we go back, you can ask him. This isn't the library. Let's go." Walking away, Rey felt her heart lighten. She'd wanted to pick up just a few pieces of bright metal and stow them in her pockets. But she couldn't eat it, and she couldn't drink it, and the stones said the poor corpse who'd been lost in there couldn't, either.

"We should split up," Kylo said when they reached the main chamber. "We'll cover more ground."

"The famous last words of many, many people. Also we can't unless you release me."

He glared at her, as though he'd forgotten again. "Fine." He pushed past her to the corridor nearest the ornate door, and Rey had little choice but to follow. She tried to keep her eyes open as they walked, wondering if the information they sought would be printed along the walls themselves, but instead of complex tapestries or murals conveniently depicting their famous victories, the Sith who built this temple left their walls undecorated save by dull grey conduit to power the lights.

At the end of the corridor, a door swung open into a small chamber, leading towards the center of the temple. "You first," said Kylo.

"It's all right if you're scared," Rey said. "I'll go in." Warmed by the rankled umbrage she read in his thoughts, Rey stepped inside. The room was empty except for another door on the opposite side. He followed her into the chamber.

The door behind them shut.

Kylo lit his lightsaber. "Don't," said Rey. "We can find our way out." She went to the next door, placing her hand against it.

She heard the shimmer before she saw a figure coalesce in the center of the room. The inner door opened as the figure formed into a solid: a child. The little girl looked to be about five or six years old, pale-fleshed and dark-haired.

"Hello?" Rey said. She tried to sense the girl's mind, and found only mist. "She's not real."

"I'm real," said the girl. She looked up at Kylo, who doused his blade. "You know who I am."

He said nothing. Rey brushed his mind. _"What's going on?"_

"This is another trap," he said, and to her surprise, he went to his knees to bring himself to eye level with the girl. "It's a simulation. This is our child."

Rey's mouth went dry, and she looked at the girl again. The shape of her face was familiar, yes, but the unruly dark hair wasn't hers. In another life, this girl could have been real, but that was not this life. "We don't have a child. We're never going to have a child."

"That's why it's a good trap. It's a temptation trap."

"I don't see how. I'm not tempted."

He turned back to the little girl. "This isn't about you. What's your name, sweetheart?"

"You know my name."

Kylo nodded in agreement, his expression absent.

Rey stretched her neck to look into the far chamber that had been revealed. "We should go."

"We can wait. I'm defective, remember?" he said sharply. "I just want to see her for a minute." He smiled, and his smile was strange, chilling, as he reached out to stroke the simulation's face. Vader would have smiled that same way under his dark helmet when he discovered he had a son. She felt Kylo's mind wander down a path he'd thought lost to him, filled with the same longings with which he'd populated his dreams. There was no prize so tempting as the one you couldn't have.

"You stay. I'm going." Rey left him there, knowing she couldn't venture far into the heart of the temple alone, and hoping he'd come to his senses and follow her.

More lights flickered on around her. As she raised her hand to her eyes to shield against the sudden glare, she felt a stabbing pain prickle her leg, like the bite of a sand slitherer lurking in the dunes. She gasped, reeling from the quick attack. The long, sharp probe withdrew smoothly back into the wall.

"Another trap," she said, or tried to say, her words slurring.

"Hold on," she heard Kylo say, not even looking in her direction as she fell against the wall, head spinning.

She had anti-toxin in her pack. Rey shrugged it off, her numb fingers unable to open the straps. Too dizzy to stand, she went to the floor, eyes clouding to the immense structure of the inner temple, and ears straining for the fading sound of Kylo Ren talking to someone who never was.

* * *

Rey opened her eyes slowly, head pounding with ache. The lights were too bright, and her mouth was dry as sand. She coughed herself awake, sitting up. She was in a tent, the sides bulging and billowing in a light wind. The smell hit her before anything else: the arid stillness, the sweat from too many unwashed bodies, and the hint of rank water close by.

A med droid scooted over to her, pressing one digit against her arm as panic rose.

"At last," said a familiar voice. "It's about time you woke up, girl. You've been sleeping for days and you're late for work today."

Rey stared at Unkar Plutt as he came in through the opening of the tent. Just outside, she saw the all too familiar backdrop of Niima Outpost.

She was home.

* * *


	15. Chapter 15

Rey tried to clear her head, but pain from the light and worse kept pressing into her thoughts. "I wasn't here," she said. "I was on Hanoon."

Unkar Plutt looked at her, then threw up his hands. He spun on the med droid. "You said she'd recovered."

"The patient needs rest."

Those were the four most expensive words in Niima Outpost. Rey immediately rolled her legs from the biobed. A single line went into her arm, and she removed it painfully. "I'm fine."

"You'd better be," said Plutt. "I've had to pay for you to stay here for the last three days. You owe me fifty good pieces from that wreck of yours."

"Fifty?!" Outrage got her to her feet, and exhaustion nearly dropped her again. "I can't pay fifty."

"We could work out another trade," he said, letting the words dangle.

"Fifty," Rey said through gritted teeth. "For a medical stay?"

"You were injured," said the droid. "Mild concussion and delirium."

"I'm fine now," she said, taking her staff from where it rested beside the bed, and attempting to walk. "Thank you." Delirium? It was so hard to focus. She followed Plutt from the medical tent, the only source of care here in their forgotten oasis. The bright sun dazzled her. She'd almost forgotten.

"What am I doing back here?" she demanded of him. "I was on Hanoon investigating something." She ended the sentence with an awkward pause. Plutt was no more trustworthy than Kylo Ren, less even. He'd gladly turn her in to the First Order or anyone else if he'd get paid for the trade.

"Hanoon," Plutt said scornfully. "If I never have to hear about the Sith Temple on Hanoon, it will be too soon."

"What?" She found it hard to follow his footsteps. Normally, her own feet were lighter than his.

He gestured broadly. "One bump on your head, and suddenly you're a Jedi! Fighting the First Order and sneaking into old Sith tombs! Pah." He turned his body to glare at her. "You know better than to go out dehydrated. You know better than to go in without your headgear. Next time, I am not paying for your treatment so be more careful."

Jedi. Sith. Yes. There was a Jedi Temple on Ahch-To, and a Sith Temple on Hanoon. "I'm training to be a Jedi, under--"

"Luke Skywalker," Plutt finished her sentence scornfully. "He's a myth. All that nonsense with the Force is a myth. You want something, you don't just wave your hand and wish. You go out into the belly of that ship and you find me something useful. That's how you get fed. You want to eat while you wait for your family, don't you?"

Rey remembered the faces of her parents. But that had been a dream, hadn't it? Everything lurched inside her head. Her parents hadn't been real, but Luke had been real. Finn had been real. General Organa was the realest person Rey had ever met, and Ben.... Ben wasn't real. Kylo was real. "I have to get back to the temple. He's still there. There was a trap." She looked at her arm. The cuff was gone. She was free. "I think there was a trap."

Plutt smacked her on the head, but not hard. "Your brain is still frazzled. Next you'll tell me you're married to Kylo Ren again. That was embarrassing, as if anyone important would love a skinny desert rat like you. You can work this afternoon. Bring me what you find tomorrow."

Her speeder, the one she'd built herself, waited in the usual place. Rey climbed aboard, not sure she should be driving. This was wrong, but the seat was solid under her bottom, and the handles had the same slight tug before they gave and fired the engine. Around her, the usual people and animals whose faces she'd grown up knowing walked by her, as uncaring as ever. She'd been injured, and she was only as good as her work.

There had been a temple.

Rey zoomed off in her speeder. She remembered the location of Tuanul, the village Finn's squad had attacked. She could be there in a few hours. She found her spare headgear in her bag just as she always left it, which kept the worst of the sand from stinging her face.

The desert heat gave way to cold night by the time she arrived, almost missing the small village in the dark. The only life she disturbed was the patter of scavengers, the animals out feasting on the cooked remains of what had once been a home to many. She expected it to be horrible, and it was, but she'd found bodies during her scavenging runs and these weren't much worse. The dry air had begun to preserve what remained once the birds and beasts had stripped most of the meat away.

The First Order left their own dead along with those they executed. She counted three Stormtroopers. One had clearly been shot by firing squad. She couldn't make herself remove the mask. The body of a Resistance pilot lay not very far from them, and the exposed flesh was nearly gone, leaving few traces behind.

She knew that jacket. She'd seen it in her fevered dreams.

Rey found her way home in the wee hours of the morning, and stumbled inside. This was her walker, hard-earned. There was her pilot doll, dressed with care when she'd been little. Those were her marks on the wall, stretching out the years of her life. Everything smelled the same. Her bedroll, thin and dusty, had the same scratchy cloth she'd known for years.

Her head ached where she'd bumped it. She curled up on her bed, and she touched the bare skin on her wrist until she fell asleep.

* * *

She woke late, judging by the slant of light. She went through her stores, finding the last of an uneaten portion. Famished, she prepared it and swallowed her meal too quickly. She had more held back, just a little. She would have to live on that as she repaid her debt to Plutt.

The hulking wreck lay where it always had, the metal skin achingly hot in the sun. She tried to be here early in the morning, not climb inside sweating at noon. Upset and out of sorts, she found her way in, knowing she had pieces to find. This was her job, her life, and it would be easier if she didn't keep hearing lessons in the back of her mind from a man who was only a myth.

The Resistance, Jedi training, her adventures with Finn, even her mad escape with Kylo Ren, these had all been a complicated dream brought on by heatstroke and concussion. She was lucky not to be dead.

She worked until night, long after she should have headed back. Larger creatures made their homes inside the ships, resting during the day and emerging in the twilight hours to hunt. Rey knew not to tangle with them, and also knew Plutt would add interest to her debt each day he wasn't repaid in full. Fifteen pieces would not be enough, but as she heard the waking call of a dak-lion, she knew she couldn't linger.

"This is it?" he asked, when she brought in the cleaned pieces, the last of the night before he closed.

"I'll bring more tomorrow," she said, weary. If she argued, he'd only be more cruel.

"Forty more."

Her eyes widened. She nodded once, and accepted the quarter portion he paid her to eat tonight, and held her tongue. For a moment, as she took the portion from him, she tried to reach out with the Force. She couldn't lift the portion with her mind, and she couldn't touch his mind to cajole him into giving her more.

Rey walked out. She touched her speeder, then looked behind her. The battered YT-1300 still sat under its dirty tarpaulin. She'd dreamed of flying this ship across the stars. The famous Han Solo had offered her a job as second mate. Chewbacca had flown with her. She'd gone with them and with Finn into adventure, and lost Han as she'd gained new friends, practically a family. She'd been special, someone with the potential to be a Jedi, and she'd possessed enough power to defeat the dark wizard who fought for the First Order. More, she'd fascinated and tempted him, defeating him in battle and transforming his rage into a hot desire for her. She was surrounded by people who admired and respected her. General Organa adored her. The best pilot in the Resistance was one of her dearest friends. Her closest friend was handsome and kind and brave for her sake, and she was warmly certain that he cared for her more than anyone else in her life ever had.

Of course all that had been a dream. Seen through the glass of who she was, a nameless scavenger on a forgotten planet, how could that amazing life been anything but a complex, wonderful vision brought on by a too-dazzling sun?

Reality hit her hard, choking her, as though she'd been feasting on savory meats only to find her mouth full of dust. It had to be dust in her eyes now, clouding her vision as Rey stared stubbornly at the run-down old freighter.

She'd loved that ship in her dream.

Dinner forgotten, Rey approached the old YT-1300, half-expecting it to crumble away like the rest of her fantasy. She climbed inside, remembering playing in here a few times. Her mind had turned this piece of garbage into the legendary _Millennium Falcon_. Her hands touched the controls. She had so wanted to believe.

"Nice, isn't she?"

Her heart leapt into her mouth as she spun.

Han Solo leaned in the doorway to the cockpit. "Always loved this beauty, even when she was bound up like this." He gave a long, sad look at the control panel. "Don't tell Leia, but the _Falcon_ was always my best girl."

"She knows," Rey said and then she flung herself into his arms. He felt solid, and smelled human: a day or two since the last bath, making up for it with dampeners and cologne. "How are you here?"

He let her finish the hug, patting her head kindly. "How am I here? This is my ship, kid. I'm always here."

It occurred to her that if she'd been dreaming, and Han had been part of her dream, he didn't know what was going on now. "Sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to hug you. I was just so relieved. Aren't you Han Solo?"

"Rey." He folded his arms. "How hard did you hit your head?"

"You know me?"

"Of course." He smiled that same rakish grin she remembered. He looked younger than she remembered, too. Less grey. More swagger. She watched him, considering. He knew her name, and he didn't look like he had before. She'd found the bodies of people who might have been her friends.

"This is a dream. Jakku. I'm dreaming now."

"Good job." The smile turned to pride.

"And you're real. You're really real." She reached out with her powers, and yes, she could feel his presence. "How is that possible?" She touched his arm again. "You were real inside the last dream. The one on Altara. You knew how you'd died. You've been real this whole time."

"Always knew you were the smart one." The smile stayed, turning sad and wistful. "Dying hurts. I don't recommend it."

"You're a ghost. Luke said he couldn't find you. He was searching for you." Sheltered pain often covered her teacher's face, an expression he tried to keep from Rey and her friends. Luke had retreated into the place Jedi could go, where she could go when she learned, and he had found no trace of his beloved friend.

"Not everybody gets to be a full ghost. You have to be filled with the Force, and know how to recorporate or something." Han picked through the words, mispronouncing and dismissing as he spoke, and waved them away with his hand. "The old man told me after I showed up, and between you and me, I think he made half of it up. I figured I'd just spend the rest of my afterlife watching from behind the scenes and waiting for everyone else. Then Genius got it into his head to take something to focus his powers."

She gave a short laugh. "So he did."

"You scared him. Your powers are stronger."

"They are?"

Han nodded. "That kid hates coming in second. Finding you freaked him out. So he took some weird Jedi med, and when he was deep enough under, suddenly I wasn't invisible any longer. He saw me there and let himself think it was real. He built this whole dream world where he was less of a screw-up."

Disaster. She'd called him a beautiful disaster. "I knew my Ben wasn't really him."

He quirked his mouth at the word 'my' and said, "You think so? I spent five years inside his head with him while he turned into the man you met." His face went wistful. They hadn't been close in life, not over the last several years. It must have seemed like a gift. "Hey, did Luke ever tell you how we all met?"

"A little."

"I bet he left out the bad parts. Chewie and I kind of extorted him and the old man pretty bad over a ride off Tatooine in this beauty," he said, with a not entirely apologetic face. "I shot a guy on my way out of the bar because I didn't like him. When we accidentally found ourselves on the Death Star, and Luke wanted to go rescue some girl he'd seen in a holo, he had to bribe me to help, and as soon as we got her back home, I took my reward and ran for it."

That didn't match up with the heroic story she'd built for herself from the small tidbits General Organa and her brother shared, and from the larger reminiscences Chewbacca loved to spin. "But you were brave. You were a famous Rebellion leader."

"Yeah, eventually." He seemed embarrassed. "I'm only telling you, people change. Sometimes when they meet the right people, they decide they don't want to be screw-ups." He coughed. "Anyway, my favorite screwup couldn't wake up from his self-induced coma. Someone had to go in after him."

In the dream, Han had been the one who found her first after the destruction of her experimental craft. "You arranged the crash. You brought me in."

"And you got him out. Thank you."

Grief moved inside her again. Han had meant well, loving his son and wanting to protect him even after Kylo had done his worst. She'd thought the forgiveness of her friends was hard to live up to. She wondered how hard it would be to live up to the forgiveness and love of someone you'd murdered.

"Were you the one who got us married?"

He raised his hands and stepped back. "That was all him. You're the first girl he's ever met who can keep up with him. He's got a crush, which you've probably noticed."

She'd noticed. She changed the subject. "I woke him up. How do I wake up?"

He frowned. "Okay, the good news is, you're not dead. If you hadn't been almost a Jedi and had all that training, you'd have died within a few minutes. The bad news is, I can't say how long the good news is going to last. That sting you felt was a lethal-sized dose of something like the stuff Ben took. You're stuck in here until someone comes to pull you out, or until you get your own crash course in being a ghost."

The only person physically close enough to her to help was her captor. "He won't come for me."

"He's trying to reach in to find you now." Han touched her arm. "The thing is, Ben's not very good at this. He can get into people's heads, but trying to focus himself to help someone? Not his strength. There's a good chance he's not going to get to you in time. I'm sorry."

"I'm going to die inside my dream."

"Yeah."

Rey took a hard breath. She didn't want to admit how terrified she was. "Will you stay with me?" 

He took her hand and squeezed it. "Sure."

"Thanks." She wondered if her imagination made her chest tighten. It certainly provided her with other horrors. "You were there inside the other dream."

"For a while."

"You didn't look in later. Did you?"

His eyes widened, and Han coughed. "Let's say I wasn't around when you didn't want company."

"Oh. Good."

Night had fallen outside, bringing in the cold. Rey shivered inside her clothes, the same hard-wearing fabric she'd known all her life, but the clothes felt wrong and the life didn't fit her. This was a dream of what was, and what could have been, and she would die here, leaving her body to rot inside a temple far away.

"How much does dying hurt?"

"Enough." He shifted his hold on her hand, leaning in close. "Don't go by lightsaber. It cauterizes, which means it burns like hell."

"I don't have to worry about dying by lightsaber." She definitely could feel her chest constricting, and her lips tingled with chill.

"Well, not today," Han said. He squeezed her hand again. "I guess he's better at this than he thinks he is. See you later, kid. Try to make it a lot later."

His face changed. Han was gone. Ben held her hand. "There you are. Time to wake up, sleepyhead."

* * *


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Notes for this chapter at the end.

Rey gasped and, unexpectedly, she breathed in someone else's breath. Her eyes opened. She pushed away in instinct, shoving against the heavy weight atop her. Her own chest ached. She lay on the floor, the high walls of the Sith temple leering around her.

Rey dragged in more air, head still swimming. Kylo sat close by, watching her as she clutched at her neck and then her shirt, feeling the bruises. "What?" she asked, unable to finish the sentence.

"You stopped breathing." He rested an awkward hand against her shoulder. "I wasn't sure.... I practiced this before but it's been a long time."

She blinked, her respiration steadying to normal even as she felt a bit ill. Her chest hurt because he'd pressed it hard, and her mouth tingled because he'd pushed air into her lungs. He'd walked into her mind to drag her out of her own dream, and he'd forced life into her body.

"Thanks."

He nodded, then hid his obvious relief behind a shell of superiority. "Obviously, I'm still good at it."

She rested, remembering the heat of Jakku, and the friendly hand that had held hers as she'd nearly died. "The dart was poison. The same stuff you took."

"A neat trap. Only someone with enough power could survive it, and only a second adept could free the first."

She almost told him about her vision but held her tongue. She needed time to think and to decide what she believed was real.

Feeling better, she sat up and didn't complain as his arms moved around her to help. As much as he was feigning his usual airs, she sensed only his concern for her. For a moment, Rey almost forgot who he was before she saw the cuff on her arm and remembered he wasn't her friend. She gave Kylo a hard glower. "I'm fine now." She got to her feet, stepping away from him. "We can keep searching for the library."

"I found it. You were out for two hours." At her startled look, he added, "You were deeply asleep and I couldn't wake you. I thought if I found the holocrons, there might be a means to break your trance."

"You could have killed me when you walked out of range."

His face went blank, and his mental shields slammed shut tight, but not before she saw the guilty flash.

"How long has my wrist binder been deactivated?"

Caught, he went for aloofness. "You'd learned not to run. I didn't want you injured if we were separated by accident. Besides, how else could I gather our supplies back on Torolis?" She'd been free to go since he'd caught up with her all the way back on Torolis.

"Take it off." She held up her arm. Kylo glared at her, and he let her see him consider turning the signal back on. Rey stood her ground, and with an annoyed sigh, not admitting he'd lost, he pressed a button on his own wrist. She felt the metal click open.

Rey dropped it to the ground.

"If you ever do something like that again, I'll gut you."

"I just saved your life," he said, anger peeking out.

"You risked my life and pulled me out. You keep risking my life and expecting thanks when you manage to not get me killed."

"Save your gratitude. Next time, I'll leave you."

"Fine." She turned away from him, grabbing her fallen pack from the floor. The door they'd come through was shut, but he'd found his way out of here and back again. Clearly there were more exits. Rey wouldn't ask him now, not for a million credits.

"You're going the wrong way," he said after a few moments.

"I'm just exploring our options." Rey approached the grandiose structure at the heart of the temple. Giant pillars, carved with discomforting scrawls, led in two neat lines towards a wide center at the back of the room. A painted symbol, part rune, part defiant gesture, dominated the wall, and below that stood a tiered stairway leading up to a sturdy table which was spoiled with dark, ancient stains.

She crossed a thin crack in the surrounding stones. As soon as her foot set down, her shoulders itched, and her vision swayed.

The altar called to her, singing out in a voice she felt inside her veins. Rey stepped closer. She sensed him behind her, standing close enough that she felt the heat of him radiating in this cold place. With a great effort, she turned, and saw his eyes focused on the symbol. The singing touched his mind, echoed from it. Part of her stood apart, musing this was wrong, the temple was weaving another trap.

"We have to run," Rey said. Her heart picked up the beat of the silent chant.

"It's not a trap," he said. "The temple wants an offering." Yes. She could feel the desire to draw his blood and take his place, to leave a sacrifice burnt in honor of the unholy spirit dwelling here. Inside his mind, she read the same circuitous thought, controlled as from without, calling for her blood.

Rey spun, arm drawn back to throw a punch. He caught the blow, dragging her up by her arm roughly.

He kissed the inside of her wrist, with a tender nip to where the cuff had worn at the skin.

_"Ben?"_

_"Does it matter?"_

Her heart said yes, but her mouth found his neck and draw along his throat to taste his chin and catch his lips. Kylo or Ben, this was the face she loved against all her intentions. His kisses knew her, remembering every shared moment that never was.

They merged thoughts effortlessly. Rey took in his confusion and loss amid the first dreary, soulless morning after his dream ended, and she gave him every second guess she made of herself then and since.

He shoved her up the stairs, tripping with her until her back dug uncomfortably into the hard stone of the altar. They barely stopping kissing to breathe, both sets of hands too slow with the music driving them inside their minds to fight the useless distraction of button and zip. He lifted her easily up onto the flat surface, her pants already sliding down past her knees.

The last separate part of her mind reeled back from the unexpected passion, frightened by the looming pressure in her mind, bracing for agony. They were being guided by forces outside their control. It could only lead to chaos. The rest of her had wanted him too long and would appease the temple spirits gladly, allowing their silent witness to this long overdue union.

He entered her with a quick, sharp motion, unable to wait and groaning as he shared the quick, sharp pain. They rested their heads together for a moment as he stood.

 _"Please,"_ Rey thought, and felt him shudder. _"Ben, please."_

Inside his mind, she felt the tight, silken clench of her own body, felt herself flexing inside as he set up a fast rhythm into her wet heat. The ache faded, soothed away by the heady desire thrumming through them both. She felt his confidence that he could stay like this all day, pushing into her, reveling in the stroke of every nerve.

Rey shoved him away.

He blinked in confusion until she grabbed him, spinning them both, forcing him up hard against the altar. She'd always been strong, and her training helped as he pulled on her thread of thought. He climbed up, and she followed. Rey shoved his shoulders hard against the foul stone, bumping his head. Rather than apologize, she took hold of him, and slowly settled her body atop his, her thighs burning as she settled her legs to either side of his hips.

His left hand found her waist, guiding her as she rose and fell. His right hand knew her from long, leisurely explorations, and the fingers remembered their work. Rey moaned as he stroked her, moaned as she stretched around him. Unable to resist against the lure of the spell, his mind lay open to hers. She wallowed in his pleasures, and curled inside the knowledge of how deeply he'd wanted her even from the start, even as they'd both fought to kill. He'd created an entire life with her out of unspoken wishes and soul-crushing regrets, believing her forever out of his grasp.

 _"I'm still out of your grasp,"_ she thought, and he pinched her lightly on her most sensitive nerves. _"This doesn't change anything."_

_"Yes, it does."_

She couldn't hide from him, and she knew he was right.

The thick beat of the temple's dark heart pushed into them, and he drove deep into her, and there was nothing left but to fall, her body convulsing just before his did as well. Rey rode the spillover of his climax and her own, pushing on, desperate for more, until she knew he wasn't going further. She climbed off him awkwardly. The temple had its messy offering, and she wouldn't wonder how many others had left the same or sacrificed worse.

The music in her veins slowed and stopped. She sank down on the floor next to the table, mind scattered and body sore. Her clothes could be salvaged. The rest would heal, given time.

A minute later, she heard him move, and felt him sit next to her on the top step. He wasn't shaking, but the briefest touch to his mind told her that was because he had full control over his entire body. Usually.

"Are you going to be all right?" he asked. She nodded. _"I'm sorry,"_ came his fumbled thought.

_"I'm not."_

Out loud, he said, "You didn't say you hadn't done that before."

"Neither did you." They'd been lovers for years inside that other world. It didn't matter now. "Did you find the holocron?"

"What?"

"We came here to find information. You said you went to the library. Please say you found a book or a holocron or something. Please make this all have been worth something."

He showed her the mental image of a scroll, brittle with age, far older than any holocron. She couldn't read the markings on the fragile paper, but he could, and he knew it wasn't scribed on paper.

"It's a map."

"Not exactly. But it will do."

She took in another breath. "All right. You got what you wanted. As soon we're clear from here, you don't need me for anything else. I want to go back."

She felt him resist the request, felt him build an argument. Kylo would find a way to hold her, keep her with him, cuffed to him or bound with command.

"Fine," he said.

When they could stand, and were sure they wouldn't be called back to the altar, they returned to where their packs lay. He'd stowed his treasure safely inside his pack. She had collected nothing, and wanted nothing from this terrible place.

"What happened to the girl?" she asked, as he showed her the other exit he'd discovered while she lay unconscious.

"Girl?" Confusion twisted his face. Rey gestured to the door they'd first come through, the one where he'd seen the child and she'd been bitten by the bad dream. "Oh. I had to destroy the simulation. Easily sorted." His words were too light for what she felt behind them.

"You killed her?"

In the back of his mind, she read his indecision as Rey had fallen, and he'd had to choose. The simulation of the daughter he would never have reached for him, and he'd lit his lightsaber, and whoever had designed the trap ages ago had been cruel enough to replicate blood and bone. "She wasn't real."

Rey didn't press further.

Leaving the temple was as easy as banishing the illusion that had drawn them through the traps leading inside. Rey walked right through where she'd been sure she had been blocked by walls. "Don't trust anything you see," he said, hours too late.

She used her powers to open the final door. Stars wheeled across the sky in patterns she'd never seen, and never would again.

"New Geddes is that way," he said, showing her the lights just over the next rise. "It won't be more than an hour's walk. You can send a message from there. I'm sure someone will come for you. If you're lucky, the Resistance will arrive first."

"You're letting me go?"

"That's what you wanted. I'd drop you by the colony myself but I intend to have a long head start before you announce we came here."

"If the First Order captures you, they'll find the map to your superweapon."

"It's brittle enough to break if I sneeze on it. They'll find nothing of value, and only Supreme Leader Snoke can get through my mental shields."

Rey shouldered her pack, ready to turn away, ready to walk towards the lights. But she had to know. "Who are you?"

 _"I don't know,"_ he thought, and the words were honest. Darkness still gripped him, but it wasn't the only force moving him. Kylo Ren would never have freed her. He'd scamper back to his master with both prizes in hand, cowering in the safe lure of the Dark Side. Ben never would have held her captive in the first place.

The man beside her stood at the fulcrum, drawn to both destinies in a liminal state of perfect indecision. It wasn't her job to lead him to the Light, but no one else was here now. If she went back now, if she gave up the chance she had in front of her, she would never forgive herself. And that was the worst punishment she could imagine.

"I need you to help me send a message. I want to tell Finn and the rest that I'm safe, and not to worry. If we program in a delay from New Geddes, we can be gone hours before it even goes out."

He watched her warily. "'We?'"

"You said I'm your partner. Let's see that map."

* * *

Part Two and a Bit

* * *

"Are you sure this is for me?" Finn rested his hand on the back of the technician's chair.

"You're the only one here by that name." She handed him the flimsy printout.

As he read it, a warm relief flooded his veins.

"Good news?" she asked, curiously.

"Yeah. Thank you!" He hurried off, looking for Luke. Ten minutes later, he found him visiting Calrissian in the medical suite. "Sorry to interrupt," he said, not really sorry. The med droids had said Calrissian would be released tomorrow. Base rumor said he was bored as hell and happy for any distraction.

"What is it, Finn?" Luke asked amiably, grateful to have a small break in his turn at keeping his friend entertained.

"It's a message from Rey. She's all right."

"That's great news," said Calrissian. Finn didn't know if he knew he was flexing his hands as he said it. Finn carefully avoided looking at the two new artificial fingers. It could have been a lot worse, Luke had said, and Finn would allow that losing a couple of fingers to frostbite was better than dying.

Luke took the flimsy from Finn, reading the message for himself.

Finn was the first to admit he was very bad with faces. He'd learned to cover his own even as a child, and his teammates had nearly been strangers to him the few times he'd seen them unmasked. Reading expressions was neither a skill he'd been taught nor something he'd ever had to pick up before a few months ago.

That said, Luke's expression changed from pleased to pinched and pale and closed off. Without a word, he handed the flimsy to his old friend, who scanned it and didn't hide away the disbelief. "You're kidding me."

Finn took the message back, a little too fast. "I don't get it. She says she's okay." He'd spent the last several days unable to rest, barely able to eat, wondering if Rey had died in the decompression of the derelict space station, or if she'd been kept alive for far worse reasons. They'd scanned the area for bodies, but a ship was missing and so was the Force dampener. Poe had told him everything, letting Finn share this stomach-clenching fear instead of never knowing why Rey hadn't returned. Desperate at the horrified looks even he could read on their faces now, Finn pointed to the code at the bottom. "That's her. We worked out a code if we ever had to send messages to each other."

"You have to tell Leia," Calrissian said to Luke. "It'll break her heart, but she's got to know."

Luke closed his eyes then opened them again. "I will." He placed a hand on Calrissian's shoulder. "She's in Command. I'll tell her privately." He left without looking at Finn.

"General?"

"I'm not a general any more," Calrissian said, a little sharply. Then he relaxed. "Sorry. There's a lot going on, and you don't know most of it. Did they tell you what they think happened to your friend?"

Finn nodded. "The last time the First Order captured her, she'd escaped even before we got to where she was being held. She's good."

At the last word, Calrissian winced, just slightly. "Can you get Threepio in here?"

"Sure." Finn touched the control panel. "C-3PO, please report to the medical suite. Gen.... Mr. Calrissian wants to talk to you."

Moments later, the golden droid bustled into the room. "How good to see you, sir!"

"Hey, Threepio. You were working with Leia when Ben disappeared. Do you remember the message he sent? The exact words?"

Threepio hesitated. "Yes."

"Tell Finn."

The droid turned to him, and in the weirdest mimicry Finn had ever heard of his evil ex-boss's voice, but younger, Threepio said, "I'm alive and unhurt. I'm not imprisoned. Don't come looking for me."

Finn didn't have to reread the flimsy in his hand. "I don't understand. Rey sent this message."

"You better hope she didn't. If she did, your friend is under the same influence he was."

"No," Finn said, looking between them. "That's stupid. Rey would never turn. She was kidnapped."

"We thought Ben had been kidnapped. You can only imagine how bad those days were. We were all terrified, fearing the worst. Leia and Han always had plenty of enemies, and that's not considering how many Luke and Chewie had. I asked every contact I had, and Han burned through his. Leia expected a ransom note, and we all were afraid of finding a body. I think Luke suspected, and the moment we found out for sure, he pulled a cut and run."

"This is different. Rey's different."

"Yeah, for a start, she's not Leia's kid, which means when Leia gives the 'shoot on sight' order in a few minutes, she's not going to drink as heavily as she did the night she gave the same order for him. Finn, I'm sorry, but your friend is working for the Dark Side now."

* * *

end part two

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW. Includes dubious consent, "The Force Made Them Do It" variety.
> 
> Stay tuned for part three!


	17. Chapter 17

Rey opened her eyes then blinked in the bright dawn light. She watched the glimmer playing on the ceiling, shining over the curtains as the sun reflected off the lake outside. She sat up in the comfortable bed, letting herself feel the soft cling of the blankets. She knew this room, from the warm colors on the walls to the strands of the small, shaggy rug on the floor, perfect for threading her toes through.

She was dreaming. She ought to go for a swim.

A fluffy wrap hung by the door, and she shrugged the warm, brown cloth on against the faint chill of an early autumn morning. As she opened the door, she heard voices, and she tied the sash at her waist. In the kitchen, someone who looked like Ben was stabbing his finger at the caf machine switch. Finn sat at the counter on a stool, holding his own mug. Delighted, Rey dashed over and threw her arms around his neck.

"Um, hi?" he said, hugging her back. "Good morning."

"I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks."

"Okay," he said with a grin. "It's only been a couple of days." His eyes narrowed. "How are you feeling?" She noticed he was being very careful to keep his eyes above her neck. Her wrap had loosened, and with a somewhat embarrassed grin, she retied the knot.

"I'm fine. Just happy." She glanced over at the man who might be Ben but probably wasn't. "Who are you?"

"This again?" Finn asked.

He glared at her. "I'm exactly who you think I am."

"You're dreaming, too?" she asked. "The drug must still be in my system."

Finn asked, "What drug?"

She turned to him. "We were looking for something. I was caught in a trap and injected with a toxin that brings on Force visions. I got free, but it takes a while to dissipate." She took Finn's hand and squeezed. "It's all right. I like this dream. I'm glad you're here."

Finn watched her, worried. "Ben?"

"I only closed my eyes for one minute," he grumbled. "This is your fault. I wouldn't have come back to Altara."

"You always come back to Altara," she said.

"When I was here last, the house was a ruin. We're in your dream this time."

"Okay," Finn said, getting up from the stool. "Game's over. You two can stop being weird now."

"Doubtful," said Kylo.

Rey asked, "Is Poe here, too?" She looked at Kylo. "I wanted to see Finn. Maybe he can help."

"He's not actually here. This isn't real."

"How do I know you're real?" she asked.

He glared at her and in her head he said very loudly and clearly, _"HELLO, REY."_

She touched her temple. "Fine. You're real."

There was a noise from down the hallway as the outer door to the guest 'fresher opened. Poe appeared a moment later. "Morning."

Finn said, "Remember that time Rey kept insisting we weren't real? Now she's got him doing it."

"Not funny, Ben," Poe said. "You're supposed to be helping her get better."

Kylo ignored him. "Four days lasted five years before. How long are we trapped this time?"

She'd been thinking about this. "When we're together, vision time lines up better with real time. Have you noticed?"

Finn glanced at Poe. "See?"

Kylo smacked the side of the caf machine, which muttered and spit out liquid into his cup. "You explain. This is your dream. I'm going to go off and fantasize about people I actually like."

"You don't like anyone," she said.

"True."

She remembered the dream before this one. "Call your father. Tell him I remembered that thing."

"What thing?"

"He'll know. Go on." She waved Kylo away, watching him amble off towards the communication panel. If they were both under the influence of the Cayad root, or whatever had poisoned her, then Han's spirit would be able to speak with them. Kylo didn't understand, and wouldn't, but Ben would.

Finn touched her arm. "Rey, what's going on?"

She smiled at him sadly. This Finn was constructed from her own thoughts and memories, not really here, yet a comfort and a friendly face she needed. But the rest of this dream was also hers, and now she controlled what happened here.

Rey reached out and grabbed an edge only she could perceive, ripping a hole in the middle of space. The world tore and rippled where her arm moved, revealing spinning stars and nebulae millions of light years away. She glanced at Finn and Poe. "This is a dream. It's my dream. You're here because I missed you." Gently, she set the world aright again. "I think better when you're around. This is my mind telling me we need your help."

"'We?'" asked Poe.

"Ben isn't real, either. He never was." She frowned, because that wasn't accurate. "He was Kylo's dream, and so was this. But now it's mine. That's Kylo Ren. He's not as evil as he used to be. Probably."

Poe's eyebrows did a thing. He looked at Finn without speaking. Rey said, "I just opened the universe for you. Shall I do it again, or will you listen?"

"I'm listening," Finn said. "You need our help. That's all I need to know."

Poe said, "If this is your dream and not his, why are you running around naked?"

"I'm not...." Rey glanced down at her wrap. She focused, and suddenly she wore a simple light tunic and trousers, the same as she tended to wear here. "Happy?"

"No," Finn said quietly, and he winked at her. "What's going on?"

"The First Order is looking for a doomsday weapon. We're looking for one that can stop them. Kylo has a map, but he says it's not really a map." She thought at him, _"Let me see the map."_

The image formed in her mind, committed to his memory. Rey plucked it out, creating the form inside the dream to set on the table. From the other room, she heard Kylo conversing in a low voice with his father: plans to be made together, shipment runs to organize. Ben had spent years here rebuilding the relationships he'd destroyed.

"Interesting," Poe said, walking around the table to get different views. "He's right, it's not really a map."

"It's a star chart," said Finn. "Well, this half is. The other half looks like schematics."

"Yes and no. Not where the stars are, or were. It's where they need to be." His fingers moved over the delicate paper. "I recognize some of these. But this one went supernova a long time ago."

"Two hundred thousand years?"

"Maybe. Yes." Poe stared at the map, and Rey imagined this must be Kylo's memories working now, considering the angles. Poe looked at Finn. "The Ladon'kres."

"Them? We heard about them in the crèche. Aren't your parents doing a dig at one of their sites?"

Parents. She ought to call her parents, but of course, they would only knew what Kylo did. "Finn, I found out where you came from. The First Order kept records." She patted her pockets but of course, the data cube with his information was back with her sleeping body.

"I already know who I am, Rey. We found my family a long time ago."

This was her dream. Happy endings for everyone. "Good."

Poe said, "You're trying to find the weapon that wiped out the Ladon'kres before the First Order finds one of their artifacts." Rey nodded. "And you're handing it over to Kylo Ren?"

"I'll be right there with him. He won't use it." She had to believe that was true. "We can't just let the First Order get their hands on a doomsday device."

"Yeah," said Finn, "we know. But if they have a doomsday device, and we have a doomsday device, who really wins?"

And that was her part of the dream, worrying.

"Everything will be fine. Can you help us find it?"

Poe nodded. "There will be pieces scattered. Collect them and move the stars into place. Simple."

* * *

Rey woke up suddenly, her face cold against the small table on their ship. Up in the cockpit, she heard gentle snoring. Kylo was still asleep. They were in hyperspace, a day out from Hanoon. He said he knew where they were going. Rey didn't believe him, any more than she believed what the Poe in her dream had told her. Scattered pieces? Move the stars?

She yawned and rummaged through their supplies. Instant caf tasted awful and she hesitated. In days past, she'd tried the trick of reclaiming a dream upon waking, and never once had slipped back inside the same one until she'd started dreaming of her second life with Ben. If she closed her eyes now, she might return to Altara. She loved that house, and she missed her friends. Even her volatile partner in adventure managed to act like a decent person when he was asleep.

Rey moved forward, checking the ship's heading. Nothing lay around them, and they were two days away from their first destination at current speed.

A snore caught her attention. He lay slumped in the chair at an awkward angle, head lolled to one side. His eyes darted under their lids, continuing whatever thread he'd followed inside their shared vision. Perhaps he and his father were already out among the stars working together. Perhaps they were arguing, now that Kylo was more or less back to his old self. Either way, she wouldn't rob Han of the extra few hours he'd lucked into. Once she was recovered from her ordeal, neither she nor Kylo could delve deep enough to speak with him again.

The ship was fine. Rey sat down in the co-pilot's chair, gazing out at the comforting burst of hyperspace and listening to Kylo's breaths. After a while, she closed her eyes.

* * *

She stood in the kitchen with Finn and Poe.

"What just happened?" Finn asked her.

"It's nothing. I'm fine."

A small part of Rey watched herself talking to him. Ever since she'd started this dream, months ago, her best friend hadn't been far. The Finn she knew here was nothing but supportive, kind, and caring about her, worrying about her endlessly. The Finn she knew, really knew, was just as sweet, but had other interests than just Rey's well-being. It was strange, standing here confronted by an image she knew was her own false reflection of her dearest friend. Did it mean she wanted him to focus solely on her in the real world? Was she that self-centered?

"What about the map?" Poe asked.

Rey looked at the table, but the map had faded away. "It's not important. You know what we know. I was hoping you'd see something we wouldn't."

"Because we're not real." He chewed the words unpleasantly. "Do you know how that sounds?"

"Like typical Rey," Finn said. "So. Doomsday device. You want it. We'll help you look."

"Kylo has us headed to Purdet's World."

Poe nodded. "There's a piece there."

"A piece of what? You said the pieces would be scattered."

"You said I only know what you know."

"You're out of my memories and Kylo's. He built the dream. I added more when I arrived."

Poe threw up his hands. "Either I know stuff, or we're having a chat inside your head, in which case this is pointless. Which is it?"

"Just tell her," Finn said with exasperation.

"You're not really looking for a weapon. You're looking for the things you'll need to recreate it."

"I guessed that. What pieces? What are we rebuilding? The first rebels blew up their sun." How could they even hope to aim such a thing when the First Order had no home system? "This is a bad idea."

Finn said, "That's why you called us. You don't trust him. You wanted people you can rely on. You trust me."

She nodded. "I do trust you. I don't always trust people."

Finn took her hands. "Then trust me now. There's more going on than he's telling you. You have to watch your back. Even when you're tempted to think he's changed, you need to listen to your own instincts because you're right. That's not Ben out there. He's using you for your powers, and he'll kill you without regret if he thinks you're in his way."

Rey stood inside her favorite dream, close to her friends, surrounded by a home that had made her happy, and she shivered. Finn's words were her own thoughts warning her.

"I'll be careful." She hugged him one more time, even if he wasn't actually there.

Poe grabbed a marker pen and starting to draw on the countertop. Rey snatched the pen from his hand. "What are you doing?"

"Not real, Rey. Remember? Just think it away when I'm done." He grabbed the marker back and kept drawing. "This is the centerpiece. It's the one piece of the device that we can't replicate. The technology doesn't exist." He drew three other pieces. "You might be able to track these down, but if you can't, the map will help us recreate them." He circled the first one. "This is a bad plan, but if you're going through with it, get this one first."

* * *

Rey woke again, and hoped it was for real. The ship around her felt solid. The man snoozing in the pilot's chair sounded like himself as he moved in his sleep, but that was a different catch: she knew how he slept from the same dream she'd just left.

Her back ached from sleeping in the odd position, and she was hungry. Rey chose to take those as signs she was well and truly awake. She stretched and went into the back of the small ship for that instant caf and a rations bar. Without thinking, she grabbed a second one and placed it on the console in front of Kylo. When he was unconscious, the cruel lines on his face smoothed out, and he lost the bitter clench of his muscles. The fearsome monster who'd terrorized the galaxy under the direction of his master looked like someone else, someone kinder. Rey resented him for tricking her eyes.

As if he felt her thoughts, and there was a strong chance he did, Kylo blinked his way awake. "Of all the places you could have dreamt about, you took us back to Altara?" He slowly rolled out his muscles, then snatched the rations bar from the console, dropping the wrapper to the floor as he ate.

"You dragged me there night after night for two months. You don't get to object now. Why do we need to make the stars move?"

He paused mid-chew. Mouth full, he mumbled, "What?"

"The weapon that you think we need, the one that the Sith built. It moves stars into place."

He finished his breakfast. "No, the Sith weapon blew up a sun. Why do you think the stars would move?"

"I didn't. Poe said so."

"In the dream." His mouth curled in condescending amusement. "Dameron's an idiot even when you're sleeping. Why did you ask him?"

"Because you never tell me anything. He had to have learned it from my mind or yours. We were the only ones there." Aside from Han, she reminded herself, but she doubted he knew anything about it. "Did you contact your father like I asked?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes. He wanted to get together for another supply mission."

"Did he say anything else?"

"He said I shouldn't bother traipsing all over for some old piece of junk, and it was better off where it was. I can only imagine that was you second-guessing our journey. He also lectured me about keeping an eye on you. Why?"

"I only wondered." She had a brief argument with herself, and lost. "What if I told you he was real?"

"Who?"

"Your father. He appeared to me inside my dream back at the temple. It's really him."

She felt the impatient touch of Kylo's mind against hers, and let him view the memory. "It wasn't," he said after a too-quick pause. "You were dying. You reached out for something familiar. That was all."

His explanation fell in line with her own light of day thoughts. It couldn't have been Han, had merely been the last desperate spark of her own brain afraid of dying alone. She found herself wishing anyway.

Kylo closed his eyes. For a moment, Rey thought he was going back to sleep. "There are dancing stars in the story of the Ladon'kres. It's a poem, nonsense doggerel to make children smile."

Rey nodded. She hadn't expected to get much from their interaction inside the Force vision. At least she'd been able to see Finn again, even if he'd also been wishful thinking.

He'd warned her not to trust Kylo, and that had been safe advice. Rey had been granted an opportunity for her freedom, after Kylo had kidnapped her and bound her to himself. She'd helped him rummage through a Sith temple, and he'd set her free. She ought to be on her way back to the Resistance. Instead, she'd chosen to join him on his search for an ancient weapon that might not exist in order to stand off another weapon that also might not exist. She had sensed no duplicity in him, but she hadn't sensed his plan to cuff her, nor had she sensed when he'd deactivated the shock binder several hours before telling her.

For all she knew, Kylo's sole purpose in locating his target was to present a gift to Snoke alongside the weapon the First Order was already seeking. With both in hand, the Resistance would be wiped out within a day, and the galaxy would fall back under the same darkness the Empire had cast across the great starry disk. This was madness.

The Force vision had lasted weeks for Rey, allowing her to wake each morning and live her life. For Kylo, it had lasted only a few days but he had spent years growing into someone else during the interim. He insisted the man he'd been during the dream had died upon waking, and Rey would gladly execute his murderer.

Except.

When his eyes were closed, when he wasn't trying to come across as a would-be conquerer, when he watched her while he thought she didn't see, someone who wasn't entirely Kylo Ren inhabited the same skin. Somewhere inside Kylo, Ben clung to life, guiding himself towards the Light with whatever weak grasp he could extend. Kylo pushed back against the interloper hard, his fear and foolishness driving him to follow reckless plans into disaster. Worse, much worse, they were both exactly the same person, and Rey knew it.

There was no better place to help him than at his side. There was no better place to stop him than right in front of him. No matter which man he became, Rey had to stay and see this through.

She also had to work on her own training. She went into the back of the cramped shuttle, sat down, and reached for her inner calm to help her meditate. Luke would have sent her on a run, or had her work on her form with her lightsaber. The shuttle offered no room for either.

"What are you doing?" Kylo asked her just as she'd gotten her heart rate steady.

"Meditating." She opened one eye and looked at him, hoping he'd take her hint and leave her be. Instead, he flung himself to the floor beside her in an awkward half-crouch and watched her silently until she opened both eyes. "What?"

"You're just sitting there."

"Don't you do this?"

"Sit?"

"Meditate."

"No. It's pointless. You don't get in touch with your powers sitting and humming."

"I wasn't humming."

"Luke hums." And that was true. Rey didn't mind. He had a comforting voice, and music had been a rare treat in her life before the Resistance. Kylo went on. "You get in touch with your powers by using them."

He reached out his hand and lifted the packs they'd left on the floor. The two rucksacks orbited each other high in the air until he grew bored and dropped them.

"I can do that," she said, and with more effort than he'd shown, she lifted the packs. "Not everything is about showing off your powers."

"I don't show off. I use what I need. You could do the same if you tried."

"Right now, I'm trying to meditate."

"Listening to the universe around you? You'd be more useful learning to scan. We're going to hunt for ancient pieces of technology. I can sense the age of artifacts. You need to learn."

She wanted to point out this was his quest, not hers. She wanted to remind him she already had a teacher, and she liked him much better than she liked Kylo. She wanted to get to her meditation. "Fine. Show me."

"Close your eyes."

Rey closed her eyes in annoyance. A moment later, she felt the touch of his mind against hers, welcoming her into his head. This became easier each time they tried it, and they'd been doing so without realizing it for weeks. Rey stepped into Kylo's thoughts like walking into a friend's house. The mess inside here glowed around her in an unhealthy crimson throb, the refuse of a mind not ever entirely under its owner's control. She followed him past the thick, pulsating angers into what was in comparison a cool, green peaceful space. This was where he existed when he wasn't entirely awful.

Rey noticed the green space grew a little each time she met him here.

_"Like this,"_ he thought, and showed her images of the pieces he thought they needed to collect. The angles were strange, the same as in the fragile map she'd seen, like physical creations capturing dimensions just beyond ordinary sight. One piece, tan and weathered, stood in the center, fully-focused and no bigger than their rucksacks. She saw the resemblance to the crude drawing Poe had made on the kitchen countertop.

_"This one is different."_

_"I've seen this piece before."_ He cracked open a memory for her to look inside. He couldn't have been more than five or six years old, brought along at the last minute for one of his father's less savory business transactions. Rey saw quick images she couldn't process, and Kylo himself hadn't seen well enough to identify. But he'd seen the centerpiece, and it had called to him. Rey heard the echo of the song still under his skin.

_"It knew you."_

_"It's been waiting for me a long time. We had to leave before I could get close enough to touch it. I don't know what would have happened if I did."_ The memory flickered, and was filled with a sense of worry.

Rey walked around the piece in his vision. She felt the age radiating off the metal and stone. Now that she'd sensed the song, she would know this artifact and its mates even across the room and blindfolded.

She pulled herself free of his mind, and blinked her own eyes until she saw clearly. "Thanks."

"You didn't know how to do even this? What has my uncle been teaching you?"

Rey's face froze and her mind was closed, but not closed enough. A thought bubbled up from the rancid depths of her own worries. Luke had taught her to exercise her body, and to focus her mind, and he was training her rigorously because he believed Rey's destiny was to kill his nephew.

Kylo sprung up to his feet. "We should spar." His tone remained icy. She hadn't shut down her thoughts to him, and she knew he'd read her own belief that Luke was right.

She nodded, retrieving her lightsaber. There was very little room on this ship, and her close combat training had been limited. Nevertheless, she moved with him, watching his steps, and the short, efficient movements of his arms. When Kylo wasn't battling her in a maddened rage, he fought with simple motions that met her blade without tiring his arms in wide, useless swings.

Rey copied his stance, adjusting for her own height and reach, and noted his pleased smile as he met her again and again. "Good," he said, "but your feet are spread apart too wide. You're off balance."

"I'm not."

Instantly his toe hooked around her knee, and they fell together, sabers falling from their hands and shutting off with the safety feature. His face was right against hers. "You were definitely off balance."

For a moment, Rey thought he would kiss her. Then he pushed himself away and extended a hand to help her to her feet. "If your destiny is to kill me, you're going to have to learn to fight far better than this."

"Then show me." She summoned the handle of her lightsaber into her grasp.

"Let's go again."

* * *


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content note at the end.

Purdet's World orbited an ordinary star in an ordinary single system. The planet boasted no higher native lifeforms and had been colonized late, almost in afterthought, when the surrounding systems had already grown into thriving worlds. Six plucky colonies dotted the habitable areas, scratching by on farms and the few industries necessary to grease the wheels of interstellar interaction. Both Republics and the Empire had ignored the inhabitants beyond the occasional lightsaber-rattling to collect taxes, and the planet might have existed in obscurity for the rest of its history. In many ways, it still did, unless one knew about the seventh colony, perched on an island set far out in the inhospitable sea. 

Rey hadn't known about it. Kylo wasn't supposed to know. He directed her where to go while he spoke over the communicator, scraping his memories for the right passcodes to keep them from being shot at. "Red red niner," he said.

"That passcode is not valid," said the droid on the other end, the fourth time it had said so. Kylo muted the microphone, made a fist, and punched his chair until Rey could feel the pain in his hand. Then he reestablished the link.

"Tourmaline Six," he said, voice calm but mind desperate where only she could see.

There was a long pause. "Passcode accepted. You may land in bay sixty-two. Do not deviate from your flight path."

"Good," he said, and Rey nudged him. "Thank you." Kylo let out an angry sigh as she flew them towards the landing bay, flying past huge towers of personal shuttles and ostentatious luxury cruisers.

Rey set their ship down neatly. She sensed him looking for reasons to criticize her landing and growing annoyed when he could find nothing wrong. They disembarked together, paying the last of their credits for the exorbitant dock fee. The dock master's species was immune to Force pushes, a fact which only increased Kylo's sour mood.

"It's fine," Rey said, mentally cataloguing their remaining rations. They could eat well for several days, or skimp through the better part of a month. She could stretch a day's standard ration into three when she had water.

 _"We'll get food,"_ he thought at her, easily seeing the thread of her concern. _"What are you worried about?"_

She let him see her home back on Jakku: the meager store of food, and the long hours she'd worked to earn each mouthful. Only two days ago, she'd fallen into a vision and had found herself on her desert world facing near-starvation as she worked to pay a heavy debt.

"You're not there any more," he said in a short tone. "Stop worrying." Under the words, she felt his private assurance to himself that he would not allow either of them to starve.

"Where's your toy?" she asked, changing topics and hoping he'd follow.

"The artifact was kept in what passes for a museum around here."

'Museum' was not the word Rey would use. In fact, the piece was just one bit of junk in the vast, eclectic collection of the wealthiest resident of this colony. Eltar Huram's estate covered one twentieth of the island, and his mansion sprawled just off the main road for the colony, employing the bulk of the island's labor force to keep him secure and pampered.

Rey and Kylo walked past together, keeping their glances idly curious as they made their way along the road, well aware of the armed, if bored, guards outside. _"He's a criminal,"_ Rey thought.

_"Most people who live or do business here are not operating under the law. Any law. Huram's the biggest boss here, but he's not the only one."_

_"Your father brought you here?"_

_"He always had a flexible interpretation of laws he didn't like."_

They were well out of sight of Huram's place, and not close enough to any listening devices Rey could sense. "We'll never get inside. If we do get inside, we'll never get close to the centerpiece. If we get close to it, we'll be killed the second we try to run. Are you sure it's even in there?"

Kylo nodded. "I told you how to listen. It's still singing."

Rey sensed nothing. This was far from the first time she'd wondered if the man next to her was operating within the bounds of sanity. Most of the occasions when she'd been forced to ask, the answer had been 'no.' "This is a lost cause."

"Then go back to the ship. Go home. I didn't invite you."

"You kidnapped me multiple times. I can only imagine what trouble you'll get into without me." She'd made her choice. She knew she would come to regret it, and could only hope she lived that long. They drew a few looks from passers-by. Rey took Kylo's hand and gave him what she thought was a flirtatious smile. "That was fun, dear! What are we going to see next?" _"Play along."_

 _"Stop smiling like that. You look ill."_ Jovially, he said, "I thought we'd continue our walk. The shore is close by. I've heard the view is phenomenal." They walked slowly, Rey trying on a better smile in case of onlookers. 'Flirty' was not in her range. She settled for 'happy.'

He thought, _"Huram loves to throw lavish parties. The chatter over the comms said he's having another tonight. We simply have to slip inside with the other guests. We find the centerpiece, and we leave out the nearest window. Simple."_ In his mind, the plan was straightforward. Rey instantly saw a dozen flaws.

 _"We don't have invitations. We aren't properly dressed. We won't be allowed to roam. We don't know the layout of his house."_ She ticked off her objections on her fingers, squeezing his hand with a different digit each time.

_"Do you have solutions or just complaints? I have a plan."_

_"Your plans are terrible."_

_"We're not dead yet. Besides, this one is better."_

If she ran for the ship now, she could make it back to the Resistance within a few days at most.

_"Tell me the plan."_

* * *

The shop owner was human, and he was very susceptible to Force commands.

"It's stealing," Rey said.

"Borrowing. You can return your clothes after our business here is finished." He'd already started perusing the sparse selection available. Rey watched him skim with disapproval through fabric more valuable than anything she'd ever owned. Kylo turned to the owner. "I know you have better merchandise than this. Show me."

The back of the store was taken up by the designer's workshop, and the higher class orders which would never be disgraced by display for sale. Rey fingered a sky-blue silk that whispered of unimagined luxury.

Kylo selected a suit so dark it appeared to have been sculpted out of midnight, neat layers of elegant ruffle along the sleeves and a breath of shimmer on the vest like muted stars. "This," he said, thrusting the set at the owner. "Let out the arms here, and the cuffs at the trousers here." The bemused man took his goods to the work table while Kylo examined the women's clothes. 

She said, "I can pick something." She still liked that blue.

"Not for this." He removed a black dress from the group and examined the fabric with a practiced fingertip. "You," he said to the owner. "Take this in here and here. A dart will do on each side."

"I will take it in with a dart on each side."

"I can dress myself," Rey said.

"What's the difference between a gore, a ruche, and a pleat?"

She folded her arms. "Trick question. They're all words you just made up."

He turned away. "We have to fit in with the rest of the guests. I have taste. You don't." 

Smarting from the insult, Rey said, "Don't bother. You can go in by yourself."

"When I say that, you say you don't trust me. Make up your mind. But while you're doing so, try on shoes." He handed her a pair roughly, and Rey stared at them before dropping the hideous spiked heels to the floor.

"I can't walk in those. No one can walk in those."

"I can walk in those. But you're right. You don't have practice." He returned to the front of the shop and looked through the regular display. Rey followed, picturing Kylo in shoes that would leave him towering as tall as Chewbacca. He would have been compelled to attend any number of official functions with his mother, back when he'd been a boy. Rey had never worn better clothes than her uniform from the Resistance stores. Of course he knew acceptable fashions to wear. He didn't have to gloat.

They agreed on a pair of black slippers that fit her well enough. She practiced walking in the narrow, useless things as they returned to the back of the shop. "Here," said Kylo, handing her the dress. "Change."

Rey glanced around herself. "Where?"

He shrugged and began to disrobe. "Here?" He said to the shop owner. "Go home. You've done excellent work today and deserve a reward."

The shop owner repeated the words absently and left them. Rey couldn't stop her unease at what they were doing. Kylo could call this borrowing, but she knew the difference. "We should pay him."

"With what? Our credits are gone and we have nothing to sell except the ship." He'd removed his shirt and was working on his trousers. "You need to put that on."

Rey spied a small room off to the side and walked as purposefully as she could in the mincing little slippers. Kylo called after her, "I've already seen you naked." She didn't reply, merely slammed the door behind herself.

After two false starts, she managed to shimmy into the black dress. She'd expected the material to scratch and pinch, but although it hugged her body down to her waist, every scrap of fabric soothed rather than hindered. The skirt, which hit her just above her knees at an angle, had been designed for someone with wider hips, giving Rey room to move her legs. 

Under the gracious lights of the fitting room, she stared at herself in a large mirror, twisting back and forth to see the shimmery threads of deep green hidden in the design like gems against a dark setting, refracting the black into a prism of emerald and jade, celadon and malachite. It was the most beautiful thing she'd ever worn. The pale and frightened face above the dress stood out even more.

Without knocking, Kylo opened the door. Their eyes met in the mirror before he examined her dress. "We'll have to do something about the hair."

She spun, a process made more difficult by the shoes. "Did Threepio forbid you from playing with dolls when you were a child? Is that what this is about?"

"No, I ordered him to do all the voices." He touched her head until she batted his hand away. When she'd joined the Resistance, Rey had intended to keep her easy knots to pull her hair out of her way during training. The General had helped her learn a tidy braid that served the same purpose but allowed her to wash her hair any time she wanted, using as much water as she liked. She tugged the braid loose now, running her fingers through to free the curls formed by her hair's long confinement. 

"That's all I'm doing."

"Fine. It will do." He used the mirror to help him draw his own thick hair back with two much smaller braids to either side. "Ready?"

* * *

They lingered until the crowd to get inside was thickest. Rey expected to Force-push the guards to allow them entry, but they were waved past and inside. Rey clutched her bag, made of similar black fabric to their clothes, but no one asked to search, which meant no one had to be surprised by the abrupt appearance of their lightsabers.

Rey did her best not to stare around each huge room they entered while Kylo's hand steered at her waist. The rich hangings on the wall, the lush rugs on the floors, the elegant fixtures carved out of woods so rare they were no doubt now extinct, all these surrounded her with a carefully crafted indulgence demanding awe and respect, not unlike how the imposing starkness of the old Imperial designs demanded fear. High ceilings shimmered above her with suspended plasma teardrops, sparkling like a starfield. Other party-goers gave off an impression of excessive wealth, dressed far better than Rey even in her stolen finery. She spied smugglers and rogues in their rough leather, mixing in with the silks and furs, showing off by implying how little they cared for frippery and grace. Music swelled around them all, courtesy of a small orchestra. Several couples and moresomes had linked hands or arms and stepped to an intricate dance Rey could not follow, much less mirror.

_"Close your mouth."_

Rey closed her mouth. _"They'll know we don't belong here."_

 _"I belong here."_ Every motion he made fit in effortlessly with the people around them. None of the rest knew who he was, or suspected he was just as likely to run through them on a deadly rampage. He was a prince from a lost world, and the son of one of the most infamous smugglers ever to live. Rey was a nameless orphan from a dusty rock of a planet no one cared about. He glided easily among these people. She hardly knew how to walk.

Kylo lifted a few morsels from a serving droid, passing one to her. _"You are my companion for the evening. Laugh as though I said something amusing."_

Rey stared at him and popped the small pastry into her mouth. _"No."_ She chewed and found her mouth filled with a savory taste and a bite of an unfamiliar spice. She helped herself to three more before the droid moved away.

"We should mingle," he said out loud. _"Wander. Use your powers."_ He grabbed a glass and pushed it into her hands, pressing his lips in a fond pat on her head for the onlookers.

Rey moved to the edge of a conversation, putting on a smile she hoped looked mildly entertained as she reached out with her other senses, holding the glass in front of her like a shield. She felt the piercing minds around her, slithering like finned terrors in a sand wash. She'd assumed the guests to be rich fools, but that was deceptive. Only very clever beings could have risen to power in such a place, and now that she had the feel of them, Rey easily picked out the mind of the biggest fish. She turned to watch Eltar Huram chortling within a large knot of hangers-on. She didn't know his species, nor how many arms were typical. Three were occupied in expressing what appeared to be a humorous tale, one caressed an obviously beautiful companion of his own, and a fifth hand held a glass similar to Rey's, only emptier.

 _"I found it,"_ Kylo thought. Rey cast out her senses further, bringing the glass to her lips. There.

 _"I hear it."_ The centerpiece of the Sith weapon waited for them on an upper floor. She joined Kylo by a swooping staircase, and she took his arm as they walked, passing other guests. The party continued up here, if less noisily than below. Another huge room sparkled, and this was filled with plinths showing off Huram's prized treasures. The pair casually made their way around the displays, nodding thoughtfully until they came to the curiously-tilted object, part metal and part stone and humming an ancient song only the two of them heard.

Kylo read the small screen on the plinth out loud: "This one is fifty thousand years old, from the ruins of Amorta. Found on an Imperial dig forty years ago." _"He doesn't know what he has."_

_"Are we sure we do?"_

_"Yes."_ His hands drifted closer and Rey pulled him back. She saw what he did: the plinths were each protected by sensitive alarms and a barrier they could deactivate with a simple flick of either's power. Easy for a Jedi. Nearly impossible for anyone else.

"Don't touch the displays, dear." _"There are guards all over this room."_

_"I can fight them."_

_"We'll wait. We can hide after the party and take it late tonight."_

_"The guards will still be here. I suppose they may be less vigilant."_ He pulled her to the next display to attract less attention. More guests clustered there, and they only gave a brief glance before moving on. Rey bumped into a roundish, olderish woman in a midnight blue gown and too much eyeshadow above her amber-colored eyes.

"Excuse me," she mumbled.

The woman looked her up and down. "No harm done," she said in a rich Fornythian accent. She extended her hand. "Bes Montinde. And you are?"

They'd planned this. "Rella Lightstar. This is my husband, Jan."

Montinde shook Rey's hand with a light squeeze and did the same to Kylo. "Have we met before, Rella? I feel I've seen you around. I'm normally so good with names, but I've had a bit too much of the drink tonight." She showed the empty glass in her other hand.

Kylo said, "Mr. Huram uses our services from time to time. Sometimes he lets us join the parties."

"Really?" she asked with a soused smile. "What business are you in?"

 _"She thinks we're prostitutes,"_ Kylo thought, a mischievous smile forming.

"Acquisitions," Rey said, before he could get them into trouble. "And that's all Mr. Huram will let us say."

"Understood," said Montinde with a twinkle. "Well, if you're ever interested in acquiring Ortellian Orb gems, let me know. I may have use for your services as well." She drifted off, calling out to another guest several meters away.

"Do we have Ortellian Orb gems?" Rey asked him after the woman was well out of earshot and they'd made their way to the next display.

"If we did, we wouldn't have credit issues now. They're illegal in half the systems in this part of the galaxy and thus worth a fortune."

Rey noticed more guards walking casually into the museum room. _"We should move elsewhere. Huram's a criminal. We're surrounded by criminals. They're watching everyone."_

He took her elbow, drawing her into the adjoining room, wide but darker, more intimate. The music from the band below came in through a balcony here, and the dancing pairs and trios were far less complicated in their movements.

Kylo wrapped his arms around her. Rey froze, a smile stuck to her face like an errant flying leaf.

_"What are you doing?"_

_"Keeping up our cover."_

_"I don't dance. I don't know how to dance."_

_"They're just holding one another and swaying to the music. It isn't difficult."_ He tilted his head to indicate other couples. He reached for her hand. Reluctantly, Rey pressed herself closer to him. The guards who had come through the museum room followed them through the open doorway. She closed her eyes, allowing the stringed instruments from below guide her back and forth, feeling the warmth of his shoulder against her face and the firm grasp of his other hand against her back.

The guards finished their unsubtle survey and left.

Rey stayed where she was, letting her feet move slowly with his.

She didn't dance, but she'd held him like this before. She remembered too well the sound of his heart under her ear, and the tender echo of his mind inside hers as they clasped to each other. She knew the smell of his skin and exactly the way he always rubbed his thumb just so over her hand. This man had lived that life with her, even if he tried to disavow the person he'd become there. He remembered everything, and so did she.

How freeing it was to be anonymous among the other guests. No one knew her, or him. They could be anyone. Instead of bitter enemies, locked on opposing sides of a war, they might be siblings, or lovers. The only heads they turned were from the casually curious, who all had far better things to contemplate than another pair moving together in the darkened room.

"The song is nice." Her life had contained little music, except what she dug out by accident from the Star Destroyer's data banks. The General kept a music box in her quarters which Rey had wound and rewound until she'd worried that she would break the tiny spring. She'd been to a concert inside her dream, watching the musicians intently as notes lifted her soul. If she was still dreaming now, she would hear that same song, but she wasn't dreaming, and she didn't know this slow, seductive tune.

She felt the drift of his thoughts back to the night of the concert. Ben had surprised Rey with the outing, hoping to please her. She listened to the echo of the musicians inside his mind, but he had no idea what they'd looked like on the stage. Through the lens of his memory, she saw that he'd spent the entire evening fixated on the ever-shifting delight on her face.

A blush crept under her neck.

His thoughts touched hers. _"What would you do if I kissed you?"_

She would punch him. She would stomp away from him. She would play along because they were pretending to be married. She would kiss him back. _"I don't know."_

He slid fully inside her mind as his mouth brushed hers. Her last shred of indecision flickered and puffed away like smoke. They both knew this, knew the easy feel of shared thought and the way their lips fit together, sharing breath and life in one.

Inside his thoughts, she read the memories of their too-few nights, the past tangled up with current desire. Their bodies stood nearly still, moving only with the sounds of the band. Within, the mind took hold. Rey was pressed up against a decadent tapestry, wrapping herself around Kylo like a vine. Hands roamed like serpents, seeking contact in their mental landscape. His emotions, never stable, buffeted her with leathery wings and her own surged back into him like wind. Need and sorrow mingled with the remembrance of deeper affections. Part of him had loved her, still loved her, and Rey could not prevent her feelings about that mirror shard of this man.

They held each other, two solid stones embracing amidst the other oblivious dancers.

She knew the sensation of him filling her, her body recreating their past couplings as a new moment. He gasped against her mouth, the only outward sign of his inner self luxuriating in her soft, tight warmth. Not bound by flesh, they delved deeper into one another, lightning sparks licking up nerve bundles, tasting and prodding, coiling back at each new blissful discovery. She swallowed her moan, almost coughing, as she slithered her entire being inside him, pulsing within him, and felt him return the same erotic fullness back into her.

She felt his scattered memories, tossed to the ground like crystals, each facet reflecting the lives he wanted and couldn't have. Half showed her back her own face, built up inside him as the sole hope for his own salvation. The other half lay dark and terrible on the sand-swept floor of his mind, clawing for power. Part of this was love, and part possession.

Rey locked away her own wishes where he could not follow, unable to face the sorting of her own fractured wants. Instead she consumed him, choosing the pleasures of the mind over their conflicted future. She burrowed into his soul, and he buried himself deep within her center, and only the thick, shameful shudder that shivered through his body gave away to anyone else that he'd just spoiled his borrowed clothes. Before she could think, she felt his mental self surrounding her again, the lingering shocks of his own pleasure bypassed by the feel of him kissing every inch of her body, delving within her hungrily and drinking her until Rey trembled and rocked, skin flushing with warmth at her release.

They'd stopped dancing some time ago. No one noticed. She rested her ear against him, holding him to keep herself upright, keep them both from falling.

 _"We have to learn more about Jedi sex. There's got to be a holocron or something."_ Perhaps instead of hiding in a cramped cupboard, they could find an empty bedroom, and explore more physical options without their stolen finery. She sent him a clear mental image of her thought.

He chuckled low in his throat, his banked desire rising again. They turned together, making an effort to walk politely towards the exit.

"Rey," said a voice, and against all her better judgement, she turned. "I didn't expect to see you here."

At the far entrance to the room and coming closer, she saw Bes Montinde approaching her, on the arm of Mard Pelonian, the freighter captain who'd sold her and Chewbacca supplies for the Resistance. 

Before they could make an escape that wouldn't attract the guards, the other couple reached them. Pelonian smiled broadly at Rey. "I believe you owe me a kiss."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is NSFW.


	19. Chapter 19

"I thought it was her," said Montinde. "I haven't spotted the Wookiee yet." She tilted her head at the other party guests, few of whom were paying attention. 

"He's back with the ship," said Kylo. "What do you want?" _"Loosen your bag. We may have to fight our way out of here."_

Rey shifted her shoulders to allow better access to the handbag where their lightsabers were hidden. _"Let me do the talking."_ "Enough," she said to Kylo with a snap. To Montinde and Pelonian, she said, "I wasn't expecting to see you here. What a pleasant surprise."

Pelonian offered a friendly grin. "Oh, our host and I go back a long way. I didn't expect the Resistance would send someone to meet with an independent businessman like Huram. He does know you're here, doesn't he?"

"With the amount he's had to drink, I don't know if he knows he's here."

"That's a no," said the woman on his arm. Kylo examined her face closely this time, and Rey, while keeping her gaze on Pelonian, used his observations. She had seen Bes Montinde before, she remembered now. She hadn't been introduced to the rest of Pelonian's crew, but the woman had been aboard his ship in smuggler's garb instead of the fine dress she wore now, and she'd been the one giving orders.

_"She's in charge. He's her puppet."_

"Let me tell you what I see," said Montinde. "I see two Resistance spies who've spent their evening looking through Huram's collection. I see two people who would rather not have the attention of the guards right now. I see a girl who wore a lightsaber on her belt the last time we met."

"We're just here for the music," said Rey.

"You're here to rob him. It's been tried before. The would-be thieves always wound up dead. I don't know if any have been Jedi before now." Her face kept the same pleasant, drunk smile, but her eyes were thoughtful.

Pelonian turned to his companion. "You're thinking of a wager?"

"It has a nicer sound than blackmail. As fate would happen, Mard and I are also interested in a piece from the collection. Help us retrieve it, and we won't turn you in."

"What's to stop us from turning you in right now?"

Kylo thought, _"They have invitations. We don't."_ "What piece?"

Taking this as acceptance of her terms, Montinde swept ahead of them back towards the display room. She led them to a plinth featuring an erotic sculpture and nodded vaguely towards another plinth. "It's a small artifact. Practically worthless. I want it for my own reasons."

_"She's hiding something,"_ Kylo thought.

Rey flicked her eyes to him. _"Did you have to use all your mind-reading powers to deduce that?"_ "I'm not agreeing. I'm curious. Most of these artifacts are worth far more." She was guessing; her own expertise was in used ship parts, not art.

"Its price is our silence," said Pelonian. "A highly valuable commodity in this place, don't you think?"

Kylo placed his hand on Rey's back. "We'll need a moment to discuss our plans. Excuse us." They made their way out of the room and quickly found an empty room that Rey could only wish they'd found sooner. She sat, resting her feet from the uncomfortable shoes, while he went to the window.

"We're not helping them," she said. "I don't know if we'll be able to escape with one artifact, much less two."

"I agree. We need to speed up our plans. We'll take the Sith piece and run. We can get out through here." He waved her over. She examined the sill.

"There's an alarm just outside." She didn't have to hear his thought to begin work disabling the system, but quickly she saw she didn't have the tools she needed. "We'll have to risk it."

"Give me my lightsaber and wait here. I'll take the centerpiece and we'll run."

"No," she said, pulling back from his reach. "No lightsabers. The last thing we need is to announce who we are. You wait here and get ready to go. I have an idea."

Rey hurried out of the room, closing the door behind her. Two guards walked by, one nodding at her respectfully. They didn't know which of the guests were wanted felons who'd kill them as soon as look at them. They were just people who'd been hired to perform a job, the same as the musicians, and the non-droid servants. "Excuse me," she said, catching their attention. "I've lost my friends. Can you help me?" As they directed her towards Montinde and Pelonian, Rey used the Force to lift the blaster from one guard's belt.

When they were out of sight, she lowered the blaster from where it hovered near the ceiling and stored it in her bag until she found a good hiding spot far from the museum room. Setting the charge to overload was child's play.

_"Be ready to move,"_ Rey thought at Kylo as she pressed the power switch.

_"Ready,"_ he thought back at her, and an alarm blared. _"Meet me in the foyer."_

Rey didn't have time to ask what a foyer was. She had a clear mental image of Kylo in the museum room deactivating the control panel at the base of the plinth then yanking the Sith artifact to himself with the Force.

_"That wasn't the plan!"_ She stepped quickly towards the front, trying to track his movements with her mind.

_"This was faster."_ She felt him run through the confused pile of dancers, and throw two guards into a wall with his powers. A moment later, he jumped from the balcony onto the floor below, rolling with the centerpiece protected with his crouch. As he stood, the blaster exploded, sending screams around her. Guests boiled into a panic.

Eltar Huram shouted for the guards, most of whom were headed for the explosion. Fury on his face, he advanced on Kylo, who was already marching for the front door. Rey used her powers to push Huram and three guards away. As the remaining guards shot, Kylo easily cast aside their blaster bolts. They may as well take out the lightsabers. It wasn't as though their identities would stay secret. She pulled out hers, igniting it and blocking more shots as they fled.

"Did you have an escape plan?" she yelled to him as she pushed out through the front doors.

"You're doing it now!"

"Next time, listen to me!"

"Run," he said at her and thought her way so loudly that her feet acted without her knowledge. Already the klaxon calls from further out were descending upon the house. In the confusion, they darted away from the street before the search lights found them.

_"We need to get to the spaceport."_

He ignored her, dodging back towards the rear of the house. She followed, shutting off her blade to hide their flight. In the confusion and sudden darkness, she almost didn't see where he was headed, and she skidded into him as he stopped at the edge of a high cliff overlooking the sea. Waves crashed against the cliffside below them, but she only saw darkness.

From behind them, she heard their pursuers.

_"We have to jump."_

Rey took a step back. _"No, we have to get away."_

_"This is how we're getting away. You can use your powers to lower yourself into the water. You won't get hurt."_

"I can't swim!" she hissed at him.

_"Sure you can,"_ he thought, grabbing her arm. _"I taught you."_ Kylo yanked hard on her, tugging them both over the edge. Rey flung out with her powers, terrified, aiming for the safety of the solid ground, but gravity pulled at her. She slowed her descent as much as she could, cursing at him inside her mind and shoving out away from the jagged rocks as the land fell away below them.

The water was much, much colder than the lake in her memories of Altara. She gasped in with a frigid shock, blinded and choking on the splash. She struck out with her arms and legs, trying to remember how she'd made them work before. The motions came back to her, slowed by her dress, and the bag. Her shoes kicked off within moments as she struggled to keep her head above the water. She could see nothing but the bright lights well overhead.

_"I can't,"_ she thought.

_"You have to. You can do this."_ Kylo's mind was far calmer than hers, calmer even than his usual angry half-growl. He wasn't Kylo in this moment, and Rey steadied herself. _"Take a deep breath now."_

Instinct moved her body in the freezing water. Above them on the cliff, searchers were outlined against the sky. As spotlights flashed over them, he pulled her under the water with him. Her eyes stung with the unwholesome seawater. Her lungs ached to expel the air and suck in more.

_"You'll be all right. They're leaving."_

What felt like long minutes but was only several seconds later, they both broke the surface of the water, trying to breathe as quietly as they could while the search party moved on.

As soon as they were alone, they made out for the shore. Rey focused on the few, simple strokes she remembered. Kylo was hindered by his own clothes and by one arm securely hugging the artifact to himself. The water gave way to shallow sand just as Rey feared she couldn't go on. Together, they staggered up the narrow beach to the base of the cliff. In the air, their clothes clung coldly. She shivered with a violent shake.

"Spaceport," Rey said, and it was the only word she could force through her chattering teeth. The night wasn't as cold as she'd feared. The frigid touch of her clothes sucked the warmth from her skin, and her bare feet longed for the good feel of her boots. The spaceport was a kilometer away. Not insurpassable, but in the chilly dark while they were being hunted, fleeing there would not be her first choice had she any other choices at all.

They kept to the coast, stumbling their way in the dark past rock walls and sullen tidal pools that smelled of rotting sea life. Rey cut her feet on sharp stones, and could only imagine what awful parasites and worse were even now feasting on her bloody footprints.

Sensing her discomfort, Kylo said, "You can wear my shoes for a while."

"Your feet are twice the size of mine. I'll stumble and break my neck."

"I could carry you."

"You are never to carry me again." Despite the agony in her feet, she strode several paces ahead of him. "It can't be much farther."

It was far, in fact, and the pain only grew.

"You don't have to trust me, or like me," he said after a long time. "I don't blame you. Were our positions reversed, frankly I'd have slit your throat before now."

Rey grumbled but didn't reply. He wasn't being intentionally horrible, merely honest. "I haven't ruled it out."

"You have. You're not a cold-blooded killer. You said you're the nice one." He said it like an insult.

"You said I'm not nice. Nice is smiling when you don't want to and making everyone around you happy when it costs you your own happiness." Finn was nice. Rey was practical.

"You're nice enough. You're also not stupid. You should accept help when it's offered. You're in pain. I can help you."

"You can help by getting us back to our ship. I can change into something dry and apply bacta. We can stow your new toy in the hold and forget this night ever happened."

He trudged beside her in the dark. "I was wondering how long that would take."

"What would take?"

"You always find an excuse not to count it when we have sex. This time you're going to forget. Let me know in advance what your idea is for the next time. I'd like advance warning before I decide how much effort to put in."

"No one counts dream sex. We were coerced by the Force inside the Sith temple. Tonight definitely shouldn't count. We had our clothes on and didn't touch."

"This is what I mean." He fell quiet, and even his thoughts were clouded from her. She'd expected an argument rather than this sullen silence, and it disconcerted her. They climbed up a shallow embankment now that their path had taken them far from Huram's mansion.

Only as they made their way inside the spaceport did their predicament become clear.

_"They know which ship was ours,"_ Rey thought despondently. Guards crawled all over the docking bay, circling on their shuttle and already digging through the limited supplies on board. These weren't official police from any force, although some had uniforms. Huram's guards were hired muscle with blasters for brains. She saw one of them emerge from the ship with Kylo's rucksack. _"They have the map."_

_"No."_ As the guard opened the cylindrical carrier Kylo had stowed his map in, a sharp **POP** and small cloud of dust emerged. The man choked and sputtered, dropping the cannister to the floor. _"Simple trap. It's gone now."_

_"Why didn't you tell me? I could have destroyed it the next time I looked."_

_"I told you. We don't need it."_ He took her hand, pulling her away. _"Come on. Fighting our way through would be pointless. We'll have to steal another ship."_ Rey took one last look. Her other clothes were gone. The data cube was gone. Had they not taken their lightsabers with them to the party, those would be lost as well. She'd wanted to sit and treat her aching feet.

She followed Kylo. _"Should I be happy your first impulse wasn't to kill them all?"_

_"We could go back if you want."_

Several bays away from their ship, they found a likely-looking shuttle. Also two acquaintances.

"I told you," Montinde said to Pelonian. To Rey and Kylo, she said, "Need a ride?"

"We're fine, thank you," Rey said. If she had to fight them now, she would, but she'd prefer to hobble away.

Pelonian smirked. "Everyone is looking for you. You can't swim to the next island, and certainly not to the next planet. You don't have a ship. You don't even have shoes."

Montinde said, "Oh yes, and we've given them your name as well as the alias your companion is using. The message won't send for another ten minutes, and I'm the only one who can disable the transmission. So please, don't think about killing us and taking our shuttle. You may come with us, and we'll rejoin our ship, or you can stay here and die."

_"We can't trust them,"_ Kylo thought. _"We should run."_

_"Tell me where we can run. Tell me how we'll get there. I am bleeding on the floor."_ Exhaustion threatened to knock her over.

_"They'll kill us and take the artifact."_

_"At least we'll be sitting down."_ Out loud, she said, "We would be happy to join you."

* * *

The shuttle docked smoothly with Pelonian's large freighter. As soon as they were aboard, Rey felt the stomach drop that signalled a hyperspace jump. One of the crew led her to the compartment where the medical supplies were stowed and helped her clean her injured feet before applying soothing bacta patches. When she returned to the central area, Kylo was seated on the floor with his back against one bulkhead. She'd left her bag with him, but she didn't see it now, nor their hard-won prize.

"Feeling better?" he asked. _"They've confiscated the lightsabers and the artifact."_

She smiled. "Much." Not seeing a chair, she let herself slide into a sitting position next to him on the floor. _"We're prisoners?"_

"Good." _"More or less."_

_"Do you have a plan?"_

_"How many casualties are you comfortable with?"_

_"I'd prefer none."_

_"Then we don't have a plan."_ He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. They still wore their fancy clothes from the party, and the fabric was still damp. Kylo's body radiated heat, and soon, instead of cold and damp, Rey was warm and damp. Her feet felt better. This wasn't much of an improvement over their situation back on Purdet's World, and in several aspects, things were worse.

She rested against him. _"We'll come up with something."_

After a while, Montinde and her associate joined them. "Two lightsabers?"

"He's my apprentice," Rey said, standing slowly and extending her hand to Kylo. The cold look he gave her took back some of the warmth he'd shared. "He's very immature for his age." The chill deepened.

"You may have them back when we've rendezvoused with our buyer." Montinde tapped her lower lip thoughtfully. "Did you know there are multiple bounties out for you, my dear? You've upset some very important people."

"It's a talent of mine."

Kylo asked, "Who's issued the bounty? I might need credits later." He smiled thinly at her. _"Apprentice?"_

"The First Order has offered fifty thousand dead, one hundred alive." Pelonian said, "The Resistance has only offered five thousand, and they did use the word 'prisoner.' You were working for them a few weeks ago. What have you done?"

"I'm not sure." She cast a glance at Kylo. _"That message. What did you do?"_ He'd typed up a quick message for her friends and let her read it before they'd hit send.

_"Nothing."_

_"WHAT DID YOU DO?"_

He shook his head and blinked. _"Nothing. It was a joke."_

_"I have a feeling they didn't find it funny."_

"You've done us a small favor," Montinde said. "Your spectacular exit allowed my companion and I to remove the item we wanted without causing a fuss. I'm inclined to hand you over to the Resistance. They don't typically shoot their prisoners, and I would like to stay in business with them."

Kylo said, "You should set us free and give us your excursion shuttle." The Force push echoed inside Rey's mind.

"We should set them free," said Pelonian. "We can give them the shuttle."

Montinde rolled her eyes. "Did you just hear yourself? Go back to the cockpit." To Kylo, she said, "Everyone knows about the mind trick, boy. Some of us are prepared." She stared at his face for a long moment. "What's your real name? It's not Jan Lightstar."

He shrugged. "Names don't matter."

"They do when there's money attached. I'm sure someone will pay for your life or your head. You've got Jedi powers and a lightsaber. There aren't many of those left, apprentices or not. Someone will want you."

"The Resistance will take him," Rey said.

"Perhaps. But how much will they offer?"

"Good question. They might pay you to keep him."

"We'll see. If you try to escape, you'll be killed and we will collect our fifty thousand. If you behave, we won't restrain you. Jedi or not, you're outnumbered and we are providing you more or less safe passage. Let's keep things pleasant." She smiled. "We don't have guest quarters, and you aren't guests, but I have arranged a cabin for you."

She led them down the corridor into the crew quarters, and opened a compartment the size of a small closet. Kylo balked at the cleaning supplies secured in place along the trim shelves. "You must be joking."

"You're underfoot elsewhere, and I'm not in the mood to clear out the brig. There's a light, and I can have one of the crew bring you food and blankets. The refresher is across the corridor. If we find you anywhere else on my ship, we will assume we are under attack and will take appropriate measures."

"This is ridiculous," he said.

Rey said, "This is fine. Thank you, Bes." She stepped into the compartment. "Coming, Jan?"

He stepped into the tiny room with bad grace. "I'm not staying here."

"I'll let you know when we've made contact with the Resistance," Montinde said, and closed the door with a whoosh and a click.

"It's locked," he said, touching the door. He closed his eyes and it clicked again. "And now it isn't."

Rey found an edge of a shelf that would support her, and rested against it. "We need a plan. They haven't lit your lightsaber. They don't know who you are. They will airlock you the second they find out."

"That works out for you. You go home and don't have to worry about babysitting me any longer."

"I'm not your keeper. You said I was your partner."

"You've spent this whole time thinking that you're keeping me out of trouble. I should be offended."

She sighed. "The Resistance will pay a ransom for you if we tell them who you are."

"Or they'll have me killed. I broke out of their last prison, and they won't be happy to see me again." There were tremors underneath the sneer in his words.

"If you would stop blaming everyone else for the problems you've created for yourself and instead say you're sorry and start making amends for them, you'd be welcomed home. Even after everything." Bitter jealousy soured her mouth. For all the crimes he'd committed, he was still loved by those who'd raised him more than she'd ever been by anyone. His father had forgiven his own murder.

"There aren't amends. Sorry means nothing without that. I've killed more people in my life than you've met in yours, and I did it knowing what I was doing. I wasn't blackmailed, or confused. I did it because I wanted to and I have no doubt there are more to come. I've promised myself to kill you one day."

His words fell out in a casual manner, as if he didn't care. She ought to be afraid. Rey was learning to listen to the words he didn't say, and the thoughts he didn't let himself know he was thinking. She stood, watching as he stared back, daring her to fear him.

She closed her eyes. "I forgive you."

She felt the jolt rock through him. "Stop it." He stepped away from her in the tiny space.

Rey stepped towards him. "I forgive you for what you've done. I forgive you the deaths, and the pain you've caused."

"Stop it!" he shouted, shoving her arms roughly, then took another step away, stumbling against the door.

She stepped closer, keeping her eyes on his face. She could fight him if she had to defend herself. She wasn't afraid. At long last, Rey saw the means of imprisoning him as neatly as he'd caught himself when they'd met inside the dream.

Inside his mind she read the coiling anger, twisting into childish terror. He could face her anger, could stoke her disdain into something useful. He had no place to hide himself from kindness.

"I forgive you."

She reached for his hand, felt him try to tug away, and then go slack as she squeezed. Across the bond of the touch, she felt his carefully-constructed image of himself crumble, replaced by a sorrow deeper than words. Forgiveness choked him with a collar which had no key. It was her most terrible retribution, and his head sagged as he understood.

"I'm not.... I can't." The enormity of the chasm before him, the road she was asking him to cross, cowed him.

"You will. I'll help you." She'd start with freeing them. The Resistance would pay for her release, and she'd convince them to pay for his. They would get out of this mess and work on bringing him back to the Light. She drew him into a hug, enjoying the feel of his heart under her ear until his arms found their way around her again. "We'll figure it out together, Kylo."

"Rey?"

"Hm?"

"I like it better when you call me Ben."

She felt the quick skip of his heartbeat. "All right, Ben."

* * *


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content notes at the end

This wasn't a dream like the strange, mystical experiences she'd had before. Rey wasn't joined by her friends, or surrounded by familiar things, or communicating with the departed. She walked through corridors tilting like a spinning cyclone, and she had to use the 'fresher.

Her eyes opened to the reedy overhead light in the small compartment, and her head lay against a warm shoulder, her cheek no doubt bearing the pattern of the fabric on his ruined black vest. Rey pulled herself away and upright. She was allowed to step out of their tiny confinement to use the communal facilities, and her bladder ached.

Three minutes later, she was back inside, awake now and stiff from having fallen asleep in an awkward position. She found a comfortable seat on the floor away from where he slumped, settling herself into a meditation posture.

Rey cleared her mind, or tried. She hadn't been able to reach the core of her own serenity for days, no matter how she focused on her breathing and pushed away conscious thought. Instead, her brain turned on her, twisting inside her head to bite her with worries and regrets. Was she choosing the correct path, aligning herself with someone who'd betrayed and murdered so many? Was she only opening herself and her friends to greater harm? Was the mission before them a path to ruin?

_"You're very loud,"_ came the intrusive thought.

_"Then stop listening. I didn't invite you in."_

He withdrew. She felt the change in pressure behind her eyes, wondering when she'd grown so accustomed to having a second person settled inside her mind, hearing her thoughts as easily as she heard his. A lifetime of lonely waiting had left her unprepared for such a constant companion. Luke had never taught her this level of telepathic bond, hadn't even told her such a connection existed. She'd spoken to her teacher with her mind, but only with great focus and often unsuccessfully. She knew Luke and his sister could communicate mentally, but although they loved each other deeply, establishing a connection took considerable effort for them both.

Alone inside her thoughts, Rey stretched out around her, seeking the other lives aboard this vessel. She counted seventeen crew members, as well as Pelonian and Montinde. She had trouble with droid minds, the electronic surge of their emotions echoing true life. There could be dozens. Locked safely in the hold, the artifact sang quietly to itself, not a pleasant tune but a spooky hum that set her shoulders itching and her teeth on edge.

She emerged from her trance. He sat across from her, watching her, and she didn't know who he was or what to call him. Kylo was the unpredictable beast who'd clawed and killed across the stars. Ben was a shadow, a goal more than a man. Both lived inside the man she knew. The former had captured her and nearly killed her more than once. The latter had waned inside him, only coming forward under the right circumstances, but Rey herself seemed to provoke those circumstances over and over. He wasn't only Ben when he was with her, but Ben only existed when she was with him, even just the imaginary version of her, the one he'd dreamed of before she'd joined him. She owed her friends, maybe even owed the galaxy, the effort in bringing back Ben, but those were excuses, reasons to let herself do as she wanted.

Rey wanted Ben. No matter how much Kylo drove her up the wall between the homicidal urges and the snide superiority, she'd do what she could to have the man she loved back beside her.

Today, that meant setting a task before him. "How do we find the rest of the pieces?"

"As soon as we shake free of these pirates, we get a ship. I have some ideas where the other pieces might be."

"Where?"

He closed his eyes. After a moment, so did she. When she felt him against her mind, she let him inside, a shiver of delight passing through her at his return. She stood with him inside a field of stars stretching out half a million lightyears. The stars whirled backwards, unfolding two hundred thousand years of spin. A quarter of the galaxy glowed.

_"This is where we think their influence ranged."_ A bloated red star hung in the center, ugly and foreboding. _"That was their homeworld."_

Rey stood amongst the stars, paying as much attention to the way he formed this vision as to his words. She wanted to learn this skill. _"This is where my parents were."_ With a touch, she lit up a star near the edge of the field, blue. _"The last outpost."_

_"The First Order has been digging there. That's how they located the details of the Ladon'kres weapon. The piece we have appears to have originated here."_ The next system over from the last outpost glowed blue at his touch. _"The others will be close. We'll head there. There is another Sith temple rumored to be here."_ More blue.

_"I don't want to visit more Sith temples. We could have died at the last one."_

_"The last one wasn't all bad."_ Rey very clearly felt his memory of their brief time there, 

_"How do we get ourselves off this ship?"_

_"We wait until they rendezvous with the Resistance, cause a distraction like we did at the party, and during the confusion, we run."_

_"Or we go with the Resistance._ She longed to see her friends again, for real this time. _"They'll welcome you home."_

_"No."_

Rey pulled herself free of their shared world and shook her head to clear away the stars in his sight. This brought the tangled mess of her hair to her attention. The unexpected dunking had done her no favors, nor had sleeping the mess into place. If she'd kept her old style, she'd be fine. She busied her fingers with each snarl, pulling at the smallest pieces to loosen the strands.

"I can help you with that," he said, and with a slight grumble, she repositioned herself with her back to him, letting his nimble hands sort out the tangles one by one. She felt him linger on inside her mind, a whispered presence that told him what hurt as he tugged. "There," he said, and pressed his lips against the back of her neck as he finished.

"Thanks," she said, turning towards him at an awkward angle. He smiled that wry half-smile she was growing to enjoy, and on an impulse, she kissed him.

He closed his eyes, letting her guide the soft movements of their mouths. _"Stop."_

Rey broke the kiss. _"Why?"_

_"Because you'll find another reason for it not to matter. The moment you rejoin the Resistance, you'll remember you don't want me. You want him."_ She sensed the irritated flicker of emotion that always accompanied his thoughts of Finn. Kylo didn't like coming in second, but Kylo wasn't the one she wanted.

She rested her head against his, and opened the last locks between them, even between herself and her own truths.

She loved Finn. The moment Rey had seen him on Starkiller, and known he'd come back for her, he'd instantly and forever become the best friend she'd ever have. He was handsome and kind and brave, and a warm desire filled her when she thought about him. Part of her believed they would sort through the tangled clutter of emotions neither had ever been raised to deal with, and eventually become lovers.

The change had melted her like a frozen crystal under a weak yet persistent sun. Without loving Finn any atom less, she'd met someone else who was handsome and kind and brave enough to lay down his life for her sake, and the desire she felt for him scorched her like hot metal. Their clutter was textured, woven from his identity and her guilt at betraying her friends, but the emotions wrapped her tightly against him, bound as securely as they'd been tied by the binder cuffs. She loved Ben, and if that meant accepting Kylo with him, she would.

"It always matters," she said, and when she kissed him again, his hands found her shoulders and did not push her away. 

Their tiny compartment had offered little room for sleep or meditation, and offered even less for sex. They'd spent all night in the ruined, rumpled party clothes, and taking them off would only mean that much more difficulty in putting them back on. Instead, his hand found its way up the edge of her skirt, stroking every inch of skin he found. Rey sighed into his kisses, her own hands digging into the fastenings of his shirt. Even if she couldn't remove the clothes, she wanted to feel his body.

His fingers found the thin material of her underwear, coaxing it aside with a deft touch. Minds entwined, he took his cheat gladly, using their connection to delve his fingertips between her wet folds and brush her where she ached. _"There,"_ she thought and he agreed, eyes darkened with lust.

The guilt returned, and she silenced it with a rake of her nails across his abdomen, leaving red marks as he hissed. His fingers worked harder as their mouths found each other again. She wouldn't regret this, wouldn't regret him.

Rey's hands found the cumbersome fastening of his trousers, designed for style, not frenzied passion in a storage unit. She felt his chuckle. "You would think so." His free hand tickled his way down her arm, shooting shivers through her, until he reached the fastening and flicked it open with one gesture. "Many people who went to that party were set on finding a private room. Didn't you feel them around us?" He kept up the delicate strokes with his other hand, and fed into her mind the ambient emotions he'd experienced as they'd held each other. Dozens of others intended to retire to a spare room, or later to their own quarters, arms and legs and pods grappling for their own pleasures.

"You felt all that?"

"The hard part is blocking it out. Right now, there are three crewmembers in one's quarters. Human." Through him she sensed how one held himself on hands and knees, mouth full and sucking one friend, as his body relished the thick intrusion of the other. Their enjoyment skittered through the ship, unseen and unheard except by the two of them.

Rey's hands delved into Ben's trousers and pulled her prize free. With a reluctant motion, she moved away from the wonderful friction of his fingers, and lowered her own head to lick at his foreskin before taking him into her mouth. His hands found her face, and leaving wet traces as he touched her chin.

She followed their link back to him, feeling what he felt as she licked her way down and suckled. The head of his cock bumped the back of her mouth, startling her as he moaned. She pulled away slowly, enjoying her own power, feeling him shudder at every touch. The vein beneath the thick shaft pulsed as her tongue moved. Her senses tingled in places she had no nerves, feeling only his twitching enjoyment. She placed a hot, wet kiss at the end of his slit, and lapped up the single salty drop she found.

Then she grinned, before he dove in for another deep kiss, taking the taste of himself from her with a soft groan.

"We can't have sex," she breathed into his mouth, more than a little sad. "It's a bad time for me." She let him into her mind once more, showing him the rhythmic sequence of her own cycles. She knew the dance of days, sensed when her body would most easily conceive. Without a means of preventing a pregnancy, she didn't dare. They'd been lucky back at the temple. They wouldn't be lucky twice.

"We can do other things." He called for her trust, and with a reluctance she knew he could feel, she let him pull off her underwear and push her onto her own hands and knees before flipping the skirt of her dress up. Behind her now, Ben kissed his way between her legs, his mouth finding the same perfect place his fingers had brought to fire.

Rey held her moans, dropping her head low as he went in deep with his tongue. He backed away and coaxed her legs tightly together. She felt him get to his own knees behind her, and she tensed.

"I won't hurt you. I swear. Not this time." She felt the blunt head of him guide between her thighs, and to her surprise, only her thighs. She pushed herself up, leaning back against him as he held her, and that was the contact she needed, his cock splitting between her labia, rubbing long against her as he thrust between her tightly-clamped legs. She felt the good, strong clench of her wet skin around him, and she let him feel the steady, sliding pressure he pushed against her swollen clitoris. Back and forth, they moved together, aiming for a rhythm neither knew.

Anyone coming upon them, or watching via some secretive camera, would only see him reared behind her and thrusting. Even to a watcher, their intent was hidden, disguised by her crumpled skirt.

_"You want someone watching us?"_ His thought was barely coherent, but merely the stringing together of the words shot more desire through her. _"I learn more about you every day."_ His mind fractured into formless need, and hers followed, focusing only on the feel of their bodies riding the steady waves of pleasure up and up until they crested together in a sticky mess between her legs.

She leaned back against him, pulling his mouth to hers. Hearts returning slowly to a more normal beat, he pushed his hand against her shoulder, a second under her belly until she was back on her hands and knees. A moment later, she felt his tongue on her again, lapping her thighs clean as he breathed in her scent deeply with another groan.

"We're going to have to incinerate these clothes," she said, when she could speak.

"Care to ruin them further before we do?"

Rey thought that sounded like an excellent plan.

* * *

Two hours and three pleasant attempts later, hunger won out over other considerations. It had been a very long time since the small pastries at the party, and Rey was certain their hosts had no intention of feeding them, despite the previous promise. Nothing in here was edible. In the 'fresher they had clean water to drink. She filled herself with enough almost to cause a cramp. "You should drink more," she told Ben. "It helps."

He took the advice with bad grace. "You couldn't have done this back home. It was a desert."

"Water was cheaper than food." She'd learned to catch her own small prey, setting traps for lizards, even crunching on the meaty insects that buzzed near the oasis. She'd learned which of the rough, thick roots that clung to life among the dunes could be mashed into paste, and which of the moisture-sipping succulents weren't poisonous.

He followed her memories as easily as his own, watching without recoil as she recalled too many times when her food experiments had made her ill. "I couldn't do that." Inside his own mind were the memories of meals past, and only a brief time spent under his uncle's tutelage had ever involved providing his own food. Even there, the soil had been generous and abundant with the tidy crops in rows, more than Rey had ever seen in one place.

Too much talk of food sent him grumbling again. He opened the door to the compartment, and waited patiently until a crewmember came close.

"Hello," Ben said with an unnaturally bright smile. Then he waved his hand. "You will bring us rations bars, enough for two days." The crewmember, a human man, nodded and agreed.

"You could have asked." Rey had been uncomfortable with how easily he pushed others' minds. Her own natural ability with that power worried her, and she rarely used it except at need. For him, 'need' could mean anything from galaxy-threatening trouble to idle boredom.

"He'd say no. If you practiced more, you could do this just as easily."

"I wish you'd stop."

The crewmember returned, hands full of the bars Rey was beginning to loathe. "Thank you," she said to him.

"You deserve a rest," Ben said. "You should sleep in here."

"I deserve a rest," said the man, settling down on the floor. He'd closed his eyes by the time the door had shut.

Ben handed her a rations bar. "Plain. Pity." He ate two quickly while Rey chewed hers. They were sure to be spotted soon in the corridor.

_"The centerpiece isn't far,"_ he thought. Rey felt the same, and knew her lightsaber had been locked away in the same hold.

_"Taking them now wouldn't help. We're in hyperspace."_

_"The crew is getting ready for something. We'll be exiting hyperspace soon."_

She reached out, but her own telepathic powers weren't trained like his were. She could sense people moving about, not why. _"We'll need to get away quickly. Once they know we're out of the compartment, they'll attack."_

_"Unarmed combat isn't difficult."_ She read a scattering of his memories: battles he'd won merely by choking his enemies.

Rey took a step away from him. "You need to stop."

"Stop what?"

"You can't kill anyone else, no matter who or why."

He stared at her as though she'd lost her mind. "We are on the run for our lives."

"I know. That's why it's important. No killing. Promise me, or we are parting ways now."

From a close corridor, they heard footsteps. They crowded into a doorway, tensing.

_"This is not the time for this conversation."_

_"It has to be now."_

_"Fine. I promise I won't kill anyone else. Happy?"_

She nodded. They hurried towards the strange humming from the artifact, hiding as they sensed the approach of others. The ship gave the odd little hitch Rey was learning to associate with coming out of hyperspace, a nearly imperceptible hiccup that nevertheless reset her mind abruptly.

_"Here."_

He opened the door to the cargo hold. One woman was on duty, guarding their possessions as well as whatever else lay in the hold. Her head snapped over at the whoosh of the door. Rey cast out her own powers, stunning her.

"You're learning," he said, and went to a locked case. He examined the fastening briefly. "Check her for a weapon. We'll have to blast this open."

"You picked the last lock." She bent down to the unconscious form on the floor.

"That was a simple door latch. This will take time, and we need to run."

Rey found a sidearm at the guard's belt, and aimed it carefully. The lock fell open at the first blast. Ben opened the case, yanking out the battered black bag and handing it to Rey before he retrieved the Sith artifact. Rey reassured herself both lightsabers were safe. She missed her belt, and the security of her weapon at her hip.

They made their way towards the dock, where a hatch connected the larger ship to the excursion shuttle. They met three more humans along the way, and Rey took out each of them with a flick of power. Now that she'd grasped the idea, all she need do was find the part of their brains that controlled sleep, and activate it. She told herself this was much better than drawing her lightsaber against the few unfortunate souls unlucky enough to come between them and their destination.

_"That can cause brain damage, you know,"_ he thought at her as they reached the locked hatch. _"Tricky. We do this wrong and we'll decompress the whole section."_

_"No, I didn't know,"_ she thought back at him, horrified. _"You knock people out all the time. You've done it to me!"_

_"Yes. I think I can manipulate the lock."_ There was a loud thump from elsewhere in the ship.

Rey thought, _"That's the umbilical dock."_

_"Good. They'll be distracted."_ He held his hand over the hatch lock, resetting the electronic tumblers one by one. An alarm sounded.

"They've found the crewmembers we stunned."

"You stunned. I told mine to go take a nap." The last tumbler came free and the hatch slid open. "Come on." They locked the hatch behind them as they boarded the same excursion shuttle which had brought them here. Ben slid into the pilot's chair, and Rey didn't argue. A moment later, he swore. "There's a physical control chip to operate it."

"Of course there is," said Pelonian as the hatch to the main ship slid open again. He held a blaster in one hand and wore an annoyed look. "Now, get out of my shuttle. Your ride is here."

Finn stood behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is NSFW


	21. Chapter 21

"We agreed on five thousand credits," Finn said. If he was uneasy, Rey couldn't tell.

Pelonian had escorted the three of them back towards the umbilical dock, above Ben's objections but without his active resistance. They stood within a knot of crewmembers, none of whom were happy to see them. Their victims still lay asleep somewhere. Ben was thinking they could easily take down the rest of the crew. Rey was hoping that wouldn't be necessary. Montinde had vanished.

"We did," Pelonian said, "until they attacked my people. Expenses. You understand."

"Your expenses are your business," Finn replied, affecting a confidence that nearly fooled her. She could just read the nervousness under his words. "A bounty is a bounty."

Pelonian shrugged. "I can get a larger one from the First Order."

"How much did they offer for him? I could use the money."

"I think the more important question is, how much will you offer?"

"Nothing." He flashed a tight smile at Ben. "He's worthless. The offer was for Rey. I've got the credits. Let's trade."

"As you wish." Pelonian nodded at a woman with a blaster. "Kill the apprentice." Without hesitation, Rey dipped into his mind. She could only read the murkiest of thoughts

"What do you want?" Rey asked, stepping towards him, and dropping the arm that held her bag to a position where Ben could grab it at need. "You're an opportunist and a businessman. What are you in the market for?" She smirked. "Or am I negotiating with the wrong person?"

Pelonian regarded her thoughtfully. "We've already negotiated for you, girl. As soon as I'm paid, you're free to go."

"Finn, pay the man."

He handed over a parcel. Pelonian unwrapped it and counted the credits. "She's your prisoner now."

Rey stayed where she was. "Finn, am I your prisoner?"

His mouth turned. "Don't ask me that. I don't think so."

"Then I'm free to bargain on my own. What do you want, 'Captain?' Don't say a kiss."

"That trinket," he said, gesturing at the artifact Ben held.

Ben said, "It's ours."

"Stolen fair and square? I can just take it off your body."

"That's fine," Finn said. "Come on, Rey."

"What do you want with the toy?" she asked Pelonian.

He shrugged. "You went through a great deal of trouble to steal it. It's clearly valuable."

"It's not," Ben said. "It's only valuable to us."

"Don't care," Finn said. He took Rey's hand. "We're leaving."

She asked, "You'd accept the artifact in trade?"

_"They can't have it,"_ Ben thought at her, glowering.

_"They'll kill you to prove a point. Or you'll kill them."_

_"The latter."_

_"No. You promised."_

"I'd consider it," said Pelonian.

"Keep him," Finn said. "We're done here."

The choice should be simple. She should take the centerpiece and leave Ben here. They'd try to kill him, but he was resourceful. She was almost sure he'd escape. "Then it's yours. You have five thousand credits and a useless bit of garbage, and my apprentice and I walk out with our friend. Agreed?"

"I didn't agree," Ben said, holding it more tightly against him. He would summon his lightsaber, and he would fight them.

_"We can steal it back later. All right?"_

"Agreed." Pelonian gestured to one of his crewmen, who approached Ben with a cautious look. Ben kept his scowl as he allowed the man to take it, and he joined Rey.

"Fine."

"Thank you for the transport," she said. "Let's go."

* * *

As she passed through the umbilical to the _Falcon_ , a weight came off her, like she was coming home at last. At the same time, Ben's shoulders hunched and his eyes darkened. He pulled deep into himself even as he set foot onto the ship proper. He was home, too.

When they reached the crew area, Luke sat patiently waiting for them. Her electronic shield lay on the game table in front of him. She couldn't pick up a thing from his mind. As he watched her, not even looking at Ben, he said loudly, "Chewie, they're back." She heard the disconnect of the umbilical as the _Falcon_ gave a small shudder. A moment later, they were flying, and not ten seconds after, she felt the hyperdrive engage.

"Finn, why don't you show Rey to her quarters? She'll need clothes. Are you hungry?" His tone remained mild, and she couldn't hear his thoughts, but the layer of disappointment was as visible as ice. She shook her head. "Your lightsaber is in the bag?" She nodded. "Keep it in your quarters. I'll be by to talk in a while."

He turned to Ben. "Sit down."

"I'd rather stand."

"Sit. You're tall and it hurts my neck to look up at you." Luke glanced at Finn and Rey. "Go on."

Rey stood a moment longer. "You promised."

His returning glare said plenty, but he did sit down as Rey followed Finn back to the crew quarters.

As soon as the door shut behind then, she put on a relieved smile and went to hug him. To her bafflement, Finn took a step away from her. "Are you all right?" he demanded.

"I'm fine." She watched his eyes take in her dishevelled dress and fall to the bacta patches on her feet. "We jumped off a cliff. But I'm all right." She sat on the edge of the bunk, staring up at him until he joined her.

"We were worried as all hell, Rey." Finn wrapped his arm around her. She could sense his reluctant relief, and settled comfortably into his emotion and his welcome body heat. "Luke couldn't find you anywhere. Then we started hearing chatter that you and Ren escaped the First Order, but instead of coming back here, the next time we hear from you, you're at the location of a Sith temple, and you sound like you've turned to the Dark Side. Yesterday, we got word you robbed Eltar Huram. Rey, the General is sure you've gone evil."

Her skin grew colder with every word he spoke, despite the warmth of him beside her. "I haven't been turned. You have to believe me."

He stared at her seriously. "I do. I've told her and Luke both there's no way. They want to believe me. That's why he's here."

"You had a bounty out on me. I thought it was a ruse to rescue me."

"As far as I'm concerned, that was the whole point." There was his false confidence again. "But he'll need to talk to you once he's finished with Ren."

"Finished how?"

"I don't know."

She was getting better at knowing when he was lying. "You do."

"They are out of options. You know that. It would have been easier if you'd let those pirates shoot him."

She stood up so fast she nearly knocked him over. The door was open in an instant. _"BEN!"_ She couldn't sense his mind. Finn was directly behind her, but Rey was faster, trained by months of runs with Luke through the icy corridors of their base on Basteel. Fear shot with dizzy ache right into her skull, stealing her breath.

Ben lay slumped over on the dejarik table. Luke had just gotten to his feet.

Rey didn't waste words asking what had happened. She flew at Ben's body, shoving his shoulders to roll him over as she checked desperately for a pulse. He half-fell onto the bench of the seat.

"Rey," Luke said gently. "Rey, it's all right."

Gibbering words choked inside her throat as her hands found Ben's slack face. Under her fingertips, she felt his heart beating steadily. As she moved him, he made the same half-noises he always did when he slept.

She closed her eyes. "You were both inside the shield. I couldn't sense him." The adrenaline spike still shook her. She could not have hidden her fear, nor her relief, had she any interest in even trying. The prick of near-tears itched at her eyes.

"I don't like sending people to sleep this way," Luke said.

"It can cause brain damage."

"Yes." His face was unreadable as he looked at his nephew. "When he was a toddler, we all used to joke around that he was only good when he was asleep. It's not funny now."

Rey gathered herself. She was aware that she'd just lost some dignity, and she hadn't stepped aboard this ship with much. "Tell me what's going on. Both of you."

"Change your clothes first," Luke said. "Then we'll talk."

* * *

Rey took the opportunity for the world's quickest shower while she changed, scrubbing off the past few days from her skin and cleaning her hair well enough to tidy it back into a neat braid. She joined Luke in the galley, where he fixed caf from the ship's stores. Finn was nowhere to be seen. She hadn't even said hello to Chewbacca yet. Nevertheless, she could feel Luke's presence here, away from the shield, and that comforted her enough to accept a cup of caf for herself.

"Have you heard of Malsam's Syndrome?"

She shook her head. "Is it contagious?"

"Not exactly, although, you do get it from others. The name comes from a famous case, about two hundred years ago. A man named Malsam was kidnapped by some fairly terrible people. I'll spare you the details. They hurt him terribly and repeatedly, but they didn't kill him. Eventually, he was found helping them rob a Republic treasury. He insisted it was of his own free will, that these were his friends. It would be less awful if he was the only person this had ever happened to."

She watched him while she played with the handle of her mug. "I'm not crazy."

"I prefer the word 'confused.' You've been the captive of a vicious, manipulative sociopath for months. It would be an act of simple self-preservation to sympathize with your captor."

"It hasn't been months."

"He's been assaulting your mind since Basteel. As soon as you started complaining about the nightmares, I should have done more. I'm sorry."

She shook away his words. "They weren't nightmares. I thought they were, but I was wrong. I liked living there. I liked Altara."

"He forced you into that world over and over until you did. It's not your fault. I should have known what was going on. I definitely should never have allowed you within ten light years of him again. I put you into danger."

"I asked to go into the cell with him. I was the one who told him the information he wanted. You even told me not to tell him who was on the station with us." Another thought struck her. "How's your friend?"

"Lando is going to be all right. He lost a couple of fingers to the vacuum cold, but he's been fitted with some replacements." Luke gestured with his own false hand.

"I'm so sorry."

"You'll have to tell him that. Like I said, I take all responsibility for what happened. I don't need an apology, and I don't think we're yet at the point where you can forgive me and mean it. You're too deep inside the web."

"It isn't like that at all. Ben freed me from the First Order. He's on a mission to stop them. I know what you think, but he's different now."

Luke rested against the short countertop. She hated the sympathy she read on his face. "Do you remember why we needed information from him?"

"Because the First Order is trying to get hold of technology from the Ladon'kres. They've found the correct dig site. We're trying to locate the weapon that was used to stop them. We found one of the pieces."

"Did you?" She didn't read any surprise in him, only a sadness she couldn't grasp.

"Yes. We found a map inside the Sith Temple on Hanoon."

"It's not really a map."

"I know. Ben said...." Rey stopped. "You know about it?"

"I went there years ago with Han and Chewbacca. I found the map and translated the scrolls stored there." He rubbed his head, as if it ached. "That's how we tracked down the artifact. Han verified that it was safely under lock and key in the possession of a wealthy gangster. Perfect security that we didn't have to come up with or maintain."

"You left the centerpiece there on purpose?"

"I thought it would be safe. And then the two of you stole it yesterday."

"We had to. If the First Order has found the Ladon'kres weapon, we need to have something to fight back."

"That's what he told you?"

Anger bubbled inside her stomach. Luke's tone had not changed from gentle, but the chiding grated. "That's what was obvious, yes. They have a doomsday weapon, we need one, too. What better way to stop them than use the same thing that was used against the threat before?"

"What do you know about the Sith?" The inflections in his words made her uncomfortable. Kylo had asked her the same thing, in precisely the same way. Rey settled for the same answer.

"They're evil."

"The Sith weren't working against the ancient galactic overlords. They wanted to be like them. That piece you took won't stop the First Order from rebuilding their weapon. It was part of the original, the one part that can't be rebuilt. And you've just aided one of the First Order's top commanders in retrieving it."

Everything turned to ice. The mug in her hand burned her with cold. Her breath froze inside her chest.

"That's not what happened," she said, forcing the words out.

"Rey," he said, with a deep kindness that cut her to the bone. "Ben has been targeting you ever since he met you. He's very good at getting inside people's heads. He's gifted at deceiving you, anyone, and showing the face you want to see. It isn't your fault for believing him. We all did."

Rey closed her eyes. What Luke said made sense, and that terrified her. She'd wanted to believe Kylo Ren could change into the man he'd been inside her dream. She'd wanted to save the galaxy from a threat both ancient and new. He'd let her inside his mind, and shown her what she'd longed to see, but Ren was adept at mental manipulation. She had known his power from the day they'd met.

"I've been so stupid."

"You haven't. I swear you haven't. He fooled me, and I was the one who trained him to use his powers." He rested his good hand over hers. "We're going to meet up with Commander Dameron's ship. He'll take you and Finn back to the base."

She blinked. She wouldn't start crying now. Children cried. "Where will you go?"

"Away." His eyes didn't meet hers. She didn't bother asking if the General knew. After the escape at the old station, the pair of them would have holed up together in a room, and they would have talked for a long time about the line between what they wanted and what the rest of the galaxy needed them to do.

"You're going to kill him." She could barely speak. Even knowing the truth, even reeling from the betrayal she should have seen from lightyears away, Rey shook.

"We can't contain him. We can't heal him. I ran away for years trying to find a better option. If you hadn't come along, I would still be hiding and hoping to come up with something."

"I was your option. You thought I'd destroy him instead."

"It occurred to me, yes. There's destiny involved, which always makes foresight tricky."

Luke had warned her not to trust visions. The future they showed was only a piece. Her last vision had been of the past. Ben had insisted she'd only been dreaming again, but it felt real, just as real as her dream of Altara. And she hadn't been alone.

"How would you know if Ben was telling the truth?"

Luke pinched the bridge of his nose as if his headache was returning. "We've been through this."

"No. You've presented evidence for your opinion, and it's solid. I agree with you." She reached back into her vision of Jakku, pulling up the friendly smirk on Han's face, and his casual certainty about his son. If her experience had all been a drug-induced dream, that conversation was nothing but her own wishes talking, but if the vision had been more than it seemed, then there was one small candle's worth of hope lighting her way.

"Who's the old man?"

Luke frowned at her. "I don't know? Me?"

"No." She collected the memories, then carefully opened her mind. _"See this."_

Luke watched her face, and she felt the locks in his mind reluctantly snap open. She reached out, allowing him inside, now that she knew how easy sharing could be. Her own memories pulsed and fluttered. An errant memory chattered for her attention: the warmth of Ben's hand against her bare skin.

Luke thought, _"I didn't need that."_

Rey felt embarrassment flush her, but she persisted. _"This."_ She replayed her vision, as Han had unsuccessfully tried to explain Force ghosts to her.

_"The old man told me after I showed up,"_ said her memory of Han, _"and between you and me, I think he made half of it up."_ Luke's emotions flooded through their link, flowing undammed at the sight of his lost friend, joy and love and grief all in one burst of emotional color beyond mere sight.

_"You were dreaming."_

_"I was. And it was real. Who is the old man?"_

Another image appeared beside them, a handsome middle-aged man with twinkling eyes and a grey beard, lines drawn on his face by sorrow and desert storms, much like Luke. _"That's what Han used to call Ben Kenobi, the Jedi Master who first taught me. He died saving the rest of us when we all first met. When Leia was looking for baby names, I thought his would be perfect."_ Luke's emotions painted his thoughts, braided joys and sorrows wrapping around each memory: how full of love his heart had been the day the child had been born, how shattered he'd been by Ben's betrayal.

_"How did I know about him?"_

_"You could have picked up a thought from one of us. You and Ben have been reading each other's minds for months."_

_"I didn't."_

Luke watched Han say the words again. Here inside his mind, her teacher couldn't hide away how he drank down every moment as though he had been parched for a long, long time. She showed him the whole conversation as she recalled it, even as Han faded and Ben broke through into the dream to find her.

_"Han doesn't think he's evil any more,"_ Rey thought. _"If this was real, and it was him."_ She pulled up the dream from the following night. _"I had Ben go talk to him. He warned us not to try to steal the artifact."_

She felt Luke balanced on a pivot between what he had firmly believed, and what he longed to believe. He'd thrown away everything and run to the stars to hide from the destiny he'd feared back when Ben had fallen and Kylo had arisen in his place. Rey read his worry that same emotion would cloud his decision now.

_"You think he's changed,"_ Luke thought. _"You think he honestly believed the ancient Sith were hiding the weapon that would stop the Ladon'kres."_

Her own emotions lay tattered, whipped by too many possibilities and the looming likelihood of losing Ben again. He was a liar and a thief and a killer, and they were destined to face each other in deadly combat. He'd taken her hostage and threatened her life, and he'd set her free, and he ached for her in what might very well be love. If she were sensible, she would flee with Finn as soon as Poe's ship arrived. Luke would take this inconstant stranger far away to kill him mercifully in his sleep, or else maroon him on a distant world with no possible hope of rescue.

If Rey gave the word, that was the future before her. If she doubted now, and gave in to the logical, bitter truth that she had been deceived, Luke would agree with her, and after, he might come back to finish her training, and he might vanish again, this time for good, eaten alive by his own regrets.

If she believed Ben really had changed and she turned out to be wrong, discovering too late that the inner voice guiding him had always been Kylo's, then the galaxy would suffer for her mistake. Her only salve would be the knowledge that he'd no doubt slay her before she was forced to watch the stars burn and die.

Light and dark flipped like two sides of a disk in her mind. She spun them now, and as they spun, she knew.

"I believe him."

Beside her, she felt the breath Luke took, felt him stare one last time at her frozen memory of Han's assured smile, felt something heavy pass from his heart.

"So do I."

* * *

They rejoined Finn and Chewie in the cockpit of the ship. Chewie stood and pulled Rey into an enormous, relieved hug. He'd been worried sick.

"I'm all right. I tried to send you a message." She glanced at Finn. "I guess it didn't get through."

"I told everyone. They all swore it meant you'd gone Dark Side." He gave Luke a hard look. "I told you she'd never turn."

"You'll have to forgive my belief you were biased. It was the exact same wording Ben used when he ran away."

Rey sighed. "He was making a joke. I didn't realize. I would have sent something else."

"You're lucky Finn was so insistent."

She smiled at Finn. "I am. Thank you."

"Sure." A little embarrassed, he made a show of checking the nav computer. "We'll hit the rendezvous point in an hour. Do we have a plan?"

"What makes you think we changed the plan?" Luke asked him, not angrily, but with a pleased turn of his mouth.

"You've got that look. It says, 'I've come up with a terrible change to the plan that will somehow work out anyway.' So what's the new plan?" Finn looked pleased with himself, and Rey didn't miss how easy he was casually teasing Luke. She hadn't been gone long, she'd thought, but things had changed in her absence.

"We need to go back for the centerpiece. I can try to barter with those traders. Send a message to Commander Dameron to let him know we'll be late."

Finn put in the message while Luke turned to Chewbacca. "You've worked with Pelonian before. What can we use to trade with him?"

Chewie said they were out of credits, which was the only language pirates and smugglers spoke. If Luke wanted to rob a bank before they went back, he knew a few that weren't far. Rey was almost sure he was kidding.

"He's not the one in charge," she pointed out. "He's the face. Bes Montinde is the real boss. I don't know what language she speaks, but she'll probably listen to credits, too."

The communications system chirped. Finn gave a quick, happy smile. "And that's Poe." His smile dropped.

"What's wrong?" Luke asked.

"General Organa says one of her spies just informed her that the First Order got to Pelonian's position right after we left. They seized that artifact of yours and destroyed the ship."

* * *


	22. Chapter 22

They rendezvoused with Poe's ship per the original plan. Rey made as if to take the _Falcon_ in, but Finn waved her away, aligning the two vessels to dock with each other much more precisely than she would have expected. She hadn't been permitted to sit in the pilot's seat. She wondered if she would be allowed ever again.

Putting away her sorrow at that thought, she placed a smile on her face as the airlock turned over. She shouldn't greet Poe with a hug, as he was technically her commanding officer, but the impulse was strong.

The hatch opened. Poe stepped aboard, and General Organa followed him, shutting the hatch behind herself with an easy familiarity. Luke tilted his head towards the cockpit, and Poe nodded, heading away. Rey made to follow, but Luke's hand on her arm stopped her.

Rey's smile faded when she saw the cold look on Organa's face.

"I am looking forward to your very detailed explanation of what you think you've been up to."

Rey opened her mouth and closed it again. The excuses came first to mind. She'd been kidnapped, seized against her will, and nearly killed. She'd also stayed of her own accord with her former captor instead of escaping home, and not only had she helped him steal a major component for a powerful weapon, she'd practically handed that component over to the First Order. She had flubbed her interrogation of their prisoner, and as a result, threatened the safety of billions, and her current belief in Ben's intentions could be sealing their fate.

She wondered if any other apprentice Jedi had kriffed up everything this spectacularly in their first six months.

Luke said, "You can debrief her later. I'd like to sit in on that. At least, I think I would."

A little of the General's ire deflated out of her. "So where is that damn kid?"

"I woke him up a few minutes ago. Chewie's watching him." From the crew quarters, Rey could just make out the muffled roaring. Luke said, "I made sure the room was empty. There's a slight chance Chewie will rip off one of Ben's arms, but I think they're just going to yell at each other for a while." There was another roar, and Rey was almost sure that was Ben shouting back at him in Shyriiwook. 

"Wouldn't it have been kinder to shove him out the airlock while you had him unconscious?" She tried to make it a joke, but a bitter note soured the humor.

"For which one of us?"

Organa shrugged. "Your message said you think he's changed. I can't risk believing you on this. Give me something more solid to stand on."

"I went into his mind while he was asleep." Luke made a face. "Those dreams Rey had? They were real for him. Ben spent years stuck inside his own head, and he spent most of that time trying to be someone else. And there's more. It's what we talked about."

Rey couldn't read the uncomfortable expression on his face, nor the piercing interest his sister suddenly fixed Rey with.

"You're sure?" asked Organa. The bitterness was still there, but underneath, one small spike of hope.

"No. But I'm getting there."

Rey looked between them. "What?"

Luke said, "The more time he spends around you, the less the Dark Side has a hold on him. Even in his dreams."

"I know." She'd been watching this unfold, both standing in front of him and seeing from inside his eyes.

"That's not enough," Organa said. "He's caused so much harm. No matter if he turned to the Light right now at this second, we can't afford to trust him. At best, we keep him locked up like we tried before. Or he goes to a real prison for his crimes. Changing his ways won't change what he's done." In a moment, she was three people: she was the leader of the Resistance who had come off the worse in too many battles with him, and she was the widow of a man he'd murdered in cold blood, and she was Ben's mother who loved him more than anyone in the whole universe. The last would have to stand aside for the sake of the rest.

"No," her brother agreed. "But if it means he's not our enemy any longer, I'll accept that as a victory."

Organa said, "I'll take it, but I'm not sure it matters. Even if you're right and he's been trying to help, he's just allowed a powerful weapon to fall into the First Order's hands." She cast her sharp eyes at Rey again, and Rey had to steel herself from shrinking away.

Luke said, "I should have destroyed that component of the weapon when I had the chance." As usual, he kept the greatest share of the blame for himself.

"So why didn't you?" Leia asked him.

"You weren't with me when I found the scroll. The Sith operated on the notion of duality. Two people to operate the technology. Two to destroy it. Han went to Huram's to confirm the piece was there and safe, but the task would have taken both of us to activate the self-destruct. I didn't think it was worth risking you on the trip, and Ben was too little to consider even trying."

"He was there," Rey said. "That's how he knew where to find it."

"Do you think the two of you could destroy it now?"

Luke said, "Yes."

The General closed her eyes a moment. Perhaps she was thinking. Perhaps she was sharing a private thought with Luke. She nodded, mostly to herself. "Then that's our plan."

Rey had been wondering about this for some time. With her thoughts carefully shielded, she asked Luke, "It took our powers combined to get in and out of that Sith temple. How did you and Han get in, and how in the world did you get out again?"

He gave her a look that she didn't quite understand, and said, "The same as you." He walked past her. "We used the door."

* * *

They gathered in the crew area. Ben and Chewie sat at opposite ends of the semi-circle bench, glaring at each other. "Move," his mother said to him, making him stand while she took his seat with a soft groan.

"No hello?"

"We're going to have a long chat about our last conversation later. Hello doesn't cover it." She turned to the others. "I've contacted my best spy inside the First Order to find out where they're taking the centerpiece." She accessed the control panel for the dejarik table, bringing up a crude schematic of a flotilla of huge ships. Rey counted three Super Star Destroyers, including one lit up green towards the center of the mass of destructive power. Other massive ships flanked these to all sides. She wondered which was the one they'd escaped from.

"Apparently that's Snoke's ship." Organa glanced at Ben, who nodded once. "Getting inside will be the problem. Finn, you helped us break into Starkiller. Any ideas?"

Finn blinked, quenching a small flush of delight that his opinion was being asked. "With the fleet together, they'll be raising and lowering the shields constantly for transit between ships. Slipping in while the shields are down won't be hard."

Poe said, "We have two recently captured First Order fighters back at the base. Flying one in with the right transponder code would be tricky but I could do it." 

Chewie said they'd had worse plans than 'sneak in, break something, get the hell out.'

_"It won't work."_

As the others discussed more details of the plan, Rey snapped her head over and met Ben's eyes. _"Why not?"_

_"The centerpiece will be heavily guarded inside the most secure level of the Star Destroyer, and that vessel is the size of a large city. None of you will be able to locate it before you're discovered."_

_"Do you know the way? You could tell us."_

_"I don't, although I could find it myself once I was inside."_ His prickly over-confidence grated. _"The rest of you will be lost, and you will be caught."_

Luke cleared his throat. "Rey, is there something you'd like to share?"

She turned to him, willing down the red flush threatening her cheeks. "I know my way around the inside of a Star Destroyer, but not well enough to track down the artifact without being caught first. As someone just pointed out to me. Finn will have to come with us."

"I can try. I was only posted to the _Finalizer_ for a month."

"You won't find it in time." Ben turned to Luke. "You and I will have to go."

"No," Poe said. "Ma'am, I respect your decision not to let me shoot him in the head as soon as we came aboard, even if I disagree. But we're not seriously considering just handing over Luke Skywalker to Kylo Ren and sending them directly to the First Order's main fleet? People have died trying to prevent this." He looked at Ben. "You killed them."

"Yes, I did."

"And you don't even feel bad about it."

"I don't see how feeling bad will undo anything."

"Boys," said Organa, not raising her voice. "Commander Dameron raises a good point. We can't trust you, Ben. Luke might. I don't. Finn can go in with Luke and Rey."

Rey asked Finn, "Can you get us through the ship?"

"I'll do my best." And he would. Finn would give his all to the mission, and to keep her safe while they performed it. He was brave, and he was knowledgeable about their goal, and he would do anything not to disappoint her. Every one of these reasons and more made her love him dearly, and made her understand this wouldn't work.

"It has to be us," she said, looking at Ben. "We were last seen together. Even if we're discovered, we won't set off their suspicions. If either of us is found with Luke, they'll know what's going on."

"Agreed," said Ben.

"Under no circumstances," said the General. "You two shouldn't be in a room together ever again. Rey, we don't know what he's done to your mind."

"Nothing," she said, and unfortunately, Ben said it at the same time with the same inflection.

"Nope, not creepy at all," Finn said.

"Creepy or not," Rey said, "you know I'm right. We've got the best chance at success, and if we fail, Luke can make a second try."

"Which you're already convinced won't work," Luke said. He sat back for a moment. Rey thought he was thinking to himself, until she noticed the General sitting still as a stone. Whatever conversation the two of them were having, no one else was invited.

"I don't like it," Organa said. "But you're right. We won't get a better chance. We have two ships. We'll take two teams. Ben and Rey will go in together. Finn, you're going to guide Luke and me inside. I'm not a Jedi, but I've got enough power to do the job."

"You'll be captured," Rey said.

Luke said, "Maybe. If we are, you're more likely to succeed. We can't let them reassemble the weapon."

"Commander Dameron," said Organa. "I need a word with you. Alone."

* * *

Rey had been more relieved in her life: meeting up expectedly with Finn and Han on Starkiller Base, finding one last portion stored away when she thought she was completely out of food, the one time she'd fallen inside the empty husk of the Star Destroyer and just managed to hook her hand around a broken railing rather than falling to her death. Nonetheless, setting foot safely on the soil of the current Resistance base pushed a shiver through her of pure relief. She might not be here long, but she intended to enjoy the comforting safety of this place for her short stay.

Finn walked down the ramp right behind her. Ben remained behind with Chewbacca as his keeper. Bad enough they'd brought him here, but the General had been right from the beginning. If someone found out who he was, he'd be killed by any of two hundred people with a grudge.

"Come on," Finn said, noticing her darting glance back at the ship. "Let's get the supplies ready."

They hurried together towards the supply depot. As soon as the rest were out of earshot, Finn said in a low voice, "I don't like this at all."

Rey slowed her pace to a leisurely walk. "I know you don't."

"Ren's a monster, Rey. You might think he's all sunshine and smiles now, but I've worked for this guy for years. You are not safe around him."

That was the truth. Rey had run from danger into danger ever since Kylo Ren had first set his dark boot onto the sands of Jakku, and the dangers had grown no fewer after she'd taken his hand and run beside him. "None of us are safe, Finn. If I have a chance to keep the First Order from killing more people, I have a duty to try."

His mouth turned at her platitudes, and her deflection. "Stop it."

Rey stood still. Her first impulse was to argue with him, inform him icily he didn't understand everything going on, even insinuate his concern was motivated by jealousy. Hot words came to her mouth and died before leaving her lips. Whatever the future held, Finn was her best friend, and he deserved better than her disregard.

"I'm worried, too," she said. "I know why you don't and can't trust him. I agree with you. But it's the same thing, Finn. If I can do something to make him less of a monster, and that saves one life, then I have the obligation to try."

He shook his head. "You don't have the obligation to save that twern-bucket from himself. You're not his babysitter. You're not his wife." He didn't miss the sudden guilt flicker over her face before she hid it away. She'd told him about the dreams. "And even if you were, it's still not your job. Don't do this because you think you have to. Nobody blames you for what he did to you."

"Then blame me for the mistakes I chose to make," she said. "And let me make up for them by fixing the fallout now."

"Or you're about to make them much worse. What if this was his plan all along? You, Luke, and the General all aboard the Supreme Leader's ship, along with a piece of a superweapon? He couldn't present a better gift to Snoke if he had it delivered by dancing girls."

"It's fine. I can't dance," she said, with a smile he wouldn't return.

"I want you to promise me something."

She folded her arms and waited.

"Promise me that if he betrays you, if you even think he's going to betray you, or any of us, that you won't hesitate to strike him down. You're the only one who can fight Ren. He knows that. He can't not know it. He'll use every trick he can think of to stop you from fulfilling your destiny. He'll lie to you. He'll trip you up. He'll use the Force connection you two have to make you think he's in love with you, and when you trust him, he will kill you. Don't let him."

"I won't let him kill me." She pressed her hand against Finn's. "I promise."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure." She was sure Ben wouldn't, and his dark twin had been silent. She could only hope he'd been quieted forever.

They continued their walk, and Rey remembered something else. "I downloaded your records when we escaped from the First Order."

"Why?"

"To see if they recorded which planet they snatched you from. You wanted to find your family as much as I want to find mine."

The past tense and the halting tone in her voice hit him. "They're dead. Aren't they?"

"Your mother is. It didn't list your father. He might still be alive. We can track down your other surviving family members. Her name was..."

He stepped away from her, holding up both hands. "Don't."

"What? Why?"

"Tell me when we get back home. If I don't survive this mission, then it doesn't matter, and if you don't, I don't want to know."

* * *

She didn't want to stop in to say hello to Lando in the command center. A sharp thrill of shock went through her when she noticed the black gloves covering both hands. Under the leather, would he have metal digits like Luke's clawed hand, or had he opted for smooth synthflesh to hide the wounds? He tapped the control panel idly, drawing her eyes back again and again as she tried not to stare.

"You can just ask, you know," he said, breaking into the middle of the pleasantries she was trying and failing to remember.

"Does it hurt?" Rey blurted out in her awful sense of her own part.

"A little." He softened the words with a smile, his eyes sparkling under grey brows. "It's better than it was. We thought you were dead. That hurt more."

She didn't believe him, but the words were kind. The bit of her that paid attention to such things thought if he was thirty years younger, she'd be entirely charmed, and he would be more than happy to find out how far that charm would get him. "I'm glad you're all right."

"Likewise. When you get back from that mission I'm not supposed to know about, come by and have dinner, and I'll tell you all the stories you could ever want to hear about Luke and Leia when they were your age. You can bring your friend Finn along. He likes a good story."

Rey wasn't sure if this counted as forgiveness, or just a chance to let bygones pass. She'd take either.

"That sounds lovely. Thank you."

* * *

The shifts were changing when Ben left the _Falcon_. Dressed in a borrowed black flightsuit, no mask, lightsaber hidden away, he looked like anyone else, and as much as Rey worried he'd be recognized, he blended in with the swiftly-moving troops, and just as easily detached from the group and boarded one of the stolen First Order fighters.

"We'll take off as soon as night falls," Rey told him. "Have you flown this model before?"

"Yes. It's not hard. I can show you."

"Can you show Luke? He's flying the other one."

"Not with the Force shield in place. We'll be out of contact with them unless we use the comms. Which you already knew, so why did you ask?"

"If I said I had a bad feeling about this mission, what would you say?"

"That you're learning." He performed a quick systems check, which Rey watched closely. Outside, the sun dipped towards the horizon. "We should go."

As soon as the ship exited the atmosphere, Ben plugged in coordinates to the navigation computer.

"That's not the fleet."

"No. It's where we left our armor. We may need it."

"Why?"

"Why would we want a full Stormtrooper uniform when we're supposed to be sneaking onto the First Order's flagship? I can't imagine."

There was more. He could hide his thoughts from her, but not quickly enough. "You want your ridiculous mask back."

"It's not ridiculous. It's important. Besides, with the route we're taking, we'll arrive at the planned time with no real interruption." He'd already talked himself into this, and wasn't interested in listening to her try to talk him out of what he intended to do.

"You're worried, too."

He watched the shimmery lights of hyperspace. "Who's the spy?"

"How should I know?"

"Someone inside the First Order is helping the Resistance. Do you trust they're doing so out of the goodness of their heart? I don't. This feels like a trap. I'd rather set our own."

"That wasn't the plan."

"Plans change. Our priority is to get aboard that ship and find the centerpiece. The others will follow, looking for their own way in, but if either group is found out, the others will be hunted down."

"Luke and your mother would never betray us, and neither would Finn. They're more than ready to believe you'd sell us all out for a cold fizz."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Do you trust me?"

Rey wanted to believe the man beside her was honest, was trustworthy, was Ben. Her heart held many misgivings, and none of her fears were allayed by the cold walls he'd erected in his mind. They'd spent the last few weeks living within the other's thoughts, secrets casually bared. Now he asked for her trust when his own designs were carefully hidden from view.

"Give me something to trust. What's going on?"

"The plan won't work. We won't slip two ships in unnoticed, not even with the right access codes, and I have no reason to believe Mother's spy will give us safe codes. Her ship may try, and it may succeed, but we can't both make the attempt with just one Force dampener."

"You could have said something."

"You're the only person who believes anything I say, and you're not sure I'm telling the truth now." She heard the note of petulance in the words, familiar in a way she didn't like. Ben could be obnoxious, but he didn't whine, and she also knew the difference wasn't as simple as that. He'd never been two people. He was one person with two opposing desires of who he wanted to become.

Rey said, "Snoke can sense you." He nodded, watching her. "He can sense all of us."

"They might be able to slip through with the shield if they stay close together. I know for a fact we won't."

"You should have spoken up."

"No one would have listened. You're not listening now. You're trying to read my mind and see what I'm really thinking."

"Of course I am! We are on a mission, and you're hiding from me." Her heart raced in more than a little fear. She was aware of how small this shuttle was, with not even a back bunk. There was nowhere to run from him, if she had to run.

"I had to know if you trusted me. You don't." His eyes were dark, and she felt the anger rolling inside him.

She could fight him. She could have her lightsaber in her hand within less than a second. There was no room in the shuttle to fight, and the first blade to strike out too far would breach the hull and expose them to space. They'd both die, but better that than risk the rest of the galaxy.

There had to be a second option.

"Then trust me. Tell me what your plan is. I won't argue with you. I won't fight you. But trust in me, and tell me first, and I will trust you back."

For a moment, she was sure he wouldn't. He'd turn from her, or worse, let the darker urges that were never far from him have their say. His shields were raised high against her. He could be thinking anything.

"If the others are to succeed in breaking in, it would help to have a distraction. We need to go in announcing ourselves. Focus the attention on one hand," he said, waving at her with his fingers,   
and the other remains unseen." His red blade lit between them. She felt the heat radiating against her face.

"You need your mask to go back. To prove you're him." She swallowed, mouth dry at what she saw: two sides of one face, cleanly split by the light of the red lightsaber, both reflecting its fetid glow. The scar she'd given him had healed, but rose harshly against his skin in the odd lighting.

"I can only explain your presence in two ways. You have to go in as my prisoner, or as my prize. As you pointed out, we fled together and we've been seen together."

"You killed a man when we left." Rey would have killed him herself had Ben not interfered, but she was already a known enemy of the First Order. He'd been an ally until that moment.

"I have a reputation for making rash decisions without thinking through the consequences."

"I hadn't noticed," she said, a trace of a smile on her face.

"Supreme Leader Snoke will be angry with me, no doubt. He believes my nemesis died because I was sulking about my prisoner. He may forgive me when I confess I was protecting my wife."

Rey went very still. "That wasn't real. We were dreaming."

"Yes. For him to believe, it would have to be real." He watched her face, eyes darting to her mouth and back to catch her gaze.

"There's no time. We would need to find someone to conduct a wedding, we need witnesses, and even then, what? Show Snoke the document?"

"We joined back at the Temple."

"I remember. I was there." The Force had goaded them into mating. She'd regarded it as just sex. Yet, the silent watchers, the departed dark spirits of the fallen Sith, they had held witness, and although they had not become lovers that first time by their own choice, Rey had not willingly parted from Ben's side since. They'd traveled through chaos together, sure of nothing but the other. Should this mission fail, they'd spend the rest of their brief lives together. Though her heart did not belong to the man before her, it hungered for the man he'd been once, and could be again, and perhaps that was the same thing.

She felt his mind reach into hers, and she traced the same paths in his.

"It was real enough, if we both agree," he said. "If we believe, Lord Snoke will believe us in turn, and we'll have our safe passage onto the ship. I'll be disciplined, of course, but we won't be killed or thrown into the brig."

Rey hadn't given thought to any of this. She was too young to want anything that smacked of settling down, not with a whole universe of adventure stretched before her. Even inside the dream, she'd had trouble standing still, longing to return to her training, to flying, to learning how to swim. Marriage was for old people, stuck in their repetitive days of bills and babies. Rey wanted none of that life.

She felt the amusement inside his mind. _"The last thing you should worry about is boredom. Unfortunately, I suspect no matter what comes, our future will be far too exciting."_

_"I agree,"_ she thought, and let him see that she did not only mean she agreed their time together would not be dull. She threaded her fingers into his.

_"I agree, too."_ His breath came in a quick gasp, and he wore a lopsided smile. They'd shared a connection for some time, and now she felt the Force between them warming her, like the best blanket she'd ever wrapped herself in on a frosty night on an ice planet far away. The bond had grown without her awareness, now a bright tether holding them together. Snoke would see them, and he would know. He only had to believe for long enough to let them board his ship alive. After, the tightest bond could be loosened. She could free herself of this quick marriage. If she chose.

"If we survive, you get to explain this to your family. I'm sure they'll believe you've brainwashed me. And you can also explain to your mother why we're not having children."

"Fair." He would agree to anything she wanted. Desire, relief, and much more flowed from him and into her, and back, inviting Rey to share the calm space he'd carved out inside his own mind due to her. She slid into his welcoming thoughts as their lips met. The tiny cockpit offered no room for the battle she'd considered only minutes ago, and little room for anything else.

They made do.

* * *


	23. Chapter 23

The simulation of the First Order fleet had not done it justice, nor could the grainy hologram on the _Falcon_ 's dejarik table have hoped to capture the overwhelming scope. Star Destroyers and Dreadnoughts swam through the stars, tiny shuttles and TIEs darting around and between them like the insects that hovered around a happabore's flanks, feeding on sweat.

"There must be thousands of ships."

Ben watched through the viewscreen as she piloted their latest stolen ship. "Yes. They're gathering for a reason. My Star Destroyer was supposed to rendezvous with them."

"Did you know why?"

"No."

Terror sliced her with a thousand small knives as their fighter passed through the outer ships of the enormous fleet. They would be found at any moment and swatted away with a lazy flick of tail. "The codes must be working."

"We're not using the codes from the spy. The other ship can. We're broadcasting my personal signal." He wasn't wearing his horrible mask yet, only toying with the edge as it sat on the control panel waiting for the proper time. They'd collected the Stormtrooper armor at the same time. Rey would wear the uniform only if she had to.

"Good. Then they'll definitely shoot us."

"Perhaps."

Three ships flanked them as they approached the flagship. Over the comms, a nervous voice said, "Fighter 2974, you have been identified as stolen property. You will be escorted to...."

Ben slammed his fist onto the toggle. "You know who I am," he said in a haughty, clipped tone.

"Fighter 2974...."

"I'm sending my personal code. Would you like me to make it more personal?"

"Sir," said the voice, clearly terrified. "We have our orders!"

"Now you have new orders. You will escort me to the _Terrorizer_."

"You are wanted for murder."

"I can add to the charges," he snarled, and Rey heard a choking sound through the comm. She grabbed his arm.

 _"They must believe,"_ he thought at her.

The voice breathed easier suddenly. "Sir," it said, still sucking in air, "you know the way." The escort ships peeled away.

There was no room for second thoughts about their changed plan. If the rest of the First Order fleet hadn't known Kylo Ren was returning, they would surely discover it within the next few minutes. Rey kept their fighter on a steady path leading to the central vessel in the massive flotilla.

"There." He didn't need to tell her. The Super Star Destroyer lurking in the center of the field of ships dominated the view as they approached. Even as their little fighter came closer, Rey felt the clammy touch of a malevolent mind stroking her mental shields. Shuddering, she withdrew deeper into herself. Beside her, Ben took a deep breath. She didn't have to ask if Snoke knew who they were.

"He's going to know," she whispered, frightened of unseen microphones in the cockpit, frightened of an unwanted listener inside her brain.

"He doesn't know. Don't be frightened."

"Easy enough to say."

Ben kept his eyes closed for a long moment. "He's ordering me directly to his chambers. I've explained you. I can grovel further if need be, but he believes me." He opened his eyes to look at her. "We'll have company when we arrive. If you have to fight, fight to kill because they will."

They could abandon the mission now. Luke and General Organa could still slip inside unnoticed. "Can you find out where the centerpiece is?"

"Yes."

Rey nodded. Then she piloted their ship towards Landing Bay Two, wondering if she'd leave this Star Destroyer alive. Ben watched her face for a long moment. He grabbed her chin and pulled her in for a deep kiss. Rey stepped into his mind, embracing him within as their lips touched. Neither bothered with false reassurance that they'd survive, that their mission would succeed, that things would work out. This was just as easily good-bye, and Rey lingered with the kiss as long as she dared.

Ben put on his mask as Rey set the ship down neatly in its place.

A small contingent of guards greeted them as they emerged.

"Kylo Ren, you are under arrest," said the boldest Stormtrooper.

"Whatever." He jumped down, then extended a hand to Rey to help her. She played along, allowing him to guide her steps down. The 'troopers raised their blasters to her. "Do not threaten my lady wife," he said with a casual intensity. "The last man who tried lost his head."

A few of the blasters lowered. The lead Stormtrooper kept his weapon aimed at Ben. "You have been ordered to report to Supreme Leader Snoke. We are to take the other prisoner into custody."

Hating herself for it, Rey clung to Ben's side. She tried and failed to tremble. She was worried, but she couldn't make herself quiver with fear she didn't feel, not with her lightsaber at her side. He wrapped one arm around her, and she read the amusement in his mind at her inability to snivel.

"You may keep her under guard in my quarters." He turned his head. "Unless you wish to argue."

The lead 'trooper gave a short nod. Whether or not he'd had dealings with Ben in the past made no difference. Bad news always traveled fast, and Kylo Ren had been bad news walking.

"I'll return for you shortly," he said, taking her hand. "I will introduce you properly to Supreme Leader Snoke."

"Don't be long." She allowed herself to be escorted away from him. For whatever reason, Rey wasn't searched. Perhaps the Stormtroopers were afraid of their disgraced former commander and his wrath should she be manhandled. Perhaps they assumed she had already been searched by him. Her commlink remained safely stowed in her trousers, uncomfortably if not intimately tucked away.

A little arrogance went a long way. Rey kept her chin high, refusing to be hurried. Her hands remained free. She drew them into fists. Ben might be somewhat less of a thern's backside than his dark counterpart, but it was Kylo Ren she needed to channel now, with a half-sneer set on her face and impatient glares to those around her, draping herself in an imaginary cape that would glitter with dark threads just as her dress had.

Part of her wondered how ridiculous she looked.

"What are you staring at?" Rey demanded of a 'trooper who looked her way. His head snapped forward. No, her head. Rey felt the tendril of curiosity at the power the Jedi they guarded might wield, if she was as powerful as the rumors said. Fear was underlined with desire, although for the power or for Rey herself, she could not read.

She was led to a compartment exactly like half a dozen running along the side of one corridor. The door opened, and Rey stepped inside. Before her guards could follow, she growled at them. "Stay outside. I don't wish to be disturbed unless you're bringing food." She slammed her palm against the close toggle, praying the door wasn't immediately blasted open. She stepped back just in case. No one came through, and she let herself breathe. She was a prisoner, but one feared by her jailers. They would stand guard out of her sight and hope she wasn't as mercurial and moody as her husband.

She took stock of the room. These weren't Ben's primary quarters, only a space where he slept when he was aboard. The alternative was that he lived in a room with no personal touches, no individuality, only the bare walls around him, a narrow bed, and a computer console. He had clearly spent some time here, though, and his quarters had not been disturbed. The blanket and pillow still lay rumpled on the unmade bed, and she'd learned the scent of his body on the sheets.

A button on the wall opened two drawers full of black clothes. Inside the second drawer, she found a paper packet, no bigger than her palm, the only item in the whole room that wasn't aseptic and stark. She removed it from the drawer, feeling the weight of the contents shift like sand. Curious, she slipped the wrinkled paper into her pocket and reminded herself to ask him about it when he returned.

As she'd suspected, the computer console had been locked. As she'd hoped, slicing her way past the lock only took a minute's work.

Ben had given her his login credentials for all the First Order systems, and all the back door keycodes he knew in case his primary access had been terminated. She dove in quickly, searching the databanks for any references to the Ladon'kres. Information scrolled past, confirming their fears. They had the design plans for the original weapon, and other pieces had been reconstructed. The First Order had only needed one final component, one they couldn't rebuild, one soaked in dark magic. There'd been a chance they would never have found the centerpiece, hidden under the wrong name in the dusty private museum of a gangster, but Ben and Rey had as good as offered it to them.

She found the location of the engineering laboratory where the artifact had been taken, pulling up a map of the _Terrorizer_. Her own powers reached out and heard the eerie song exactly where the readout told her it would be.

She grabbed her commlink. "Finn?"

There was no response. Her heart thumped hard, crawling up her throat. If the codes hadn't worked, if the shield hadn't hidden them from Snoke, if they'd been spotted....

 _"Go ahead,"_ he said very quietly.

She gave him the location. "How far away are you?"

_"Three decks. Are you positive?"_

"Yes. I can feel it. Are they with you? Are they safe?" She didn't dare say General Organa or Luke's names in case the communication wasn't secure.

_"We're together. Can you meet us there?"_

"No. I'm technically under arrest and Ben's been taken to Snoke. I'll join him directly."

She heard him curse softly. _"We'll come get you."_

"This was our part of the plan. Everyone is paying attention to us. They won't notice you. We're the distraction."

His voice dropped even lower. _"No, the attack she ordered to start ten minutes from now is the distraction."_

Attack? Of course. Rey felt the blood drain from her face. The General knew they would need something big and flashy to catch the attention of their foes, and she'd left her friends back at Resistance Command for a reason. They'd be here any minute on a hopeless mission to get the First Order's eyes outside.

"We'll escape on our own."

 _"Make it fast. He's not sure how big the boom will be, and she is sure our fighters will be targeting this ship first."_ Finn spoke in barely a whisper. _"Rey, promise me you're getting out of here, or I'm coming for you right now."_

She closed her eyes. Their chances of walking out alive had just gone from slim to none. "You have a mission to complete. Get them to the artifact. That's the only thing that matters."

_"You matter."_

"Your mother's last name was Sloane. Find your family, Finn. Tell them I said hello." She shut off the commlink and shoved it into her pocket.

Then she opened the door. "Where's that food I asked for?" she demanded.

"We don't have orders to feed you."

"FN-2187 was right. You can't think for yourselves."

She sensed sharp outrage from both guards, mainly at the comparison with Finn. How dare Ren's doxy insinuate they were anything like the traitor!

Rey said, "Take me to my husband. Lord Snoke will want to meet me." She reached out to Ben's mind. _"Order the Stormtroopers to bring me to you."_

Silence. Then, she heard a mental voice, not Ben's, whispering to her. Rey shook her head to clear the strange feeling away.

"Do it," she said aloud to her captors.

"Return to your quarters," said the first, raising her weapon at Rey.

Without thinking, Rey stretched out her powers, wrapping strong bands around the 'trooper's throat. The woman dropped her gun, reaching uselessly for her own neck. Rey stepped towards her as the other guard backed away. "I am making perfectly reasonable requests," Rey said, watching the guard choke, feeling her life draining under Rey's own powers. "I asked for food. I asked to be shown the way to where my husband is." She turned her head to the other guard. "Do I have to ask again?"

He shook his head. "Apologies, ma'am. This way, ma'am."

Rey let go, allowing the first guard to fall gasping to her knees. She wouldn't show how deeply she herself was shaken. The power had come at her asking, driven by anger and desperation. Luke had warned her against using the Dark Side. He hadn't warned her how good it felt.

Her proud stride came to her naturally, strength humming in her legs as she stepped. The 'troopers led her through corridors and up a lift. Rey tasted their fear of her. She compared the feeling to how little respect she'd been shown through most of her life. Even her new friends treated Rey like a child, needing their guidance and help at every turn. Luke knew how powerful she was, but insisted she take baby steps through her training despite watching her successfully perform the higher-level lessons she'd learned in her sleep. Poe barked orders at her, and marked her flight training down because she flew better than the trainees around her. Finn acted like she needed him to rescue her constantly. Even the General saw Rey as nothing more than a little girl who couldn't brush her own hair, couldn't put the right amount of food on her own tray, couldn't be trusted with her own decisions about where to go and whom to speak with.

Her bitterness against them grew with each step. Her backbone straightened further as she walked. She deserved better than this pathetic escort. She could do far better than this silly plan. Rey would make her own way to Snoke. Together, she and her lover could easily overpower him.

They passed through the command level. No one attempted to halt their passage. A cold smile touched Rey's mouth.

The guards standing watch outside Snoke's chamber had the look of higher-level professionals. Most of the Stormtroopers had been snatched from their cradles and raised to this life. Snoke's guards would be hand-picked, risen to the top by both loyalty and aptitude, perhaps even volunteered to the cause with the flames of their own ambition.

"Stand aside," Rey ordered them.

Before they could argue, the communication panel spat to life. _"Allow her entrance,"_ said the same sticky voice she'd felt inside her mind as they'd approached the ship.

The door slid open. "Leave us," said Supreme Leader Snoke to the guards. Rey stepped inside alone, waiting for the door to shut behind her.

She tilted her head. Her husband knelt, head bowed, and cowed before his master. As Rey took another step forward, his head snapped over to her. His eyes had gone dark, and a harsh, oily aura covered his thoughts, shielding them from her.

"Your bride is impatient," Snoke said, amused. "Can you sense it?"

His mind touched hers, and Rey recoiled. Where Ben's spirit had slowly grown into a warm comfort, now she felt only rage. He'd stepped into Snoke's presence, and the sheer weight of the other's darkness had blanketed and smothered his chosen Light.

"Yes. She's come to slay you, Master."

"I imagine she thinks so. Come closer, girl."

She felt the tug on her body, automatically resisting Snoke's pull and dragged in anyway. She felt him peering at her through her shuttered shields, examining what he could. He couldn't read her. Nevertheless, she felt the displeasing chill of his mental fingers probing her brain.

"My apprentice finds you fascinating, enough to kill his own allies and abandon his principles. It's my fault. I should have ordered him to take a lover long ago and get his urges out of his system." Snoke gazed at her thoughtfully. "Hormones are such tricky things. My poor boy was never very stable, and here you are driving him to distraction. A few broken panels I could tolerate, even the regrettable loss of personnel. Ambition will always fill a power vacuum, and there isn't one of them that I couldn't replace within minutes, except him." The man, if he was a man, leaned into her. "You stole a highly valuable piece of my property."

"I did return him."

"You brought me a traitor, ready to betray my secrets to the Resistance for your sake. Fortunately, the years under my tutelage have offered me certain routes of access to his aleatory mind. Tell me, do you think your precious Jedi master has reached the centerpiece yet?"

She wouldn't let a single muscle move on her face. "You found the artifact we located for you? Excellent."

He narrowed his eyes to slits. "Tell me, child, as I use our completed weapon in its initial test, should I force your silly little General to watch, or shall I order Kylo Ren to execute her first?"

"It's really none of my concern."

The words were cold inside her mouth. She felt nothing as Snoke spat his threats. The fates of her friends, of the galaxy itself, seemed very far away. Wouldn't it be easier to let Lord Snoke to wipe the board clean for her, then strike him down? Power came to a point. With her own hand piloting the direction of the future, she could unfold the spiralling stars in her own image.

From the echoes of her own dream, she heard Poe's voice: _"There will be pieces scattered. Collect them and move the stars into place. Simple."_

"The weapon moves stars," she said. "Crash them into one another. Focus them together. You'd be literally unstoppable."

"Yes." Snoke's eyes gleamed with anticipation.

"Fascinating." She could do anything. Her eyes were drawn back to the submissive form beside them. "You don't need him, then. Why is he still alive?"

"Fondness."

"You hate him. I can feel it."

"Expedience, then. I had a vision long ago, brought on by use of a meditative drug. A vine from Vader's dark seed writhed and choked me, throttling the life from my body. If I dared chop it down, I would be strangled as it fell. But if I trained the seedling to love the darkness, watering it with its own hate and bending its growth to my will, I would grow strong as well. Ben Organa was destined to destroy me. Kylo Ren is mine, body and soul, and as long as he lives, we flourish together."

Destiny, then. Rey thought it would be something like that. She had her own destiny to consider. She might be able to destroy Snoke. His apprentice could be bent, would bend willingly, to her desires.

All the deprivations of her life needled her now. No family to protect her. Backbreaking work for scraps of food and shelter. No one to care for her, and now those who claimed to care dismissed her as petty and small. Anger rolled within her, and with it, the flow of the Force like a flood dammed to her wishes.

Her senses were numb, as though she was covered in sand, struggling to see, to breathe. Had she fallen into another dream?

Her hand dropped, touching the dark shoulder of the man kneeling beside her. _"I feel strange."_

 _"You are strange,"_ came Ben's bitter thought, loud and off-key and too familiar in its long-marinated grudges. Beneath that, she heard a very quiet, _"Snoke is manipulating your mind, Rey."_ The second voice was no more than a whisper, almost drowned in the wave of angry tumult.

She shook her head to clear away shadows.

Snoke smiled at her. "You have no need to slay me. Not when I can give you everything you've ever wanted." It seemed so simple. He leaned over his communication panel. "Captain Loran, you will find three intruders near the engineering lab on deck forty. Bring them to me alive."

Of course it was right and good that Lord Snoke prevented the Resistance from defeating his weapon. General Organa and her brother had come on this mission fully aware they may not walk out. The hot coals of her grudges wouldn't let her mourn their loss. She turned her ire to Finn.

And stopped.

A tiny flicker of hesitation burned in the back of her mind.

 _"He's your best friend,"_ said her own inner self, the calm part of her mind that remained unscorched under the torch of her own anger. _"Even when you're cross with him, you love him."_

 _"Love is weakness!"_ screamed the voice shouting inside her mind. It sounded like her own, almost. _"Love turned Kylo Ren into a pitiable, snivelling wretch! Don't make the same mistake!"_

 _"I always was a snivelling wretch,"_ said a third voice, and this wasn't from her. One last bright spark of Ben was buried deep within the dark storm coiling inside Kylo, trying to be heard. _"I'm better when I let myself care. When I let Mother go before seizing you. When I set you free. Love isn't a weakness. It's the only time I'm strong."_

_"That's you, not him."_

_"We're both me. You give me two different names, the one you care about and the one you despise, but there's no difference. There never was."_ The link between them pulsed with affection. Ben had loved her hopelessly and forever, even in his dreams, even when she'd hated and feared him.

Surrounding these thoughts were a maelstrom of others: desire for power, a burning lust to control and dominate, repayment for all her ills. She would fire the weapon at Jakku, scorching the world and all those who'd treated her like a sandlouse. Her own false voice screamed inside her mind. Was this what it was like for him all the time? No wonder he'd gone mad. It took all her strength not to tumble over into her darkest wants.

Beneath it all, like swimming to the bottom of a deep lake for a lost ring, she heard Ben. _"You don't love me enough for what I need you to do now. You called Finn up to protect you, even inside your own dreams. Think about him. Think about how much you care for him, right now. If you let Snoke take over your mind, Finn will die. Hold onto that."_

Her own rage screeched at her. She reached down and in, and from the murky depths she pulled up the full measure of her love for her best friend in all worlds. In the pale, sickly, red light of Snoke's mental onslaught, what she felt slipped through her hands like useless sand. She dug deeper, remembering everything he'd done for her, remembering how relieved she'd been to see him up and smiling back at her when she'd returned with Luke from Ahch-To. She held the strong emotion against herself, folding herself inside the warmth and the light like a brilliant shield.

_"What now?"_

_"Now I hold onto you."_

Ben rose from his crouch suddenly, springing his body full-tilt at Snoke, striking him off-balance out of his chair, while sending out a mental blast that reverberated through the ship.

And Rey was free.

The gibbering voice of her own worst nature silenced abruptly.

She'd come here to fight the monster. In an instant, her lightsaber was lit in her hand. Free of the enchantment, she shouted to Ben to move back.

Snoke slammed a palm directly against Ben's head, muttering a growl in a foul tongue. Ben fell to the floor, stunned, as Snoke rose to his feet. Rey flew at the creature, and was buffeted back with a wave of solid Force energy. She felt the full intensity of his mind drill against hers, skittering off uselessly against the shield she'd constructed. Ben had broken Snoke's hold over her, and Rey would never allow him inside again.

Snoke gave her a pitying sneer. "You could have been useful. Another adept in the Force bent to my will. You could have taken his place at my side."

She could have. She nearly had. "Order your troops to stand down. Give the centerpiece to Luke, and let them go, and I'll allow you to live."

He laughed. At his feet, Ben stirred, and began to rise. Rey didn't let her face betray him. He could strike Snoke down easily from where he stood, one blow to end this. He would destroy the monster who'd distorted and disfigured his life, and she would take his hand and they would flee this terrible place together.

 _"He's distracted,"_ she thought at Ben. There was no reply.

Rey touched his mind and found only simmering red tumult. The cool, green valley of his hard-won sanity lay in ashes.

Snoke gave a deep sigh. "I have plans for the rest, once they are brought to me, but your little indiscretion is merely a nuisance. Kill her." He waved his hand absently. "Don't make a mess."

The red lightsaber lit. Rey took one step back.

"Ben?"

"I'm afraid not," said Kylo. He smiled thinly, and attacked her.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for next week, when we reach the end of this sordid little tale!


	24. Chapter 24

The ship shuddered around them, and Finn threw himself against a bulkhead to keep from falling down. The Stormtroopers blasting at him were distracted, which was good, but were still intent on arresting him, which was bad. He swung around the corner, squeezing off three shots in quick succession before ducking back.

Behind him, in the small room he was trying to protect, Luke kept his eyes lightly closed, hand waving over the weird old piece of junk. General Organa stood on the other side, her own eyes blinking open to watch Finn.

"Almost there," Luke said, calmly, easily, as though they weren't all about to be killed. "Leia, can you see the piece I'm holding? I need you to help me pull it apart."

The General's eyes shut again. "Got it. Like this?"

"Just like that." He used that same voice when he praised Rey.

Finn rolled out for more cover fire, barely avoiding getting hit for his trouble. He bit back his 'Any time now.' Sarcasm wouldn't help and might distract them. The ship rocked with another blast. Okay, that hadn't been his imagination. The Resistance fleet had arrived.

"Done," said Luke, quietly pleased with himself. For Finn's benefit, he said, "The centerpiece is disarmed."

"And reset," said the General. "It's going to self-destruct. How much time do we have?"

Luke shrugged in a manner that Finn felt was a little too blasé. Maybe the two of them weren't planning to survive this mission, but Finn had made different plans and intended to see them through. Noticing the worry on Finn's face, Luke said, "I've just set an extra pause. Half an hour? Maybe much less. Sorry. I'm not good with ancient chronometers. We shouldn't delay. Leia, you should warn the fleet."

General Organa clicked on her comm. "Stalking Bird to Convor."

 _"Convor here,"_ said Poe's very welcome voice. Finn couldn't stop his instant smile.

"The egg is smashed, Commander. Please spread the word that it's going to hatch into a singularity in the none too distant future."

_"Roger that. Have you got a bird?"_

"Working on it."

Luke asked Finn, "Can we get out that way?"

"Nope."

"Then we find a different way," said the General. She retreated towards the back wall of the room. "Pass me your lightsaber."

"I am not falling for that again," Luke said. "I'll open the door, you cover us."

Organa joined Finn at the doorway, laying down a spray of cover fire at the feet of their attackers. He noticed the precision of her shots, carefully aimed right in front of the boots to force them back without killing them. She could easily strike them all down, he realized. Instead, she was holding the 'troopers at bay, killing only at need when one saw her ploy and rushed at them.

Luke's lightsaber hummed and buzzed as he hacked smoothly through the wall.

"Can you get us back to the ship from here?" the General asked him as they sent off a quick volley.

He nodded, but he knew his face wasn't hiding anything. Neither was hers.

"Can you get us to Snoke's chamber?"

They could escape now. Going deeper into the ship would probably get them captured, and going up against Supreme Leader Snoke would definitely get them all killed. Finn was positive Darth Whiner had betrayed them and given away their position, and the last thing they needed was for General Organa and her brother to try facing him down when he stood at Snoke's heel.

But Rey was there.

"Yes."

* * *

She'd often considered that duelling with a lightsaber wasn't much different from a dance. Feet here, arms there, turn with your partner, and now you bow. Rey had once watched a holovid with a scene where elegantly-dressed couples, much like those back at Huram's party, spun and turned in just this same fashion. Her steps moved nimbly against his. They faced each other across light. Add a little music and this would be romantic, a pleasant twirl spent locking gazes before they made their way to more private quarters, falling onto one another ravenously the second they were alone.

If everything could be different, she'd be happy.

Instead of meeting her eyes with amusement and desire, Kylo stared flatly at her with wrath overlaid by a thick veneer of jealousy. She had more innate power. She was lovely but would deny him the attention and affection he deserved. She was nothing yet dared defy him.

His lightsaber crashed against hers in a vicious, eye-quick series of blows. She had no room to breathe and analyze his attacks. She could barely recall Luke's advice during her training, much less the lessons she'd learned from sparring with Ben. Style wouldn't help now. Defense was her only option as she was driven back, desperate to block every swipe. If he got through her guard, if he got lucky even once, she would die.

Snoke had regained his throne, and sat watching them, pale chin resting on his hand, almost bored.

The sabers met and locked for a moment as they stood with their faces close. "Ben, you have to stop this."

He kicked out at her, landing a foot hard on her leg. She collapsed instantly, rolling to avoid a broken bone from the force of the blow. She was back on her feet in an instant.

"You tricked me," he said, eyes seething. "I should have known. I did know. You wanted nothing to do with me. You only wanted to use me."

"That's him! Snoke wants your power for his own!" She parried another series of strikes, the loud crack of their blades deafening in her ears. "You are still in there, Ben. Fight him."

"You stupid little scavenger. There never was a Ben. There's only me."

He swung, and she blocked too late, feeling her skin burn through her clothing as he struck her side. Rey bit back her scream. He'd hit her on the left, and she spun away from the pain, bringing her own lightsaber down to shove his hand away. He fought to defeat her. She fought to save them both.

Kylo was going to kill her.

"He's using you. He tried to control me, but you helped me break free. You have to stop!" This last word was drowned by the squeal of their blades crashing together hard. "I don't want to kill you!"

"Good, that will make this much easier," he said with a chilly smile.

The door to the throne room slid open. Rey didn't dare turn her head. More Stormtroopers to deal with?

"I told you so," Finn said, disappointment in his voice.

"You should have fled," said Kylo, not even turning his head as he drove her back.

"Splendid," said Snoke, rising once more. "We meet at last, Skywalker."

Rey did not have the time to pay attention to their traded insults. Luke's lightsaber glowed green, and Snoke fired a red blade that Rey didn't get a good look at. As she spun in her own deadly dance, she saw the General raise her blaster. She wasn't aiming at Snoke.

"Snoke's controlling him!" Rey said, stumbling back in desperation.

"We've thought that before," said General Organa, her voice calm and sad. Her blaster kept a steady aim at her son's head. Rey knew the moment she was out of the way, Leia would fire. She forced her own steps, keeping herself between them.

The ship rumbled again, explosions rocking them from close by. The Star Destroyer's shields had been compromised.

"The shield! Give me the shield!" Hiding from Snoke was pointless now. Even as she took another step back, Stormtroopers poured blaster fire into the room.

Finn dropped back to cover the rest of them. Swearing, the General joined him, trying to hold the doorway. She dug into her jacket, digging for Rey's shield on and giving it a toss. Her throw wasn't as good as her blaster shot, falling short. Rey couldn't use the Force to pull it closer.

Kylo said, "You always knew I was going to kill you. We both knew from the moment we met." He hacked at her, finesse lost. Rey ached from her wound, was exhausted from her long ordeal. Destiny wanted them to end each other. Her arms were weakening. He'd chop her down, and there wouldn't be enough left of Ben inside him to care.

On the other side of the room, lightning crackled as Snoke threw bolts of power and Luke fought to ground them. There would be no help from him. After he'd killed her, Kylo would go after the others with no remorse, not with the madness raging inside his own head. He'd almost freed himself, almost become someone worthy of forgiveness. With his master this close, he was nothing but a frothing animal.

In her dreams, she'd known fighting moves all the way up to level twelve. She tried now, using the Force to flip herself high into the air, but she telegraphed the move too broadly. Kylo grabbed her leg and threw her with bruising force to the hard floor.

Right next to the shield.

She grabbed it with her hand, at the same time kicking his legs out from under him. Rey thumbed the device on, rolling atop him. He fought to bring up his lightsaber as they struggled.

The shield hummed alive, sending a cool dampening field over them both. Nothing could get out, and nothing could penetrate it. The galaxy was divided: the two of them inside, and everything else.

He stopped fighting.

"Please," she said, and realized she was repeating the word over and over in a hoarse whisper. _"Please."_

His mind was a shattered mess. Snoke had not been gentle, mentally bludgeoning his way back inside after Ben had shaken free. Subtle commands, planted over years, had yielded cracks wide enough for his master to rip open the rest. Given time, she might be able to help rebuild from the jagged fractures, but they had no time. As soon as the shield dropped, Snoke would be back in control. She kept thinking of them as two different men, dark and light trapped together, and she knew it wasn't true. Ben was Kylo was Ben, and only the often terrible choices they made separated them. Snoke would steal away all those choices, leave his servant as nothing but a vicious killer. Even without the direct influence of his master's puppet strings, the urge to kill and rend and scream threatened to overtake him. The destructive paths were too well-tread. He'd need a lifetime to free himself, would be a danger to himself and everyone else until he did.

Rey sensed the power cell inside the shield fading, strained after so much use and failing under Snoke's attack. In a minute or two at best, it would wane and drop. They had little time left.

She reached into him with her own mind as deeply as she could, let him steady himself with all the calm she could gather.

_"Please."_

He blinked his eyes open, and he wasn't mad, not for this one safe moment amidst all the fighting around them.

Ben said, "Give me the shield. I can fight him." Anger roiled through him, dangerous and uncontrolled.

"You can't. Stay here. We'll handle this."

His hand found her side, avoiding her wound. "He made me hurt you."

"He'll make you do far worse when the shield is gone, and you won't care." They shared thoughts, lightning quick. She felt his hand drop to her pocket as he picked out the memory of what she'd taken from his quarters.

Snoke hadn't been able to reach him inside the dream.

She dug out the packet. "What's the dose?" Rey had gone under almost instantly back in the temple, but that had been injected directly into her vein.

"It doesn't matter."

Rey poured about a spoonful of the ground Cayad root into her hand, and tipped the powder into Ben's mouth. He licked her palm, drawing a circle and line with his tongue. "Ugh. It tastes awful."

"Stay down," she said, getting to her feet. She snatched up her lightsaber and hesitated. Finn and the General had the doorway. She went to join Luke's battle.

Seen up close, Snoke's weapon wasn't a lightsaber at all, but a hideous construction of kyber energy in a half-moon, half-spiked blade, the power harnessed and twisted. He flipped between the two Jedi, mirth glowing on his scarred face. She felt him probing at her mental walls, looking for an entrance.

"You can't get in there again," Rey said, slashing at him. Her whole body jerked at the contact with his blade against hers. He spun, meeting Luke's swing effortlessly.

"Not bad," said Luke, voice as calm as when he sparred with Rey. "Where did you train?"

"Under a great master. I killed him, obviously."

"Obviously." Luke fought faster than Rey's eyes could follow. She went in for her own attacks, and was driven back by Snoke's casual strikes. She'd never seen anything like this. They were equally matched, and Rey felt like nothing more than an annoying fly Snoke swatted from time to time as he went after his true target, leaping for better position only to find Luke already there.

Snoke said, "You're better than your reputation."

The door fell open under a hail of blaster fire. A bolt struck the General against the side of her neck, and Luke winced in sympathetic pain. Instantly, Snoke lunged in, striking Luke hard with his power in one burst, shoving him up against the wall.

Rey stood still in a moment of indecision. Finn needed her help. There was no other choice. She ran at the 'troopers surging into the room, lightsaber desperately blocking their fire. She hadn't yet learned the control to reflect their own blasts against them, instead letting the energy shots veer away wildly. It was enough to cause the chaos she'd hoped for. To either side of her, Finn and General Organa targeted the Stormtroopers who didn't take the hint fast enough. The General was burned badly, but didn't miss a shot. Behind them, Luke could be dying. Rey didn't dare return to that fight, not yet.

Another blast shook the ship. "We need to get out of here," Finn said. "The whole thing is going to blow soon."

"How soon?"

Leia said, "Soon enough. Sorry, kids. I don't think we're going home." She squeezed off another shot.

A warm, nearly obscene shudder went through Rey as the Force shield sputtered its last and died. She saw the same realization move through the General, as their eyes met. Rey shouted with her mind, _"Ben!"_ His mental shields were back in place, solid and locked against her. "Ben?" He'd crawled with the shield to his master's throne, using it to help him stand.

"Not any more," said Leia, her face still. She fired three shots at her son's chest. Kylo froze them in the air and nimbly plucked her blaster from her hands with the Force.

Snoke chuckled. He held Luke up in the air, and threw him against the floor, hard. Luke rolled, better than Rey had thought he could, but he was an old man. He lay there for a moment, breathing. Snoke closed his eyes. "And now, my apprentice, it's time to finish your work."

"Of course, Master." Kylo smiled coldly. He was already blinking back the sleep in his eyes, but it was too late. "They've sabotaged the artifact to explode. I'll inform our engineering crew. They should be able to hold it in stasis until you and I have time to reset the item properly together."

Rey's burn throbbed. It was the second-worst pain she felt now. She raised her lightsaber. She couldn't fight to save him this time. She could only fight to win.

Snoke smiled gleefully. "Then kill the girl and the traitor."

Kylo nodded. "Naturally." He touched the communications panel. "This is Kylo Ren," he said, voice booming from the intercomms all across the Star Destroyer. "The _Terrorizer_ has been critically damaged. Abandon ship. Repeat, you are ordered to abandon ship."

 _"Sir?"_ came the confused reply. _"Abandon ship? Are you sure?"_

Snoke's glee turned to fury. He raised his weapon again, building up speed as he ran towards the throne.

"Are you questioning my orders?"

_"Where is Lord Snoke?"_

"Dead." Ben released his hold on the frozen energy bolts. All three slammed into Snoke, and as he staggered, Ben swung out with his lit blade in one perfect motion. "I told you, abandon ship!" He didn't even look as his master's body hit the floor with two soft thumps.

 _"Yes, sir!"_ A klaxon sounded. The last of their attackers at the door retreated

Ben turned to his mother with an offended frown. "You shot at me."

"When I walked in, you were trying to kill Rey. I love you, but I like her better."

He opened his mouth again then closed it and shrugged, placing his hand unsteadily against the control panel.

Rey had already doused her blade. When she reached Luke's side, his eyes were open. "How badly are you injured?"

"Couple cracked ribs. Minor concussion. I've had worse. How're they?" he asked, as she helped him to his feet and led him towards the others.

Leia said, "We'll be better once we're out of here." She already wrapped a handkerchief around the worst of her wound. Beside her, Finn appeared to be unhurt, miraculously. Good. He and Ben could figure out how they would get out of here.

Another Stormtrooper appeared in the doorway, this one all in chrome-polished armor. Finn raised his blaster again, but the General pulled his arm away.

The Stormtrooper took in the disaster of the room with one look as Finn said, "Ma'am, she's trouble."

"Don't I know it," said the General.

"Ma'am," said the Stormtrooper in a rich voice. "The way is clear. We'll need to get you to a shuttle as soon as possible."

"You're coming with us, Evaan. This whole place is about to blow."

Finn glowered, and his face slowly changed. "Captain Phasma's your spy?"

There was a fairly loud thump. Rey didn't even need to look. She'd felt the brief, muzzy call from Ben before he passed out cold. She said, "Can you help carry him?"

* * *

They didn't stay to watch the _Terrorizer_ implode around the singularity that bloomed inside its belly. The Resistance ships jumped away, and the smarter members of the First Order fleet followed suit.

In the days and weeks that followed, she often thought about the poor souls who didn't have hyperdrives in their shuttles and escape pods, who were drawn into the high-gravity well and slowly crushed to death over aeons. That section of space became off-limits to all but the most foolhardy and reckless pilots. Legends grew, ghost stories mostly: even distress signals couldn't escape the pull of the new black hole but some travelers through the region swore that if you tuned to the right frequency as you passed by, you could hear screams stretched out slower than the heartbeat of the universe.

Rey wondered if she'd have nightmares about this for the rest of her life.

She sat beside Luke in the cramped back cargo space of the stolen ship, using her powers to coax his broken bones back into place. He had to guide her, and the work went slowly. "I'm not good with burns. Ben can help the General when he wakes up." 

Luke's eyes went to the slumped figure nearby. With his thoughts open to her, Rey couldn't help but read the one that mused what else would happen when his nephew finally woke.

There wasn't much privacy on the shuttle. Finn came to sit on her other side, resting against her until she lay her head on his shoulder. After a few minutes, Luke made a flimsy excuse and moved into the small cockpit with his sister and her friend, giving the two younger people a small measure of alone time, ignoring the snoring lump on the floor.

"Are you all right?" she asked him.

"Yeah. I think I'm the only one not injured. How are you?"

"It hurts when I remember it. Bacta sounds good right now."

She would ask Ben to help her, once he'd healed his mother. Rey could keep pushing the pain down into a place where she didn't have to think about it, but she needed treatment. She'd peel her scorched shirt away from her body, gasping as the fabric stuck. His hands would glow warm, and he'd close his eyes, directing healing energy into the damaged cells, and after, he'd kiss each sensitive millimeter of new, pink skin, mouthing _"I'm sorry, so sorry,"_ over and over.

"How else are you?" he asked, aiming for casual and failing.

"I'll be fine."

"You didn't think you were walking out of there alive. When we reached you, your evil boyfriend was trying to kill you again. You're not fine." He only paused half a blip on the word 'boyfriend.' He rested his head against the wall behind them. "I have to stop going on missions with suicidal people."

"Poe's not suicidal."

"He's the only sane person I know." He considered this for a long moment. Then he looked at his former boss. "You and I have a lot to talk about. Not here. When we're back, and you're feeling better. Your life got complicated, and so did mine. We'll talk."

She followed his glance, watching Ben. She sensed him as a distant, indistinct presence far away. When he woke, they'd have to discuss everything that had happened, and decide where their future was headed. After that, she could figure out how to tell Finn just how complicated her life was, now that she was sort of married to their former enemy.

"Yeah."

Ben stayed asleep all the way back to their base.

* * *

The General's face was almost as pale as the clean bandage on her neck. She clearly needed rest. Rey wasn't about to be the one to tell her so. Her own regeneration bandage moved stiffly each time she turned. She'd have a scar, but the med droids had done their best and Finn had assured her scars were cool.

They stood at the observation window. In a bed to the side, out of the way and mostly ignored, Ben slept. Rey didn't recognize the name on his chart. The droids had started an intravenous line with a nutrient drip to keep him hydrated, and otherwise left him alone.

"Can you wake him up?" she asked Rey.

"Yes."

"Can you leave him under?"

Rey didn't answer.

"He was tried in his absence a few years ago. The sentence was thirty years." Leia turned to her. "We tried containing him before, back on the station. We blocked his powers and held him in a tiny room on an abandoned space station, and he still only stayed as long as it suited him. He nearly killed two of my closest friends on his way out the door. A prison sentence is a joke we would play on ourselves."

He'd last been asleep this way for four days, and that had spanned half a decade for him. How mad would he go locked inside the horror of his own skull? An infusion of Cayad root could drip into Ben's arm, allowing his body to be cared for and kept alive for as long as the Resistance existed. The droid could inject a lethal dose of sedative, and they would stay here at this window, watching until his heart slowed and stopped. There were no good choices left.

"I can leave him under."

"You think we're being cruel."

"Thirty years?"

"Those were the charges at the time. He's added several murders since." Her voice didn't waver. Rey hadn't forgotten. It was simply that she didn't always choose to remember. "As I recall, he has a chance of parole after ten years of good behavior. He was always good when he was asleep, even as a little boy."

Ten years, and Han would find him inside the dream, and neither would be alone. Rey told herself there were worse fates.

* * *

She stood in the same place two hours later. She'd gone for dinner, gone for a walk, gone to clear her head, and she'd come back to this window, watching Luke prepare the infusion with the remaining powder left in the packet. She didn't touch Luke's mind, and couldn't read his lips as he murmured words over the final solution, running his hand over the precious container. He might have been speaking to Ben, or saying a prayer to the Force, or talking to ghosts.

Luke met her at the window.

"That will be enough for several weeks. Chewbacca and I can go find more."

"Last time, he spent five years inside the dream."

"Maybe this will give him time to grow up." He took her hand, which surprised her, but not so much as the paper he pressed into her palm. "There's a little left. It might be enough."

"Enough?"

"To say goodbye."

She squeezed the paper. Then she handed it back, folding his fingers over the packet. "Can you pull your sister into a vision with you?"

"I'm sure I can. But there's nothing we have left to say to Ben that would change things now."

"I don't think you should use it to talk to Ben."

Understanding grew on his face. The quiet grief he'd worn since the day they met smoothed into something like hope. "Thank you."

"Tell Han I said hello."

* * *

end

 

 

(almost)

* * *

Rey opened her eyes. She was chilly, wet, and sore. As she blinked and sat up, she found herself soaked to the skin, lying in an uncomfortable heap on a shore made of fine pebbles. The lake washed the shore, grey and muttering from a recent storm.

She knew even before she turned her head that the house would be in tattered ruins.

He sat a few feet away, chin on his knees, watching the lake. He didn't turn to look at her as he spoke.

"They have no intention of waking me up."

"No. Not for at least ten years." Or more. When the people who loved him did allow him to wake, he'd be hated and hunted for the rest of his life. In the waking world, Rey could be sensible about the decision. In the dream, sitting next to someone who read her mind as easily as he could a datapad, she didn't have to pretend she agreed. "It's not fair. You beat Snoke when he was trying to command you. You defeated him."

"I held him off for a few minutes. I can still feel his influence even though I know he's dead. In here, I've got some control. Out there, I would try to kill you again. Part of me wants to kill you now."

She touched his thoughts and knew he was telling the truth. She'd held out hope that her Ben was back, that he was sane and whole again. Instead, she felt his familiar anger, and the harsh discord of a mind preoccupied with his own bitterness. The only difference between the horror he was and the man he had become was that he cared for her enough to stand between Rey and his own worst impulses.

He looked behind himself. "I know it's a dream this time. That's why everything is broken. It won't be the same as before."

"Does it have to be?"

"I had a home where I was happy and a wife I loved more than anything. Everyone liked me except your stupid friends. The punishment is being back here knowing I had all that and and living with the loss. Clever. Your idea or my mother's?"

"Call it a group decision. Ben...."

"I'm not Ben. I invented him here. I tried to be him for you out there. I'm not good at being good."

Rey sighed. "Now you have time to practice. So what if the house is broken? Fix it. Learn to set plastisteel into place and to use a hammer. If you don't know how yet, start with a broom. This is your vision. You can make your home sturdy again, if that's what you want."

"What if I do it wrong?"

"Then you'll rebuild again and again. You love this house. Anything you love that much is worth working on until you get it right." They watched each other warily, neither admitting what both wanted to say.

He broke first.

"Once you wake up, I won't see you again for hundreds of years." His voice was ragged. "Please don't go yet. You're going to open your eyes, and return to your life and your friends, and fulfill your destiny. I want you to. I don't want you to put your future on hold because of me." She read a core of selfishness inside him, undercutting his honesty. He couldn't change who he was, only try to be better about how he acted. "Just. Stay for a little longer." _"Please."_

"I didn't come here to tell you goodbye." She took his hand. "I came because you called for me inside your dream, and I heard you. As long as we're connected, I'll always hear you, and I'll always come back. I promise."

She swore to herself she wouldn't put this second life ahead of her real world. There were adventures ahead of her, and so much to learn. Rey wanted to be a Jedi. She wanted to fly all the ships she could. She wanted to fall in love, maybe a dozen times over. She wanted to meet her birth family, and Finn's as well, and set foot on every planet she passed. She intended to live each day to its fullest. And each night, she would close her eyes, and she would come home.

Rey sensed his confusion, and his reluctance to believe her. He said, "It won't work. The time will be all wrong."

"Time is what we make it inside a Force vision." Luke had said as much, and she hadn't understood until now. "You can choose to pass the whole span in every minute, or sleep through the next decade experiencing a single night. I'd like to spend the days one by one with you, but this is your dream." It would take him years, Rey thought. He had his whole life to reconstruct, stone by stone.

"I could just wish it back," he said, with half a scowl. "If nothing here is real, it doesn't matter."

"It matters to me."

He glared at her, then stood. For a moment, she was sure he was about to change the world around him the same way she had when she'd shown the dreamscape to Finn and Poe. Kylo had always chosen the easy path. A permanent lucid dream would become a decadent paradise, with his every sense indulged in centuries of uninhibited hedonism. His thoughts lay open before her, considering the enormity of the task before him weighed against the ease of merely waving his hand and changing the world around them to suit his pleasure.

"You'd get bored, and the house would still need to be fixed," said Rey.

His mouth moved into an unpleasant scowl, because he knew she was right. He stomped over to the ruined house, picked up a piece of debris, and tossed it aside with bad grace. He picked up another and did the same.

They would take a break later, she decided, to go for a swim before warming up together here on the shore. For now, she got to her feet and began to help him sort through the mess.

end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to say how absolutely delighted and touched I've been over the last few months. Nothing I've ever written before has sparked this kind of interest, and it's been an amazing experience to have the chance to share this story with everyone week after week. You have all been wonderful, and I thank you for the time you've spent here with me.
> 
> If you're looking for more Reylo, the rest I've written can be found [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=revised_at&work_search%5Brelationship_ids%5D%5B%5D=7266959&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bquery%5D=&work_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&work_search%5Bcomplete%5D=0&commit=Sort+and+Filter&user_id=ambiguously).


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